I’ve spent the morning working on my Amazon Author page, refining the book description and all the tags and stuff that goes on when your book goes up on Amazon.

Normally the publisher would take care of all this behind-the-scenes stuff. And since I’m self-publishing, that means I’m the one doing all that!

Thankfully, I found a person to help me with the formatting, etc., but ultimately, I’m the one who writes all the content and that includes all the marketing stuff.

I tell you this because as I was working on my “About the author” page, I was reviewing the pages of other authors I love. I’m an avid reader, so there are quite a few writers I follow and enjoy, so I thought I would take a look at how they did their pages.

(They all have expensive publicists and marketing people who do this stuff, so I was hoping to gain some best practices ideas to use myself!)

What actually happened surprised me.

I got caught up in comparison and it stole all my excitement and joy right from me!

Because I don’t have…

Well, you fill in the blanks.

All the things I don’t have suddenly became way more important than what I do have.

And I found myself wanting to head for the kitchen…(being honest here)…

But instead, I got back to my own page. And I remembered why I wrote the book in the first place. And I refocused on my future readers and what they need.

Suddenly, what I didn’t have became a lot less important and I was able to fill in what I did bring to the table for my readers.

If this story sounds familiar, it probably is.

Because comparison is the thief of joy and we have all been its victim at one time or another.

So today, if you are struggling because everyone else has started their New Year’s Resolutions and you’re still trying to write yours down….

Or everyone else is … (You go ahead and fill in your blanks)…

Because I know if you will just forget about them and focus instead on what you are supposed to be doing, your joy will return and you will be happier.

Hoping this encourages you some today, because, as usual, I’m here,

Cheering you on,

Christy

P.S. Dink Positive Books: A Pickleball Devotional really is almost finished, and should be up on Amazon by this time next week. I’ll order a sample book to make sure the printed version looks ok, but I’m guessing by 2 weeks from today you’ll be able to order your own copy!! Yippee!!

The post What’s on Your About Page? appeared first on Christy Largent.

Gratitude. The foundation for a Positive Life, and the foundation of our Positivity Principles. Gratitude. Easy to think about, but sometimes difficult to live.

In this podcast, Christy gives 3 simple ways to incorporate more gratitude into your life.

Key Idea:

• Gratitude is simple, but takes practice to become a habit.

Resources:

• Christy’s Website

Free Download:

• “31 Ways to be More Positive”. Text “31Positive” to 44222

Book:

• Atomic Habits by James Clear

Speaking Inquiries:

• Do you need an entertaining and encouraging speaker for your event? Text 530-949-3646 and leave a call back number or email christy@christylargent.com

Enter to Win:

• Rate & Review this episode for a chance to win a $25 Amazon gift card.

The post 5 Minute Motivation – Gratitude appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

You get to create the environment you want to create. Positivity can be learned with work and effort.

Resources: 

• Christy’s website

Books:

• 31 Positive Communication Skills for Women, Christy Largent

Mindset:

• The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck, Ph.D.

Free Download:

• “31 Ways to be More Positive”. Text 31Positive to 44222

Speaking Inquiries:

• Do you need an entertaining and encouraging speaker for your event? Text 530-949-3646 and leave a call back number or email christy@christylargent.com

Enter to Win:

• Rate & Review this episode for a chance to win a $25 Amazon gift card.

The post 048 Welcome Back Podcast appeared first on Christy Largent.

January is almost over, and I didn’t quite finish what I started.

But, here’s the good thing. It’s turning out even BETTER than I had planned!

Starting with the clearing out  — I decluttered extensively and filled my car twice with trips to the Goodwill. Win! The storage closet in which I was planning to store the out of season leftovers, fell down into the clothes closet below. I know. Don’t ask.

But, the positive result will be even better storage once my husband completes the repair project. So let’s call that a not quite checked off the list but well on it’s way to completion success!

If you want to declutter too, may I suggest my friend Kathi Lipp’s easy to read and even easier to put into practice book, Clutter Free. You’ll love it and it will help you declutter your life!

Regarding the second part of my goals…here’s where it gets interesting…

As I was working on the content to be added to my website, I knew I needed video of me speaking, testimonials, information about my programs and an updated about me page. I wanted it to look like a speaker’s site, not a blogger/podcasters site.

I found some super smart people to help me with the technical aspects of this, and I began researching sites of some of my favorite National Speakers Association speakers to see what ideas I could steal borrow and change to make my own.

There are some awesome people out there to emulate! People like Neen James and Connie Podesta and Laura Stack and Tami Evans. And lots more incredible women who are really dominating in the public speaking space.

In the course of my research, I was drilling down to make sure my message was crystal clear on every level. I reached out to Neen James, who is known for her dynamic and fun delivery combined with her stellar content. I had seen her speak this past July at the NSA Convention, and was very intrigued with how she had packaged and delivered her message.

She was so helpful! She basically told me what I had come up with was no good and not unique at all. Boring. Her magic words were, Christy, I looked at your site, and I can’t book you from what you are telling me there. I don’t know what you offer.

Yikes! Just what I needed to hear. (Actually, I thought my site was shaping up nicely! So how awesome to get that kind of honest and relevant feedback!)

So in the past 2 weeks, I’ve gotten to work drilling down to the essence of Christy. Neen asked me, What have you put your 10,000 hours into Christy? What lessons have you learned over and over and over in your life that you can share with your audience? 

I’m still working on teasing it all out, but I am so close! And I’m so excited! Because instead of just being a “High Energy Motivational Speaker who teaches you how to get along and connect” I’m going to be framing it in a personal and more meaningful way that will be much more interesting and unique.

Which means YOU will be getting better content because I’ll be filtering it in a more effective way.

Here’s what I’ve learned from this whole experience. Maybe they will help you too!

1. Even if you don’t know exactly where it’s going to end up, get started getting busy on what you want to do.  The de-cluttering project revealed the storage problem. Had I waited, there would still be piles everywhere and the closet would still be a problem! If I hadn’t begun the research, I would never have seen the huge gaping holes in my website/speaking project.
2. Reach out for help. I knew I couldn’t deal with all the technical changes I’ll be needing in the course of changing my website. I found experts in those areas to help me. That even relates to me reaching out to Neen. (I didn’t know her personally before.)
3. Be willing to look at the same things differently. You know I’ve been speaking on the topics of communication skills, customer service, and personality styles for almost 20 years. This month, I’ve looked at my body of work in a whole new way, and I’m coming out the other end the better for it.

What about you? How did your January go? Are you still on track to make this your Best Year Ever? I hope so.  Let me know in the comments below, or comment on FB.

The post It was Guilt Free and Painless appeared first on Christy Largent.

And that conversation led me to think about the expectations I put on myself.  There’s no life “monitor” waiting to give me a “grade” at the end of my life. Right? Yet I frequently act, that is, think as though I must go through life working for an A+.

And then, when I don’t get the Christmas Cards sent, (Seriously people, this is a challenge for me! Those receiving cards from us this year will be blessed by the arrival of 2014 and 2015’s cards together!), or I don’t hit my target work numbers, or I don’t lose as much weight as I had hoped…well, I just feel like a failure.

This year was a good one for my goals. I found an excellent eating program that I loved and I shed the

40lbs that had been hanging on for about 8 years. I finally finished and published my book.  I managed to step back and take a few months with my kids traveling coast to coast this summer. By any yard stick, I think that’s a pretty good year.

But then I realize that I’ve gained some of that weight back. And I didn’t speak as many times as I had hoped. And the book was only self-published – does that even count? Oh, and the kids fought with each other for most of that enormous road trip.

You get where I’m going?  Do you do this too?  It’s so frustrating! Because I think when we do this horrible downplaying, minimizing what we’ve done and who we are as somehow “not quite enough,”  we rob ourselves of the joy of the “enough.”

So ENOUGH!

This year as I review my goals from last year and step into planning and dreaming for 2016, I will recognize that anything I think worthy of writing down as a goal is enough. The process of completing the goal is enough. And when I accomplish that longed for dream, I’ll do a happy dance and celebrate!

If you want to join me, I want you to encourage you to check out my friend Michael Hyatt’s new and improved goal setting program 5 Days to Your Best Year Ever.  I have used this program for the past 2 years and will do it again this year.

I have used the tools he has provided. I’ve engaged with the ongoing coaching program offered and benefitted from private VIP FB groups and online coaching sessions with Michael.  I believe all of these things have combined to help me achieve some really big goals!  And I love that! And I want that for you too.

Click here to Check it out!

I believe in this program so much, I am an affiliate. That means, if you decide it’s right for you and you purchase the program, I get a thank you payment from Michael. But seriously, even if I weren’t, I would still be encouraging you to check it out.

I think it’s worth your time to at least look at.  There are 3 free videos that will totally help you now, even if you decide the program is not a fit. The free content will help you get get thinking about how you want to set your intention for 2016 and then recognize the cost of each day of your year…so enlightening!

(The kids and I have a cameo in them too — so fun! You must watch carefully to see us — and I’m 40lbs heavier in the pictures since they were shot in July of 2014, so I can hardly bear it…sooooo Embarrassing!)

Ok, I could go on and on! But I won’t. Instead, I’m going to go get busy on my Christmas Cards, say a thankful prayer with every envelope I address, and know that it’s All. Totally. Enough.

Love you!

Christy

ps – In case you missed it — click here — to check out the 5 Days to Your Best Year Ever program. What will it hurt to look it over? And what will it hurt if you don’t?  xoxoxo C

The post When is Enough, Enough? appeared first on Christy Largent.

I’m so excited I have so much on my plate.  I mean, I’m really thankful for the work and the opportunities ahead in this last quarter of the year.

But, And, it’s so easy to spin ’round and ’round trying to figure out what’s next.

I know you super organized, focused and driven people don’t even get what I’m saying.  So just skip this post and go get yourself a nice Pumpkin Spice Latte.  But for the rest of us, here’s what helped me today.

As I thought about how to focus in, I combined a strategy I just learned from my friend and fellow professional speaker, Pegine, with one of my favorite action steps taken from Gary Keller’s awesome book, The One Thing, and came up with 3 quick steps to help get me back on track.

1.  Ask Yourself…“What is the one thing I can work on for a concentrated amount of time today that will really move my business forward?”  (Gary Keller’s idea.) This is such a great question because it really helps center your thinking on things that matter.  There is so much busywork that can jump up and grab our time – but when you ask this question, the busywork fades and the best emerges.
2. List the top 3-4 things that come to mind.  I’m sure you have a lot of GOOD things you could do today.  But without a doubt, there are most likely 3-4 things that could be classified as GREAT.  Put a big circle around the one that stands out above the rest. Create a sentence of intention around this one thing.
3. Write it down 10 times.  Yup.  Just like back when you got in trouble (I mean, some other kid got in trouble) and had to write something 100 times.  (Pegine’s idea.)  Just 10 times. It’s amazing how powerful it is to set your intention and then write that intention down multiple times.  I’ve found as I write, I usually fine tune the goal/intention as well.

I’m off to Periscope on this very topic, so if you haven’t tried Periscope yet, be sure to hop over to my Periscope page today, or click over to Katch to see a replay of all my Scopes. (Including Graham’s piano concert last night!)  Once I figure out the technical, I’ll get the scopes posted here on my website as well.  It’s baby steps, right?

Did this exercise help you?  What was your 1-thing today? Give me a quick tweet or you can comment below and let me know! I’d love to cheer you on!

Love ya,

Christy

The post 3 Tips to Go From Overwhelmed to Intention appeared first on Christy Largent.

What a year this has been and now here we are just 90 days left until we’re celebrating the entrance of 2106.  Are you ready for all the hustle and bustle of the end of year?

I’ve decided to go ahead and get my Christmas cards sent out in the next few weeks.  You see last year’s cards are still sitting on the office shelf a-waiting their signing and stuffing.  I figure I’ll just write a new letter, snap a few new pictures and add the whole kit and caboodle into last year’s envelope and call it done.  Can you relate?

Actually, that’s what I call falling forward.

Things don’t work out as you had planned.  Your goal to _______________ (you fill in the blank) was missed by a New York mile.  And I figure that’s ok, in fact my experience shows, that’s LIFE.  So, here’s the question. How can we dig down into the essence of it, grab the really important part, regroup and once again move forward towards what we want?

And it’s not just with Christmas cards is it?  That book you started. The weight you had hoped to shed. The garden you had dreamed of getting landscaped. The clients you had hoped to connect with.  All worthy goals.  And yet here we are on October 1st and they are still incomplete.

I want to encourage you to stop and ask yourself what’s really important to you. Once you dial back into that core foundation, then it’s time to figure out what you want to focus on for the next 90 days.  What activities will move you towards accomplishing what you set out to do back last December or January?

It’s not too late.  I promise.  No matter how many times you miss, you can always try again. At least that’s my motto.  Revisit and make sure you really wanted it? Yes! And then once that’s done, get back on that horse. Or should I say, pick up that card, stuff that envelope and stick on that stamp!

I’m SO happy to be back with you.  Let me know what you’ve been doing.  You can leave a comment or just send me a tweet over on twitter.

I’m also Periscoping daily, so I’d love for you to join me there as well!  More on that later.

Hugs,

Christy

The post Fall-ing Forward appeared first on Christy Largent.

Today I want to share a few words of encouragement.  Sunday’s holiday used to be one of the saddest days of my year.  I know the pain of dashed hopes and deferred dreams.  And I’ve found some ways to navigate that I think might be helpful to you too.  Listen in for more!

Key Ideas:

1.  Remember – “Not now” doesn’t mean “Never”

2.  Managing Expectations

3.  When the difficulties come, hang on.

4.  Look for the sunshine

Encouraging Word of the Day:  Psalm 37:4  “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you all the desires of your heart.”

The post #047: Encouragement for Mother’s Day (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Remember, when giving feedback, it’s important to…

• Be Specific
• Be Honest
• Be Clear

Today is about how to be so clear the other person knows EXACTLY what you want them to do.  It’s the perfect way to complete your thoughts — creating an effective feedback opportunity.

Encouraging Word of the Day:  Ephesians 4:25  “So let us put away the lies, and speak the truth to one another, because we are all part of one another.”

The post #511: 5 Minute Connection – Be Clear (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Remember, when giving feedback, it’s important to…

• Be Specific
• Be Honest
• Be Clear

Today is more about how to stay out of judgement or assumption, and instead, Be Honest.

Encouraging Word of the Day:  Ephesians 4:25  “So let us put away the lies, and speak the truth to one another, because we are all part of one another.”

The post #510: 5 Minute Connection – Be Honest (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

This week I’m in Orlando, Florida at the Launch Conference, put on by Ken Davis and his Dynamic Communicators event team.  I’m learning so much, and more importantly, I’m being pushed into action while making connections with top thinkers and doers.

I love this stuff.  That’s because I love learning.  And let’s face it, taking online classes and going to conferences is a heck of a lot cheaper than going back to college!

And the other thing is that I’m putting into practice what I’m learning.  This blog, my podcast, my soon to be published book are all evidence of this training getting put into practice.

So I wanted to ask you…how are you investing in yourself this year?  Have you taken time to read an inspiring book?  Have you started learning a new skill with an online class?

Let’s break it down to the super simple.  Have you Googled or YouTubed how to do something new this year?

You might be living in fear like I was.  Afraid to try something that might be uncomfortable or has the possibility of being imperfect (Gasp!)

But seriously,

The #1 Benefit to learning something new is…

You’ll feel really, really, really good!

My brother has always been the smart one in our family.  He was the math wiz at an early age.  For me however, anything to do with math and I’d run.  Add computer to that, and yikes!  That was a recipe for nightmares in my book.

I developed an aversion to anything that might even get close to doing math on the computer.  And of course, every year tax season was a huge burden as I had to manually deal with all my receipts etc.

This year I was challenged to get a Quick Books program.  I bit the bullet and got the program.  I went to a training and then got some personalized tutoring on how to use it.  I entered my entire year’s worth of data into the program.  And guess what?

It was so incredible!!  I did it!  I printed out my very first profit and loss statement!  And even more amazing…I FELT WONDERFUL!!!  I was so darned strong, happy and empowered when I finished I literally felt like Wonder Woman!  If any bullets had been flying by, I’m sure I could have deflected them with my magical quickbooks bracelets of gold.  Simply amazing!

Seriously.  You HAVE to try this!  I think part of why it felt so amazing was that I didn’t think I could do it, and so when I did it, it was a double happiness hit. Ahhhhh!

I want this for you!  (I know I’m using a lot of exclamation marks today…but I’m sure it’s the only way I can convey to you the enormous mounds of emotion that this achievement raised for me!!)

Do you want to learn how to use a new program?  Are you eager to try a new cooking technique, but been worried it would turn out poorly?  Maybe it’s dance lessons that are calling out to be taken, but you don’t want to feel silly by being the youngest in the class.

Or even more seriously, do you need/want/fear a conversation with your husband about something important and deeply felt by you, but you’re not sure how to say it so you say nothing?  Speaking the truth in love is a skill you can learn…I know how scary it feels, yet how exhilarating it is after the conversation actually happens.

All this I want for you so much.  I want you to experience the rush of adrenalin that comes from actually doing that thing you’ve been fearing.  For me, all it took was that silly computer program. What is it for you? I’d love to hear.

The post The #1 Benefit of Learning Something New This Month appeared first on Christy Largent.

I’m going to focus on 3 main elements of giving effective feedback over the next 3 weeks.

When giving feedback, it’s important to…

• Be Specific
• Be Honest
• Be Clear

Today is all about how to avoid judgement or assumption, and instead, be specific.

Encouraging Word of the Day:  Ephesians 4:25  “So let us put away the lies, and speak the truth to one another, because we are all part of one another.”

The post #509: 5 Minute Connection – Be Specific (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

• How to find inspiration
• Using the calendar to ensure “me time”
• How to keep your husband a priority
• Recognizing seasons in life
• Creative ideas for how to get help

Encouraging Word of the Week:  1 Peter 4:10 (The Voice)  “Use whatever gift you’ve received for the good of one another so that you can show yourselves to be good stewards of God’s grace in all it’s varieties.”

The post #045: Ask Anna Moseley and Asking for Help (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Thankfully, I have an amazing sister-in-law who reminded me of this yesterday, so I get to share it with you today!

Key reminders about being yourself:

1.  It’s scary.

2.  It’s easier to wear a mask.

3.  It’s totally worth it.

Encouraging Word:  Romans 12:9a (The Message) “Love others well, and don’t hide behind a mask; love authentically.“

The post #508: 5 Minute Motivation – Be Yourself appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1 – Interview Highlights

• A funny Alec Baldwin story and her podcast “You’ve Got This”
• Finding your direction
• The role mentors can play in your life
• The true cost of clutter

Part 2 – Decluttering Our Lives

• Making hard choices
• Being realistic
• Staying focused
• Perspective Reset – Tim Challies article

Website Links

www.kathilipp.com

www.clutterfreebook.com

canva.com

Kathi’s Recommended Reading

Clutter Free, Quick and Easy Steps to Amplifying Your Space, by Kathi Lipp.

Communicating for a Change: Seven Keys to Irresistible Communication (North Point Resources), by Andy Stanley and Lane Jones.

The Power of a Positive No: Save The Deal Save The Relationship and Still Say No, by William Ury.

StrengthsFinder 2.0, by Tom Rath.

Connect with Kathi

On Facebook

On Twitter

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Ecclesiastes 5:10  “Whoever loves money will never have enough money. Whoever loves luxury will not be content with abundance. This also is pointless.”         – I know this is not very encouraging, but seriously, doesn’t it just fit perfectly with our discussion today!  It’s about relationships, not about stuff!

Question:  Are you a cluttery person?  How do you manage to keep it down?  I’d love your ideas too!  Just leave a comment below, or on FB or Twitter.

The post #044: Kathi Lipp – A Clutter Free Life (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

This week, I want to give you 2 magic questions you can use when you absolutely MUST give the advice burdening your heart.  Before you speak…

Ask yourself these 2 questions:

1.  What gives me the right?

2.  Is it in the best interest of the relationship?

Listen to the podcast and share it!  I think you’ll enjoy this part 2 of the podcast.  Who knows, it might even change your life!  And feel free to share with your friends!

I’d love to know – do you struggle with giving unsolicited advice?  How do you keep from becoming “that person” who always has a better way of doing something? Please let me know your thoughts!

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 12:18  “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

The post #507: 5 Minute Motivation – Be Mysterious Part 2 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Unsolicited advice will destroy relationships, create conflict, drive division, and push people further and further away from you.  If you want healthy relationships where your friends and family ASK for your advice, then you’d better say far, far away from giving the unsolicited kind.

Today I’m sharing with you a humorous story on this very subject.  I think you’ll love it!…so you have to listen to the podcast.  But if you can’t spare 5 minutes, here’s my advice for keeping yourself from giving Unsolicited Advice:

When you want to start talking, instead, start asking questions.  

I hope you enjoy this today.  I’d encourage you to listen.  It’s short and who knows..it might even change your life!  And if you know someone who loves to give unsolicited advice, please feel free to share this with them too.

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Romans 12:18 “If possible, live in peace with everyone. Do that as much as you can.”

The post #506: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Mysterious Part 1 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Or at least it was a blast the last time I took the class.  This morning, not so much.  You see, I’m out of practice.  I’ve been doing other things in the morning.  Specifically sleeping.  So I’m just a tad bit out of spinning shape.

If you’ve ever been a spinner, you know what I’m talking about.  After you’ve been spinning a month or so you kind of find your groove.  You figure out how to push yourself without throwing up.  You know what I’m talking about.

But this morning everything was different.  I was sooooo slow!  My mind said, “Legs, push!”, and the legs surged forward with all the strength of a noodle.  And while I was struggling for breath and willing myself forward, I realized there were a few universal ideas I was being reminded of as I reacclimatized myself into spinning shape.  I thought I’d share them with you.

1.  Your ride is different than the teacher’s and everyone else’s ride.  That’s right.  You have your own rhythm, your own style and your own timing.  Just like in life.  Your  journey is uniquely your own.  It may or may not mirror the journey of your boss or your best friend.  What matters is that you figure out what your ride is and ride it with all your heart.  It will be the best possible ride.  Uniquely yours.

2.  The unknown will bring blessings all it’s own.  This morning Silas played music I had never heard before.  I’m a musical person and I like to think I am sort of connected to what’s happening in today’s music scene.  But this morning I only recognized 1 song.  Out of the 12 or so songs he played, only 1!  I couldn’t believe it!  But you know what, I loved it!  I embraced the newness of that music and reveled in the energy it helped pump through my increasingly tired legs.  The blessing of the unknown kept me engaged to the very end of every song rather than anticipating the ending as I normally would have done.

Often when we are faced with the unknown, our tendency is to avoid, right?  New co-worker.  Walk down the other hall so you won’t have to engage with her.  Or that difficult decision you’re waiting to hear back on.  You avoid checking your emails or voicemails because you don’t want to have to hear potential bad news.  Or how about what I’m struggling with right now…fear of the unknown.  I don’t know how to do some of the technical details required to get my book published, so instead of powering through, I’m avoiding through other activities.  (Like this post if the truth be told!)  Let’s embrace our unknown together.

3.  When you’ve done the hard thing, you will feel amazing!  Yes.  As the hour moved to a close, I was so happy!  Spent. Yes.  Exhausted. Yup. Empowered. Absolutely!  In fact, as I was getting off the bike and grabbing the cleaning papers to wipe it down, I actually thought to myself, “Now, THIS is a way to get my week of to a great start!  I’ll bet I get a ton accomplished today.”

I didn’t think that because I was a seriously good rider.  No way!  I thought that because I did something uncomfortable – several somethings actually…but the end result was what I really wanted.  A stronger heart, firmer legs (maybe someday) and most of all, completion of a desired task.

How about you?  What can you jump into today to give yourself a spin?  How can you challenge yourself to ride your own ride, embrace the unknown and revel in the feeling of accomplishment that will ensue?  I’d love to hear your stories!

The post 3 Lessons from Getting Spun this Morning appeared first on Christy Largent.

1.  Smile

2.  Stick out your hand and introduce yourself.

3.  Lean towards the new person

4.  Look them in the eye

5.  Speak up

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”

The post #505: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Friendly (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

It’s the magic of charisma, and I have a few ideas to share with you about how you can get some too!  Listen to the podcast for all the details…

Key Suggestions Discussed:

1.  Confidence

2.  Questions

3.  Listen

4.  Be interesting

5.  Laugh (at yourself)

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Colossians 4:6 “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”

The post #504: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Charismatic (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Most people pad or hedge with the best of intentions, but what happens is the opposite.

Lesson:  Avoid Hedging and Use Power Phrases

You’ll have to listen to get them — too boring to write here.

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Matthew 5:37 (Phillips) “Whatever you have to say let your ‘yes’ be a plain ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ a plain ‘no’—anything more than this has a taint of evil.”

The post #503: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Straightforward (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas: 

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• Anne’s key activities
  • Delegate Activities
  • Eliminate Decisions
  • Prioritize and ask – “Is This Really Important?”

[Tweet ““I am not here to do it all.” Anne Ricci”]

Part 2 – The Power of Effective Prioritization

• Run your priority selection through My Priority Process

Website Links

Anne’s Healthy Kitchen

Lifespa.com  Dr. John Douillard

Anne’s Recommended Reading

Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder, by Arianna Huffington.

Connect with Anne

On Facebook

On Twitter

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 24:27 “Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and then after that, build your house.”

The post #042: Anne Ricci – Anne’s Healthy Kitchen and Prioritizing (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Today’s Tip:  Listening!

I want you to “Be All Ears”.  It’s amazing what can happen when you stop just thinking about your own agenda and begin really listening and paying attention to those in your life.

• Focus
• Follow
• Feedback

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  James 1:19  “Know this, my beloved brothers and sisters: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;”

The post #501: 5 Minute Friday – Be All Ears (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

I got the iPad as a Christmas present.  Actually, I purchased it the day after Thanksgiving during the Target’s awesome Black Friday sale.  So I even got it for a crazy-good price.  But I wrapped it up and even hauled it on our trip with us.

I didn’t open the box until last night.  Why on earth?

I was trying to analyze why I do that to myself.  I put off really good things.  And I do this with blogging, editing my podcast interviews, finishing my book…and the list goes on.

Do you relate?  I think it must be because sometimes, even when new things are really good, the unknown still makes me nervous.  Maybe it’s that I’m just getting too far down the road, wondering about how it’s going to play out, so I stop myself before I even start.

[Tweet “”Even when new things are really good, the unknown still makes me nervous.””]

I’ve decided to turn it around.  And when I feel like putting something off, rather than turn it all around in my head, I’m going to immediately do something positive about it.

This concept is something I’m going to start embracing.  I LOVE what comes after I do these things.  After all, it’s an iPad!  Can you say…easy-peasy?  And yes, I’m already loving it and wondering how on earth I ever did without it and it’s been less than 12 hours!

And with all the other stuff?  Here’s what I’ve come to.  I’m going to quit telling you hard and fast deadlines about my work.  I’m going to do my best to connect with you in a regular way with my podcast and blog posts and Facebook and twitter.  No set schedule.

I know that goes against all the experts.  But seriously.  I am SO NOT these people who are introverts and schedulers and get-it-all-done-at-any-cost types.  I’m just Christy.

My first priority is my family and many most days they take up a lot of my brain activity, not to mention, time.  And that’s OK.  Actually, I’m really AOK with that.

As you may know, I waited a long time to be a Mama, and I want to savor every moment.

And at the same time, I really love you, my encouragers, who I feel privileged to connect with day in and day out.  And I want to give you my best.

So, with that in mind…all my pre-planned schedules I thought I could do this year are going by the way-side.  I’m going to do my best to get you weekend updates, and twice a week posts and weekly podcasts.  Do my best being the operative words in this sentence.

Ahhh, it feels so freeing to say that.  So you won’t be expecting what I can’t, or don’t, give.  How does that sound?

Question:  What do you struggle with putting off?  It’s more than simple procrastination isn’t it?  How have you overcome that tendency?  I’d love to hear your suggestions!  Please leave a note below.

The post The Sweet at the End of the Stuck appeared first on Christy Largent.

Several of her books have been New York Times Bestsellers. She has both biological and adopted kids, and when she adopted, she didn’t go for just one, nooooo, she adopted like 10 (just kidding, I think it was 2).  You get the picture right?

Well, the reason I’m mentioning and linking to that post here, is because it was such a totally clear picture of a certain personality type I just couldn’t stand it!  In fact, her blog post title was How to Choose People Over Projects.

Seriously.

She even made printables to help her remember to do this.

Seriously.

Now some of you are like, Wow, that would really help me.  I always find myself thinking how people get in the way of my accomplishments.  And others of you are like, Are you crazy?  Why on earth would you put a project ahead of a relationship?

And there you have the rub.  The personality conflict that causes just that.  Conflict.

Because you want your office mate to drop her project and join you for lunch at the trendy new hot spot.  And she can’t understand how you can even think of leaving the office for lunch, of all things, when the project isn’t finished.

Or your husband wants to take Saturday and explore a new set of trails and you’re fretting and stewing because the new toilet you purchased 3 weeks ago still isn’t installed.

See where the conflict arises?  It’s simple personality conflict.  I would call it Action Annie vs. the rest of us.

Here are 3 positive ways you can work through this difficulty.

1.  Recognize you have different expectations. You might be tempted to think there is something wrong with the other person when they don’t act the way you would.  After all, they clearly have different priorities than you do.

You’ll be able to reconnect when you recognize that these differences aren’t really wrong. They are just different.

2.  Discuss your differing desires. Having an open discussion of these differing expectations will be very productive for you. Once we name it and get it out for discussion, then you can move forward to a solution.

3.  Work out a compromise.  This sounds a lot easier than it actually is of course.  Maybe you can stay through lunch to finish up the project and then celebrate with a brisk walk around the block together after it’s finished.  Or how about working together to get the toilet installed so you can take the afternoon to explore those new trails.

When we change our perspective on these differences, we will be able to appreciate and actually be thankful for the variety in our personalities.  Try these ideas the next time a conflict like this arises and I think you’ll enjoy the positive outcome.

Question:  What are the typical personality conflicts you deal with?  Do they drive you crazy or have you figured out ways to bring out the best?  I’d love to hear your ideas! Just leave your comments below.

P.S. – If you want to know more about The Personalities, you might want to check out some of my first podcasts here and here where I gave an introduction to the various styles.

The post Psst…Your Personality is Showing appeared first on Christy Largent.

As I was thinking about today’s blog post, I realized how powerful this concept of going with your gut can be in the area of our communication.  Let me ask you this…Have you ever had a nudge to speak with someone, but you resisted?  Have you ever shut down that small, quite prodding and just ignored it?

Usually, your self talk will be something like this:

• She’ll think I’m crazy.
• He doesn’t really want to know this.
• Who do I think I am to tell her this?
• She already gets lots of positive feedback, mine wouldn’t add much to the conversation.
• I’m embarrassed to let him know how he has affected me.

and my favorite,

• I’ll feel like an idiot!

But I’m going to suggest today that there are 3 really good reasons you should go with your gut, your intuition, your heart.

1.  There’s a whole lot of stuff we are not cognitively aware of going on out there which our unconscious is responding to – so we’d better pay attention.  David Epstein wrote in his book, The Sports Gene: Inside the Science of Extraordinary Athletic Performance, a story about how many professional baseball players were being struck out by softball phenom Jennie Finch.  How could this be?  How were the strongest and best baseball hitters in the world being struck out by a girl?

Well, it turns out that baseball players don’t really watch the ball coming at them – there’s no time.  What they have become expert at, is reading the body of the pitcher – the minuscule body movements are what tells them where the ball will end up.  Obviously, they were not expert at reading a softball pitcher’s body and suddenly they became just like the rest of us.

2.  The more you respond to your intuition, the more often you will hear it.  I’m sure there’s science about this somewhere, but I have experienced that the more tuned in I am to my heart, the more clearly I hear it.  Whether this is to take dinner to my neighbor, have a conversation with my husband, contact that client or switch into the right lane of traffic, I generally try to act on the feeling.  I don’t know why, but it usually ends up being a very needed action.

And most importantly of all…

 3.  Someone needs what you have to say.  Believe me, if you are feeling a prompting to speak, someone needs to hear you.  I love the story of the woman who was at the end of her rope, barely hanging on to her will to live when a stranger blessed her with a smile and a warm greeting.  That’s such a minor thing to do, but reaching out, even to a stranger, will have an impact far beyond what you will ever know.

When I think about how we communicate, I’m convinced we can have an even more positive effect on people if we pay attention and respond to our gut.  There are a millions cues being thrown about all the time.  We don’t see them, but we’re receiving them.  Our gut, our heart, our intuition is receiving them.

So the next time you get a “gut feeling”…Go for it!  And enjoy the positive results that can happen.

Question:  Have you ever gone with your gut and something amazing happened?  I’d love to hear your stories!  Just leave a note below.

The post 3 Big Reasons to Go With Your Gut appeared first on Christy Largent.

If you’ve ever worked for or with someone who just bugs you, here are 3 suggestions to help you turn a crummy interaction into something positive:

1.  Recognize your feelings.  This is a new skill that I’ve been working on. When you feel that rush of anger or frustration, instead of grabbing it and massaging it and escalating it, simply recognize it.

Try something like, Wow, that comment hurts.  Or, I’m feeling really mad right now.  There’s something about saying the statement out loud or to yourself that will help you process it.

Identify more about why it hurts or is inflammatory.  For example,  When she said I was a bad team player, I feel unappreciated.  My reaction is to get defensive and lash back at her.  Wow, I’m really uncomfortable.

I also recommend you take some deep breaths as you walk yourself through the emotions of the situation.  Try to pinpoint exactly what it is that’s causing such a strong emotional reaction inside of you.  Now you’re ready to…

2.  Figure out if and/or how you are going to address this with her.  My experience is that sometimes you need to address it, and sometimes you just need to let it go.  Let’s be realistic.  With some people, you could talk until you’re blue in the face and it would do NO GOOD! If that’s the case, please, just give yourself the freedom to experience the emotion and then choose to release it.  You might need to take a few deep breaths and physically open your hands outward – breathing out the release as you fan your fingers open.

But if the irritating person is open to honest communication, you would do well to create an assertive dialogue and let them know how their words affected you.  Both of you will do better after that discussion and you can move forward.

Regardless of which step you decide, I always find it helpful to close the interaction with the third idea…

3.  Look for the good.  Find something you appreciate or like about them.  I know that’s a tall order when you’re not feeling very positive towards them and frankly just the fact that they are still taking up space in your universe grates on you like fingernails on a chalkboard, but I promise you — if you will do the exercise of finding just one thing to be thankful for or that you like/admire about them, it will help.

Some suggestions might be, I’m thankful she takes her job so seriously. Or, I’m thankful she follows through. Or, I really like how she is such a professional dresser or if you’re really desperate, I’m thankful she just left the room…JKLOL…as my 2nd grader says

Do you see how I’m suggesting you reframe your mind?  You can do this!  Even if you don’t feel like it now, by recognizing your emotions, figuring out what you are going to do with them, and then creating a positive feeling to close the experience, you are reframing the whole thing on your terms.  And that feels great!

I hope these 3 simple steps will help you to maneuver through the next time you find yourself in the middle of a muddle.

Question:  What are your coping techniques?  Have you tried any of these and how did they work for you?  I’d love to hear your feedback.  Just leave a comment below.

The post 3 Steps to Turn a Bad Interaction Better appeared first on Christy Largent.

That night at the dinner table as I was telling the story, I made sure to give full expression in the retelling.  Wanting my kids to have the full picture of what happened.

As I gave my response, my daughter brought me up short. “Oh, and did you give her that ugly face too?”

“What ugly face?”

“That ugly face you just did when you told the story.”

I was silent as the truth sunk in.  No wonder my colleague responded like she did.  My face and body had said such a different story than what I really meant to say.  It’s not her fault that we all believe more of what we see than what we hear.

Shamefacedly, I admitted the truth.  Yes, I probably had made that ugly face that morning during the conversation. Yikes!

When you think about effective communication, you might sometimes forget how important your facial expressions are.  Obviously, when you’re online, texting or tweeting, it’s not an issue.  But on the phone or especially in person, you want to make sure your face is giving the same message as your words.

Here are 3 ideas that might help you (and me) match our faces to our words.

Smile.  Obviously you can’t smile all the time, but whenever you are listening, it’s helpful for you to have a pleasant expression on your face.  For most of us, a slight, mouth closed smile gives that pleasant look that encourages conversation.  Also, it’s impossible to smile and frown at the same time.

Clear your forehead.  By this I mean, if you have 2 those vertical lines between your eyebrows, or lots and lots of forehead creases, take a moment when you are in the conversation, or even before, to consciously smooth your forehead.  For me, this means I smile (automatically decreases the center lines) and take a deep breath as I run my left hand across my forehead.

Use your eyes.  The eyes are such a great communication tool!  Have you noticed that when you’re really engaged in a conversation, you’re giving good eye contact.  Not staring, but just following the conversation with your eyes.  You look at the other person for a few seconds and then look briefly away.  And when you smile, your smile reaches your eyes.  I know because an engaged smile includes eyes crinkled at the corners.

So I’m hoping that we’ll remember these simple behaviors.  That way, we can be sure our face matches our message.

Question:  What kind of expressions do you find “pop out” when you least expect it?  What are your compensation strategies?  Please leave me a comment below.

The post 3 Ideas to Avoid Making The Ugly Face appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas: 

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• The magic bullet of Sleep
• Why you should just say NO!
• Power in Planning
• Focusing on Wellness not Weight
• Learning lessons from failures

Part 2 – My Wellness Journey

Website Links

Connie Clay Website

Dr. Daniel Amen and Amen Clinics

Recommended Resources

Connie’s Book – Quit Skinny!: 7 Simple, Sane Steps to Wellness

The Amen Solution: The Brain Healthy Way to Get Thinner, Smarter, Happier, by Dr. Daniel Amen

Master Your Metabolism: The 3 Diet Secrets to Naturally Balancing Your Hormones for a Hot and Healthy Body!, by Jillian Michaels

Jillian Michaels: Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism, Jillian Michaels DVD

And I’m adding this since we talked about saying “No” and it’s not easy! The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands, by Lysa TerKeurst

And I’m also adding these – since these are helping me get to the emotional part of why I eat what I eat.
Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food, by Lysa TerKeurst

The Tapping Solution for Weight Loss & Body Confidence: A Woman’s Guide to Stressing Less, Weighing Less, and Loving More, by Jessica Ortner

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Psalm 107:9  “For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, And the hungry soul He has filled with what is good.”

The post #038: Quit Skinny with Connie Clay and My Wellness Journey (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Sometimes getting started is the hardest work of all.

Do you know what I mean?  Doing the work is the fun part – getting started is the challenge.  I’m a great one for planning out and creating a big vision broken down into smaller, actionable steps.  But then I have to stop and go get the kids from school or start dinner, or clean up after the dog.

And once I’m stopped, it’s often difficult to get back into the swing of work again.  So, as a practical matter, I’ve decided to use my early morning hours as a kind of “bonus” time for the next year month, and see how it works out.  I’ll let you know!

I’m behind on my podcasts and obviously on my blog posts as well…to be honest, I’ve been a bit distracted as I’m beginning a new nutrition plan. (Notice how I didn’t say “diet”.) After doing all my work on goals and plans for 2015, the one thing staring me in the face was that big-old-fat goal of losing weight!

I know for some of you, you have NO IDEA what I’m talking about.  You never saw a cookie you couldn’t resist.  But many of you will be tracking along with me here. Right?

For some reason, this weight albatross has been hanging around for far too long and I’ve decided to get some help cutting it off…No, not a surgeon!  But I’m working with both a physical coach and a mental coach to get me realigned with where I really want to be.

Last Friday when I walked up the steps to my first appointment with the health coach, my heart was beating a tattoo, my hands were shaking and I had that familiar tight feeling in my chest. (No, not from taking the stairs either!)

As we got into the meeting and she began taking my measurements, she just chuckled.  “You don’t like this much, do you Christy?”  I grinned ruefully as she added, “It’s written all over your face.”

All I could think about was what if this doesn’t work.  What if I fail again?  And what on earth makes me think I can be successful this time when I’ve failed so many, many times before?  And how embarrassing this whole thing is anyway.

But right in the middle of our conversation I realized this is nothing but that ravaging beast FEAR rearing it’s nasty head once again.  Fear of failure. Fear of not being enough. Fear of…well, you fill in the blank.

Because this time my fear was wrapped around the ridiculous obstacle of weight loss.  But what is yours wrapped around? And how can you be brave and fearless in overcoming it today?

My personal prescription for bravery today includes writing this blog post.  Being honest with you about what’s going on with me feels quite scary and dare I say it…vulnerable?

Because, after all, I’m a speaker and trainer on communication skills – not lifestyle blogging or health and wellness, right?

But one thing I know for sure, is that for me, it’s darn near impossible to keep limping along in failure in this one area, while expecting to be able to give you my A-Game in my professional endeavors. Because after 15 years of this gig – I know you can spot a phony a million miles away.

So I won’t be a phony.  I’ll be authentic with all my foibles.  I’ll lay them out on the table, and then after that’s finished, we’ll get to talk about personality styles, and getting along with difficult people, and how to create fantastic customer relationships, and all the other topics I love to help you with.

I have all kinds of exciting things ahead for us this year.  This month I’ll finally release my 31 Positive Communication Skills for Women Devotional.  Next up I’ve got an awesome free webinar I’ll be offering on the topic of Getting Along With Difficult People.  We’ll follow that up in late February with my first ever online bootcamp — Powerful Communication Skills for Women.  More on all of this later…it’s so exciting!

In the meantime, I’d like to re-vamp my blog schedule a bit.  This is what you can expect.

• Monday:  Communication Skills — Strategies you can use
• Wednesday:  Encouraging Words for Working Moms Podcast
• Friday:  Personality Styles — Bring out the best and dealing with the worst
• Weekend: Update on my weight loss getting fit, healthy and strong journey along with periodic updates on what I’m doing and the books I’m reading.  I really enjoy those posts from some of my favorite bloggers, so I thought since I’m such a reading freak,  I’d share my reading adventures with you.

Well, if you’ve read this far…thank you!  I love you too!  Be sure you’re subscribed to my site to get all the updates, new stuff and freebies I’ll be bringing out this year.

Question:  I’d love to know what your challenges are this year.  Are you already off to the races or are you still circling the bay trying to get up the nerve to get started?  What are you working on this year? What’s holding you back?  I’d love to hear from you!  Just leave your comments below – on the blog or FB – either are great!

The post How’s Your Year Going So Far? My Honest Confession… appeared first on Christy Largent.

No longer will you get consumed by the urgency of life. Everything is going to be intentional and designed to move you closer and closer to the life you’ve always wanted.  And best of all, 12 months from now you’ll be looking back on 2015 with a smile thinking about all that you’ve accomplished in 2015.

It truly will be your Best Year Ever.

Sounds wonderful doesn’t it!  But how on earth is this going to happen?  What’s going to be different this year that will make 2015 different from every other year in your past?  How will you approach this year so that these aren’t just good intentions, but rather your new reality?

On Wednesday, January 7th, you can find out.

My favorite virtual mentor, New York Times best-selling author Michael Hyatt will be delivering a special webinar presentation called:

Get What You Want This Year: 5 Secrets for Finally Accomplishing Your Biggest Goals

It’s designed to help YOU make 2015 your best year ever and I don’t want you to miss it!  You can attend (no charge), by clicking the link below:

Best Year Ever Live Webinar

I know you’ll hear just what you need to hear so that you too can make this your Best Year Ever!

Love ya!

Christy

P.S.  This webinar is FREE and I just learned this morning that they are almost full, so I want you to be sure to get in on this since there won’t be a replay.  Better reserve your place fast!

Best Year Ever Live Webinar

The post Making 2015 Amazing! appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas: 

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• The positive and powerful results of allowing your work to flow from your passion, experiences and point of need
• What team parenting looks like
• Teaching kids responsibility
• The power of compartmentalizing
• Getting real about where you need help – and then getting it
• Why you should figure out how to surround yourself with people who can do what you can’t
• Giving yourself grace
• Finding peace through obedience

Part 2 – How to Recognize When Quitting is the Right Choice

• Take a good look at where you are
• Recognize that quitting IS an option
• Moving forward
• Using Goals as a measuring stick of what’s working…and what’s not working
• Videos to Your Best Year Ever program by Michael Hyatt

Website Links

Crystal Paine

• Website
• Facebook
• Twitter
• Pinterest
• Youtube
• Instagram

Ruth Soukup

• Website
• Facebook
• Twitter
• Pinterest
• Instagram

 Recommended Reading

Crystal Paine

Say Goodbye to Survival Mode: 9 Simple Strategies to Stress Less, Sleep More, and Restore Your Passion for Life, by Crystal Paine

Choose Gratitude: Blessings Journal, by Crystal Paine

Ruth Soukup

Living Well, Spending Less: 12 Secrets of the Good Life, by Ruth Soukup

How To Blog For Profit: Without Selling Your Soul, by Ruth Soukup

31 Days To A Clutter Free Life: One Month to Clear Your Home, Mind & Schedule, by Ruth Soukup

Finding your strengths….StrengthsFinder 2.0, by Tom Rath

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Ephesians 2:10 (NIV) “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Question:  There were so many good ideas discussed – which was most impactful for you?  Have you ever had an experience where you quit…and felt good about it?  I’d love to hear your stories – just leave a comment below.

The post #035: Crystal Paine and Ruth Soukup – The Money Saving Mom and Living Well Spending Less Bloggers Share From Their Hearts appeared first on Christy Largent.

Their reaction surprised me at first, and then it made me laugh, and then it made me think.  As soon as I started talking about goals, I was interrupted by Balazs – one of my brighter students.  “Oh Miss Largent,” he said, “You Americans are so concerned with goals and New Year’s Resolutions.  Why are you so obsessed with these things?  You must be like the Hungarians and just let things happen.”

Join me today as I discuss the power of pursing goals well.  2014 has been one of my Best Years Ever and I credit it to Michael Hyatt and his 5 Days To Your Best Year Ever Program.  I did this last year, and it made a huge impact in my life.

And I’m not alone!  Last year there were over 3,000+ people who went through the program – and there are some amazing stories of people experiencing incredible transformations in their life.  You can see my own personal video testimonial by clicking  here.

I want you to know you can experience the same!

Some key ideas:

1.  Get crystal clear

2.  Write it down

3.  Get someone to come along side to help and encourage you…(register through my link and you can be a part of my private Facebook group, where we will work together, on our Best Year Ever encouraging each other all year.)

4.  Don’t delay!  Registration is only open for the a very short period of time. After that, Michael will close it down to focus on supporting the new class of people going through the program.  Early Bird Deadline! Dec 18th

I have a feeling you might be like I was in the summer of 2013.  Sick and tired of feeling stuck and not sure how to move yourself forward.  If you know deep down that you’re capable of more but you don’t know how to experience the kind of breakthrough you deserve, then go check this out:  I promise you will find 2015 really will  be your best year ever!

Resource Link:  Your Best Year Ever – be sure to click “I’m interested” and scroll down to see my own personal 5 minute story of how the program worked for me last year!

Encouraging Word of the Week: Proverbs 21:5 ESV  “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.”

The post #034: Making 2015 Your Best Year Ever (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

How did I do?  From the list of goals above, here’s what happened:  I re-started my speaking business, completed my website, had regular blog posts (what you are reading now), my podcast is being downloaded all over the world, I ran the San Jose 1/2 marathon (instead of a Tough Mudder) and as we close out December, my book is ready to be published next week.  Not everything, but a huge percentage of my original list.

What’s interesting is that the list of completed goals is more complete this year than it has ever been in all my years of goal setting.  What happened that made such a difference?  Why was I able to accomplish so much this year when for so many years my goals were thwarted?

In thinking it through, I realized I did 2 things differently last December.  2 things you might want to do this December if you are looking for growth in your own life.  Here they are.

1.  I realigned with my passion and got extremely clear on what I wanted.  As you probably know, last year I pulled back from my Arbonne business and re-entered my speaking business.  My heart is here.  My passion is here.  And what a difference it has made.  When I look at my to-do list each morning, I actually enjoy most of what I have to do.  I look forward to each day’s individual activities, and am quite enthusiastic about all the possibilities.

Here’s my question for you – are you doing what you love?  Are you even clear on what you love?  If not, I recommend you dig deep and really figure out what you were put here on earth to do.  I have a program I did last year I’d be happy to send you if want help in figuring out your passion and purpose.  It has helped a lot of people and I think it would help you too.  Being aligned is critical because once you are, you can move easily into figuring out what you want.

2.  I took Michael Hyatt’s 5 Days to Your Best Year Ever course.  I know, you’ve probably taken a goal setting course or two in your lifetime.  I had too.  And frankly, when I saw the opportunity to add one more thing to my list I was a bit hesitant.  But then I watched his free videos and found real value.  So I went ahead and signed up for it.  It was clear, practical and action oriented.  I think my results speak volumes about the value of the course.

You might think – “Yes, but you could have done all you did without taking Michael’s course.”  And maybe you’re right.  But, the fact remains I did take his course and it really was my best year ever.

He has created a new and improved free video series that gives great value now, and also gives you a taste of the updated program.  He is also running a special this year if you sign up before December 18th.  I want you to take advantage of this program.  (Notice, these are affiliate links,  yes, I get a thank you payment from Michael if you sign up through my link.)  At the very least, watch these 3 free videos and let me know what you think.  Just click on any of these highlighted words, and you’ll go straight to the videos.

What have you got to lose?  Just think, 2015 really could be Your Best Year Ever!

And as a bonus…I’m so excited about what this could do in your life, I’m creating a Private Facebook group for everyone who purchases this program through my link.  We will get to encourage each other on throughout this next year as we go for our even bigger, hairy, audacious goals together!!  After all, I’ve still got 40 lbs to lose in 2015!  Just send me an email and let me know you purchased through my link and I’ll add you to the group.

Question:  What has held you back from accomplishing your goals in the past?  What are you going to do differently this year to make sure you set and meet your goals?  I’d love to hear your ideas!  Just leave a comment below.

The post I Hit My Goals and You Can Too! appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas: 

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• The #1 lesson for a Mompreneur
• The positive effects of schedule and routine
• Why she uses a family calendar and how you can too
• How to use the “Sunday Summit” to streamline and supercharge your week
• Where to find a safe place for support

Part 2 – Set Yourself Up for a Successful Month

• Sleep Enough
• Plan, then Schedule
• Clear out the clutter
• Get busy and enjoy it all

Because I’m brave enough to show the real way I sometimes (frequently) live!  Oh, it’s painful to be honest!

Website Links

www.theresaceniccola.com

www.icmnetwork.com

www.typeaparent.com

Theresa’s Recommended Reading

The Daily Bible – In Chronological Order

The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands, by Lysa TerKeurst

Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World, by Michael Hyatt

Connect with Theresa

Email:  theresa@theresaceniccola.com

On Facebook

On Twitter

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8  “A Time for Everything”
“There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
A time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
A time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.”

The post #033: Theresa Ceniccola – International Christian Mompreneur Network (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

In light of the overload most of us constantly feel, I thought it would be helpful and refreshing for us to consider how we can be effective in telling people our thoughts and ideas in a way that’s “right the first time.”  So, here for your consideration are three suggestions to help you do just that.

1. Be respectful of the person.  The next time your employee suggests an idea you think is ridiculous – remember to focus your response on the idea, not the person.  As you are respectful of the person, get specific with your responses to the idea so they know you are skeptical of the idea, not them as an employee.
2. Get to the point.  Head right to the comment without padding it with extra words or fillers like um, and , ahh, so, like, etc.  The more you add needless words to what you are saying, the more likely you are to lose your listener and undermine your credibility.
3. Make suggestions for improvement instead of criticizing.  Many years ago I had a speaking coach who would intentionally sit in on my program and then make suggestions on how I could improve.  Her way of suggesting improvements was fabulous.  She used the “Like best” and “Next time” technique.  First, she would tell me what she liked best about the program.  Then she would say, “Christy, next time, instead of telling that joke at the beginning of the program, tell it at the end.”  By using the like best and next time method, I could hear what was working and what wasn’t working.  The bonus was that I did not get defensive at the criticism because I heard ways to improve…and that is what I really wanted all along anyway.

As we head into the holiday season, I know we’ll all have lots of opportunities to practice communicating with people who are really important to us.  I hope you can stick these 3 additional ideas into your communication toolbox and whip them out the next time you need to say it right the first time.

Question:  Which of these are most difficult for you to do?  Do you ever get stuck when you don’t know what to say so you say nothing?  Have you experienced someone else doing these things for you? How did it feel?  Please leave your comments below!

The post 3 Strategies to Say It Right The First Time appeared first on Christy Largent.

And I guess there’s really nothing like a drama with a loved one to remind you why we’re doing all this communication stuff in the first place.

I can give you all kinds of tips and techniques on how to be a more effective communicator. But the bottom line reason we learn and do all this is so we can love each other better. Right?  We want to learn how to act and speak and express ourselves in the best way so that the people in our lives feel loved.

Does that make sense to you?  Who in your life do you wish knew how much you loved them?  Do you communicate that love? What’s getting in the way of your truth? This morning I’m drawn to think of this…and here are the 2 main questions I’m asking myself.

1.  Is my style getting in the way of my message?  Yesterday I spoke about being a passive, aggressive or assertive communicator.  That message was straight from my heart.  You see,  I am really strong.  I come across as strong. I have to work hard to dial down from aggressive to assertive, and sometimes even assertive is too much.  And sometimes that ‘natural style’ is getting in the way of my message.

When I’m trying to talk with Amelia or Tom about something that I’m passionate about, (almost everything) I think I get too wound up and my words, tone, body all end up sending messages that actually shut them down.  Do you have that challenge?  Or do you go the other way, and you shut down when you get passionate?  I think both of these can be a challenge.  I have to remember, it’s not all about me…it’s about communicating well.  Because I LOVE THEM.

2.  Do I find ways to communicate love even when I’m stressed and busy and overwhelmed?  When I think of all the times I’ve thought of my telling my mother something and not texted her, or bragged about my sister and not called her, or even been angry with my dad and talked about him instead of talking with him, it makes my heart sad.  I’m supposed to be teaching this stuff!  Instead, I so often fail in the execution of the communication.

How about you?  Would it help your relationships if you were more intentional communicating your love to those in your life?  I want to take each opportunity to communicate love and not put it off until later.  Because, as I’m being so forcibly reminded today, there’s no guarantee of tomorrow, and I want to rest assured I’m communicating my love the best possible way every day.

So for now, thanks for following along this month as I’ve posted every day.  Whew.  31 Blog Posts in 31 days.  Definitely a new record for me.  I’ve learned some things along the way, so there will probably be a post about that in the future. (Not tomorrow!!)  I want you to know I appreciate each of you and how you have commented and encouraged me.  It’s meant more than you will ever know.  So here’s our take-away.  Let’s commit together to using powerful  communication to create positive relationships so that we can live purposeful lives.  I think we’ll all be glad we did.

This is Day 31 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women.  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Does today’s discussion ring true with you?  Which post, of the past 31 days was your favorite?  Why?  Please leave your thoughts below.

The post Day 31 – Why Are We Working At This Stuff Anyway? (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Passive Communicator – “A reluctance and/or inability to confidently express what you think and feel.”

This person is quiet, shy and rarely says what they really think or feel.  They will keep their thoughts to themselves, often taken extreme amounts of time to think about what they will say before they say it.  They expect you to read their minds since they have limited body language and facial expressions.

My favorite story about passive communicators happened when I was speaking in Minot, North Dakota.  I had a group of 40 women in my “Powerful Communication Skills for Women” class.  The majority of them were of Scandinavian descent. (Internal processors and typically passive communicators.)  Throughout the day, I was getting basically no visible response from them.  I would say something funny and they would crack a slight smile or nod their heads.  As someone who gets their energy from other people, all day long I was giving myself pep talks, reminding myself that they were engaging on the inside, even if I couldn’t see much of a spark on the outside.  At the end of the day I was shaking hands at the door saying goodbye.  One after another of the women told me how much they loved the class.  One woman generously proclaimed, “This was the best class I’ve ever attended.”  “Oh, thank you,” I replied. “Yes,” she continued, “My favorite part was how you got us all so involved!”  Inside my head, I was screaming, “When? I missed it!”

That’s a funny story, but it illustrates the difficulty others can have with passive communicators.  Because passive communicators tend to keep everything inside, others can be at a loss to know their real feelings.  They are also very good at using passive aggressive manipulation to get what they want.  (I think passive-aggressive behavior is a post for another day.)

Aggressive Communicator – “Intimidates, demeans and degrades another person – behavior that results in a put-down, causing defensiveness and hurt.”

You’ve meet these aggressive communicators.  They are intent on getting their way and letting you know it.  The classic aggressive communicator can be found on the school yard – we call him a bully.  Or maybe she’s the one in your daughter’s peer group who is the dominate force.  She tells all the other girls what they should do and how they should do it.   An out of control aggressor uses their threat of anger to manipulate those around her.

The Aggressive Communicator uses their body language with their hands on their hips, their fingers pointing at you (while they shake their hand) and the scowl on their face to get their messages across.

Assertive Communicator:  “Confidently express what you think, feel and believe.  Standing up for your rights while respecting the rights of others.”  

You love these people.  They know what they want and they share it assertively.  When you finish a conversation with this assertive person, you feel great!  Encouraged and energized because you have been on the receiving end of healthy, life-affirming communication.

So, which kind of communicator are you?  By nature, most of us fall into either passive or aggressive.  Most of us have to learn how to be an assertive communicator.  It helps if your family of origin used good, healthy communication.  But even if they were too far on either end, you can learn to communicate assertively.

This month of October I’ve given you 30 specific ideas on how to be most effective with assertive communication.  I hope you will take these ideas and move yourself into the assertive category.  Your friends, family and co-workers will thank you and you’ll be empowered knowing you can use these tools to create a life of strong, active and relationship building communication.

This is Day 30 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women.  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which category do you fall into?  What challenges have you experienced with your own natural style?  How have you worked around your style to get better results?  I’d love to hear your stories and comments.  Please comment below.

The post Day 30 – Your Communication Style (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Choose Generosity.  J. Paul Getty was known for being the richest man in the world.  He was also known as one of the most stingy…even refusing to pay ransom when a grandson got kidnapped!  By the time he died in 1976 he had alienated all his children as well as his five former wives.  Contrast that with Dave Thomas of Wendy’s fame.  He was known for being generous of spirit with himself as well as his money.  Over his lifetime he gave away millions of dollars, as well as hours and hours of his time and passion in his interest of helping others.  He said, “Share your success and help others succeed.  Give everyone a piece of the pie.  If the pie’s not big enough, make a bigger pie.”  Which person would you like to model yourself after?  You get to choose.  Choose generosity.

Value People.  Think of what you love.  Your home, car, boat, jewelry.  I’ll bet you spend time and money maintaining these items.  What about the people you value?  Why is it so easy to pursue the things we love instead of the people we love?  (I actually think the answer to that is a whole different blog post!)  Find ways to value people.  The best and simplest is to listen to them.  Spend time with them.  Help them feel heard.  I was listening to a podcast recently and the speaker challenged us to “add energy” in our every encounter.  When you leave someone, is their energy higher or lower?  You can be an energy giver or taker.  You get to choose.  Choose — every day in every way I will add value to others.

Do It Every Day.  “Do all the good you can, to all the people you can, in all the ways you can as long as you can.”  D.L. Moody.  Don’t wait for your income or circumstances to change – just begin!  Science is now showing how our behavior impacts our mind.  Living generously will make us generous people.  Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, “what are we doing for others?”  Choose to act every day.

My friend Amy Sullivan, has written a wonderful book to help you teach generosity to yourself and your kids.  You can find it here.  The title, When More is Not Enough – How to Stop Giving Your Kids What They Want and Give Them What They Need really says it all. Tons of creative ideas are found here. Additionally, my friend Courtney DeFeo has a terrific program she created called “Light ‘Em Up”. Check it out here.  Designed to be done with your kids, it’s a great way to teach by doing.  Oh, and it’s fun!

In closing, let me leave you with a thought from Ann Voskamp, “When someone stops doing nothing, and just starts doing something, this is what starts to change everything.”  Today is your day.  Start.

This is Day 29 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. (And my birthday!)  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Is it difficult for you to be generous?  How do you motivate yourself to choose generosity?

The post Day 29 – Live Generously (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

When Receiving Feedback:

Ask for clarification.  What’s your response when your boss says, “You don’t seem to care much bout your job these days.” Do you get defensive and react or do you take a deep breath and ask for clarification like this…”What am I doing that gives you that impression?”  Asking for clarification is a good way to slow down the conversation and get it headed in a more productive direction.

Ask for specifics.  When your coworkers says, “You’re really trying to get on the bosses good side,” rather than reacting with a sarcastic or cutting response, just turn it around and ask, “Oh, what makes you say that?”  You’ll shut her negativity down without engaging in any of your own.

Respond don’t react.  Sometimes people give us feedback that we weren’t expecting.  When you give yourself space to respond, you’re setting yourself up for success.  A sentence like “I’d like to think about what you just said and get back with you about it later this afternoon,” is perfectly acceptable and preferable to an angry reaction.  You dictate how you will engage with someone.  Don’t give your power away to them.

Expect the positive.  One time I was speaking to a group of trucking executives in Montana.  Throughout the day I noticed one man in the front row who seemed to visibly disagree with everything I said.  During one interactive time, I asked, “What is it? You obviously don’t agree with me.”  “Oh no!” he exclaimed, “I was just thinking how much I agree with you and that you were hitting on everything that was going wrong with my company.  I’ve been thinking of all the ways I could fix the problems.”  Oh my.  I had completely mis-read his body language and because I had been expecting the worst (based on what I saw) I was expecting a negative response.  What a great lesson.  Look for, and expect the best.  Most of the time, it’s out there, just waiting for you to discover it.

Give grace.  Sometimes people spout off without thinking, giving you feedback that should have much more prudently gone unspoken.  If that happens to you, I’d encourage you to just skip it and forget it.  Life is too short to nurse grudges against people who have said ugly things to you.  Just this morning I had to give myself this very advice as one of my clients spoke extremely rudely and aggressively to me.  My feelings were hurt.  And then I remembered that I could give him grace and just let it go.  All of us have some days that are better than others.  By giving grace you allow others the freedom for a not-so-perfect day…and who knows, maybe next time you’ll be the one on the receiving end of the grace-giving.

This is Day 28 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. (And my birthday!)  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question: How are you at accepting feedback?  Is it easy for you or do you, (like I), get defensive? And can you share a story when you received grace from someone?  I’d love to hear your stories.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 28 – How to Say It — Receiving Feedback (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Communicating what you really think or feel is part of everyday life.  Doing it with finesse and tact is a skill you can learn to master. Giving and receiving feedback is an especially important art of communication.  Today we will talk about giving feedback and tomorrow about receiving feedback.

When you are Giving Feedback:

Be Specific:  When someone is having difficulty with getting their work turned in on time, say, “I’ve noticed that in February, March and April your reports were turned in two days late each month.”  Not, “So, looks like you’re really busy these days.”  The first was specific about the real issue, while the second left the listener wondering what you’re really saying.

Avoid Assumptions:  When you make an assumption like, “I know you probably don’t like discussing this issue, but…” it puts people on the defensive.  When we assume, we’re taking upon ourselves the projected thoughts of another.  Many times we’re way off base! Who really knows the mind of another?  Instead, say, ‘I would like to discuss our report schedule.  Do you have time now or later in the afternoon?”  This gets the conversation going on an even, unbiased note.

Avoid Generalities:  The minute you say, “Everyone knows you’re always late to meetings,” not only does the person become defensive, but you’ve set yourself up to be disagreed with from the beginning of the conversation.  After all, who among us is “always” or “never” anything?  Keep yourself focused on solutions by being specific and targeted in your discussion.

Focus on the Problem, not the Person:  Our tendency is to personalize issues.  When I complain about Betty being selfish and uncommitted to the team because she’s always late coming back from her breaks – I’m not only making an assumption and generalization, I’m also targeting Betty with my words, not focusing on her behavior.  When I focus on the problem – that is that other team members can’t take their breaks when Betty is late returning from her break – the focus keeps me from getting personal and/or attacking Betty.  This helps the conversation stay in productive territory.  Remember, when I target the behavior, then I can ask for that behavior to change for the better.

So, the next time you have to give feedback, I hope you remember these suggestions so that your conversation is productive, encouraging and keeping you on the path of creating positive connections and helping you be purposeful in living.

This is Day 27 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. (And my birthday!)  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you ever have trouble staying specific and focusing on the problem, not the person?  Do you find it easy to get personal?  I’d love to hear your stories, just comment below.

The post Day 27 – How to Say It…Giving Feedback (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Yet when I think over what makes a life truly well lived, I realize it all boils down to how well we get along, engage with and yes, even love our family and friends.  Therefore, following is an acrostic with my suggestions for how to really communicate LOVE.

Laughter:  Giggle, chuckle, guffaw…laugh until you cry!  Tell funny stories from your past; remembering how Great Aunt Georgina “fell asleep” in the mashed potatoes when you were just 6-years-old, is fun for everyone (except Great Aunt Georgina of course!).  Pull out old photo albums and laugh at how dorky you looked in 7th grade. Watch Planes, Trains and Automobiles, that’s a movie guaranteed to tickle your funny bone.  Families and friends who laugh together…have fun!  Laughter is the best medicine and does your heart good.  (Trite but true.) And of course, remember that when the dog rolls in the newly planted flower bed, your daughter spills honey all over your freshly cleaned floors and you sew the costume inside out and backwards 1 hour before the party starts, these incidents will be fodder for family laughs for years to come.  Laughing together communicates love.

Other Focus:  A wise teacher told me long ago that true Joy comes when you put others before yourself.  I would encourage you to try this.  Let go of focusing on what you want and re-focus on what others need.  When I focus on me, me, me, I become discontent, disappointed and depressed.  Comparing my insides to some else’s outsides just makes it worse.  But when I let go of myself, focus  on others and how I can impact them in a positive way, my whole paradigm shifts!  Focusing on others communicates love.

(I must include a whole paragraph of warning to the ‘O’ suggestion.  Oftentimes I see mothers get so wrapped up in their kid’s and husband’s needs they ignore their own.  Please don’t do this!  What I’m suggesting is a healthy balance.  Focus not only on your family and not only on yourself…but a balance.  Make sure each day has a little of both.  In the mother’s life, it’s a tricky balance of both isn’t it?  Please remember that sometimes serving yourself is the best way to serve others.)

Vorgiveness…err…Forgiveness: Please let go of that baggage that’s holding you back.  Your anger and resentment are only hurting yourself.  In the words Frozen made famous…Let it Go!  There is a scene in the movie “The Piano” where Holly Hunter is being pulled to a watery grave by tangled ties holding her to a piano plummeting to the bottom of the ocean.  It isn’t until she decides to break free (let go) of the heavy ropes and unburden herself from the weight of the piano that she is able to kick her way up through the water to the life-giving air at the surface.  The next time you are tempted to hold on to that resentment, I urge you to let go instead and communicate love.

Expect the Best:  What you are looking for is looking for you.  We have a joke in my family that I get all the green lights and my husband gets all the red lights.  I’m sure, it’s statistically the same, but our perception of who gets what is definitely affected by our outlook.  I celebrate my (expected) greens while my husband suffers through his (expected) reds.  I wonder which you would rather experience?  When you expect fighting, animosity and negativity, that’s exactly what you will find.  Expect the best and you will communicate love.

This is Day 26 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Questions:  So how about it?  Today can you communicate L.O.V.E. by implementing some of these ideas?  I’d love to hear your stories.  Just leave your comments below.

The post Day 26 – Communicating L.O.V.E. (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Tiger Woods was once asked by a fan to demonstrate how to hit the ball out of a sand trap.  Tiger refused, saying he never practiced the wrong shot – only the right ones.  I am often asked how to get good at public speaking.  My answer is always “Practice the right shot.”  And the right shot for speakers and communicators is Toastmasters.

Let me give you some background on this amazing organization and then share with you how to connect with a local club.  Toastmasters began in California in 1924.  Today it is an international non-profit organization boasting over 313,000 members in more than 14,650 clubs located in 126 countries.  The one commonality of members is that each is committed to becoming a more effective communicator.  The Toastmaster organization supports this common goal by providing a venue for members to hone their communication and leadership skills.

My own experience with Toastmasters was so positive I became a life-long advocate.  Never have I been involved in a group as uplifting and positive towards each other.  Good communication is not just about talking, it’s about learning how to actively listen, respond and how to give good, productive feedback.  By participating in the weekly meetings, you will learn how to do all of this and more.

My favorite story is about “Larry.”  My first visit to our local club was about week 3 for him.  A part of each club meeting is a section called “Table Topics” when attendees are asked to stand up and speak impromptu for 60 seconds on a given topic.  Poor Larry was so scared and nervous and freaked out when it was his turn, he stood, hands glued tightly to the back of the chair, chin tucked firmly upon his chest and whispered, stumbling and stuttering through his speech topping out at about 45 seconds of torture.  I hurt for him!

Fast forward 12 months.  This time when Table Topics was called,  Larry stood confidently.  He looked around the room as he spoke.  He used humor.  He used voice inflection.  His impromptu speech sounded like it had been planned and fine tuned for weeks.  He not only nailed that activity, but he won the weekly award for best Table Topic!  Talk about a turn around!  That’s what Toastmasters does for you.

That’s why, if you are serious about becoming a Master Communicator you need to get yourself to local Toastmasters club, join, and start reaping the benefits of this connection.  On a side note…each club has it’s own “flavor.”  So if you don’t feel comfortable at the first club you visit, find another and go visit it.  Even the smallest of communities usually have several clubs to choose from, so you’re sure to find one that’s a fit for you.  Here’s a link to help you find a local club.

This is Day 25 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Have you ever visited a Toastmasters club? What was your experience? What other way to practice has been helpful for you? I’d love to hear your stories! Just leave a comment below.

The post Day 25 – Becoming A Master Communicator (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.  Your tone, facial expressions, and body language all play a huge part in your communication (93% to be exact.)  You may say, “Yes honey, I’d love to go to your office party with you.” but your mate knows you’re not telling the truth because your rolling eyes, crossed arms and sarcastic tone scream, “Of course I don’t want to go be with all your stupid co-workers for my one precious evening home this week!”  Just be honest and match your non-verbal to your words for positive, effective communication.

Actions speak louder than words.  If your manager asks you to do a project, and you say “Sure, I’ll do it,” but somehow you never get around to actually doing it…be careful.  Your actions (not doing the work) are speaking much louder than your words.  You may think you’re just keeping the peace and avoiding conflict, but be sure your actions will be the ultimate test in the end.  Make sure your words and actions match.

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.  Saying ugly, negative things about people or situations does nobody any good, it just makes those around you uncomfortable.  Make sure when you add a comment or idea that it is positive.  A nice comment that benefits others. I loved being around my mother-in-law Shirley.  She was consistently positive and in fact, at her memorial service, more than one person agreed with me that we never heard her say a negative word about anybody.  Now that’s a testimony!  I can only strive to be more like her.

Only give advice when asked.  I’ve covered this extensively on Day 11 and Day 12 when I talked about giving unsolicited advice.  If you need a refresher be sure to read those.  But I wanted to remind you in this list how important it is to keep your opinions to yourself if you want to build relationships and not walls.  I know it’s tempting to tell your 15-year-old nephew that his permed, green, mop of hair is unattractive, but believe me, unless he asks for your input, he doesn’t care what you think, and if you mention it, you will only succeed in building a barrier between the two of you.  You never know when he will want someone to help him get it cut and re-dyed a nice red or something – and if you have built a wall instead of a relationship, you’ll miss out.  No unsolicited advice!

Enjoy every moment as you build relationships remembering this handy list of ideas.  And be sure to thank your Mother for her wisdom as well.

This is Day 24 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these suggestions do you consistently follow?  Which is the hardest for you to follow? I’d love to hear your stories.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 24 – Mama Knows Best (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Like – Are you a likable person?  What is that intangible that makes you like someone else?  I think it’s the magic of interest in others.  When you are around someone who is genuinely interested in you, you can’t help liking them.  Their focus on you makes you feel good, and when you feel good, you’re more likely to overlook minor irritants and like them back.

When I think of the people I really like, and want to know more, they are invariably people who are actually interested in me.  And how do I know that?  They ask questions.  They listen when I answer them.  They remember things about me and what is important to me.  How are you doing?  When was the last time you became more likable by asking thoughtful, interested questions?  Why not start today?

Trust –  Are you trustworthy?  Do people know they can count on you no matter what?  Trust is hard to build and very easy to lose.  I know some people are slower to build trust than others, but the hard, cold fact is that nobody will take you seriously unless they can trust you.  They need to know you will be ethical and do what you say you will do.  Ouch.

My guess is most of us could improve in this area.  Circumstances affect our behavior and sometimes we don’t follow-through, or we allow ourselves to move in the shade of gray…hmmm.  When others trust you, they have the gold standard to count on – and you have the privilege of being heard authentically when you communicate.

Know, Like, Trust.  Three cornerstones for effective communication you can begin working on right now.  If you are serious about building positive connections and living a purposeful life, you will want to think about and start putting into practice the skills of being known, likable and trustworthy.

Another excellent resource if you are struggling with this idea, is the book Little Black Book of Connections: 6.5 Assets for Networking Your Way to Rich Relationships by Jeffrey Gotomer. I love this book! It’s fun and easy to read and most importantly, it’s full of practical, actionable things you can do immediately to build connections.  I think you’ll like it too if you’re looking for more help in this area.  Can’t wait to hear your results!

This is Day 23 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  What do the people you know, like and trust have in common?  Can you name what element about them allows and encourages you to be in relationship with them?  I’d love to hear your stories.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 23 – Know, Like and Trust Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Know – How do you get to know others and get them to know you?  The simplest answer is to be friendly.  When you’re in a new place, stick out your hand to someone you don’t know, smile and say, “Hi, I’m (fill in your name).  This simple gesture opens the door to conversation, and soon you’ll have a new connection.  My college friend, George, reminds me that the very first time he ever met me was in our Speech 101 class when we were both 19.  What he noticed was that I was “working the room”, sticking out my hand, smiling and saying, “Hi, I’m Christy,” as I met all my new “friends.”  Years later, he came to one of my day-long seminars and he just started laughing.  “Christy,” he chuckled, you’re still working the room.”  I smiled at him and said, “Yes, and still meeting lots of new friends!”

At work, everyone already knows you, but hat doesn’t mean you should stop being friendly.  I’e been in workplaces where the employees don’t even acknowledge each other.  There’s no eye contact and rarely a smile.  Needless to say, because they engage with each other solely when required, there’s minimal relationship building and what’s left is a building of strangers who work together only when absolutely required.  I contend, if they were to take some time to get to know each other, their communication and their lives would  be enriched in ways unimagined.

Oftentimes, people tell me they don’t know what to talk about.  So I’m going to recommend a favorite book that will help you with this challenge. It’s a classic and was originally published in 1936!  But like all classics, it’s as fresh today as if it were written yesterday.  It’s called How to Win Friends & Influence People and I’m sure you know it’s author, Dale Carnegie.  You may have heard that this book is full of tricky techniques to manipulate others into relationship with you.  But I found just the opposite.  Instead, it’s all about how YOU can be a true friend to others.  The magical outcome is that when you’re a friend to others, others become your friend as well.  I highly recommend this book!

Tomorrow we’ll talk about the other 2 parts of this discussion – how to build relationship so that people like and trust you.  Until then, don’t forget to be friendly!

This is Day 22 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you find it easy to be friendly, or do you have to work at this?  What tips have you tried that makes it easier to stick out your hand and smile?  I’d love to hear your stories below!

The post Day 22 – Know, Like and Trust Part 1 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

It was while working at an alternative school, she completed her Master’s degree in special education at Lynchburg College and a doctorate degree in Educational Leadership at the University of Virginia.  She has built Liberty University’s education program to include over 1000 students in the special education program.  Additionally, she has developed a love of sharing what God has laid on her heart over the years as a follower of Christ, a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and educator.  We are the benefactors of that love today.

Key Ideas:

Part 1:  Interview

• Moving through disappointing times
• The power of remembering
• Trust and Obey
• Flexibility and the importance of keeping a calendar
• How to handle negative feedback

Part 2: Dealing with Disappointments

• Remember the past – Wes King song, Remember
• Float instead of fight
• Have confidence in your creator
• Look to the future with Hope

Website links:

www.womenoffaith.com  This is a link to all of Beth’s blog posts for Women of Faith

www.liberty.edu  This is a link to the list of Beth’s blog posts for Liberty University

Beth’s Recommended Reading:

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change, by Stephen R. Covey

Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership: Seeking God in the Crucible of Ministry by Ruth Haley Barton

Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way by Shauna Niequist

Contact Beth:

Facebook:  Beth Ackerman

Encouraging Words of the Week:  

Isaiah 12:2   “Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.  The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a future and a hope.”

Question:  What was your favorite part of this interview?  What has been your biggest disappointment and what have you done to move through them?   I’d love to hear your stories, just leave a comment below.

The post #027: Beth Ackerman and Disappointments (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Consider these two requests you might hear from a coworker; “Debbie, I know you’re really, really busy and have a lot on your plate, but if it’s not too much trouble, and if you could maybe find the time, I could really use your help with this project if you think you might, maybe, be able to squeeze it into your crazy busy schedule.”  Alternatively; “Debbie, do you have 5 minutes? I would appreciate your input on this project.”  Which request would you be most inclined to answer in the affirmative?  Obviously, the second.  It’s to the point, respectful and clear.

Many times, people think they are just being “nice” when they are actually unnecessarily using padded words and phrases that irritate, annoy and reduce the impact of their comment or request.  Padded word and phrases have their appropriate uses – ask anyone married more than a year and they will agree to that – but in the workplace and as a communication rule – you will sabotage yourself if you routinely pad your words.  You will be perceived as being insecure, indecisive and interestingly enough, even as a manipulator.

So, how do you stop padding?  First, you want to edit your comments.  If the word or phrase doesn’t add value, omit it.  Secondly, make sure you’re choosing the most accurate words to convey your message.  I suggest you even consider using power words and phrases.  Consider the following lists of phrases and make note of those that seem familiar…

Words to lose:

• “If it’s not too much trouble…”
• “I know you’re really busy, but…”
• “I really hate to bother you, but…”
• “You probably don’t know the answer to this, but…”
• “I’m only the assistant, but I think…”
• “I know I’m the new person here, but…”
• “This is probably the wrong answer, but…”
• “It’s only my opinion, but…”

Words to use:  Power Phrases

• “I would like you to…”
• “Please finish this by…”
• “It would help me if you would…”
• “I suggest we…”
• “My experience has shown…”
• “Past practice indicates…”
• “The research points towards…”

And I’m sure you can add many more.  Now that you’re aware of the negative impact of padded words and phrases, I challenge you to be proactive in adding power phrases to your vocabulary.  You’ll be happy to watch your communication quotient soar.

This is Day 20 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which padded words do you find yourself using?  What can you use that will be more effective?  I’d love to hear your answers – just comment below.

The post Day 20 – Power Phrases (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

This is Day 19 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

The post Day 19 – Shine (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

I gave you an example of a dialogue with Tara yesterday.  Today I’m going to give you a fresh dialogue along with some guidelines to follow when having that difficult conversation.

1.  Be honest with yourself.  When someone is difficult, check in with yourself and ask, what is the real issue here?  For example, if Mary made a sarcastic comment in front of your team about the way you’re handling this month’s project, your first reaction might be anger.  But when you check in and are really honest, you’ll recognize that it was embarrassment and awkwardness you were experiencing in the moment.  Additionally, when you were “put down” in front of your team, you could be worried it could potentially minimize your authority as well.

2.  Be willing to be authentically transparent.  Tell Mary the way her behavior affected you.  You don’t have to go into a huge long explanation here – and be careful NOT to insert judgements or generalities here.  Don’t say – “Mary, you were a real jerk when you made that nasty comment about my work in front of my team this morning.”  That’s NOT what we’re looking for!  Instead, say “Mary, when you criticized my work in front of my team this morning I was really uncomfortable.”

3.  Tell her what you want her to do.  Sometimes I’ll hear people tell the difficult person they didn’t appreciate the difficult behavior and then stop the conversation.  Frankly, that does no good at all because most difficult people don’t even get that their behavior is a problem!  You must be specific and tell them what you want them to do.  “Mary, in the future, when you have feedback on my work, I would appreciate it if you would tell me privately.”  Short, specific and without judgements should do the trick.

This conversation may seem hard to do. But rest assured if you do not confront the difficult behavior it will continue.  Remember, that which is rewarded is repeated.  When you ignore their behavior it’s a way of rewarding their behavior.  Be sure to draw your own firm assertive lines so you don’t let the difficult people get the best of you.

I hope this mini-series on difficult people has been helpful.  I’ve enjoyed reminding myself of what works when I get confronted with behavior that’s upsetting to me.  I hope you will incorporate these ideas along with me, and let’s see our relationships blossom!

This is Day 18 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these suggestions have been most helpful to you?  Which can you implement? I’d love to hear your feedback.  Just leave your comments below.

The post Day 18 – Difficult People – Strategies and Solutions Part 3 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

In answer to my opening question, “Why are you here today?” an older man in the back row raised his hand.  As I called on “Bud”, I took a quick inventory.  I noticed the deeply etched lines of discontent framing his down-turned mouth.  His oversized hands were rough and callused and the wrinkles in his khaki work shirt mirrored those scored across his timeworn face.  As he stood, he placed his hands on his hips, thrust out his chest and loudly proclaimed, “Well, I’m the difficult person, and I’m here today to find out what you’re teaching, so when the people I work with try it on me, it won’t work!”  Hmmm….at least he was honest!

Does “Bud” sound familiar to you?  Difficult People.  Over the next few days I’m going to give you some suggestions for dealing effectively with them.  I’m going to help you bring out the best in  yourself first, then them, and even help you diffuse difficult interactions no matter who’s at fault.  Let’s get started with a few questions.

When you encounter a difficult situation with a difficult person, ask:

1.  Will this matter 5 years from now?  How often have you reacted to something in the moment only to realize later that it really didn’t matter in the big scheme of things?  Yet your reaction left disrupted relationships and hurt feelings.  Before you react, stop.  Take a deep breath and ask yourself this perspective reminding question.

2.  Who is getting the power here?  Sometimes, believe it or not, these difficult people just want to throw the behavior, words, attitude out there to see how we react.  (Interestingly, it’s the same thing my 10 year old does when she wants to see me jump!)  When I take the bait, I’m giving them what they want.  How about recognizing my reaction really gives them the power. Instead, let’s stop, and…

3.  How Can I Respond with the unexpected?  When I was verbally accosted at the gas pump last week by the oversized 40-year-old-surfer-dude on his way to the lake, I just laughed.  Based on his aggressive words, I’m sure he was looking for an argument.  But the whole situation was so ridiculous, laughter was my only possible response.  It stopped his aggression and I was left feeling slightly bemused rather than depleted by the incident.

Interestingly, these questions and behaviors are much easier to do with people you don’t know.  I think that’s because we’re so much more invested and connected with those in our close circle.  It’s that double whammy – we do what we don’t want to with those closest to our hearts!

So try these ideas out on your family and co-workers and see what happens.  I’ll love to hear your feedback.  Check back tomorrow for another set of strategies for dealing with difficult people.

P.S. Happy Birthday Dad!  75 Years Young.  And through the years when I’ve sometimes been the difficult person, you keep on being the most awesome Dad.  I love you!

This is Day 16 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these are you interested in trying?  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 16 – Difficult People – Strategies & Solutions (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

1. Will this matter 5 years from now?
2. Who is getting the power here?
3. How can I respond with the unexpected?

By asking these questions, you will remind yourself to respond, not react when engaging with the difficult person.  Now, let’s take a look at our actual conversations.

Have you noticed that sometimes a person becomes difficult in reacting to something you innocently said to them?  Well, following are a few key ideas you can employ to make sure your communication is assertive without inducing defensiveness and anger.

1.  Focus on the problem, not the person.  For example, you co-worker Tara is consistently tardy to work 3 of 5 mornings a week.  Her absence creates problems for you because when she’s not there, you have to handle her work load as well as your own.  Your tendency may be to focus on how irresponsible and lazy and self-absorbed you think Tara is by her chronic tardiness.  Instead, refocus and target the real problem here – don’t make a judgement about her – just focus on her behavior and how it is affecting you.  That way, when you talk with her about her behavior, you won’t be accusatory, you’ll just be able to focus on the facts of her behavior.

2.  Avoid absolutes and generalities.  Always, never, everyone, nobody, nothing, ever.  Do those words sound familiar to you?  Many of us are quick to assign an absolute and/or generality to a problem – like “Tara is always late.” or how about “Everyone knows you don’t really care about your job.”  These statements are most likely incorrect since few of us are always or never anything!  They are also general – and will not help solve the situation.  Stay specifically focused on the problem rather than create a defense response by throwing out glittering generalities and aggressive absolutes.

3.  Get specific.  Target the exact behavior that is bothering you.  For example, instead of saying to Tara, “You’re always late!”, begin your discussion by saying “Yesterday, when you were 10 minutes late to work…”  By getting specific about what you are talking about, and letting them know precisely what you are having trouble with, then you keep the discussion on track and targeted.  The more specific the better.

4.  Clearly state the specifics and then tell them what you would like to see them change.  For example, your conversation with Tara might begin like this; “Tara, when you were 10 minutes late to work 3 times last week I feel really frustrated. I have have to cover my work as well as your own.  I would appreciate it if you could be on time for work, or make arrangements for someone else to cover your duties until you arrive.”  Notice how specific that was?  It had complete facts as well as what I wanted her to do differently.

There’s so much we can talk about when it comes to clear, assertive communication to use especially when dealing with difficult people.  I’m out of room for today, but tomorrow I’m going to give you a few more ideas.  I’m so glad we’re only 1/2 way through the month!  There’s so much more good stuff left to discuss!

This is Day 17 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you have trouble staying specific?  What do you do to keep from using generalities and assumptions?  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 17 – Difficult People – Strategies and Solutions Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Do you have trouble saying the ‘N’ word?  Do you find that because you can’t say NO, you end up involved in all sorts of things you don’t really want to do?  Or are you one of those people who has no difficulty saying No.  So much so, that people perceive you as self-centered and not a team player?  If you can relate, read on.

Following is the first of 3 ways to say No.  Using these ideas will help you build relationships rather than put a strain on them, while still making sure you end up doing only, and exactly, what you want to do.

1.  The 3×5 No.  Use this with someone you supervise, including your teenager!  Here’s an example from home.  You can take it and extrapolate it out for the office or whatever your situation.

Your daughter comes to you and says, “Mother, I have to get this $300.00 purse, and I have to get it now!”  Now you know that a $300 purse is not in the budget no way, no how, but you don’t want to say “NO!” again.  (Or if you are like I am, say “Are you out of your cotton-pickin’ mind?”) Ahem…

Instead, here’s how you handle it.  “Sweetheart,” you reply, “I want you to have this beautiful purse.  It’s gorgeous and stylish and I can see exactly why you want it.  My problem is that a $300 purse for you is not in our family budget.  Here’s what I would like you to do.  Take this 3×5 card.” (Hand it to her.)  “On one side you can write $300.00 purse and on the other side, I want you to list all the ways you can think of to pay for this $300.00 purse.  When the card is full of ideas, I want you to bring it back to me and we can discuss the options.”

The amazing thing about this method is how creative people can be when they really want something.  Your daughter will come up with all sorts of terrific ideas you would have never thought of ~ and because it’s her idea, she can’t complain about it later.  You will want to try this with your employee the next time they get negative about your solution to a problem.  Ask them to come up with alternatives and watch the positive energy rise.  Reminder — don’t use this one with your boss! 

This 3×5 No is a very empowering way to teach problem solving skills.  It’s also a great way to keep the environment positive and pro-active.  Check back for the next post when I’ll give you 2 more powerful suggestions.  Now, excuse me please, I have a call to make.  There’s a committee I’ve got to go extricate myself from…

This is Day 14 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you have difficulty saying No? I’d love to hear your experience. Just leave a comment below.

The post Day 14 – 3 Ways to Say NO, Nicely. Part 1 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Have you heard any of these phrases lately?  Negative, energy sucking, relationship tearing, and motivation zapping phrases seem to be all the vogue.  And it’s kind of hard not to be negative when you read the paper, listen to the radio and watch the news.  Holy cow!  Have things in this world ever been worse?

I’m going to suggest 3 simple ideas to keep you from letting that negativity bug get you down.  They are simple.  But they work.  Let’s take a closer look.

1.  Commit to yourself not to be one of the negative ones in your environment.  This is easier said than done, but “NO NEGATIVE” should be your internal command.  When you’re tempted to chime in to a negative discussion or make a negative comment, remind yourself of your commitment.  You can either say nothing or better yet, reframe it so you have something positive to say.

2.  Determine you will look for the good in every situation.  It’s amazing how this small choice can change your outcomes.  I think my Dad is a great example of someone who finds the good in every situation.  In 2003 he was diagnosed with stage 2 colon cancer.  Surgery removed all the cancer, but his physicians recommended chemotherapy.  As he was sitting in his home office on the morning of his first treatment, my Mother asked if she could do anything to help him get ready.  With a bright voice and shiny eyes, my Dad replied, “I don’t think so.  I’ve got the new Clive Cussler book I’ve been wanting to read and the brand new Straight Ahead Big Band CD I’ve been wanting to listen to.  You know, I’ve never done anything like this before.  I think this could be kind of fun!”

Yes, that’s right, FUN.  Wow!  What an attitude.  Before you say, how ridiculous to be so positive and light hearted about something so serious, stop a minute and think.  No matter the outcome, wouldn’t it make your time pass more enjoyably if you had a positive outlook rather than a negative one?  And study after study shows the importance of a positive outlook on outcomes.  Interestingly enough, today my Dad is a fit, healthy 75.  Better than before and cancer free.  I’m thankful.

I know many people do have negative outcomes even with a positive outlook.  I have a friend who just lost her father to cancer, and I don’t know of anyone who had a more positive spirit and deeply felt faith.  Bad things happen. But the idea here is to look for the good no matter how bad the situation.  It will benefit you and others.  And who knows, it might even positively affect your outcome.

3.  Get back on the positive wagon.  We all succumb to negativity at one time or another.  So the real success comes in recommitting yourself to a positive outlook so you can have a life of joy.  If there’s a deeper problem and you find yourself living in negativity, I’d encourage you to get to a health care provider ASAP so you can get some help climbing out of the pit.  Go for a walk, listen to some favorite music, jump on the trampoline with your kids.  Do what you can to jump back on that wagon.  Life is too short to spend it bound in negativity.

This is Day 13 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

I hope these will help you when you find yourself tempted to get negative.  Question:  How do you overcome negativity? I’d love to hear your comments – just leave them below.

The post Day 13 – How to Squash the Negativity Bug (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Here’s where it gets a bit tricky.  Ask yourself this.  What if trimming the bushes was one of the biggest thrills in your husband’s life?  Do you still have the right?

And what if each time he trimmed the bushes, they died.  Yes, that’s right. Dead. Brown. Kaput. As in, you have to pull them out and start over.  Do you still have the right?  Yes! (By the way, if it gets this bad, you must transition from mere unsolicited advice to a full blown strategy of assertive dialogue – but that’s another column.)

So, even, and especially when you have the right, before you open your mouth, ask yourself, “Is it in the best interest of the relationship for me to give this unsolicited advice?”  If not, then keep quiet.

I can’t emphasize this technique enough.  If they don’t ask, don’t tell.  Shhhh.  Bite your tongue. Hum a tune.  Try anything you can to stay silent and keep from transmitting the disease!

I admit this is a “hot button” topic for me.  In fact, let me be authentic with you and make a confession…I’m in recovery.  That’s right, I’m a recovering unsolicited advice giver.  I grew up in a family where we felt compelled with a moral obligation to pass on our wisdom to anyone we saw doing something differently (i.e., not our way) than we thought it should be done.  This propensity to participate in the plague has caused me untold misery and compounded problems – all because I never realized the destruction I was sowing.  You’ll be relieved to know I am in recovery, the cure is working, and I”m well on my way to a total healing.

But back to you.  What stage are you in?  Denial? Are you carrying the plague with you – bringing irritation and alienation to everyone you come in contact with?  Or are you willing to start and work the steps of recovery by resolving to practice the cure?

Remember, before you speak up, ask yourself these 2 questions:

1.  What gives me the right?

and then,

2.  Even if I have the right, is it in the best interest of the relationship?

There’s no easy answer here, and if you struggle with this I suggest you give these steps a try.  I know from experience, it’s so much more rewarding and positive for a relationship when you can stay quiet, build relationship and interestingly enough, often the person you most want to help will end up coming to you and asking for advice.  And then you can give it to your heart’s content.  Voila!

This is Day 12 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you give unsolicited advice?  Have you tried these solutions?  I’d love to hear your feedback – just leave a comment below.

The post Day 12 – A Widespread Plague Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Did you know that in the world of communication and relationships there is also a plague?  It is a plague that goes largely unnamed and unchecked – a plague that affects virtually every one of us.  Despite it’s alarming range, there are not many of us yet immune to it and its devastating effects.  Most of us have even been guilty, at some point, of not only being a carrier of this disease – but of actively passing it on to someone else!  What is it you ask?  The problem is the plague of giving unsolicited advice.

Are you a carrier?  Have you been infected?  Or have you been inoculated just enough to make you immune to it from others, but still wickedly powerful in your ability to spread its devastation?  Not sure?  Then read on…

Definition:  Unsolicited Advice is when you offer your opinions, suggestions or ideas to someone about something they are doing or planning, before they ask for your input.  I know most of us have excellent motives when we offer up these little truffles and tidbits of testimony.  But if you are brutally honest with yourself, you’ll recognize how frequently your unrequested suggestions are rebuffed or brushed away, not to mention met with defensiveness and ultimately rejection.  So, what’s the cure?

Ask:  What gives me the right?  This cure was found in the extremely helpful book by Doris Wild Helmering, Being Ok Just Isn’t Enough: The Power of Self-Discovery .  Ms. Helmering suggests that this is the first question you should ask before you open your mouth.

Ask yourself…What give me the right to tell my friend where to park as we’re circling the mall looking for a parking spot?  What gives me the right to tell my co-worker how to “more effectively” do the project he’s working on? Or how about this…What gives me the right to tell my husband how to trim the bushes?

Ooooh!  Got your attention on that last one didn’t I?  You probably responded – “But I have the right because it’s my yard too!”  And you would be correct.  You do have the right.  In my part 2 of this post, I’ll elaborate on how to process this – when you do have the right to give unsolicited advice.  The question becomes…should you?  I propose that when you don’t have the right, that is, it’s none of your business, you keep your mouth shut and your opinions to yourself.  But when you do have the right.  I also propose you ask yourself a few questions before you open your mouth and spout your opinion or suggestion.  Check out the next post for what those questions are…

This is Day 11 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you give unsolicited advice?

The post Day 11 – A Widespread Plague (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key #2 ~ Follow:  Follow first with silence and then with open ended questions.  Think back to your favorite listener.  Let me ask you, does the person who came to mind give you lots and lots of space around your sentences?  Do they let you have a pause at the end of your thoughts?  I’ll bet they do.  That’s called following with silence.  That’s probably the main reason you think of them as a great listener too.

You can do this too.  During a conversation consciously be quiet and allow a space (I try for 3 seconds) to follow after the person you listening to says something.  A funny thing will happen when you do this.  Either they realize they have more to say – and say it, or they’re finished with their thought and they’re waiting for your followup.  Being an active listener – then they don’t speak after 3 seconds, you follow up with an open-ended question.  That is, a question that cannot be answered with a yes or no answer.  This will keep the conversation moving forward and they will feel heard.

Key #3 ~ Feedback: This is the final step you can do when you are an active listener.  You can give feedback by reflecting with your body and reflecting with your words.  Think of the concept of mirroring the person speaking.  They tilt their head, you tilt your head.  They lean right, you lean left.  Basically, you’re matching their movements.

Did you know that people like people who are “like themselves?”  Think of your best friends.  Aren’t they similar to you in many ways?  The same thing holds true with listening.  People like to engage in conversation with people who are “like them.”  Now, don’t be a dork!  This isn’t the game my 2nd grader played tonight at the dinner table where he mimicked my every word and behavior!  Just do it gently with your body and then with your words.  When they comment, “We’re going to Hawaii for our vacation.”  You can reply, “Oh, so you’re going to Hawaii, how exciting!”  This confirms for them that you are listening and interested.  You show you are interested by giving them this verbal reflection.

Focus, Follow and Feedback. Three simple steps to energize yourself towards Active Listening.  Try it and see what happens.  I guarantee, when you commit to this behavior, you’ll see deepened relationships and more productive communication.

This is Day 10 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these 3 types of active listening behaviors are your favorite to use?  To be the recipient of?  I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comment below.

The post Day 10 – Active Listening: Following and Feedback (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Our conversation got off to a good start with a discussion of current events.  The talk moved to the problem of the Sandinistas in Nicaragua and in those days before the Iran Contra affair became known to all, it was natural to ask the Congressman what ideas he had for dealing with them.  When he gave his answer, I immediately piped up with, “But why do you think that would work when we’ve tried it before and it failed?”  He immediately leaned way back in his chair, crossed his arms behind his reclining head, swung his crossed legs up onto the top of his desk and fired back, “What do you think we should do?”  Clearly, he was not interested in my answer, nor was he receptive to anything I might have to say.  Considering I was just 20 and more than a little intimidated by this show of “manliness” I quickly responded, “I don’t know, you’re the Congressman.”

Needless to say, that was the end of that discussion and we moved on to other topics and the meeting was over not long after.  What happened there was a beautiful display of how NOT to listen.  Congressman Kemp’s dramatic body language put form to his feelings.  He had no interest in meeting with us or hearing what we had to say.  So since he couldn’t say that to his scheduler, he dramatically let us know we needed to get moving.

So, how do you avoid the same mistake in Listening?  I believe there are 3 key things you can do to be an active listener.  Focus, Follow and Feedback.  Today we’re going to look at how to focus.

Key #1:  Focus ~~ Focus with your body first and then your mind.  This is how you do it:  Uncross your arms and legs.  If you are sitting, lean slightly forward, about 7 degrees forward. When your body is open and you’re tilted slightly forward towards the speaker, it conveys you are interested in what the other person has to say.  This posture also helps you focus your mind on the immediate conversation. Your mind will be less likely to wander to your grocery list, or who is picking up the kids from school, or what you are going to do with that problem employee.  Instead, you’ll be laser focused on the conversation.  Note:  do not do this forward lean if you are standing — people will move away from you because you’ll be invading their space.

Oftentimes people are resistant to truly focusing during a conversation and will instead, take the opportunity to multitask.  What’s so interesting is that just this past week, research has emerged that Multitasking actually Damages Your Brain!  Yes! Can you believe it?  You can read more about it here.  When I saw this article, I recommitted to focusing more intently, especially during conversations.  Check back on tomorrow for part 2 on active listening.

This is Day 9 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

How about you?  Do you focus when you are listening or are you a multitasker?  I’d love to read your comments below!

The post Day 9 – Active Listening: Focus (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

And do you know, his behavior problems “magically” disappeared, and she ended up having a great year…with the whole class.  You see, she had the same conversation with each student, and they all rose to her vision and expectations for them.  In the business world, we call this using Praise, Rewards and Recognition to develop your people.  At home, I call it helping myself stay sane.  Do you realize people respond to your expectations?  In study after study, scientists have observed the power of positive expectations. So whether you need this technique at home or work or both, let’s take a look at how you can bring out the best with positive expectations.

Praise:  Look for positives and respond.  Once, while I was doing a training in Arkansas, a supervisor from the Little Debbie factory raised her hand and said, “My workers are working hard at a difficult and repetitive job on an assembly line.  I always like to catch ’em doing something right!”  You can bet she had motivated and empowered workers.

In order to come across as authentic with your praise, makes sure it is both sincere and specific.  People believe you are sincere with your praise when you are specific.  For example, if you tell your employee, “I really appreciate you.  I know you’ve put in a lot of extra time on this project and I appreciate it.  Thank you for your hard work and your attention to detail.”  Your employee will be energized and motivated to do even more.  And I must add, with certain employees, a letter spelling out this praise will be most highly valued of all.

We know people work harder for praises than raises.  Most importantly though, they will know you sincerely appreciate them…you told them so with Praise.

Recognition and Rewards:  Create an environment for people to look good!  When you walk in the door of the Arbonne International headquarters, almost the first thing you see is a huge wall filled with pictures of top achievers in the company.  These achievers are recognized for their accomplishments.

Focus positive attention on the quality of work and keep it there.  My 5th grade daughter is intensely focused on getting all her homework finished on time, and finished perfectly so she can participate in her teachers’ “Friday Rewards”.  And the even bigger goal is the “Perfect week, Perfect month” reward.  And on top of that, each test holds the potential of receiving a “Big Cookie” for a 98% or higher on the test.  Her teacher has tapped into the power of recognition and rewards for her 4th and 5th graders.

There are all kinds of way you can incorporate Praise, Recognition and Rewards into your communication life.  If you’re short on ideas, I recommend a book called The Carrot Principle: How the Best Managers Use Recognition to Engage Their People, Retain Talent, and Accelerate Performance by Adrian Gostick and Chester Elton. It’s loaded with great ideas you can implement immediately both at work and home.

This is a perfect time to re-commit to the power of positive.  Love the people in your life this way.  They will thank you and both morale and satisfaction will soar.  And a brand new resource to help you stay positive is Crystal Paine’s (Money Saving Mom) Choose Gratitude: Blessings Journal. There’s nothing like focusing on the good to help you stay positive.

This is Day 8 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you find it easy to focus on the positive this way?  What are some good ways you have given praise, recognition and rewards?

The post Day 8 – The Power of Positive (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Monotone Mary – Mary never gets very excited about anything.  Her pitch rarely varies more than a few levels in either direction and her volume stays specifically just below the medium level.  When she talks, it’s easy to forget what she said immediately after she says it because everything sounds the same.  You have to guess what’s most important to her because there’s no emphasis in her speech.  She’s kind of like that recorded message at the airport that warns you not to leave your baggage unattended.  Easy to ignore and relegate into background noise.

Sarcastic Sam – Sam’s the master of double meanings.  When he asks a question or gives a comment, the thick sarcastic tone usually causes you to doubt how he wants you to answer.  Sam thinks he’s funny because of his sarcastic “wit” but his negative commentary is very wearing.  In meetings, he’s free with inflection laden suggestions, usually at the expense of another.  When he’s confronted about his comments, he always denies he said anything wrong. And let’s face it, technically, the words were fine; it was the sarcasm suffocating them that stopped productive communication.

Excitable Ed — Ed is always excited about everything!  You hear him before you see him!  There are lots of exclamation points in his delivery!  His volume is as high as his energy!  He emphasizes various words to make his points, and there are a lot of points to make!  He tends to be positive, but hasn’t come to understand that too much of a good thing is too much!  He makes you tired.  You tune him out because it’s ALL! TOO! MUCH!!

Conversational Callie – Callie is a master communicator.  She uses a variety of pitches and volumes when she speaks.  She draws you in.  Her lower and slower tone of voice attracts your attention…and then she delivers her message with power and humor.  She knows that variety is truly the spice of life, and when she speaks she harnesses that variety so you stay engaged.  Rarely does she speak with sarcasm, so if the joke is on someone, it’s on herself.  You like being around Callie because she uses her tone to build up others and strengthen her message.

I hope these examples have reminded you of what kind of tone can be most effective.  Notice your own tone, and ask yourself if you are communicating the way you really want to, or if you’ve fallen into bad habits.

This is Day 6 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these do you think you most closely resemble?  What are some ways you can become more like Callie?  I’d love to hear your comments, just leave them below.

The post Day 6 – Create Your Perfect Voice Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

This is a throwback for sure (remember when Andre Agassi had hair!)…but is it still true?  We could debate this idea for eons, but when all is said and done, the bottom line is that our image plays a powerful roll in how we interact with others.  My guess is that most of you reading this would really like to create a positive and professional image whether you are CEO of a large corporation or CEO of your home.

With that in mind, if you want to be perceived as a powerful communicator, here are 3 key suggestions:

1.  Be clear.  Ambiguity may have it’s place in poetry or novels, but for interpersonal communication ambiguity leads to mis-understandings.  If you want something accomplished, say it in terms that are clear and definite.  Don’t beat around the bush.

Unclear:   “I could sure use some help around here.”

Clear:  “Please clear the table, put the dishes in the dishwasher and take out the trash.”

Ask:  How can I make my conversation clearer?

2.  Be concise.  There’s nothing worse that someone who rambles on and on and on and on and… well, you get the picture.  Sometimes we ramble because we are nervous about getting an answer we don’t want.  Just spit it out.

Rambling:  “If it’s possible, and you’re not too busy, and I know you really have a lot to do, but I could really use your help, if you could just take a sec and look at this project and see if I’m on the right track, because it’s the first time I’ve done anything like this, if it’s not too much trouble.”

Concise:  “Do you have 5 minutes?  There’s a project I’d like to get your input on.”

Ask:  How can I be more concise?

3.  Be committed.  Don’t hedge.  A hedge, according to Phyllis Mindell, a recognized expert on women and language, is when you “hide behind words, refuse to commit oneself.”  Women tend to do this more than men. These words don’t add meaning, they just add to the sentence – in an effort to soften the sentence.  When you commit to clear, concise communication, you will be able to omit these.

Hedging:  “Well, I would really like us to start the meeting at 8:00am, if it’s not too inconvenient for everyone.”

Committed: “The meeting starts at 8:00am, and I expect everyone to attend.

Ask:  What words can I omit and still retain the meaning?

It’s not easy to speak with clarity and intention.  I want to encourage you to put these 3 ideas into practice and see if you get better results.  I know you will enjoy creating a positive, professional communication image.

This is Day 4 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question: What do you think about this?  Do you believe it will work? Have you tried any of these before and if so, what were your results?  I’d love your feedback! You can comment below.

The post Day 4 – Your Communication Image (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Sometimes people say charisma is something you’re either born with or you’re not.  I think it’s even simpler that that. Yes, it may be easier for some people, but the reality is that most people who are perceived as having charisma do certain things that create that perception.

So, here are my Top 5 hallmarks of a charismatic person:

1. Confidence.  They don’t apologize for being themselves.  They embrace it.  They don’t think they’re too short, too tall, too fat, too thin, too bald, too much hair, too old, too young.  They’ve stopped all that nonsense cold.  Charismatic people know that the best version of me, is me!  So they embrace it.  And then they own it.   Confidence is contagious.  That’s charismatic.
2. Ask questions.  One of the most noticeable attributes of a charismatic person is that they make you feel like you are special.  They are really INTO you.  They don’t just rattle on about how awesome they are, they focus on you and ask you questions about yourself.  .  They ask open ended questions (more on that in a later post) and wait eagerly for your answer.  Get really good as asking questions.  That’s charismatic.
3. Listen well.  Another striking quality of charismatic people is how well they listen.  When you are talking, they are not busy formulating answers or thinking of the next question (remember, they are confident), instead they are 100% focused in on you as you answer their question.  They listen for ways to connect and relate.  Become a good listener.  That’s charismatic.
4. Have something interesting to say.  A key element of a charismatic person is how they seem to always have an engaging tidbit to share.  They pay attention to the world, and people are interested in their observations.  They read books, blogs, and newspapers.  They listen to podcasts and radio and even occasionally go to movies or watch TV.  So when it’s time to talk, they are interesting.  That’s charismatic.
5. Laugh at yourself.  Don’t take yourself so seriously!  Charismatic people understand the power of laughter and the first joke is always on them. So learn how to be funny and start with yourself.  Look for the humor in daily life and share.  Everyone loves to laugh, and charismatic people lead and leave with laughter.  That’s charismatic.

Can you tell that the magic secret to charisma is really,  Seek to be interested more than interesting.  That’s it.  That’s the secret.  All these things I’ve listed are really ways to show you are interested in others.  Simple. Easy to practice.  You can do it.  That’s charismatic.

This is Day 2 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  What do you think makes someone charismatic?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 3 – How to Be Charismatic…Hint – it’s not what you think it is (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

So often I hear women, even famous and powerful women, minimize their impact by the way they talk or the words they use.  So, for the next 30 days we’ll explore what you can do to be confident and competent as a communicator.  What you can do to be taken seriously, and have your message heard.  In short, how you can become a more Powerful Communicator.

The funny thing is, that as you become more confident and competent as a communicator, my hunch is that you will also become more confident and competent as a woman!  Bonus!

So as we look forward to these next 31 days, think about what communication struggles you would like help with and let me know.  Leave me a comment or shoot me an email if you want to remain anonymous.  I have some hot topics in mind, but I know you’ll have some awesome suggestions too.

It’s going to be fabulous!  Let’s get going!

Click the links below to view the rest of the 31 Powerful Communication Skills for Women Posts:

Day 1 – Introduction

Day 2 – First Impressions

Day 3 – Charisma 101

Day 4 – Your Communication Image

Day 5 – Create Your Perfect Voice

Day 6 – Create Your Perfect Voice-Part 2

Day 7 – Flourish

Day 8 – The Power of Positive

Day 9 – Active Listening Part 1: Focus

Day 10 – Active Listening Part 2

Day 11 – A Widespread Plague Part 1

Day 12  – A Widespread Plague Part 2

Day 13 – How to Squash the Negativity Bug

Day 14 – How to Say No. Nicely Part 1

Day 15 – How to Say No. Nicely Part 2

Day 16 – Dealing with Difficult People

Day 17 – Dealing with Difficult People – Part 2

Day 18 – Dealing with Difficult People – Part 3

Day 19 – Shine

Day 20 – Power Phrases

Day 21 – Pass the Honey Please

Day 22 – Know, Like and Trust Part 1

Day 23 – Know, Like and Trust Part 2

Day 24 – Mama Knows Best

Day 25 – Becoming a Master Communicator

Day 26 – Communicating L.O.V.E.

Day 27 – How to Say It – Giving Feedback

Day 28 – How to Take It – Receiving Feedback

Day 29 – Live Generously

Day 30 – Your Communication Style

Day 31 – Why Are Work Working At All This Stuff Anyway?

The post 31 Powerful Communication Skills for Women (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1:  Interview

• Give the Hope Virus
• Chase one rabbit – how do we do that?
• We can strive to make every day joyful, not just perfect
• Some clever marketing tips

Part 2: How to “Chase One Rabbit” when everything is multiplying like…rabbits!

1. Make a master list
2. Identify the one theme or big idea that emerges
3. Pick the top 3 items, activities, elements that will drive you towards your big idea
4. Write your list the night before
5. Execute your list with a re-visiting at noon daily

Website links:

www.colleensheehyorme.com  Colleen’s website with load of great information here.

How Great Thou Part – A Catholic Girl’s musings on Love, Divorce and Life.  This is a direct link to Colleen’s columns for Beliefnet.com – which is a great resource for all things of faith – for all faiths.  You’ll love it!

Colleen’s Recommended Reading:

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman. An excellent resource for understanding how to show your love in a way your loved one can receive best. HIGHLY recommended.

When GOD Winks: How the Power of Coincidence Guides Your Life by Squire Rushnell. One I haven’t read yet, but look forward to reading.

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 3:5-6  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.”

Question:  What was your favorite part of this interview?  Are you scattered or laser focused?  What are your trick for chasing one rabbit?  Or do you even think it’s necessary?   I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.

The post #024: Colleen Sheehy Orme and How to Chase One Rabbit appeared first on Christy Largent.

Customer Service.  Towel animals aside, here’s a 2-step exercise to easily to assure you create a positive experience every time.

1.  Focus on their Expectations

What are your client’s expectations?  Make a list of 10 expectations you think your client has.  Think of the spoken and the unspoken expectations.  Once you have 10, try to expand to even more.  Cultural, social, educational and economic backgrounds all affect the set of expectations each person has.  Oh, and the age.  I was reading this week of a church in the midwest catering to 30 and unders. They met in a warehouse.  The walls were black.  The music was loud. The computerization was pervasive.  And apparently their target market was swarming.  It all comes down to recognizing (and then meeting) those expectations.

This is a powerful discovery exercise to do with your staff.  Find out if the lists match.  If not, then it’s a good time to discuss it with each other.  Think about this:  How on earth can you meet client expectations if you don’t know what they are?  By making the effort to define a concrete list of expectations you’ll be well on your way towards meeting them.

2.  Create a list defining how you’re going to meet those expectations

Write down at least 2-3 behaviors you can implement that will match the expectation.  For example, if you wrote down, “a pleasant greeting when clients come in the door,” then you would list, “greet client with a smile, eye contact and a pleasant hello.”  You should have a “solution” for each of the expectations.  If you don’t have a system in place to assure each expectation will be met, then this is a perfect time to implement the training and development required to make that happen.

When you go through this exercise of listing the expectations and then creating a pro-active action plan for meeting those expectations, you are well on your way to crating a positive customer service experience for each and every client. Oh, and no towel animal required!

The post 2 Simple Steps to Improve Your Customer Service Efforts appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

1. What do you LOVE to do?
2. What do other people tell you you are very good at doing? (You get a ton of positive feedback when you do this thing).
3. What business opportunities could you find around this thing you love. (Get creative here and solicit ideas from others).
4. Figure out some baby steps for getting started.
5. Start doing more of what you love – for free.  Do it anywhere and everywhere you can no matter how much money you are making.  Proof of concept will come as more people realize you do this and they will ask you for it more and more.  Once you are really, really good at what you are doing, the money will follow.

Resource:

www.liveyourlegend.net – Scott Dinsmore. Scott has build his life work around helping others discover and live the the work they were born to do.  His website has tons of free resources and ideas to help you find your “what”.  I think you’ll love his passion and heart for helping.

Encouraging Words of the week:

Galatians 6:9 “And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as unto the Lord and not for men.”

The post #020: Finding Your Labor of Love (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

But a networking event is a perfect opportunity to meet people in a relaxed and fun environment. So whether you’re headed to back-to-school night or a Chamber of Commerce Mixer, these ideas will help you feel more comfortable, have more fun and might even afford you an opportunity you never expected. Let’s take a deep breath and here we go:

1.  Smile.  This is the most obvious, yet I am continually surprised at how few people actually do it.  Not only will it put others at ease when they look at you, but an open smile is a great way break the ice when you don’t know anyone.

2.  Pretend you are the host.  This mindset will help you be friendly to everyone.  Think what you would do if all these people were in your house. You would do your best to make sure each person had a good time – and that they were introduced to each other, right? Do the same at the event and your comfort level will rise dramatically.

3.  As you approach people, stick out your hand, smile again and say, “Hi, I’m (insert your first name here).”  That’s it.  Super easy.  And most of the time, the person you approach will respond with their name.  If they are in a group, even better. You can meet all of them.

4.  Ask questions and listen!  I can’t stress how important this is.  Most people are too busy thinking of how to impress the person they are talking with to bother really listening.  Listen for connections.  Connections between yourself, people you know and the person speaking.  Listen for ways you can connect people together.

5.  Have your business cards handy.  I usually put mine in a pocket so I’m not digging through my purse when it’s time to exchange cards.  If you want the card of the person you’re talking with, ask.  “Do you have a card?” Most people will be happy to give you their card, and then you can give them yours in exchange.  Then for an extra bonus, tweet them after the party with a mention of how nice it was to meet them at the event.  I find my tweets get a lot more response than emails these days.

Most of all…have fun.  Meeting new people can be a real blessing to your life. When you remember that everyone in the room feels pretty much as awkward as you do, just by adjusting your mindset to be one of service (how can I connect others?) you’ll set yourself up for a positive and successful networking experience. I’ll be trying these tips myself as I head to the the Podcast Movement Conference in Dallas this week. I’ll let you know how they work.

Question: How do you overcome nerves when you are in a new environment? What are your best strategies? I’d love to hear your tips and suggestions!

The post 5 Steps to Avoid Awkward appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

1. List all the things, projects, programs, trainings at work you have led OR had an integral part in accomplishing.  Include things that are volunteer as part of your work…chamber of commerce, rotary, soroptimists, community work
2. List and write down all the favorite things you do as a hobby.  For example:  cross-stitch, cross fit, restoring cars, music, travel, reading, VBS curriculum, VP of your kids swim team boosters.  I want you to think of all the ways you bring value to those activities.  What are the ACTIVITIES you are doing around these things. Think ACTION words…
3. Note all the things you like to think about and talk about.  What do you do extra reading or watching on?  Is there something you want to know more about?  Take a class or do an online training.
4. Highlight areas of crossover.
5. Offer.   Get the word out there that you are available.  Are there things you are doing with your kids swim team that you could do at work?  Just because you don’t have the job title doesn’t mean you can’t do cross over there.  Is there a project at work you would really like to work on but you’re not on that team?  Is there a way you could volunteer doing it? Tell you boss or supervisor what you would like to start doing.  Is there something that needs to be done but nobody has ever mentioned it?Look for opportunity to cross train.  If you company offers this, great!  If not, then look for natural openings and offer to learn someone else’s responsibilities.

Recognize your value and look for opportunities to add that value.  You are an expert in something.  You add value to your organization in ways that ONLY you can add value.  So today is the day to assesses and implement. 

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Eph 2:10  “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do, that we should walk in, DO, them...” NIV

Question:  What are you an expert in?  Where can you add value to the world around you?   I can’t wait to read your comments below.

The post #015: You Are The Expert (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

She was missing a key element for success, not just in work, but in life.  That key element is the ability to navigate the “soft skills” or “interpersonal skills.” Following are the top 5 elements you must master as you seek to grow your influence and develop professionally in this area.

1. Listening Skills.  Are you a good listener?  Do you follow along in conversations, or distractedly check your emails when you’re not talking?  I did a post (here) on this topic.  Review it if you would like to brush up on this most important of skills.  I believe listening is probably the most important skill you can use to improve your relationships at work and home.  Like the old saying goes, “God gave you 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason, you should listen twice as much as you talk.”
2. The ability to Navigate through Conflict.  Do you know how to speak out about uncomfortable or hot button topics?  Are you assertive?  (Not aggressive or passive.) Assertiveness is speaking the truth – even hard truths – calmly and confidently.  Often times I see people get stuck in destructive patterns of backbiting and blaming rather than assertively addressing the issues that invariably arise.  If you need a difficult conversation format to follow, check out my post here. When you learn how to speak the truth in love, you’ll be amazed at how you are able to resolve issues and work through conflict.
3. Do what you say you will do.  This point can be called trustworthiness, integrity or authenticity.  Regardless of what you call it, this point is all about being a woman or man of your word.  Even when it’s not comfortable or easy, you can develop the habit of following through the way you said you would.  We all know that people like this are few and far between.  By committing to be a person of commitment, you are already setting yourself apart as unique and special.
4. Generosity.  The best way to show generosity is to focus on others rather than on yourself.  When we turn the focus outward rather than inward, we show that it’s not all about us.  When we are willing to be generous to forgive mistakes, we develop trust relationships with others.  Think “win-win” whenever you have to negotiate.  It’s always better to err on the side of generosity. Check out Give and Take for more on the topic of giving.
5. Sense of Humor.  This is my favorite. (Just listen to my podcast and you’ll see why immediately.)  I love to laugh.  I usually laugh at myself first.  By not taking myself too seriously, I open the door to honest communication, as most people recognize that a bit of “lightening up” can effectively raise morale and boost productivity. I have found that those who are willing to laugh at themselves are also those who can get past the imperfections of others, creating an atmosphere of freedom and willingness to risk looking stupid.

Why not start working on these skills today?  I guarantee you will be very happy with the results as you experience improved relationships and increased opportunities.

Question:  Which of these are the most difficult for you? Which are the easiest?  What do you think about the importance of soft skills to life success?

The post The Top 5 Interpersonal Skills You Need to Succeed at Work and Home appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas From this Interview:

• The Power of Friendship
• The importance of supporting each other as women
• Getting through difficult times with grace
• Imperfect is perfect

Website Referenced in Podcast:  http://www.derailingmydiagnosis.com

Best Book Resources: 

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Part 2: How to Develop and Deepen Your Friendships

1. Make friendship a priority — schedule time for this
2. Nurture your friendships
3. Look for places to connect with like-minded people
4. Be friendly

Resources for Developing Friendships:

How to Win Friends & Influence People
This book is just a classic.  Although some of the wording is a bit “old fashioned” the principles are timeless and you’ll be able to use and apply idea after idea.   As an added bonus, the first person to subscribe, rate and review this podcast in iTunes will get this book as a gift from me.  Just email me and let me know you wrote the review and I’ll get the book out to you.

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 17:17 –  “A friend loves at all times.”

Question:  What do you think makes a great friend? How do you nurture your friendships? Do you have any examples of a friend who showed you out of the ordinary love?  Please leave your comments below.

The post #010: Naomi Yamamoto – Cultivating Connections and How To Be a Great Friend (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

If you’ve still got questions about how to handle the people in your life, then you’ll want to listen to this final podcast on the personality styles.  In this episode, we’ll conclude our conversation on how to “Fill the Need Tank” of the last two personalities. (For Part 1 on needs, listen to episode #4).

Episodes #2 and #3 covered how to recognize these people in your life.  For more information on that, please listen to those podcasts.

Give the Powerful Choleric – (Action Annie)

• A sense of control
• “Nutshell”
• Credit for their work
• Appreciation

Give the Popular Sanguine – (Sunshine Sally)

• Attention
• Approval
• Acceptance
• Affection (at home ONLY!)

For more information on this topic, I highly recommend a book by Florence Littauer,  Personality Plus. You can get it here.

The biggest takeaway I want you to have from this whole overview is that nobody is wrong – they are just different.  Once you know and understand these different styles and their accompanying needs, you’re better able to build positive connections and enjoy purposeful living.  Stay tuned each week as I add to this topic with tips for working together, diffusing problem behavior,  bringing out the best in others and much more.

Question:  What has been your biggest “Aha” from this series?  How do you think it will improve your life?

The post #005: Understanding Why They Drive You Crazy! Part 2 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

The study of The Personalities is very old – dating all the way back to Hippocrates in about 400B.C.  He started it, and still today we are wondering why people act the way they do.  Florence Littauer has written the most user-friendly book on the subject that I have found.  You can find Personality Plus Here.  Back to Hippocrates, he categorized people into 4 basic styles:

Sanguine, Choleric, Phlegmatic and Melancholy.  Today we  still find it useful to recognize these general categories.

In this podcast, I explain in detail about the Powerful Choleric – “Action Annie” and the Peaceful Phlegmatic – “Peaceful Patty”.  If you want to get the full picture of these styles, be sure to listen to the podcast episode 002 for the details.

Powerful Choleric (Red) – Action Annie:  You know her because she is;

• High Energy
• Strong with her words and gestures
• Functional for optimum performance

Her motivator is to BE IN CONTROL!!

Peaceful Phlegmatic (Green)- Peaceful Patty:  You know her because she is;

• Laid Back and Easy Going
• Great sense of Dry Humor
• Great Listener

Her motivator is PEACE AT ANY PRICE!!

The styles basically work together so that you have one dominate with a supporting style.  The natural combinations (which can vary between the two as to most dominant) are:

• Sally Sunshine (Yellow) dominant with Action Annie (Red) secondary or Red dominant with Yellow secondary
• Action Annie (Red) dominant with Detailed Danielle (Blue) secondary or Blue dominant with Red secondary
• Detailed Danielle (Blue) dominant with Peaceful Patty (Green) secondary or Green dominant with Blue secondary
• Peaceful Patty (Green) dominant with Sally Sunshine (Yellow) secondary or Yellow dominant with Green secondary

Remember, you can change positions but you’ll never change teams.  It’s a learning journey.  Hopefully, we are all growing and changing every day.  For more details on this topic, be sure to listen to episode 002, and then check back for episodes 004-005 when I’ll go in to specifics on what to do with these people!  It will be entertaining and educational.  I promise.  After all, I’m a yellow!

P.S. If you haven’t subscribed to these podcasts, please go to iTunes and subscribe.  Then download the episodes so you’re up to date.  Thank you so much!!

Question:  Which of these 4 styles we’ve covered are you?  What are your challenges? What’s easy for you?  How has your style helped you at work and home?  Please leave your answer below.

The post #003: Understanding The Personalities Part 2 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Crazy, isn’t it?  I know!  I laughed so much and actually thought, so darling, but seriously, so tacky!   I then shared it with some of my best girlfriends.  And then one girlfriend said something that rocked me.  She said, “What a cute invitation, I’ll bet it’s going to be a really fun wedding.”  And she’s exactly right.  It will be a super fun wedding.  The people are great fun and I love them.  They have an awesome sense of humor (see above example), and it will be a time of celebration and joy.  So what if the invitation is not my preference? (Tiffanys, engraved on cream paper if you really want to know).  But thanks to a shift in perspective, that invitation went from tacky to terrific.

What if, when I looked in the mirror, or tried on my clothes, or got ready to leave in the morning, I gave myself a perspective shift.  How about a perspective that says thank you God for my sturdy legs that will carry me far.  Thank you for a healthy heart that beats with love and excitement for others.  Thank you for soft arms that hold my husband and children tightly.  Thank you for diligent hands that wash dishes and correct math homework and type encouraging words.  Thank you for a full belly that is testimony of your gracious abundance.

When we are thankful, our hearts and minds are full.  There’s no room for “not enough” in a mind and heart full of gratitude.

 A perspective of discontent comes from focusing on what we don’t have.   What’s not enough.  Whether it’s our backyards, our bodies or our backgrounds.  Not enough outside seating to invite the neighbors for dinner.  Not skinny enough to look good in those fancy jeans. Not enough experience to…(fill in the blank.)  Not enough is a big, fat, ugly lie.  We are all enough.  We are all enough.  Just.  As. We.  Are.

And maybe Mother’s Day is a good time to let go of the lie that my own mother was not enough.  She was enough.  She did the best she could with what she had.  She always loved me unconditionally and still tells me I am more than enough.  My own ears hearing the not enough from her mouth in regards to herself and others, was my own insecurity rearing it’s ugly head.  (I love you Mother!)  She is enough.  She did enough.  More than enough.

And when I realize that, suddenly I’m freed to be enough in my own life.  I’m enough of a wife.  I’m enough of a mother.  I’m enough in all my 186 lb glory.  I’m enough because God made me enough.

I’m on this public quest to shed some weight.  I don’t know what the end goal is.  It’s been almost 15 years since I’ve been at what I deemed my “perfect” weight, so now at age 50 I don’t know what my happy place weight will be.  For today, if I can shed 20 lbs, lower my blood sugar and have more energy, I’ll be encouraged.

Can I be enough now and yet get better? Of course!  That’s called growth.  But we don’t have to wait to be “better” to live life fully enough.  Let go of the lies that are telling you you are not enough.  You are enough.  Today.  Right now.  You are enough.

Let’s change our perspectives together.  Let’s live our lives fully no matter what the number on the scale says. We can focus on gratitude rather than lack.  Because when we’re thankful for being enough, and we let go of the ‘not enough’ in others and become thankful for who we are and what our bodies are, then we’re free to focus on others.

 Mothers, I don’t have to tell you our lives are full of doing for others.  And the paradox is the more we pour out, the more we are filled.  It’s beautiful.  You’re beautiful.  It’s enough.  You’re enough.  Happy Mother’s Day.

Question:  Do you know you are enough?  What keeps you from celebrating that?  How can you begin celebrating your “enough-ness”?  Please leave your comments below.

The post Celebrating a Mother’s Day ‘Enough’ appeared first on Christy Largent.

1.  Recognize the Power of Image.- oh yes, this is a visual world.  With Pinterest, Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter and so on, it seems we are inundated with images like never before.  Did you know that you are creating a personal image whether you are intentional with it or not?

So the question becomes what image are you creating?  There isn’t really a right or wrong answer to this.  So much depends on your environment and what your objectives are.  A good rule of thumb is to observe the leaders in your industry and duplicate what they are doing.  So dump the stuff that’s in conflict with who you want to be perceived as, and stock up on the goods to make you ROCK your style and you’re on your way.

2.  Utilize the power of your voice.  Your words are just a portion of your message.  That’s right,  the bast majority is conveyed with your pitch, tone and volume, body language and facial expressions.

In American english, the primary time you should end a sentence with a vocal lift is at the end of a question.  Yet how many people do you know who end their statements with a lift?  That little habit will cause people think the speaker is “just a bit tentative” with his ideas.

Use variety with your pitch, tone and volume.  If monotone is a habit for you, turn on NPR in the morning and repeat after the reporter just a beat or two behind.  It will force you to modulate your voice in ways you’re not used to doing.  Strengthening your vocal variety could be just the ticket for increasing interest in what you have to say and earning credibility through a more powerfully spoken message.

3.  Maximize your body language.  Yup, the other big chunk of getting your message heard is your body language.  What are you doing with your arms, your head, your face?  All parts of your body send messages a million times a minute.

Here’s the interesting thing – if you say no and shake your head yes, guess which message is heard?  That’s right, it’s the Yes! that comes across.  People always believe what they see over what they hear.  You may be speaking with confidence and passion, but if your body is sending a passive, unsure or negative message, that’s the story that’s heard.

4. Operate like a professional.  Return phone calls and respond to emails and texts.  Finish projects prior to their deadlines and work generously with your team.  Keep your desk area organized.  It’s the little things that add together when someone is forming an image of you.  Do these simple things and you will be perceived as proficient and professional.

5.   Stop underestimating yourself and your ideas.  I pulled up one of my favorite podcasts last week and had to giggle when I heard what the topic of the day was.  All about being a good conversationalist.

As I had just that morning completed my free “Top 10 Conversation Tips” as a gift for my newsletter subscribers, I was curious to hear what my mentor had to say.  I must admit I was tickled pink when his main points coincided almost surreally with mine.  And he is one of the top referenced business and platform minds in the world!

Needless to say, I was reminded of this great truth.  You know more than you think you do.  So be bold.  Be courageous.  Sell your message with passion.  Only YOU were created to do what YOU are doing.  The more confident you are in yourself, the more there will be to share with others.

So this has gone a tad long, but I think it’s worth it to remind you that YOU are the most powerful person when it comes to creating your image and being taken as a professional.  Try these tips and let me know what you think.

Question:  Have you ever felt like people don’t take you seriously?  Is your work ever minimized?  If so, what have you done to overcome the mis-perceptions?  I can’t wait to hear your responses!

The post 5 Steps to Get Taken Seriously appeared first on Christy Largent.

Considering the fact I have carried on a full conversation with a Hungarian taxi driver (WHO SPOKE NO ENGLISH) and I’ve never let a little thing like, I don’t know, LANGUAGE, stop me from having a conversation, I figure I have some suggestions to share on this topic.

So here you go.  Super Fast, Easy and Quick ways to get a conversation started:

#1 Smile and introduce yourself.  This is the easiest thing to do.  Follow this pattern exactly.  Smile while you look at their face.  Extend your right hand and say “Hi, I’m Christy Largent (although it works better if you say your own name), what’s your name?”  Keep smiling and stop talking.  I promise you, this magic sentence will get the conversation started.

#2  Start asking questions.  Once they tell you their name, use one of the following words to start your question.  How.  Where. What. When.

For example, (you guys keep telling me you want scripts, so here are a few for you):

• How do you know our host?
• Where do you live?
• How long have you lived there?
• What kind of work do you do?
• How long have you worked there?
• Where did you get that great tan?

Then, continue with some more great follow up questions.  When they say something like, “I just got back from a trip to Hawaii,” don’t fall into the “me too” trap!  Instead, ask open ended questions like, “What was your favorite part?” or “Who all went with you on the trip?” or “Where did you stay?” or “Which island was your favorite?”  These open-ended questions will keep the attention on them, and let them keep talking.

I think you’re getting the idea.  Guess what the conversation is all about?  Yes!  That’s right!  It’s all about THEM.  Not YOU!  It’s them.  Remember to avoid the temptation of switching the conversation back around to yourself.  That’s a guaranteed conversation stopper.  Believe me, I’ve tried.

These are my 2 best tips and they will almost always  get you through the awkward part so that other conversation can then naturally flow.

In the interest of fair disclosure though, sometimes people are actually pretty boring.  You might find yourself in a jam for something to talk about.  I found that out this past week at a luncheon event.  I was stuck sitting next to the most narrow (and foul-mouthed) woman I’d met in a long time.  When the conversation digressed to the type of allergy medicine she found worked best, I knew it was time for tip #3…

Tip #3  Look for a way to escape.  Fast!  Her profanity laced observation of springtime in Northern California was my cue to suddenly remember I was dying for dessert. You can copy the words I used next.  They were surprisingly effective. “It’s been so nice meeting you, I think I’m going to head over to the dessert bar.”  And then you can escape.

Question:  Do you find it hard to meet new people?  What conversation starters work best for you?  What have you tried that doesn’t work?  Please leave your answers below.  (P.S. If you want to get a more complete of ideas for improving your conversations, be sure to sign up for updates and you’ll get a free guide with 10 Tips to help you.)

The post Super Fast, Easy and Quick Conversation Starters appeared first on Christy Largent.