I once worked with a woman who was awesome at all the technical aspects of her job. She could answer any question and in the days before computerization, her record keeping was flawless. The problem was that she was horrible to be around. She was humorless, enjoyed stirring up conflict and looked for ways to point out what you had done wrong. It was no wonder that despite her excellent technical skills, she was never promoted and eventually left the company.
She was missing a key element for success, not just in work, but in life. That key element is the ability to navigate the “soft skills” or “interpersonal skills.” Following are the top 5 elements you must master as you seek to grow your influence and develop professionally in this area.
- Listening Skills. Are you a good listener? Do you follow along in conversations, or distractedly check your emails when you’re not talking? I did a post (here) on this topic. Review it if you would like to brush up on this most important of skills. I believe listening is probably the most important skill you can use to improve your relationships at work and home. Like the old saying goes, “God gave you 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason, you should listen twice as much as you talk.”
- The ability to Navigate through Conflict. Do you know how to speak out about uncomfortable or hot button topics? Are you assertive? (Not aggressive or passive.) Assertiveness is speaking the truth – even hard truths – calmly and confidently. Often times I see people get stuck in destructive patterns of backbiting and blaming rather than assertively addressing the issues that invariably arise. If you need a difficult conversation format to follow, check out my post here. When you learn how to speak the truth in love, you’ll be amazed at how you are able to resolve issues and work through conflict.
- Do what you say you will do. This point can be called trustworthiness, integrity or authenticity. Regardless of what you call it, this point is all about being a woman or man of your word. Even when it’s not comfortable or easy, you can develop the habit of following through the way you said you would. We all know that people like this are few and far between. By committing to be a person of commitment, you are already setting yourself apart as unique and special.
- Generosity. The best way to show generosity is to focus on others rather than on yourself. When we turn the focus outward rather than inward, we show that it’s not all about us. When we are willing to be generous to forgive mistakes, we develop trust relationships with others. Think “win-win” whenever you have to negotiate. It’s always better to err on the side of generosity. Check out Give and Take for more on the topic of giving.
- Sense of Humor. This is my favorite. (Just listen to my podcast and you’ll see why immediately.) I love to laugh. I usually laugh at myself first. By not taking myself too seriously, I open the door to honest communication, as most people recognize that a bit of “lightening up” can effectively raise morale and boost productivity. I have found that those who are willing to laugh at themselves are also those who can get past the imperfections of others, creating an atmosphere of freedom and willingness to risk looking stupid.
Why not start working on these skills today? I guarantee you will be very happy with the results as you experience improved relationships and increased opportunities.
Question: Which of these are the most difficult for you? Which are the easiest? What do you think about the importance of soft skills to life success?