It’s my birthday today and I can think of nothing I’d rather do than post this blog post. Right. Well, actually I can probably think of a few other things, but I have to say, living my dream this past year…changing basically EVERYTHING professionally and moving in a new direction has been AWESOME and this #31days challenge has been a terrific part of my growth. So, with that said, here’s today’s post.
Communicating what you really think or feel is part of everyday life. Doing it with finesse and tact is a skill you can learn to master. Giving and receiving feedback is an especially important art of communication. Today we will talk about giving feedback and tomorrow about receiving feedback.
When you are Giving Feedback:
Be Specific: When someone is having difficulty with getting their work turned in on time, say, “I’ve noticed that in February, March and April your reports were turned in two days late each month.” Not, “So, looks like you’re really busy these days.” The first was specific about the real issue, while the second left the listener wondering what you’re really saying.
Avoid Assumptions: When you make an assumption like, “I know you probably don’t like discussing this issue, but…” it puts people on the defensive. When we assume, we’re taking upon ourselves the projected thoughts of another. Many times we’re way off base! Who really knows the mind of another? Instead, say, ‘I would like to discuss our report schedule. Do you have time now or later in the afternoon?” This gets the conversation going on an even, unbiased note.
Avoid Generalities: The minute you say, “Everyone knows you’re always late to meetings,” not only does the person become defensive, but you’ve set yourself up to be disagreed with from the beginning of the conversation. After all, who among us is “always” or “never” anything? Keep yourself focused on solutions by being specific and targeted in your discussion.
Focus on the Problem, not the Person: Our tendency is to personalize issues. When I complain about Betty being selfish and uncommitted to the team because she’s always late coming back from her breaks – I’m not only making an assumption and generalization, I’m also targeting Betty with my words, not focusing on her behavior. When I focus on the problem – that is that other team members can’t take their breaks when Betty is late returning from her break – the focus keeps me from getting personal and/or attacking Betty. This helps the conversation stay in productive territory. Remember, when I target the behavior, then I can ask for that behavior to change for the better.
So, the next time you have to give feedback, I hope you remember these suggestions so that your conversation is productive, encouraging and keeping you on the path of creating positive connections and helping you be purposeful in living.
This is Day 27 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. (And my birthday!) You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.
Question: Do you ever have trouble staying specific and focusing on the problem, not the person? Do you find it easy to get personal? I’d love to hear your stories, just comment below.
Interesting post. I specifically liked the examples you gave. 🙂