And I’m so excited to share the result with you today.  I think Chris West and Video Narrative did a really great job! Hopefully, you’ll like it too.  Let me know what you think!

The post Christy Largent Speaker Sizzle Reel appeared first on Christy Largent.

Nothing spirals downward faster than a negative environment. I knew I needed to fix this situation, and fast!

Here are the 3 things I did. Maybe they will work for you the next time you hit a rough patch.

1. Take a deep breath and assess the situation. What can I change? What is non-negotiable? I stepped back and saw the main things I needed were to get myself dressed, the kids fed and the dog put in the backyard. I also saw that the dark house filled with the noises of anxiety were not helping.
2. Do what you can do and delegate the rest.  I put on some fun music and turned on all the lights. Our surroundings can affect our behavior more than you know. The lights and music helped lighten the tone. I delegated the dog and her “issues” to my daughter and hustled back to get dressed and throw my makeup in a bag – I could finish in the car before my meeting. I had my son pull out the eggs and cheese so I could whip up their breakfast after I got dressed.
3. Focus on the good and enjoy the journey. I did a quick mind re-set while I was getting dressed. I reminded myself that for so many years I had longed for children with a desperate longing…in other words…I asked for this!  I said a prayer of thanks for my kids. I smiled. Yup. A physical smile made me giggle. And when I came back into the kitchen, I sang along to the music while I made the eggs. I forced myself to change my attitude. I know a happy heart attitude is contagious.

[Tweet “A happy heart attitude is contagious.”]

I’d love to tell you my kids started dancing and singing with me and happily gobbled up their breakfasts with words of gratitude on their lips.  That’s not actually what happened.

They were still a bit grumpy. But my attitude was better, so there was less tension and I enjoyed the rest of our time together before school much more. Plus I told myself, often it’s what is caught, more than what is taught that sinks in.

[Tweet “It’s what is caught, more than what is taught that sinks in.”]

So when they think of their Mama today (if they think of me at all!) it will be with the happy smile and kiss that I left them with rather than the surly frustrated face of the earlier morning.

And I’ll call that a win.

How about you? What do you do to shift the momentum when things start deteriorating around you? I’d love you to share! Just leave a comment below.

Love ya!

Christy

The post 3 Steps to Create a Positive Environment appeared first on Christy Largent.

Today I’m writing over at A News Cafe, Northern California’s premier news magazine. I’m writing on how it’s simpler to get started on your resolutions when you do one basic thing…get enough sleep!

To read the article, click here.

Here’s to getting supercharged in 2016 together!

Love ya,

Christy

Join me at A News Cafe!

The post The Secret to Getting Supercharged appeared first on Christy Largent.

Several weeks ago I created my first ever community survey. I wanted to know more about you so that I can make sure what I’m creating is meeting your most important needs.

You responded and I got some surprising results.  Here they are – along with why the information matters and what I’m going to do differently.

Results

• You are a dominantly female audience (97%),  and in your middle years, 45-64 years old (72%).  I knew this intuitively, but it was fun to see the numbers. (You look like me!)

• You value education and have either a Bachelor or Graduate degree (66%) or at least some college 25%. Clearly, you are a lifelong learner.
• Your total household income is more than $75,000 (65%), and  you can be found in a huge variety of job positions, so much so, there’s no 1 thing that jumps out. I love that you bring an incredibly diverse scope of background and skills.

• Social Media Use was my biggest surprise.
  • Facebook was #1 (93% ranked it #1)
  • YouTube (79% ranked #2 or #3) virtually tied with
  • Pinterest (75% ranked #2 or #3).

• You don’t listen to my podcast. (72%) (Many of you said you wanted to listen, but were too busy to fit them in.)
• You want to learn from me…
  •  #1 Communication Skills and
  • #2 Self Development strategies.

• Your Biggest Challenges…
  • Finding time to do what needs to get done (61%) and
  • Desire to improve professional growth (45%), then
  • Life/Work balance (35%).

Your dreams…travel, being fit, creating a business and spending time with your family all rose to the top. We women really do want to do it all!

My top 5 Action Items based on the survey…

1. January 5th I’ll be offering a free webinar to help you dig deep to Discover your Calling and Develop your Plan for the new year.  More info. on that will be coming shortly. (It will have a wonderful name I’m sure, I just haven’t come up with it yet…title ideas welcomed.)

2.  I’ll continue finding excellent outside resources to recommend. The first is available now, 5 Days to Your Best Year Ever, by Michael Hyatt, and then in January there’s a free Peak Performance Summit you can register for here now. More on both of these as we go.

3. I’ll be creating YouTube tutorials focused on communication skills and strategies to help you communicate most effectively (get what you want!)

4. My podcast is going to reformatted into a short 5-10 minute production that you can fit into your busy schedules.

5. Finally, I’m going to send the survey at a different time of year. (Feb or March will be good.)  Late fall is such a busy time of year, I know many of you wanted to take the survey, but just couldn’t squeeze it in. So, next time I’ll find a less “intense” time of year to send so I can get even more feedback.

Thank you so much! I just love connecting with you and I’m excited about the year to come. What are you excited about this for this coming year? I’d love to hear what’s top of your mind! You can comment here or better yet…(see, I’m learning…) “like,” then post on my Facebook Page here.   Love ya!

Christy

The post Community Survey 2015 Results appeared first on Christy Largent.

Would you please take less than 5 minutes and fill out the survey? It’s super quick with just 10 questions plus a bonus…of course I have to have a bonus!

I already have some results coming in from my email subscribers and I’m super excited to see trends emerging so that I can focus on providing what’s most important to you!

Yes! I’d love to give you my feedback!

And then keep a sharp eye out, as I’ll give you the results in coming weeks.

Thanks so much!  Love ya!

Christy

Oh, ok, I’ll stop what I’m doing and take the survey…just because I’m helpful that way.

The post Please Take my 2015 Reader Survey appeared first on Christy Largent.

When I say, “I’m responsible for getting the kids to school,” it sure doesn’t sound like much, but I have a feeling you can relate to the way that 1 responsibility can so wreck you that by 7:45am you feel like you are already DONE! (Or am I the only one?)

I’ve been trying a variety of things to create a good morning routine.  I’ve really loved the The Miracle Morning that Hal Elrod put together.  Remember when I talked about it here?

But I still felt like something was missing. And now that school will be out in only 3 more days, I know it’s more important than ever for me to settle in and pick something that will work consistently.

Enter my amazing friend, Crystal Paine.   You know I talk all about Crystal and her MoneySavingMom.com blog all the time.  I just admire her so much.  She’s so disciplined and organized and strategic.  (Don’t we just love our opposites!)

I’m so excited to let you know that she has a terrific course called Makeover Your Mornings that’s been incredibly successful in 2015 and now in 2016.

I went through the whole course and it was so simple and fun.  Using videos that include glimpses inside her real life, I was so engaged, I watched all 14 episodes in just one sitting!  And I have a sneaking suspicion you’re going to love it too.

Crystal has created the Make Over Your Mornings course to help you revolutionize your productivity, streamline your days, eliminate decision fatigue, cultivate your soul, and MORE!

Some of the topics covered in this program include:

• Discovering why a well-planned morning revolutionizes your whole day
• Establishing bedtime routines
• Designing a morning routine centered on your biggest priorities
• Goal-setting
• Setting up a task management system
• Prioritizing exercise and healthy breakfasts
• Creating internal and external motivators
• Establishing accountability
• Battling lies
• Building stamina when things get tough

But what I especially love is that all this goodness is packed into a simple, three-fold approach:  a chapter to read, a video to watch, and a project to complete – all of which will take no more than 15 minutes of your time.  We all have time for that! 

I think this tiny investment — just 15 minutes of your day – anytime of day by the way — can yield potentially amazing results for you and your family.  

But Crystal’s not the Money Saving Mom for nothing!  And this course is unbelieveably priced!

I know! Crazy, right?  I mean seriously, if you get even 1 good tip it’s totally worth it!  So head on over to MakeOverYourMornings.com and get in on the rock-bottom price for this fabulous course!

So as we head into the middle of another month, I know your best first step is to take a breath and discover Crystal’s Makeover Your Mornings program.

Who know what might happen?  It might, just might, be the first step towards making over your life!

P.S. I’m so happy to be an affiliate of Crystal’s on this program.  I believe in the program and am so thankful to be able to share it with you.

The post Makeover Your Morning and You Just Might Makeover Your Life appeared first on Christy Largent.

Today’s Tip:  Listening!

I want you to “Be All Ears”.  It’s amazing what can happen when you stop just thinking about your own agenda and begin really listening and paying attention to those in your life.

• Focus
• Follow
• Feedback

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  James 1:19  “Know this, my beloved brothers and sisters: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;”

The post #501: 5 Minute Friday – Be All Ears (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

This past year, writing a book was on my list of “I want to accomplish this.”  As you know, 2014 was full of blog starting, podcast starting, and more speaking.  When on earth was I going to fit in time to write?

Well, late last spring I sat in on a webinar put on by a guy named Chandler Bolt.  Chandler’s program was how to write and publish a book in 90 days…oh and get that book on the Amazon Best Seller list too.  That sounds good, doesn’t it?  I was really impressed.  Although he’s young, he has an excellent track record of getting his books to the #1 rankings in Amazon.  Not bad, right?

So I signed on for his course and jumped in.  Well, life happened, and I didn’t actually start on the book until mid-fall.  I wrote it in October and November, and my plan is to publish by the end of the February.  Chandler’s program helped me make this happen.

Well, Chandler and his business partner James have put together an updated and fully improved version of their program called Self Publishing School and this new program is why I say Help Is On It’s Way!

If you’ve ever thought about writing a book, I’d encourage you to seriously check out what Chandler and James are offering.  It’s not cheap, but I do believe it’s so valuable!  Here are just a few of the things he and his team will walk you through step by step…

• How to get started
• How to write even when you’re not inspired
• How to create a killer title and subtitle
• Tactics for how to classify your book for maximum exposure
• Social media ninja marketing tactics to help you get all your friends involved and supportive
• Finding an editor
• Creating the perfect cover
• and so much more…

If you have a story to share, or if you know a book would be the natural next step for your own platform, I just know you will love this program!  Starting today, February 16th through the 22nd, only, you’ll be able to sign up for this program.  Click through to the program here.  Think of all the lives you will positively affect by getting your story published!

Question:  Have you ever thought about writing a book?  What has held you back? I’d love to hear your comments!

The post Do You Have A Book In You? appeared first on Christy Largent.

I got the iPad as a Christmas present.  Actually, I purchased it the day after Thanksgiving during the Target’s awesome Black Friday sale.  So I even got it for a crazy-good price.  But I wrapped it up and even hauled it on our trip with us.

I didn’t open the box until last night.  Why on earth?

I was trying to analyze why I do that to myself.  I put off really good things.  And I do this with blogging, editing my podcast interviews, finishing my book…and the list goes on.

Do you relate?  I think it must be because sometimes, even when new things are really good, the unknown still makes me nervous.  Maybe it’s that I’m just getting too far down the road, wondering about how it’s going to play out, so I stop myself before I even start.

[Tweet “”Even when new things are really good, the unknown still makes me nervous.””]

I’ve decided to turn it around.  And when I feel like putting something off, rather than turn it all around in my head, I’m going to immediately do something positive about it.

This concept is something I’m going to start embracing.  I LOVE what comes after I do these things.  After all, it’s an iPad!  Can you say…easy-peasy?  And yes, I’m already loving it and wondering how on earth I ever did without it and it’s been less than 12 hours!

And with all the other stuff?  Here’s what I’ve come to.  I’m going to quit telling you hard and fast deadlines about my work.  I’m going to do my best to connect with you in a regular way with my podcast and blog posts and Facebook and twitter.  No set schedule.

I know that goes against all the experts.  But seriously.  I am SO NOT these people who are introverts and schedulers and get-it-all-done-at-any-cost types.  I’m just Christy.

My first priority is my family and many most days they take up a lot of my brain activity, not to mention, time.  And that’s OK.  Actually, I’m really AOK with that.

As you may know, I waited a long time to be a Mama, and I want to savor every moment.

And at the same time, I really love you, my encouragers, who I feel privileged to connect with day in and day out.  And I want to give you my best.

So, with that in mind…all my pre-planned schedules I thought I could do this year are going by the way-side.  I’m going to do my best to get you weekend updates, and twice a week posts and weekly podcasts.  Do my best being the operative words in this sentence.

Ahhh, it feels so freeing to say that.  So you won’t be expecting what I can’t, or don’t, give.  How does that sound?

Question:  What do you struggle with putting off?  It’s more than simple procrastination isn’t it?  How have you overcome that tendency?  I’d love to hear your suggestions!  Please leave a note below.

The post The Sweet at the End of the Stuck appeared first on Christy Largent.

As I was thinking about today’s blog post, I realized how powerful this concept of going with your gut can be in the area of our communication.  Let me ask you this…Have you ever had a nudge to speak with someone, but you resisted?  Have you ever shut down that small, quite prodding and just ignored it?

Usually, your self talk will be something like this:

• She’ll think I’m crazy.
• He doesn’t really want to know this.
• Who do I think I am to tell her this?
• She already gets lots of positive feedback, mine wouldn’t add much to the conversation.
• I’m embarrassed to let him know how he has affected me.

and my favorite,

• I’ll feel like an idiot!

But I’m going to suggest today that there are 3 really good reasons you should go with your gut, your intuition, your heart.

1.  There’s a whole lot of stuff we are not cognitively aware of going on out there which our unconscious is responding to – so we’d better pay attention.  David Epstein wrote in his book, The Sports Gene: Inside the Science of Extraordinary Athletic Performance, a story about how many professional baseball players were being struck out by softball phenom Jennie Finch.  How could this be?  How were the strongest and best baseball hitters in the world being struck out by a girl?

Well, it turns out that baseball players don’t really watch the ball coming at them – there’s no time.  What they have become expert at, is reading the body of the pitcher – the minuscule body movements are what tells them where the ball will end up.  Obviously, they were not expert at reading a softball pitcher’s body and suddenly they became just like the rest of us.

2.  The more you respond to your intuition, the more often you will hear it.  I’m sure there’s science about this somewhere, but I have experienced that the more tuned in I am to my heart, the more clearly I hear it.  Whether this is to take dinner to my neighbor, have a conversation with my husband, contact that client or switch into the right lane of traffic, I generally try to act on the feeling.  I don’t know why, but it usually ends up being a very needed action.

And most importantly of all…

 3.  Someone needs what you have to say.  Believe me, if you are feeling a prompting to speak, someone needs to hear you.  I love the story of the woman who was at the end of her rope, barely hanging on to her will to live when a stranger blessed her with a smile and a warm greeting.  That’s such a minor thing to do, but reaching out, even to a stranger, will have an impact far beyond what you will ever know.

When I think about how we communicate, I’m convinced we can have an even more positive effect on people if we pay attention and respond to our gut.  There are a millions cues being thrown about all the time.  We don’t see them, but we’re receiving them.  Our gut, our heart, our intuition is receiving them.

So the next time you get a “gut feeling”…Go for it!  And enjoy the positive results that can happen.

Question:  Have you ever gone with your gut and something amazing happened?  I’d love to hear your stories!  Just leave a note below.

The post 3 Big Reasons to Go With Your Gut appeared first on Christy Largent.

If you’ve ever worked for or with someone who just bugs you, here are 3 suggestions to help you turn a crummy interaction into something positive:

1.  Recognize your feelings.  This is a new skill that I’ve been working on. When you feel that rush of anger or frustration, instead of grabbing it and massaging it and escalating it, simply recognize it.

Try something like, Wow, that comment hurts.  Or, I’m feeling really mad right now.  There’s something about saying the statement out loud or to yourself that will help you process it.

Identify more about why it hurts or is inflammatory.  For example,  When she said I was a bad team player, I feel unappreciated.  My reaction is to get defensive and lash back at her.  Wow, I’m really uncomfortable.

I also recommend you take some deep breaths as you walk yourself through the emotions of the situation.  Try to pinpoint exactly what it is that’s causing such a strong emotional reaction inside of you.  Now you’re ready to…

2.  Figure out if and/or how you are going to address this with her.  My experience is that sometimes you need to address it, and sometimes you just need to let it go.  Let’s be realistic.  With some people, you could talk until you’re blue in the face and it would do NO GOOD! If that’s the case, please, just give yourself the freedom to experience the emotion and then choose to release it.  You might need to take a few deep breaths and physically open your hands outward – breathing out the release as you fan your fingers open.

But if the irritating person is open to honest communication, you would do well to create an assertive dialogue and let them know how their words affected you.  Both of you will do better after that discussion and you can move forward.

Regardless of which step you decide, I always find it helpful to close the interaction with the third idea…

3.  Look for the good.  Find something you appreciate or like about them.  I know that’s a tall order when you’re not feeling very positive towards them and frankly just the fact that they are still taking up space in your universe grates on you like fingernails on a chalkboard, but I promise you — if you will do the exercise of finding just one thing to be thankful for or that you like/admire about them, it will help.

Some suggestions might be, I’m thankful she takes her job so seriously. Or, I’m thankful she follows through. Or, I really like how she is such a professional dresser or if you’re really desperate, I’m thankful she just left the room…JKLOL…as my 2nd grader says

Do you see how I’m suggesting you reframe your mind?  You can do this!  Even if you don’t feel like it now, by recognizing your emotions, figuring out what you are going to do with them, and then creating a positive feeling to close the experience, you are reframing the whole thing on your terms.  And that feels great!

I hope these 3 simple steps will help you to maneuver through the next time you find yourself in the middle of a muddle.

Question:  What are your coping techniques?  Have you tried any of these and how did they work for you?  I’d love to hear your feedback.  Just leave a comment below.

The post 3 Steps to Turn a Bad Interaction Better appeared first on Christy Largent.

That night at the dinner table as I was telling the story, I made sure to give full expression in the retelling.  Wanting my kids to have the full picture of what happened.

As I gave my response, my daughter brought me up short. “Oh, and did you give her that ugly face too?”

“What ugly face?”

“That ugly face you just did when you told the story.”

I was silent as the truth sunk in.  No wonder my colleague responded like she did.  My face and body had said such a different story than what I really meant to say.  It’s not her fault that we all believe more of what we see than what we hear.

Shamefacedly, I admitted the truth.  Yes, I probably had made that ugly face that morning during the conversation. Yikes!

When you think about effective communication, you might sometimes forget how important your facial expressions are.  Obviously, when you’re online, texting or tweeting, it’s not an issue.  But on the phone or especially in person, you want to make sure your face is giving the same message as your words.

Here are 3 ideas that might help you (and me) match our faces to our words.

Smile.  Obviously you can’t smile all the time, but whenever you are listening, it’s helpful for you to have a pleasant expression on your face.  For most of us, a slight, mouth closed smile gives that pleasant look that encourages conversation.  Also, it’s impossible to smile and frown at the same time.

Clear your forehead.  By this I mean, if you have 2 those vertical lines between your eyebrows, or lots and lots of forehead creases, take a moment when you are in the conversation, or even before, to consciously smooth your forehead.  For me, this means I smile (automatically decreases the center lines) and take a deep breath as I run my left hand across my forehead.

Use your eyes.  The eyes are such a great communication tool!  Have you noticed that when you’re really engaged in a conversation, you’re giving good eye contact.  Not staring, but just following the conversation with your eyes.  You look at the other person for a few seconds and then look briefly away.  And when you smile, your smile reaches your eyes.  I know because an engaged smile includes eyes crinkled at the corners.

So I’m hoping that we’ll remember these simple behaviors.  That way, we can be sure our face matches our message.

Question:  What kind of expressions do you find “pop out” when you least expect it?  What are your compensation strategies?  Please leave me a comment below.

The post 3 Ideas to Avoid Making The Ugly Face appeared first on Christy Largent.

Yet the challenge to be thankful is an ongoing one.  In fact, the conflict of “not enough” comes screaming back full force just hours after the feast is over.  For the past few years, the reminder of how we don’t have enough is even creeping up on us earlier and earlier. (My newspaper and inbox were full of special sale ads starting about 10 days before Thanksgiving.)

You know what I’m talking about don’t you?  ‘Black Friday’ hits with the ferocity and intensity of Niagra Falls.  Black Friday SHOUTS.  I’m convinced its message is not really about the stuff though – I think it’s deeper than that.  It’s the lie of the enemy that we not only don’t have enough, indeed we aren’t enough.

And that’s the tender spot isn’t it?  I believe the lie that if I just get that set of matching luggage, then I will be stylish enough.  If I just load my kids down with that new doll/truck/game, then I will be a good enough mother.  If I get my husband the latest tool, then I’ll be a good enough wife.  Oh, and if I will just be wise enough to take advantage of the incredible pricing on those things I really don’t need and don’t have room for anyway, then I’ll be a savvy enough homemaker.  Oi vay!  It’s enough to make your head spin.

And that’s what the father of lies wants, right?   He wants me to spin my head from the truth that none of that stuff matters because I am accepted and loved just as I am.  The truth that not one thing I do or say or buy will change my value.  I already am enough.

Interestingly, it’s the same lie I tell myself when my relationships start breaking down.  The lie that my lack is why I can’t fully connect.  I imagine that if only I were more (fill in the blank) then we would become better friends, coworkers, (fill in the blank).

Truth, is that when we are wiling to recognize the lie for what it is (never fulfilling) and start being thankful for what we already have that our relationships can start being repaired.  Truth, is that it’s only through gratitude that I am able to fully experience contentment and peace.

Today I wish you peace through gratitude.  When your sibling hurts your feelings, be thankful feelings will mend.  When your parents give you unsolicited advice, be grateful you still have parents.  When your kids misbehave, disobey and embarrass you, be thankful they are independent thinkers.  When you eat too much and have to unbutton your jeans, be thankful for the bounty.

So tonight, before we set our alarm for 3am in order to head out for early shopping, let’s stop and take an inventory of all we already have. All we have in our relationships, our health, our work and indeed our lives.   My hope is that our grateful hearts will realize just how full they already are.

The post Grateful Hearts appeared first on Christy Largent.

In light of the overload most of us constantly feel, I thought it would be helpful and refreshing for us to consider how we can be effective in telling people our thoughts and ideas in a way that’s “right the first time.”  So, here for your consideration are three suggestions to help you do just that.

1. Be respectful of the person.  The next time your employee suggests an idea you think is ridiculous – remember to focus your response on the idea, not the person.  As you are respectful of the person, get specific with your responses to the idea so they know you are skeptical of the idea, not them as an employee.
2. Get to the point.  Head right to the comment without padding it with extra words or fillers like um, and , ahh, so, like, etc.  The more you add needless words to what you are saying, the more likely you are to lose your listener and undermine your credibility.
3. Make suggestions for improvement instead of criticizing.  Many years ago I had a speaking coach who would intentionally sit in on my program and then make suggestions on how I could improve.  Her way of suggesting improvements was fabulous.  She used the “Like best” and “Next time” technique.  First, she would tell me what she liked best about the program.  Then she would say, “Christy, next time, instead of telling that joke at the beginning of the program, tell it at the end.”  By using the like best and next time method, I could hear what was working and what wasn’t working.  The bonus was that I did not get defensive at the criticism because I heard ways to improve…and that is what I really wanted all along anyway.

As we head into the holiday season, I know we’ll all have lots of opportunities to practice communicating with people who are really important to us.  I hope you can stick these 3 additional ideas into your communication toolbox and whip them out the next time you need to say it right the first time.

Question:  Which of these are most difficult for you to do?  Do you ever get stuck when you don’t know what to say so you say nothing?  Have you experienced someone else doing these things for you? How did it feel?  Please leave your comments below!

The post 3 Strategies to Say It Right The First Time appeared first on Christy Largent.

The post Thank You Veterans! appeared first on Christy Largent.

And I guess there’s really nothing like a drama with a loved one to remind you why we’re doing all this communication stuff in the first place.

I can give you all kinds of tips and techniques on how to be a more effective communicator. But the bottom line reason we learn and do all this is so we can love each other better. Right?  We want to learn how to act and speak and express ourselves in the best way so that the people in our lives feel loved.

Does that make sense to you?  Who in your life do you wish knew how much you loved them?  Do you communicate that love? What’s getting in the way of your truth? This morning I’m drawn to think of this…and here are the 2 main questions I’m asking myself.

1.  Is my style getting in the way of my message?  Yesterday I spoke about being a passive, aggressive or assertive communicator.  That message was straight from my heart.  You see,  I am really strong.  I come across as strong. I have to work hard to dial down from aggressive to assertive, and sometimes even assertive is too much.  And sometimes that ‘natural style’ is getting in the way of my message.

When I’m trying to talk with Amelia or Tom about something that I’m passionate about, (almost everything) I think I get too wound up and my words, tone, body all end up sending messages that actually shut them down.  Do you have that challenge?  Or do you go the other way, and you shut down when you get passionate?  I think both of these can be a challenge.  I have to remember, it’s not all about me…it’s about communicating well.  Because I LOVE THEM.

2.  Do I find ways to communicate love even when I’m stressed and busy and overwhelmed?  When I think of all the times I’ve thought of my telling my mother something and not texted her, or bragged about my sister and not called her, or even been angry with my dad and talked about him instead of talking with him, it makes my heart sad.  I’m supposed to be teaching this stuff!  Instead, I so often fail in the execution of the communication.

How about you?  Would it help your relationships if you were more intentional communicating your love to those in your life?  I want to take each opportunity to communicate love and not put it off until later.  Because, as I’m being so forcibly reminded today, there’s no guarantee of tomorrow, and I want to rest assured I’m communicating my love the best possible way every day.

So for now, thanks for following along this month as I’ve posted every day.  Whew.  31 Blog Posts in 31 days.  Definitely a new record for me.  I’ve learned some things along the way, so there will probably be a post about that in the future. (Not tomorrow!!)  I want you to know I appreciate each of you and how you have commented and encouraged me.  It’s meant more than you will ever know.  So here’s our take-away.  Let’s commit together to using powerful  communication to create positive relationships so that we can live purposeful lives.  I think we’ll all be glad we did.

This is Day 31 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women.  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Does today’s discussion ring true with you?  Which post, of the past 31 days was your favorite?  Why?  Please leave your thoughts below.

The post Day 31 – Why Are We Working At This Stuff Anyway? (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Passive Communicator – “A reluctance and/or inability to confidently express what you think and feel.”

This person is quiet, shy and rarely says what they really think or feel.  They will keep their thoughts to themselves, often taken extreme amounts of time to think about what they will say before they say it.  They expect you to read their minds since they have limited body language and facial expressions.

My favorite story about passive communicators happened when I was speaking in Minot, North Dakota.  I had a group of 40 women in my “Powerful Communication Skills for Women” class.  The majority of them were of Scandinavian descent. (Internal processors and typically passive communicators.)  Throughout the day, I was getting basically no visible response from them.  I would say something funny and they would crack a slight smile or nod their heads.  As someone who gets their energy from other people, all day long I was giving myself pep talks, reminding myself that they were engaging on the inside, even if I couldn’t see much of a spark on the outside.  At the end of the day I was shaking hands at the door saying goodbye.  One after another of the women told me how much they loved the class.  One woman generously proclaimed, “This was the best class I’ve ever attended.”  “Oh, thank you,” I replied. “Yes,” she continued, “My favorite part was how you got us all so involved!”  Inside my head, I was screaming, “When? I missed it!”

That’s a funny story, but it illustrates the difficulty others can have with passive communicators.  Because passive communicators tend to keep everything inside, others can be at a loss to know their real feelings.  They are also very good at using passive aggressive manipulation to get what they want.  (I think passive-aggressive behavior is a post for another day.)

Aggressive Communicator – “Intimidates, demeans and degrades another person – behavior that results in a put-down, causing defensiveness and hurt.”

You’ve meet these aggressive communicators.  They are intent on getting their way and letting you know it.  The classic aggressive communicator can be found on the school yard – we call him a bully.  Or maybe she’s the one in your daughter’s peer group who is the dominate force.  She tells all the other girls what they should do and how they should do it.   An out of control aggressor uses their threat of anger to manipulate those around her.

The Aggressive Communicator uses their body language with their hands on their hips, their fingers pointing at you (while they shake their hand) and the scowl on their face to get their messages across.

Assertive Communicator:  “Confidently express what you think, feel and believe.  Standing up for your rights while respecting the rights of others.”  

You love these people.  They know what they want and they share it assertively.  When you finish a conversation with this assertive person, you feel great!  Encouraged and energized because you have been on the receiving end of healthy, life-affirming communication.

So, which kind of communicator are you?  By nature, most of us fall into either passive or aggressive.  Most of us have to learn how to be an assertive communicator.  It helps if your family of origin used good, healthy communication.  But even if they were too far on either end, you can learn to communicate assertively.

This month of October I’ve given you 30 specific ideas on how to be most effective with assertive communication.  I hope you will take these ideas and move yourself into the assertive category.  Your friends, family and co-workers will thank you and you’ll be empowered knowing you can use these tools to create a life of strong, active and relationship building communication.

This is Day 30 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women.  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which category do you fall into?  What challenges have you experienced with your own natural style?  How have you worked around your style to get better results?  I’d love to hear your stories and comments.  Please comment below.

The post Day 30 – Your Communication Style (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Choose Generosity.  J. Paul Getty was known for being the richest man in the world.  He was also known as one of the most stingy…even refusing to pay ransom when a grandson got kidnapped!  By the time he died in 1976 he had alienated all his children as well as his five former wives.  Contrast that with Dave Thomas of Wendy’s fame.  He was known for being generous of spirit with himself as well as his money.  Over his lifetime he gave away millions of dollars, as well as hours and hours of his time and passion in his interest of helping others.  He said, “Share your success and help others succeed.  Give everyone a piece of the pie.  If the pie’s not big enough, make a bigger pie.”  Which person would you like to model yourself after?  You get to choose.  Choose generosity.

Value People.  Think of what you love.  Your home, car, boat, jewelry.  I’ll bet you spend time and money maintaining these items.  What about the people you value?  Why is it so easy to pursue the things we love instead of the people we love?  (I actually think the answer to that is a whole different blog post!)  Find ways to value people.  The best and simplest is to listen to them.  Spend time with them.  Help them feel heard.  I was listening to a podcast recently and the speaker challenged us to “add energy” in our every encounter.  When you leave someone, is their energy higher or lower?  You can be an energy giver or taker.  You get to choose.  Choose — every day in every way I will add value to others.

Do It Every Day.  “Do all the good you can, to all the people you can, in all the ways you can as long as you can.”  D.L. Moody.  Don’t wait for your income or circumstances to change – just begin!  Science is now showing how our behavior impacts our mind.  Living generously will make us generous people.  Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, “what are we doing for others?”  Choose to act every day.

My friend Amy Sullivan, has written a wonderful book to help you teach generosity to yourself and your kids.  You can find it here.  The title, When More is Not Enough – How to Stop Giving Your Kids What They Want and Give Them What They Need really says it all. Tons of creative ideas are found here. Additionally, my friend Courtney DeFeo has a terrific program she created called “Light ‘Em Up”. Check it out here.  Designed to be done with your kids, it’s a great way to teach by doing.  Oh, and it’s fun!

In closing, let me leave you with a thought from Ann Voskamp, “When someone stops doing nothing, and just starts doing something, this is what starts to change everything.”  Today is your day.  Start.

This is Day 29 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. (And my birthday!)  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Is it difficult for you to be generous?  How do you motivate yourself to choose generosity?

The post Day 29 – Live Generously (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

When Receiving Feedback:

Ask for clarification.  What’s your response when your boss says, “You don’t seem to care much bout your job these days.” Do you get defensive and react or do you take a deep breath and ask for clarification like this…”What am I doing that gives you that impression?”  Asking for clarification is a good way to slow down the conversation and get it headed in a more productive direction.

Ask for specifics.  When your coworkers says, “You’re really trying to get on the bosses good side,” rather than reacting with a sarcastic or cutting response, just turn it around and ask, “Oh, what makes you say that?”  You’ll shut her negativity down without engaging in any of your own.

Respond don’t react.  Sometimes people give us feedback that we weren’t expecting.  When you give yourself space to respond, you’re setting yourself up for success.  A sentence like “I’d like to think about what you just said and get back with you about it later this afternoon,” is perfectly acceptable and preferable to an angry reaction.  You dictate how you will engage with someone.  Don’t give your power away to them.

Expect the positive.  One time I was speaking to a group of trucking executives in Montana.  Throughout the day I noticed one man in the front row who seemed to visibly disagree with everything I said.  During one interactive time, I asked, “What is it? You obviously don’t agree with me.”  “Oh no!” he exclaimed, “I was just thinking how much I agree with you and that you were hitting on everything that was going wrong with my company.  I’ve been thinking of all the ways I could fix the problems.”  Oh my.  I had completely mis-read his body language and because I had been expecting the worst (based on what I saw) I was expecting a negative response.  What a great lesson.  Look for, and expect the best.  Most of the time, it’s out there, just waiting for you to discover it.

Give grace.  Sometimes people spout off without thinking, giving you feedback that should have much more prudently gone unspoken.  If that happens to you, I’d encourage you to just skip it and forget it.  Life is too short to nurse grudges against people who have said ugly things to you.  Just this morning I had to give myself this very advice as one of my clients spoke extremely rudely and aggressively to me.  My feelings were hurt.  And then I remembered that I could give him grace and just let it go.  All of us have some days that are better than others.  By giving grace you allow others the freedom for a not-so-perfect day…and who knows, maybe next time you’ll be the one on the receiving end of the grace-giving.

This is Day 28 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. (And my birthday!)  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question: How are you at accepting feedback?  Is it easy for you or do you, (like I), get defensive? And can you share a story when you received grace from someone?  I’d love to hear your stories.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 28 – How to Say It — Receiving Feedback (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Communicating what you really think or feel is part of everyday life.  Doing it with finesse and tact is a skill you can learn to master. Giving and receiving feedback is an especially important art of communication.  Today we will talk about giving feedback and tomorrow about receiving feedback.

When you are Giving Feedback:

Be Specific:  When someone is having difficulty with getting their work turned in on time, say, “I’ve noticed that in February, March and April your reports were turned in two days late each month.”  Not, “So, looks like you’re really busy these days.”  The first was specific about the real issue, while the second left the listener wondering what you’re really saying.

Avoid Assumptions:  When you make an assumption like, “I know you probably don’t like discussing this issue, but…” it puts people on the defensive.  When we assume, we’re taking upon ourselves the projected thoughts of another.  Many times we’re way off base! Who really knows the mind of another?  Instead, say, ‘I would like to discuss our report schedule.  Do you have time now or later in the afternoon?”  This gets the conversation going on an even, unbiased note.

Avoid Generalities:  The minute you say, “Everyone knows you’re always late to meetings,” not only does the person become defensive, but you’ve set yourself up to be disagreed with from the beginning of the conversation.  After all, who among us is “always” or “never” anything?  Keep yourself focused on solutions by being specific and targeted in your discussion.

Focus on the Problem, not the Person:  Our tendency is to personalize issues.  When I complain about Betty being selfish and uncommitted to the team because she’s always late coming back from her breaks – I’m not only making an assumption and generalization, I’m also targeting Betty with my words, not focusing on her behavior.  When I focus on the problem – that is that other team members can’t take their breaks when Betty is late returning from her break – the focus keeps me from getting personal and/or attacking Betty.  This helps the conversation stay in productive territory.  Remember, when I target the behavior, then I can ask for that behavior to change for the better.

So, the next time you have to give feedback, I hope you remember these suggestions so that your conversation is productive, encouraging and keeping you on the path of creating positive connections and helping you be purposeful in living.

This is Day 27 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. (And my birthday!)  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you ever have trouble staying specific and focusing on the problem, not the person?  Do you find it easy to get personal?  I’d love to hear your stories, just comment below.

The post Day 27 – How to Say It…Giving Feedback (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Yet when I think over what makes a life truly well lived, I realize it all boils down to how well we get along, engage with and yes, even love our family and friends.  Therefore, following is an acrostic with my suggestions for how to really communicate LOVE.

Laughter:  Giggle, chuckle, guffaw…laugh until you cry!  Tell funny stories from your past; remembering how Great Aunt Georgina “fell asleep” in the mashed potatoes when you were just 6-years-old, is fun for everyone (except Great Aunt Georgina of course!).  Pull out old photo albums and laugh at how dorky you looked in 7th grade. Watch Planes, Trains and Automobiles, that’s a movie guaranteed to tickle your funny bone.  Families and friends who laugh together…have fun!  Laughter is the best medicine and does your heart good.  (Trite but true.) And of course, remember that when the dog rolls in the newly planted flower bed, your daughter spills honey all over your freshly cleaned floors and you sew the costume inside out and backwards 1 hour before the party starts, these incidents will be fodder for family laughs for years to come.  Laughing together communicates love.

Other Focus:  A wise teacher told me long ago that true Joy comes when you put others before yourself.  I would encourage you to try this.  Let go of focusing on what you want and re-focus on what others need.  When I focus on me, me, me, I become discontent, disappointed and depressed.  Comparing my insides to some else’s outsides just makes it worse.  But when I let go of myself, focus  on others and how I can impact them in a positive way, my whole paradigm shifts!  Focusing on others communicates love.

(I must include a whole paragraph of warning to the ‘O’ suggestion.  Oftentimes I see mothers get so wrapped up in their kid’s and husband’s needs they ignore their own.  Please don’t do this!  What I’m suggesting is a healthy balance.  Focus not only on your family and not only on yourself…but a balance.  Make sure each day has a little of both.  In the mother’s life, it’s a tricky balance of both isn’t it?  Please remember that sometimes serving yourself is the best way to serve others.)

Vorgiveness…err…Forgiveness: Please let go of that baggage that’s holding you back.  Your anger and resentment are only hurting yourself.  In the words Frozen made famous…Let it Go!  There is a scene in the movie “The Piano” where Holly Hunter is being pulled to a watery grave by tangled ties holding her to a piano plummeting to the bottom of the ocean.  It isn’t until she decides to break free (let go) of the heavy ropes and unburden herself from the weight of the piano that she is able to kick her way up through the water to the life-giving air at the surface.  The next time you are tempted to hold on to that resentment, I urge you to let go instead and communicate love.

Expect the Best:  What you are looking for is looking for you.  We have a joke in my family that I get all the green lights and my husband gets all the red lights.  I’m sure, it’s statistically the same, but our perception of who gets what is definitely affected by our outlook.  I celebrate my (expected) greens while my husband suffers through his (expected) reds.  I wonder which you would rather experience?  When you expect fighting, animosity and negativity, that’s exactly what you will find.  Expect the best and you will communicate love.

This is Day 26 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Questions:  So how about it?  Today can you communicate L.O.V.E. by implementing some of these ideas?  I’d love to hear your stories.  Just leave your comments below.

The post Day 26 – Communicating L.O.V.E. (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Tiger Woods was once asked by a fan to demonstrate how to hit the ball out of a sand trap.  Tiger refused, saying he never practiced the wrong shot – only the right ones.  I am often asked how to get good at public speaking.  My answer is always “Practice the right shot.”  And the right shot for speakers and communicators is Toastmasters.

Let me give you some background on this amazing organization and then share with you how to connect with a local club.  Toastmasters began in California in 1924.  Today it is an international non-profit organization boasting over 313,000 members in more than 14,650 clubs located in 126 countries.  The one commonality of members is that each is committed to becoming a more effective communicator.  The Toastmaster organization supports this common goal by providing a venue for members to hone their communication and leadership skills.

My own experience with Toastmasters was so positive I became a life-long advocate.  Never have I been involved in a group as uplifting and positive towards each other.  Good communication is not just about talking, it’s about learning how to actively listen, respond and how to give good, productive feedback.  By participating in the weekly meetings, you will learn how to do all of this and more.

My favorite story is about “Larry.”  My first visit to our local club was about week 3 for him.  A part of each club meeting is a section called “Table Topics” when attendees are asked to stand up and speak impromptu for 60 seconds on a given topic.  Poor Larry was so scared and nervous and freaked out when it was his turn, he stood, hands glued tightly to the back of the chair, chin tucked firmly upon his chest and whispered, stumbling and stuttering through his speech topping out at about 45 seconds of torture.  I hurt for him!

Fast forward 12 months.  This time when Table Topics was called,  Larry stood confidently.  He looked around the room as he spoke.  He used humor.  He used voice inflection.  His impromptu speech sounded like it had been planned and fine tuned for weeks.  He not only nailed that activity, but he won the weekly award for best Table Topic!  Talk about a turn around!  That’s what Toastmasters does for you.

That’s why, if you are serious about becoming a Master Communicator you need to get yourself to local Toastmasters club, join, and start reaping the benefits of this connection.  On a side note…each club has it’s own “flavor.”  So if you don’t feel comfortable at the first club you visit, find another and go visit it.  Even the smallest of communities usually have several clubs to choose from, so you’re sure to find one that’s a fit for you.  Here’s a link to help you find a local club.

This is Day 25 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Have you ever visited a Toastmasters club? What was your experience? What other way to practice has been helpful for you? I’d love to hear your stories! Just leave a comment below.

The post Day 25 – Becoming A Master Communicator (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.  Your tone, facial expressions, and body language all play a huge part in your communication (93% to be exact.)  You may say, “Yes honey, I’d love to go to your office party with you.” but your mate knows you’re not telling the truth because your rolling eyes, crossed arms and sarcastic tone scream, “Of course I don’t want to go be with all your stupid co-workers for my one precious evening home this week!”  Just be honest and match your non-verbal to your words for positive, effective communication.

Actions speak louder than words.  If your manager asks you to do a project, and you say “Sure, I’ll do it,” but somehow you never get around to actually doing it…be careful.  Your actions (not doing the work) are speaking much louder than your words.  You may think you’re just keeping the peace and avoiding conflict, but be sure your actions will be the ultimate test in the end.  Make sure your words and actions match.

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.  Saying ugly, negative things about people or situations does nobody any good, it just makes those around you uncomfortable.  Make sure when you add a comment or idea that it is positive.  A nice comment that benefits others. I loved being around my mother-in-law Shirley.  She was consistently positive and in fact, at her memorial service, more than one person agreed with me that we never heard her say a negative word about anybody.  Now that’s a testimony!  I can only strive to be more like her.

Only give advice when asked.  I’ve covered this extensively on Day 11 and Day 12 when I talked about giving unsolicited advice.  If you need a refresher be sure to read those.  But I wanted to remind you in this list how important it is to keep your opinions to yourself if you want to build relationships and not walls.  I know it’s tempting to tell your 15-year-old nephew that his permed, green, mop of hair is unattractive, but believe me, unless he asks for your input, he doesn’t care what you think, and if you mention it, you will only succeed in building a barrier between the two of you.  You never know when he will want someone to help him get it cut and re-dyed a nice red or something – and if you have built a wall instead of a relationship, you’ll miss out.  No unsolicited advice!

Enjoy every moment as you build relationships remembering this handy list of ideas.  And be sure to thank your Mother for her wisdom as well.

This is Day 24 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these suggestions do you consistently follow?  Which is the hardest for you to follow? I’d love to hear your stories.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 24 – Mama Knows Best (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Like – Are you a likable person?  What is that intangible that makes you like someone else?  I think it’s the magic of interest in others.  When you are around someone who is genuinely interested in you, you can’t help liking them.  Their focus on you makes you feel good, and when you feel good, you’re more likely to overlook minor irritants and like them back.

When I think of the people I really like, and want to know more, they are invariably people who are actually interested in me.  And how do I know that?  They ask questions.  They listen when I answer them.  They remember things about me and what is important to me.  How are you doing?  When was the last time you became more likable by asking thoughtful, interested questions?  Why not start today?

Trust –  Are you trustworthy?  Do people know they can count on you no matter what?  Trust is hard to build and very easy to lose.  I know some people are slower to build trust than others, but the hard, cold fact is that nobody will take you seriously unless they can trust you.  They need to know you will be ethical and do what you say you will do.  Ouch.

My guess is most of us could improve in this area.  Circumstances affect our behavior and sometimes we don’t follow-through, or we allow ourselves to move in the shade of gray…hmmm.  When others trust you, they have the gold standard to count on – and you have the privilege of being heard authentically when you communicate.

Know, Like, Trust.  Three cornerstones for effective communication you can begin working on right now.  If you are serious about building positive connections and living a purposeful life, you will want to think about and start putting into practice the skills of being known, likable and trustworthy.

Another excellent resource if you are struggling with this idea, is the book Little Black Book of Connections: 6.5 Assets for Networking Your Way to Rich Relationships by Jeffrey Gotomer. I love this book! It’s fun and easy to read and most importantly, it’s full of practical, actionable things you can do immediately to build connections.  I think you’ll like it too if you’re looking for more help in this area.  Can’t wait to hear your results!

This is Day 23 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  What do the people you know, like and trust have in common?  Can you name what element about them allows and encourages you to be in relationship with them?  I’d love to hear your stories.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 23 – Know, Like and Trust Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Know – How do you get to know others and get them to know you?  The simplest answer is to be friendly.  When you’re in a new place, stick out your hand to someone you don’t know, smile and say, “Hi, I’m (fill in your name).  This simple gesture opens the door to conversation, and soon you’ll have a new connection.  My college friend, George, reminds me that the very first time he ever met me was in our Speech 101 class when we were both 19.  What he noticed was that I was “working the room”, sticking out my hand, smiling and saying, “Hi, I’m Christy,” as I met all my new “friends.”  Years later, he came to one of my day-long seminars and he just started laughing.  “Christy,” he chuckled, you’re still working the room.”  I smiled at him and said, “Yes, and still meeting lots of new friends!”

At work, everyone already knows you, but hat doesn’t mean you should stop being friendly.  I’e been in workplaces where the employees don’t even acknowledge each other.  There’s no eye contact and rarely a smile.  Needless to say, because they engage with each other solely when required, there’s minimal relationship building and what’s left is a building of strangers who work together only when absolutely required.  I contend, if they were to take some time to get to know each other, their communication and their lives would  be enriched in ways unimagined.

Oftentimes, people tell me they don’t know what to talk about.  So I’m going to recommend a favorite book that will help you with this challenge. It’s a classic and was originally published in 1936!  But like all classics, it’s as fresh today as if it were written yesterday.  It’s called How to Win Friends & Influence People and I’m sure you know it’s author, Dale Carnegie.  You may have heard that this book is full of tricky techniques to manipulate others into relationship with you.  But I found just the opposite.  Instead, it’s all about how YOU can be a true friend to others.  The magical outcome is that when you’re a friend to others, others become your friend as well.  I highly recommend this book!

Tomorrow we’ll talk about the other 2 parts of this discussion – how to build relationship so that people like and trust you.  Until then, don’t forget to be friendly!

This is Day 22 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you find it easy to be friendly, or do you have to work at this?  What tips have you tried that makes it easier to stick out your hand and smile?  I’d love to hear your stories below!

The post Day 22 – Know, Like and Trust Part 1 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Remember the magic words

• “Please”
• “Thank you”
• “You’re Welcome”
• When someone sneezes – offer “Bless You,” and then pass them a tissue
• When you pass someone in the hallway, say “excuse me”

These simple kindnesses will sweeten things up in no time.

Respond to voice mails and emails in a timely manner

I was listening to old voice mails earlier tho sweet and almost had a heart attack when I heard a message left 6 weeks ago – to which I had failed to respond! Arghhhh!!!  Have you noticed how easy it is to be rude in this technological world?  Let’s all be polite and respond promptly.  If you have forgotten to respond, pick up the phone and call the person immediately to rectify as best as you can.  Using Facebook, twitter, email, text messaging and cell phones properly can help you stay connected and communicating.  Be sure to use them thoughtfully.

Send notes in the mail

Thank you notes.  Congratulation notes. Thinking of You notes.  These all work really well.  My second job out of college (after leaving Capitol Hill) was as a Realtor.  (Of course, one listing and one sale in one year does not a realtor make – I waited tables to pay my bills.) But one lasting lesson I learned during that time was from my manager.  He suggested I get in the habit of looking for articles of interest to my clients – then clip them and send them on with a little note.  I did implement this idea, and have continued it to this day.

I do love it when I receive a little note – don’t you?  This week, you can be the one to brighten someone’s day with a well written note.

Lose the Profanity

When I was doing Improv Comedy, I quickly learned that getting fast and easy laughs with off-color language and innuendo was never the better choice.  It wasn’t the potty humor that lasted, instead it was the richer, more difficult comedy combinations that left the audience sated and replete from deep, tummy busting laughter.  Elevate your environment by eliminating the profanity and using better language.

So, put Mama’s words into action.  I’ll look forward to hearing about your sweetened environments.

This is Day 21 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  What’s your favorite “honey” to use?  When have you experienced the “honey” of others and how has it affected you?  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 21 – Pass the Honey Please (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Consider these two requests you might hear from a coworker; “Debbie, I know you’re really, really busy and have a lot on your plate, but if it’s not too much trouble, and if you could maybe find the time, I could really use your help with this project if you think you might, maybe, be able to squeeze it into your crazy busy schedule.”  Alternatively; “Debbie, do you have 5 minutes? I would appreciate your input on this project.”  Which request would you be most inclined to answer in the affirmative?  Obviously, the second.  It’s to the point, respectful and clear.

Many times, people think they are just being “nice” when they are actually unnecessarily using padded words and phrases that irritate, annoy and reduce the impact of their comment or request.  Padded word and phrases have their appropriate uses – ask anyone married more than a year and they will agree to that – but in the workplace and as a communication rule – you will sabotage yourself if you routinely pad your words.  You will be perceived as being insecure, indecisive and interestingly enough, even as a manipulator.

So, how do you stop padding?  First, you want to edit your comments.  If the word or phrase doesn’t add value, omit it.  Secondly, make sure you’re choosing the most accurate words to convey your message.  I suggest you even consider using power words and phrases.  Consider the following lists of phrases and make note of those that seem familiar…

Words to lose:

• “If it’s not too much trouble…”
• “I know you’re really busy, but…”
• “I really hate to bother you, but…”
• “You probably don’t know the answer to this, but…”
• “I’m only the assistant, but I think…”
• “I know I’m the new person here, but…”
• “This is probably the wrong answer, but…”
• “It’s only my opinion, but…”

Words to use:  Power Phrases

• “I would like you to…”
• “Please finish this by…”
• “It would help me if you would…”
• “I suggest we…”
• “My experience has shown…”
• “Past practice indicates…”
• “The research points towards…”

And I’m sure you can add many more.  Now that you’re aware of the negative impact of padded words and phrases, I challenge you to be proactive in adding power phrases to your vocabulary.  You’ll be happy to watch your communication quotient soar.

This is Day 20 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which padded words do you find yourself using?  What can you use that will be more effective?  I’d love to hear your answers – just comment below.

The post Day 20 – Power Phrases (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

This is Day 19 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

The post Day 19 – Shine (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

I gave you an example of a dialogue with Tara yesterday.  Today I’m going to give you a fresh dialogue along with some guidelines to follow when having that difficult conversation.

1.  Be honest with yourself.  When someone is difficult, check in with yourself and ask, what is the real issue here?  For example, if Mary made a sarcastic comment in front of your team about the way you’re handling this month’s project, your first reaction might be anger.  But when you check in and are really honest, you’ll recognize that it was embarrassment and awkwardness you were experiencing in the moment.  Additionally, when you were “put down” in front of your team, you could be worried it could potentially minimize your authority as well.

2.  Be willing to be authentically transparent.  Tell Mary the way her behavior affected you.  You don’t have to go into a huge long explanation here – and be careful NOT to insert judgements or generalities here.  Don’t say – “Mary, you were a real jerk when you made that nasty comment about my work in front of my team this morning.”  That’s NOT what we’re looking for!  Instead, say “Mary, when you criticized my work in front of my team this morning I was really uncomfortable.”

3.  Tell her what you want her to do.  Sometimes I’ll hear people tell the difficult person they didn’t appreciate the difficult behavior and then stop the conversation.  Frankly, that does no good at all because most difficult people don’t even get that their behavior is a problem!  You must be specific and tell them what you want them to do.  “Mary, in the future, when you have feedback on my work, I would appreciate it if you would tell me privately.”  Short, specific and without judgements should do the trick.

This conversation may seem hard to do. But rest assured if you do not confront the difficult behavior it will continue.  Remember, that which is rewarded is repeated.  When you ignore their behavior it’s a way of rewarding their behavior.  Be sure to draw your own firm assertive lines so you don’t let the difficult people get the best of you.

I hope this mini-series on difficult people has been helpful.  I’ve enjoyed reminding myself of what works when I get confronted with behavior that’s upsetting to me.  I hope you will incorporate these ideas along with me, and let’s see our relationships blossom!

This is Day 18 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these suggestions have been most helpful to you?  Which can you implement? I’d love to hear your feedback.  Just leave your comments below.

The post Day 18 – Difficult People – Strategies and Solutions Part 3 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

In answer to my opening question, “Why are you here today?” an older man in the back row raised his hand.  As I called on “Bud”, I took a quick inventory.  I noticed the deeply etched lines of discontent framing his down-turned mouth.  His oversized hands were rough and callused and the wrinkles in his khaki work shirt mirrored those scored across his timeworn face.  As he stood, he placed his hands on his hips, thrust out his chest and loudly proclaimed, “Well, I’m the difficult person, and I’m here today to find out what you’re teaching, so when the people I work with try it on me, it won’t work!”  Hmmm….at least he was honest!

Does “Bud” sound familiar to you?  Difficult People.  Over the next few days I’m going to give you some suggestions for dealing effectively with them.  I’m going to help you bring out the best in  yourself first, then them, and even help you diffuse difficult interactions no matter who’s at fault.  Let’s get started with a few questions.

When you encounter a difficult situation with a difficult person, ask:

1.  Will this matter 5 years from now?  How often have you reacted to something in the moment only to realize later that it really didn’t matter in the big scheme of things?  Yet your reaction left disrupted relationships and hurt feelings.  Before you react, stop.  Take a deep breath and ask yourself this perspective reminding question.

2.  Who is getting the power here?  Sometimes, believe it or not, these difficult people just want to throw the behavior, words, attitude out there to see how we react.  (Interestingly, it’s the same thing my 10 year old does when she wants to see me jump!)  When I take the bait, I’m giving them what they want.  How about recognizing my reaction really gives them the power. Instead, let’s stop, and…

3.  How Can I Respond with the unexpected?  When I was verbally accosted at the gas pump last week by the oversized 40-year-old-surfer-dude on his way to the lake, I just laughed.  Based on his aggressive words, I’m sure he was looking for an argument.  But the whole situation was so ridiculous, laughter was my only possible response.  It stopped his aggression and I was left feeling slightly bemused rather than depleted by the incident.

Interestingly, these questions and behaviors are much easier to do with people you don’t know.  I think that’s because we’re so much more invested and connected with those in our close circle.  It’s that double whammy – we do what we don’t want to with those closest to our hearts!

So try these ideas out on your family and co-workers and see what happens.  I’ll love to hear your feedback.  Check back tomorrow for another set of strategies for dealing with difficult people.

P.S. Happy Birthday Dad!  75 Years Young.  And through the years when I’ve sometimes been the difficult person, you keep on being the most awesome Dad.  I love you!

This is Day 16 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these are you interested in trying?  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 16 – Difficult People – Strategies & Solutions (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

1. Will this matter 5 years from now?
2. Who is getting the power here?
3. How can I respond with the unexpected?

By asking these questions, you will remind yourself to respond, not react when engaging with the difficult person.  Now, let’s take a look at our actual conversations.

Have you noticed that sometimes a person becomes difficult in reacting to something you innocently said to them?  Well, following are a few key ideas you can employ to make sure your communication is assertive without inducing defensiveness and anger.

1.  Focus on the problem, not the person.  For example, you co-worker Tara is consistently tardy to work 3 of 5 mornings a week.  Her absence creates problems for you because when she’s not there, you have to handle her work load as well as your own.  Your tendency may be to focus on how irresponsible and lazy and self-absorbed you think Tara is by her chronic tardiness.  Instead, refocus and target the real problem here – don’t make a judgement about her – just focus on her behavior and how it is affecting you.  That way, when you talk with her about her behavior, you won’t be accusatory, you’ll just be able to focus on the facts of her behavior.

2.  Avoid absolutes and generalities.  Always, never, everyone, nobody, nothing, ever.  Do those words sound familiar to you?  Many of us are quick to assign an absolute and/or generality to a problem – like “Tara is always late.” or how about “Everyone knows you don’t really care about your job.”  These statements are most likely incorrect since few of us are always or never anything!  They are also general – and will not help solve the situation.  Stay specifically focused on the problem rather than create a defense response by throwing out glittering generalities and aggressive absolutes.

3.  Get specific.  Target the exact behavior that is bothering you.  For example, instead of saying to Tara, “You’re always late!”, begin your discussion by saying “Yesterday, when you were 10 minutes late to work…”  By getting specific about what you are talking about, and letting them know precisely what you are having trouble with, then you keep the discussion on track and targeted.  The more specific the better.

4.  Clearly state the specifics and then tell them what you would like to see them change.  For example, your conversation with Tara might begin like this; “Tara, when you were 10 minutes late to work 3 times last week I feel really frustrated. I have have to cover my work as well as your own.  I would appreciate it if you could be on time for work, or make arrangements for someone else to cover your duties until you arrive.”  Notice how specific that was?  It had complete facts as well as what I wanted her to do differently.

There’s so much we can talk about when it comes to clear, assertive communication to use especially when dealing with difficult people.  I’m out of room for today, but tomorrow I’m going to give you a few more ideas.  I’m so glad we’re only 1/2 way through the month!  There’s so much more good stuff left to discuss!

This is Day 17 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you have trouble staying specific?  What do you do to keep from using generalities and assumptions?  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 17 – Difficult People – Strategies and Solutions Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

2.  The Priority No.  This is the one you use with your boss.  When she comes running to you and asks you to drop what you’re doing and get to work immediately on this newer, higher priority project, here’s what you do.  Calmly pull out your list of priorities (discussed with and approved by your boss at the beginning of the current week), and ask her which of these other, prioritized items, she would like you to take off the list so that you can add her new priority project.

This little ploy will remind your boss that you are working off a priority list, and will either cause her to a) go find someone else to do the job – someone who is not working off a priority list, or b) re-think and re-assign the planned-on projects.  Either way, you in a good spot because you’re sticking to the projects as planned, and you won’t get penalized later for not finishing your priority list.

The one thing the Priority No requires is…yes, you guessed it…Priorities!  Even if you work in an environment where priorities are not discussed – or things are unorganized and randomly worked on, you personally, need priorities.  Take this opportunity to review what you are doing and make sure you are on track to reach your goals.  In order to reach your goals, my guess is that you’ll need to set priorities.  I love this method of saying no because it always pulls me back to what’s really important.  Now, I just have to remember to use it!

3.  The Full Plate No.  This is the one you use with your friends and co-workers when they want to rope you into another “good cause” for which you really don’t have time.  For example, for the past 5 years you have enjoyed organizing the office holiday party. This year, however, you have begun taking night classes and you are too overloaded to organize the party.  So, when they ask you about organizing the party again this year, you simply say, “Thank you for asking, however, my plate is really full right now, I’m going to have to pass on organizing the party this year.”

Notice how simple this is!  No long list of reasons or excuses, just a simple “no thank you.”  It’s a clean and simple get-away, and leaves everyone feeling positive.  This Full Plate No leaves you feeling empowered as you draw clear boundaries, and leaves the other person impressed you were able to clearly express your desires.

If saying No is a difficult area for you, I want to recommend a fabulous book by Lysa TerKeurst called The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands. This is a terrific, practical, best seller by one of my favorite women.  Lysa dives deeply into this topic and give you practical strategies you can put in place to make sure you are living out The Best Yes!

This is Day 15 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

I hope you’ve enjoyed these techniques to help you say No.  I’d love to hear your experience.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 15 – 3 Ways to Say NO, Nicely. Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Do you have trouble saying the ‘N’ word?  Do you find that because you can’t say NO, you end up involved in all sorts of things you don’t really want to do?  Or are you one of those people who has no difficulty saying No.  So much so, that people perceive you as self-centered and not a team player?  If you can relate, read on.

Following is the first of 3 ways to say No.  Using these ideas will help you build relationships rather than put a strain on them, while still making sure you end up doing only, and exactly, what you want to do.

1.  The 3×5 No.  Use this with someone you supervise, including your teenager!  Here’s an example from home.  You can take it and extrapolate it out for the office or whatever your situation.

Your daughter comes to you and says, “Mother, I have to get this $300.00 purse, and I have to get it now!”  Now you know that a $300 purse is not in the budget no way, no how, but you don’t want to say “NO!” again.  (Or if you are like I am, say “Are you out of your cotton-pickin’ mind?”) Ahem…

Instead, here’s how you handle it.  “Sweetheart,” you reply, “I want you to have this beautiful purse.  It’s gorgeous and stylish and I can see exactly why you want it.  My problem is that a $300 purse for you is not in our family budget.  Here’s what I would like you to do.  Take this 3×5 card.” (Hand it to her.)  “On one side you can write $300.00 purse and on the other side, I want you to list all the ways you can think of to pay for this $300.00 purse.  When the card is full of ideas, I want you to bring it back to me and we can discuss the options.”

The amazing thing about this method is how creative people can be when they really want something.  Your daughter will come up with all sorts of terrific ideas you would have never thought of ~ and because it’s her idea, she can’t complain about it later.  You will want to try this with your employee the next time they get negative about your solution to a problem.  Ask them to come up with alternatives and watch the positive energy rise.  Reminder — don’t use this one with your boss! 

This 3×5 No is a very empowering way to teach problem solving skills.  It’s also a great way to keep the environment positive and pro-active.  Check back for the next post when I’ll give you 2 more powerful suggestions.  Now, excuse me please, I have a call to make.  There’s a committee I’ve got to go extricate myself from…

This is Day 14 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you have difficulty saying No? I’d love to hear your experience. Just leave a comment below.

The post Day 14 – 3 Ways to Say NO, Nicely. Part 1 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Have you heard any of these phrases lately?  Negative, energy sucking, relationship tearing, and motivation zapping phrases seem to be all the vogue.  And it’s kind of hard not to be negative when you read the paper, listen to the radio and watch the news.  Holy cow!  Have things in this world ever been worse?

I’m going to suggest 3 simple ideas to keep you from letting that negativity bug get you down.  They are simple.  But they work.  Let’s take a closer look.

1.  Commit to yourself not to be one of the negative ones in your environment.  This is easier said than done, but “NO NEGATIVE” should be your internal command.  When you’re tempted to chime in to a negative discussion or make a negative comment, remind yourself of your commitment.  You can either say nothing or better yet, reframe it so you have something positive to say.

2.  Determine you will look for the good in every situation.  It’s amazing how this small choice can change your outcomes.  I think my Dad is a great example of someone who finds the good in every situation.  In 2003 he was diagnosed with stage 2 colon cancer.  Surgery removed all the cancer, but his physicians recommended chemotherapy.  As he was sitting in his home office on the morning of his first treatment, my Mother asked if she could do anything to help him get ready.  With a bright voice and shiny eyes, my Dad replied, “I don’t think so.  I’ve got the new Clive Cussler book I’ve been wanting to read and the brand new Straight Ahead Big Band CD I’ve been wanting to listen to.  You know, I’ve never done anything like this before.  I think this could be kind of fun!”

Yes, that’s right, FUN.  Wow!  What an attitude.  Before you say, how ridiculous to be so positive and light hearted about something so serious, stop a minute and think.  No matter the outcome, wouldn’t it make your time pass more enjoyably if you had a positive outlook rather than a negative one?  And study after study shows the importance of a positive outlook on outcomes.  Interestingly enough, today my Dad is a fit, healthy 75.  Better than before and cancer free.  I’m thankful.

I know many people do have negative outcomes even with a positive outlook.  I have a friend who just lost her father to cancer, and I don’t know of anyone who had a more positive spirit and deeply felt faith.  Bad things happen. But the idea here is to look for the good no matter how bad the situation.  It will benefit you and others.  And who knows, it might even positively affect your outcome.

3.  Get back on the positive wagon.  We all succumb to negativity at one time or another.  So the real success comes in recommitting yourself to a positive outlook so you can have a life of joy.  If there’s a deeper problem and you find yourself living in negativity, I’d encourage you to get to a health care provider ASAP so you can get some help climbing out of the pit.  Go for a walk, listen to some favorite music, jump on the trampoline with your kids.  Do what you can to jump back on that wagon.  Life is too short to spend it bound in negativity.

This is Day 13 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

I hope these will help you when you find yourself tempted to get negative.  Question:  How do you overcome negativity? I’d love to hear your comments – just leave them below.

The post Day 13 – How to Squash the Negativity Bug (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Here’s where it gets a bit tricky.  Ask yourself this.  What if trimming the bushes was one of the biggest thrills in your husband’s life?  Do you still have the right?

And what if each time he trimmed the bushes, they died.  Yes, that’s right. Dead. Brown. Kaput. As in, you have to pull them out and start over.  Do you still have the right?  Yes! (By the way, if it gets this bad, you must transition from mere unsolicited advice to a full blown strategy of assertive dialogue – but that’s another column.)

So, even, and especially when you have the right, before you open your mouth, ask yourself, “Is it in the best interest of the relationship for me to give this unsolicited advice?”  If not, then keep quiet.

I can’t emphasize this technique enough.  If they don’t ask, don’t tell.  Shhhh.  Bite your tongue. Hum a tune.  Try anything you can to stay silent and keep from transmitting the disease!

I admit this is a “hot button” topic for me.  In fact, let me be authentic with you and make a confession…I’m in recovery.  That’s right, I’m a recovering unsolicited advice giver.  I grew up in a family where we felt compelled with a moral obligation to pass on our wisdom to anyone we saw doing something differently (i.e., not our way) than we thought it should be done.  This propensity to participate in the plague has caused me untold misery and compounded problems – all because I never realized the destruction I was sowing.  You’ll be relieved to know I am in recovery, the cure is working, and I”m well on my way to a total healing.

But back to you.  What stage are you in?  Denial? Are you carrying the plague with you – bringing irritation and alienation to everyone you come in contact with?  Or are you willing to start and work the steps of recovery by resolving to practice the cure?

Remember, before you speak up, ask yourself these 2 questions:

1.  What gives me the right?

and then,

2.  Even if I have the right, is it in the best interest of the relationship?

There’s no easy answer here, and if you struggle with this I suggest you give these steps a try.  I know from experience, it’s so much more rewarding and positive for a relationship when you can stay quiet, build relationship and interestingly enough, often the person you most want to help will end up coming to you and asking for advice.  And then you can give it to your heart’s content.  Voila!

This is Day 12 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you give unsolicited advice?  Have you tried these solutions?  I’d love to hear your feedback – just leave a comment below.

The post Day 12 – A Widespread Plague Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Did you know that in the world of communication and relationships there is also a plague?  It is a plague that goes largely unnamed and unchecked – a plague that affects virtually every one of us.  Despite it’s alarming range, there are not many of us yet immune to it and its devastating effects.  Most of us have even been guilty, at some point, of not only being a carrier of this disease – but of actively passing it on to someone else!  What is it you ask?  The problem is the plague of giving unsolicited advice.

Are you a carrier?  Have you been infected?  Or have you been inoculated just enough to make you immune to it from others, but still wickedly powerful in your ability to spread its devastation?  Not sure?  Then read on…

Definition:  Unsolicited Advice is when you offer your opinions, suggestions or ideas to someone about something they are doing or planning, before they ask for your input.  I know most of us have excellent motives when we offer up these little truffles and tidbits of testimony.  But if you are brutally honest with yourself, you’ll recognize how frequently your unrequested suggestions are rebuffed or brushed away, not to mention met with defensiveness and ultimately rejection.  So, what’s the cure?

Ask:  What gives me the right?  This cure was found in the extremely helpful book by Doris Wild Helmering, Being Ok Just Isn’t Enough: The Power of Self-Discovery .  Ms. Helmering suggests that this is the first question you should ask before you open your mouth.

Ask yourself…What give me the right to tell my friend where to park as we’re circling the mall looking for a parking spot?  What gives me the right to tell my co-worker how to “more effectively” do the project he’s working on? Or how about this…What gives me the right to tell my husband how to trim the bushes?

Ooooh!  Got your attention on that last one didn’t I?  You probably responded – “But I have the right because it’s my yard too!”  And you would be correct.  You do have the right.  In my part 2 of this post, I’ll elaborate on how to process this – when you do have the right to give unsolicited advice.  The question becomes…should you?  I propose that when you don’t have the right, that is, it’s none of your business, you keep your mouth shut and your opinions to yourself.  But when you do have the right.  I also propose you ask yourself a few questions before you open your mouth and spout your opinion or suggestion.  Check out the next post for what those questions are…

This is Day 11 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you give unsolicited advice?

The post Day 11 – A Widespread Plague (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key #2 ~ Follow:  Follow first with silence and then with open ended questions.  Think back to your favorite listener.  Let me ask you, does the person who came to mind give you lots and lots of space around your sentences?  Do they let you have a pause at the end of your thoughts?  I’ll bet they do.  That’s called following with silence.  That’s probably the main reason you think of them as a great listener too.

You can do this too.  During a conversation consciously be quiet and allow a space (I try for 3 seconds) to follow after the person you listening to says something.  A funny thing will happen when you do this.  Either they realize they have more to say – and say it, or they’re finished with their thought and they’re waiting for your followup.  Being an active listener – then they don’t speak after 3 seconds, you follow up with an open-ended question.  That is, a question that cannot be answered with a yes or no answer.  This will keep the conversation moving forward and they will feel heard.

Key #3 ~ Feedback: This is the final step you can do when you are an active listener.  You can give feedback by reflecting with your body and reflecting with your words.  Think of the concept of mirroring the person speaking.  They tilt their head, you tilt your head.  They lean right, you lean left.  Basically, you’re matching their movements.

Did you know that people like people who are “like themselves?”  Think of your best friends.  Aren’t they similar to you in many ways?  The same thing holds true with listening.  People like to engage in conversation with people who are “like them.”  Now, don’t be a dork!  This isn’t the game my 2nd grader played tonight at the dinner table where he mimicked my every word and behavior!  Just do it gently with your body and then with your words.  When they comment, “We’re going to Hawaii for our vacation.”  You can reply, “Oh, so you’re going to Hawaii, how exciting!”  This confirms for them that you are listening and interested.  You show you are interested by giving them this verbal reflection.

Focus, Follow and Feedback. Three simple steps to energize yourself towards Active Listening.  Try it and see what happens.  I guarantee, when you commit to this behavior, you’ll see deepened relationships and more productive communication.

This is Day 10 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these 3 types of active listening behaviors are your favorite to use?  To be the recipient of?  I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comment below.

The post Day 10 – Active Listening: Following and Feedback (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Our conversation got off to a good start with a discussion of current events.  The talk moved to the problem of the Sandinistas in Nicaragua and in those days before the Iran Contra affair became known to all, it was natural to ask the Congressman what ideas he had for dealing with them.  When he gave his answer, I immediately piped up with, “But why do you think that would work when we’ve tried it before and it failed?”  He immediately leaned way back in his chair, crossed his arms behind his reclining head, swung his crossed legs up onto the top of his desk and fired back, “What do you think we should do?”  Clearly, he was not interested in my answer, nor was he receptive to anything I might have to say.  Considering I was just 20 and more than a little intimidated by this show of “manliness” I quickly responded, “I don’t know, you’re the Congressman.”

Needless to say, that was the end of that discussion and we moved on to other topics and the meeting was over not long after.  What happened there was a beautiful display of how NOT to listen.  Congressman Kemp’s dramatic body language put form to his feelings.  He had no interest in meeting with us or hearing what we had to say.  So since he couldn’t say that to his scheduler, he dramatically let us know we needed to get moving.

So, how do you avoid the same mistake in Listening?  I believe there are 3 key things you can do to be an active listener.  Focus, Follow and Feedback.  Today we’re going to look at how to focus.

Key #1:  Focus ~~ Focus with your body first and then your mind.  This is how you do it:  Uncross your arms and legs.  If you are sitting, lean slightly forward, about 7 degrees forward. When your body is open and you’re tilted slightly forward towards the speaker, it conveys you are interested in what the other person has to say.  This posture also helps you focus your mind on the immediate conversation. Your mind will be less likely to wander to your grocery list, or who is picking up the kids from school, or what you are going to do with that problem employee.  Instead, you’ll be laser focused on the conversation.  Note:  do not do this forward lean if you are standing — people will move away from you because you’ll be invading their space.

Oftentimes people are resistant to truly focusing during a conversation and will instead, take the opportunity to multitask.  What’s so interesting is that just this past week, research has emerged that Multitasking actually Damages Your Brain!  Yes! Can you believe it?  You can read more about it here.  When I saw this article, I recommitted to focusing more intently, especially during conversations.  Check back on tomorrow for part 2 on active listening.

This is Day 9 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

How about you?  Do you focus when you are listening or are you a multitasker?  I’d love to read your comments below!

The post Day 9 – Active Listening: Focus (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

And do you know, his behavior problems “magically” disappeared, and she ended up having a great year…with the whole class.  You see, she had the same conversation with each student, and they all rose to her vision and expectations for them.  In the business world, we call this using Praise, Rewards and Recognition to develop your people.  At home, I call it helping myself stay sane.  Do you realize people respond to your expectations?  In study after study, scientists have observed the power of positive expectations. So whether you need this technique at home or work or both, let’s take a look at how you can bring out the best with positive expectations.

Praise:  Look for positives and respond.  Once, while I was doing a training in Arkansas, a supervisor from the Little Debbie factory raised her hand and said, “My workers are working hard at a difficult and repetitive job on an assembly line.  I always like to catch ’em doing something right!”  You can bet she had motivated and empowered workers.

In order to come across as authentic with your praise, makes sure it is both sincere and specific.  People believe you are sincere with your praise when you are specific.  For example, if you tell your employee, “I really appreciate you.  I know you’ve put in a lot of extra time on this project and I appreciate it.  Thank you for your hard work and your attention to detail.”  Your employee will be energized and motivated to do even more.  And I must add, with certain employees, a letter spelling out this praise will be most highly valued of all.

We know people work harder for praises than raises.  Most importantly though, they will know you sincerely appreciate them…you told them so with Praise.

Recognition and Rewards:  Create an environment for people to look good!  When you walk in the door of the Arbonne International headquarters, almost the first thing you see is a huge wall filled with pictures of top achievers in the company.  These achievers are recognized for their accomplishments.

Focus positive attention on the quality of work and keep it there.  My 5th grade daughter is intensely focused on getting all her homework finished on time, and finished perfectly so she can participate in her teachers’ “Friday Rewards”.  And the even bigger goal is the “Perfect week, Perfect month” reward.  And on top of that, each test holds the potential of receiving a “Big Cookie” for a 98% or higher on the test.  Her teacher has tapped into the power of recognition and rewards for her 4th and 5th graders.

There are all kinds of way you can incorporate Praise, Recognition and Rewards into your communication life.  If you’re short on ideas, I recommend a book called The Carrot Principle: How the Best Managers Use Recognition to Engage Their People, Retain Talent, and Accelerate Performance by Adrian Gostick and Chester Elton. It’s loaded with great ideas you can implement immediately both at work and home.

This is a perfect time to re-commit to the power of positive.  Love the people in your life this way.  They will thank you and both morale and satisfaction will soar.  And a brand new resource to help you stay positive is Crystal Paine’s (Money Saving Mom) Choose Gratitude: Blessings Journal. There’s nothing like focusing on the good to help you stay positive.

This is Day 8 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you find it easy to focus on the positive this way?  What are some good ways you have given praise, recognition and rewards?

The post Day 8 – The Power of Positive (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Quiz:

1. Has anyone ever told you they “didn’t know how you would take it,” so they avoided telling you important information until after the fact?
2. Do you have difficulty giving people a second chance, because you expect perfection the first time?
3. Have you ever brought up something someone said a long time ago and used it in a current conversation to make your point?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, read on for a reminder of the elements required for a safe and healthy garden that fosters powerful communication.

Soil – Authenticity.  How authentic are you?  Are you the same person regardless of the situation?  As a leader, do you operate the same way with your staff as you do with your peers?  Do you share your own struggles and challenges with your team or do you create a façade of of perfection?  If you struggle with showing your true self, then you need to focus on being Authentic.  It’s the foundation.

Water – Give Grace.  Grace means “Undeserved favor performed out of your good will.”  Do you give others the benefit of the doubt or do you wait for them to flub up so you can point out their error?  Do you choose to give people second chances?  This doesn’t mean you have unhealthy boundaries.  It’s just you accept that people are flawed, and you’re willing to allow them to be less than perfect, and maybe even help them recover when they have failed.  Healthy environments require finding ways to give grace, just like water, daily.

Fertilize – Encourage Communication.  When you encourage communication, people feel safe talking with you.  They know conversations are confidential.  They know you listen for meaning, not just to gain information to use later.  You also recognize that sometimes people just have to verbally process in order for them to synthesize the information they have received.  You are also willing to share of yourself.  You’re not closed and unwilling to reveal yourself to them.  Communication flows both ways.

Making sure to include these elements into your everyday environment is hard work.  But it’s worth it when you begin to see your relationships blossom and grow strong so that that not only will they withstand life’s stresses but will flourish in the midst of them.

This is Day 7 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

What kind of communication environment are you cultivating?  Are you intentional with any of these 3 key elements?  I’d love to hear your experiences.  Just leave a comment below.

The post Day 7 – Flourish (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Monotone Mary – Mary never gets very excited about anything.  Her pitch rarely varies more than a few levels in either direction and her volume stays specifically just below the medium level.  When she talks, it’s easy to forget what she said immediately after she says it because everything sounds the same.  You have to guess what’s most important to her because there’s no emphasis in her speech.  She’s kind of like that recorded message at the airport that warns you not to leave your baggage unattended.  Easy to ignore and relegate into background noise.

Sarcastic Sam – Sam’s the master of double meanings.  When he asks a question or gives a comment, the thick sarcastic tone usually causes you to doubt how he wants you to answer.  Sam thinks he’s funny because of his sarcastic “wit” but his negative commentary is very wearing.  In meetings, he’s free with inflection laden suggestions, usually at the expense of another.  When he’s confronted about his comments, he always denies he said anything wrong. And let’s face it, technically, the words were fine; it was the sarcasm suffocating them that stopped productive communication.

Excitable Ed — Ed is always excited about everything!  You hear him before you see him!  There are lots of exclamation points in his delivery!  His volume is as high as his energy!  He emphasizes various words to make his points, and there are a lot of points to make!  He tends to be positive, but hasn’t come to understand that too much of a good thing is too much!  He makes you tired.  You tune him out because it’s ALL! TOO! MUCH!!

Conversational Callie – Callie is a master communicator.  She uses a variety of pitches and volumes when she speaks.  She draws you in.  Her lower and slower tone of voice attracts your attention…and then she delivers her message with power and humor.  She knows that variety is truly the spice of life, and when she speaks she harnesses that variety so you stay engaged.  Rarely does she speak with sarcasm, so if the joke is on someone, it’s on herself.  You like being around Callie because she uses her tone to build up others and strengthen her message.

I hope these examples have reminded you of what kind of tone can be most effective.  Notice your own tone, and ask yourself if you are communicating the way you really want to, or if you’ve fallen into bad habits.

This is Day 6 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these do you think you most closely resemble?  What are some ways you can become more like Callie?  I’d love to hear your comments, just leave them below.

The post Day 6 – Create Your Perfect Voice Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

It was as if I were speaking with a 10-year-old excited about her first trip to Disneyland.  Breathy.  Fast. High pitched. Run-on sentences.  Yikes!

The way you say something has even more impact than the words you speak.  (I’ll do a post about the non-verbals later in this series.)  Your delivery will either make or break your communication.  God gave you the vocal chords and physical realities you are working with – it’s up to you to work with these and hone your voice into a melodious instrument.

Here are 3 main areas to develop in order to be a powerful communicator:

1.     Volume – The amount of sound that is produced

Too loud:  You hear Larry Loud from clear across the room.  Oblivious to being obnoxious, he thinks louder is better.  Maybe he has a hearing problem.  Or maybe he’s just excited. Or maybe he just wants everyone to notice him.  Regardless, too loud is just plain wrong.

Too soft:  Sally Softie looks and sounds like she is wrapped in pink cotton.  She whispers her thoughts as if she’s afraid of your response.  She never notices how hard you are straining to hear her words, or that you eventually just give up in frustration and start nodding your head looking in vain for a way to escape the conversation.  Too soft hurts too.

Just right:  Just right Janie is very aware that different situations require different volumes.  She will raise her voice for impact or lower to attract interest.  She knows that volume is a tool that works best when it is varied.  She makes sure to have a nice mixture of both loud and soft and that each is used both skillfully and appropriately.

2.     Pitch – Pitch is technically defined as the “rate of vibration of the vocal folds”

Too high:  The more vibrations the higher the tone.  And a higher voice is frequently discounted or minimized as being too “childlike” to be of value.

Too low:  A lower tone is commonly recognized as more competent and knowledgeable.  Although we women may want to sound like Lauren Bacall, for most of us, that won’t be an option. People who have super low voices can be perceived as being too sexual and not serious.

Just right:  Find your natural spot.  If it’s in the upper middle range, go lower.  Lower voices are perceived as voices of authority, so it’s in our best interest to make an effort to modulate our pitches so that they are still natural, but as low as feels comfortable.  Aim for the lower middle range.

3.     Rate – How fast or slowly we speak

Too fast:  Super excited and young and happy.  Think of your kindergartener spilling the beans about an upcoming birthday party the minute he gets in the car after school.  Too fast minimizes the value of your information.

Too slow:  One word.  Boring.  Slow and steady is a good formula for saving money, it’s the kiss of death when speaking. Even though slow speech can indicate thoughtfulness, be careful about going too slow.

Just right:  We normally speak at about 125 words per minute.  Audio books are about 150-160 words per minute (they have to keep your attention) and auctioneers are off the charts at double that.  Just right is somewhere between 110 and 150 depending on the situation.  As with the other elements, keep it appropriate and you’ll be in a good spot.

The best way to find out how you are doing in these areas is to record yourself and listen back.  Once you get over the staggering “yuck” of listening to yourself, you’ll get some helpful insights into where you can tweak things to become a more powerful communicator.

This is Day 5 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these areas do you need to work on to become a more powerful communicator?

The post Day 5 – Create Your Perfect Voice (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

This is a throwback for sure (remember when Andre Agassi had hair!)…but is it still true?  We could debate this idea for eons, but when all is said and done, the bottom line is that our image plays a powerful roll in how we interact with others.  My guess is that most of you reading this would really like to create a positive and professional image whether you are CEO of a large corporation or CEO of your home.

With that in mind, if you want to be perceived as a powerful communicator, here are 3 key suggestions:

1.  Be clear.  Ambiguity may have it’s place in poetry or novels, but for interpersonal communication ambiguity leads to mis-understandings.  If you want something accomplished, say it in terms that are clear and definite.  Don’t beat around the bush.

Unclear:   “I could sure use some help around here.”

Clear:  “Please clear the table, put the dishes in the dishwasher and take out the trash.”

Ask:  How can I make my conversation clearer?

2.  Be concise.  There’s nothing worse that someone who rambles on and on and on and on and… well, you get the picture.  Sometimes we ramble because we are nervous about getting an answer we don’t want.  Just spit it out.

Rambling:  “If it’s possible, and you’re not too busy, and I know you really have a lot to do, but I could really use your help, if you could just take a sec and look at this project and see if I’m on the right track, because it’s the first time I’ve done anything like this, if it’s not too much trouble.”

Concise:  “Do you have 5 minutes?  There’s a project I’d like to get your input on.”

Ask:  How can I be more concise?

3.  Be committed.  Don’t hedge.  A hedge, according to Phyllis Mindell, a recognized expert on women and language, is when you “hide behind words, refuse to commit oneself.”  Women tend to do this more than men. These words don’t add meaning, they just add to the sentence – in an effort to soften the sentence.  When you commit to clear, concise communication, you will be able to omit these.

Hedging:  “Well, I would really like us to start the meeting at 8:00am, if it’s not too inconvenient for everyone.”

Committed: “The meeting starts at 8:00am, and I expect everyone to attend.

Ask:  What words can I omit and still retain the meaning?

It’s not easy to speak with clarity and intention.  I want to encourage you to put these 3 ideas into practice and see if you get better results.  I know you will enjoy creating a positive, professional communication image.

This is Day 4 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question: What do you think about this?  Do you believe it will work? Have you tried any of these before and if so, what were your results?  I’d love your feedback! You can comment below.

The post Day 4 – Your Communication Image (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Sometimes people say charisma is something you’re either born with or you’re not.  I think it’s even simpler that that. Yes, it may be easier for some people, but the reality is that most people who are perceived as having charisma do certain things that create that perception.

So, here are my Top 5 hallmarks of a charismatic person:

1. Confidence.  They don’t apologize for being themselves.  They embrace it.  They don’t think they’re too short, too tall, too fat, too thin, too bald, too much hair, too old, too young.  They’ve stopped all that nonsense cold.  Charismatic people know that the best version of me, is me!  So they embrace it.  And then they own it.   Confidence is contagious.  That’s charismatic.
2. Ask questions.  One of the most noticeable attributes of a charismatic person is that they make you feel like you are special.  They are really INTO you.  They don’t just rattle on about how awesome they are, they focus on you and ask you questions about yourself.  .  They ask open ended questions (more on that in a later post) and wait eagerly for your answer.  Get really good as asking questions.  That’s charismatic.
3. Listen well.  Another striking quality of charismatic people is how well they listen.  When you are talking, they are not busy formulating answers or thinking of the next question (remember, they are confident), instead they are 100% focused in on you as you answer their question.  They listen for ways to connect and relate.  Become a good listener.  That’s charismatic.
4. Have something interesting to say.  A key element of a charismatic person is how they seem to always have an engaging tidbit to share.  They pay attention to the world, and people are interested in their observations.  They read books, blogs, and newspapers.  They listen to podcasts and radio and even occasionally go to movies or watch TV.  So when it’s time to talk, they are interesting.  That’s charismatic.
5. Laugh at yourself.  Don’t take yourself so seriously!  Charismatic people understand the power of laughter and the first joke is always on them. So learn how to be funny and start with yourself.  Look for the humor in daily life and share.  Everyone loves to laugh, and charismatic people lead and leave with laughter.  That’s charismatic.

Can you tell that the magic secret to charisma is really,  Seek to be interested more than interesting.  That’s it.  That’s the secret.  All these things I’ve listed are really ways to show you are interested in others.  Simple. Easy to practice.  You can do it.  That’s charismatic.

This is Day 2 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  What do you think makes someone charismatic?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 3 – How to Be Charismatic…Hint – it’s not what you think it is (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Not only were we 2 of the most “seasoned” mothers, at that roundup, ahem, but despite the height of that shoe heel, we were also kindred spirits.  Over the intervening 6 years, I’m happy to say my first impression of Maureen was spot on.  She is darling. She is definite. She is daring!

The statistics say we have about 7 seconds to make a first impression.  How are you doing?  Maureen did a lot of things right to create a positive first impression with me.  She’s a business owner and she knows the power of impact.  Here are a few things you can do to get off on the right foot. Ahem.

1. Stand up straight and smile.  There’s something about a smile that invites a positive response.  You immediately signal you are friendly and open and ready to start something good.
2. Stick out your right hand, say your name and give a nice handshake.  You can almost never go wrong by initiating the handshake.  In our American culture, a handshake is a universal clue that you want to get the conversation started.  (More on handshakes in a later post.)
3. Lean towards the person you are meeting.  Sheryl Sandberg had it right when she said “Lean In”.  Your body will send your message of interest loud and clear before you even say a word.
4. Look them in the eye.   As I’m training my kids how to meet new people, the hardest thing for them to understand is the power of looking the other person in the eye.  They want to hang their head and mumble. Each time I force gently encourage them to lift their head and look the other person in the eye as they are introducing themselves.
5. Speak up.  When you say your name, say it clearly.  Nothing is worse than having to ask, “What was your name again?”  Make sure that as you introduce yourself you are projecting your voice towards them.

The bottom line is that creating an awesome first impression is a lot easier than you might think.  It’s really all about the other person.  When you ask yourself, “How can I give them what they need so they feel comfortable entering into a conversation with me?”, you’re on the right track.

Interesting, isn’t it. When we take our eyes off ourselves and put them on the other person, we’re bound to win.  Oh, and some awesome shoes will always help too.

This is Day 2 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  What do you do intentionally to create a positive first impression?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Just leave a comment below.

The post Day 2: First Impressions (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

So often I hear women, even famous and powerful women, minimize their impact by the way they talk or the words they use.  So, for the next 30 days we’ll explore what you can do to be confident and competent as a communicator.  What you can do to be taken seriously, and have your message heard.  In short, how you can become a more Powerful Communicator.

The funny thing is, that as you become more confident and competent as a communicator, my hunch is that you will also become more confident and competent as a woman!  Bonus!

So as we look forward to these next 31 days, think about what communication struggles you would like help with and let me know.  Leave me a comment or shoot me an email if you want to remain anonymous.  I have some hot topics in mind, but I know you’ll have some awesome suggestions too.

It’s going to be fabulous!  Let’s get going!

Click the links below to view the rest of the 31 Powerful Communication Skills for Women Posts:

Day 1 – Introduction

Day 2 – First Impressions

Day 3 – Charisma 101

Day 4 – Your Communication Image

Day 5 – Create Your Perfect Voice

Day 6 – Create Your Perfect Voice-Part 2

Day 7 – Flourish

Day 8 – The Power of Positive

Day 9 – Active Listening Part 1: Focus

Day 10 – Active Listening Part 2

Day 11 – A Widespread Plague Part 1

Day 12  – A Widespread Plague Part 2

Day 13 – How to Squash the Negativity Bug

Day 14 – How to Say No. Nicely Part 1

Day 15 – How to Say No. Nicely Part 2

Day 16 – Dealing with Difficult People

Day 17 – Dealing with Difficult People – Part 2

Day 18 – Dealing with Difficult People – Part 3

Day 19 – Shine

Day 20 – Power Phrases

Day 21 – Pass the Honey Please

Day 22 – Know, Like and Trust Part 1

Day 23 – Know, Like and Trust Part 2

Day 24 – Mama Knows Best

Day 25 – Becoming a Master Communicator

Day 26 – Communicating L.O.V.E.

Day 27 – How to Say It – Giving Feedback

Day 28 – How to Take It – Receiving Feedback

Day 29 – Live Generously

Day 30 – Your Communication Style

Day 31 – Why Are Work Working At All This Stuff Anyway?

The post 31 Powerful Communication Skills for Women (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Customer Service.  Towel animals aside, here’s a 2-step exercise to easily to assure you create a positive experience every time.

1.  Focus on their Expectations

What are your client’s expectations?  Make a list of 10 expectations you think your client has.  Think of the spoken and the unspoken expectations.  Once you have 10, try to expand to even more.  Cultural, social, educational and economic backgrounds all affect the set of expectations each person has.  Oh, and the age.  I was reading this week of a church in the midwest catering to 30 and unders. They met in a warehouse.  The walls were black.  The music was loud. The computerization was pervasive.  And apparently their target market was swarming.  It all comes down to recognizing (and then meeting) those expectations.

This is a powerful discovery exercise to do with your staff.  Find out if the lists match.  If not, then it’s a good time to discuss it with each other.  Think about this:  How on earth can you meet client expectations if you don’t know what they are?  By making the effort to define a concrete list of expectations you’ll be well on your way towards meeting them.

2.  Create a list defining how you’re going to meet those expectations

Write down at least 2-3 behaviors you can implement that will match the expectation.  For example, if you wrote down, “a pleasant greeting when clients come in the door,” then you would list, “greet client with a smile, eye contact and a pleasant hello.”  You should have a “solution” for each of the expectations.  If you don’t have a system in place to assure each expectation will be met, then this is a perfect time to implement the training and development required to make that happen.

When you go through this exercise of listing the expectations and then creating a pro-active action plan for meeting those expectations, you are well on your way to crating a positive customer service experience for each and every client. Oh, and no towel animal required!

The post 2 Simple Steps to Improve Your Customer Service Efforts appeared first on Christy Largent.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I find myself just kind of “in a funk”.  Leaving the house in a rush and escaping to a restaurant to read and write and work because I don’t want to say a truthful thing to a house guest who hurt my feelings.

I fall into the same pattern of behaviors that have ill-served me over the years.  Apparently I’m pretty good at persuasive communication and not-so-hot at honest, vulnerable communication.  So instead of saying, “Wow, that behavior of yours hurt me,” I grab my computer, books and rush out the door to drop the kids at school and escape the uncomfortable feelings bubbling up inside me.

I am obviously bothered by these feelings because I woke up this morning at 2:17am just in time to watch the Amtrack train cross the trestle heading south.  And when I couldn’t go back to sleep by 3:30, I slipped to the kitchen for my cure-all, Advil, and went back to bed deeply breathing my mantra “God made me enough” over and over again.

And these feelings rage around inside of me and I can’t figure out how to say it nicely.  And then I read the blog posts of my most current wonder-woman Crystal Paine and think how little I”m producing and how slow my progress and all the other not-enough lies that come from comparison and I wonder if any of my dear readers ever feel this same way?

Do you have an agenda list 2 miles long and somehow just can’t seem to get accomplished what you want to get accomplished?  Do you have things to say and instead of being Brave (Brene Brown) or a Warrior (Glenna Melton) you suck it back inside and smolder?  I’m sorry if you do this.  I’m sorry I do this.  I want to be the woman who bravely speaks and lives her truth.

You might even look at me and think, “Christy is a clear communicator,” “She speaks the truth in love,” but then you would be looking at my outside and not my stress-induced rash or my marriage that’s in a hard spot or my sadness with some of my most personal relationships.

My dear sisters.  We are on a journey and I want to encourage you on yours while I encourage myself on mine.  I will write this post and maybe post it, and then I will create my own list of 3 4 things I will do to pull myself out of this pit and get busy doing what I was put on earth to do.

1. Remember that your mission is uniquely your own.  The journey you are on only you can travel. You are the right person for the right job.  Claim your mission with thankfulness. Here’s mine.  God first cliche, but true – Oh how He loves you and me! My Husband, love him unconditionally.  My children love them without expectations.  My work/health.  Programs to write, people to encourage, miles to run.
2. Revisit your Goals.  What is the most important next step?  See programs to write, above.
3. Get busy doing something of value that will move you towards those goals.  Don’t check Facebook or read over other (better) blogs.  Get busy producing.  I always feel better when I produce.
4. Ignore the other 3 things until you face your fear.  Say the uncomfortable thing you need to say.  (More action!)  Today I will be brave.  I promise you I will figure out the words to say.  I will not try to convince.  I will be honest and vulnerable.  Yuck.  Just thinking about it twists my gut into a knot.  But I will do this today first because I want to grow.  I want to start defaulting into the better choices instead of the old ones that produce negative results.  And I know I have to practice to get better.  Today I will practice.

And so I offer to you these thoughts.  My heart hopes you will not judge me too harshly.  Instead, I hope you find some encouragement in my struggling path for your own path.  Maybe you will even feel better because this is not your struggle.  You got this!  Be thankful, and pass this along to someone in your life who is struggling.  Because maybe she needs to be reminded that she really is the right person for her right job and the world is waiting.

Deuteronomy 31:6  “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Question:  I’ll leave my results from today in the comments section. I’d love to hear your results too!  Please encourage me by leaving your comments below.

The post Practice Makes…A Life appeared first on Christy Largent.

But a networking event is a perfect opportunity to meet people in a relaxed and fun environment. So whether you’re headed to back-to-school night or a Chamber of Commerce Mixer, these ideas will help you feel more comfortable, have more fun and might even afford you an opportunity you never expected. Let’s take a deep breath and here we go:

1.  Smile.  This is the most obvious, yet I am continually surprised at how few people actually do it.  Not only will it put others at ease when they look at you, but an open smile is a great way break the ice when you don’t know anyone.

2.  Pretend you are the host.  This mindset will help you be friendly to everyone.  Think what you would do if all these people were in your house. You would do your best to make sure each person had a good time – and that they were introduced to each other, right? Do the same at the event and your comfort level will rise dramatically.

3.  As you approach people, stick out your hand, smile again and say, “Hi, I’m (insert your first name here).”  That’s it.  Super easy.  And most of the time, the person you approach will respond with their name.  If they are in a group, even better. You can meet all of them.

4.  Ask questions and listen!  I can’t stress how important this is.  Most people are too busy thinking of how to impress the person they are talking with to bother really listening.  Listen for connections.  Connections between yourself, people you know and the person speaking.  Listen for ways you can connect people together.

5.  Have your business cards handy.  I usually put mine in a pocket so I’m not digging through my purse when it’s time to exchange cards.  If you want the card of the person you’re talking with, ask.  “Do you have a card?” Most people will be happy to give you their card, and then you can give them yours in exchange.  Then for an extra bonus, tweet them after the party with a mention of how nice it was to meet them at the event.  I find my tweets get a lot more response than emails these days.

Most of all…have fun.  Meeting new people can be a real blessing to your life. When you remember that everyone in the room feels pretty much as awkward as you do, just by adjusting your mindset to be one of service (how can I connect others?) you’ll set yourself up for a positive and successful networking experience. I’ll be trying these tips myself as I head to the the Podcast Movement Conference in Dallas this week. I’ll let you know how they work.

Question: How do you overcome nerves when you are in a new environment? What are your best strategies? I’d love to hear your tips and suggestions!

The post 5 Steps to Avoid Awkward appeared first on Christy Largent.

Driving down the coast of California with a 7 and 10 year old in tow, making periodic stops at California Missions does NOT a fairytale make.  I’f you’d been with us, here’s a bit of what you might have heard…(see if you relate)

“Pay attention and  look at this view! People come from all over the world to see this beautiful landscape!”

“Stop hitting your brother!”

“There’s a statue of Father Serra – let’s get another a picture”

“Don’t you dare touch your sister again!”

“No, we’re not going to the beach until the end of the day”

“Write this down, this will be good for your report on the California Missions this fall.”  (You would hear muttering in response.)

“Please be quiet, we’re going to stop in just 2 hours a few minutes!”

Needless to say, as I sit here in the hotel room this morning (the pool is closed for maintenance, the beach has no beachside cafes and the one umbrella topped tables is full of HS girls in their pajamas playing on their i-phones). I figure there must be something good from all this I can share with you.  The must be a lesson here somewhere.

Because you see, I woke up early with my heart racing thinking of the things I left undone when we left for vacation.  Those items are still sitting on my computer in my inbox.  The phone calls still need to be made.  The emails still need to be returned.  The blog posts written.  The sheer volume of WORK!  It’s overwhelming.

This re-starting a business has been a lot harder and slower than I anticipated.  I envisioned a quick turnaround.  I pictured myself as a speedy jet boat, making a swift, powerful, unencumbered 180, then racing quickly in the other direction.

I guess the reality is that I’m more of a cruise ship.  Loaded down with husband and kiddos and activities and responsibilities.  With that in mind, I’m taking a big breath and going to share with you a few ideas that helped me this morning.  Maybe they will help you navigate your circumstances too.  I’m writing this in first person, so please put your name in here and feel free to make it your own.

I’m me, not anyone else.  In the midst of my anxiety this morning I opened an email from a very well know and extremely successful female speaker.  She has started a world-wide ministry, written a bazillion books including 2 NY Times best sellers, has an enormous online and in-person following, adopted like 10 kids from Africa, has a bedazzling marriage….well, you get the picture.  What trap did I fall into again? That’s right.  Comparison.  I had to remind myself that I’m me.  The end. My story can only start when the comparison ends.

Work with what I’ve got.  So I’m not sitting by the beach being awed by the wonder of God’s creation as I type these words.  My kids are in and out of the room.  I’m sitting at a fake wood table by the wall AC that’s blowing fast and furious.  That’s ok.  This is all the time I have, so I’m going to make the most of it.  I have a feeling this is a message you might need to be reminded of too.

Break it down.  When I’m overwhelmed, it’s easy to let my mind run crazy with ALL the things that are not happening.  I find when I take the time to list down what these things are, it releases some chemical so I feel better.  It puts it in perspective. It gives me a chance to see what the gaps are and what the REAL (not imagined) needs are.  Breaking it down gives me the bigger picture.

Experience your moment.  I must admit my temptation is to fret and stew this vacation away trying to fit work in every bit of alone spare time I can grab.  Instead, I’m going to finish this post.  Shoot out a few fast emails that say I will get back with them after my vacation is over next Monday.  I’ll do a min-podcast tomorrow morning early before everyone is up and get it posted on Thursday, but other than that, I’m going to enjoy the rest of this vacation without regret.

There will always be more work.  But I will never, ever, have another week with my sweet little chickens (as I call them) like this week.  So I’m going to embrace it and enjoy it.

I have a feeling all the expectations I had for this week will be way blown away by the memories we actually make.  And when I get back to the work, my hunch is that it will be with fresh eyes and a renewed spirit.  Happy Summer!

Question:  What part of this post do you relate to?  Please let me know I’m not the only one!!

The post I’m So Overwhelmed! And I’m on VACATION! appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Set Yourself Up for Success – Your professional image is based on how others see you:

1. Body Image:  Passive – Aggressive – Assertive
2. Verbal and Non-verbal Image
3. Your Clothes Image
4. Your Content Image
5. Your Voice Image

Your Presentation – Just Like a H.S. Term Paper!

• Tell them what you’re going to tell them
• Tell them
• Tell them what you told them

1. Introduction – Hook
2. 3 Main Points – with supporting components
3. Closing – Call to Action

Include these elements:

• Stories – personal, 3rd person as well as movies and books
• Facts – not too much
• Examples
• Pictures
• HUMOR!

Key Items to Remember:

• Be Authentic – Be Yourself
• Practice, Practice, Practice
• Magic Bullet:  It’s NOT all about you!!

Best Book Resources: 

Communicate with Confidence, Revised and Expanded Edition: How to Say it Right the First Time and Every Time

How to Say It For Women: Communicating with Confidence and Power Using the Language of Success

Talk Like TED: The 9 Public-Speaking Secrets of the World’s Top Minds

Website Resources:

gallocommunications.com – Carmine Gallo, author of Talk like TED

http://www.toastmasters.org

http://www.dalecarnegie.com

One more thing:  Remember, my book give away this week for the first person to rate and leave a review on iTunes gets Talk Like TED as my gift!

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 15:23  A person finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word!

Question:  What’s your biggest fear about public speaking?  What have you done that helped you overcome that fear?  Why do you think it’s so scary?  I can’t wait to read your comments below.

The post #012: Say It Like a Pro – Overcoming Your Fear of Public Speaking (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

She was missing a key element for success, not just in work, but in life.  That key element is the ability to navigate the “soft skills” or “interpersonal skills.” Following are the top 5 elements you must master as you seek to grow your influence and develop professionally in this area.

1. Listening Skills.  Are you a good listener?  Do you follow along in conversations, or distractedly check your emails when you’re not talking?  I did a post (here) on this topic.  Review it if you would like to brush up on this most important of skills.  I believe listening is probably the most important skill you can use to improve your relationships at work and home.  Like the old saying goes, “God gave you 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason, you should listen twice as much as you talk.”
2. The ability to Navigate through Conflict.  Do you know how to speak out about uncomfortable or hot button topics?  Are you assertive?  (Not aggressive or passive.) Assertiveness is speaking the truth – even hard truths – calmly and confidently.  Often times I see people get stuck in destructive patterns of backbiting and blaming rather than assertively addressing the issues that invariably arise.  If you need a difficult conversation format to follow, check out my post here. When you learn how to speak the truth in love, you’ll be amazed at how you are able to resolve issues and work through conflict.
3. Do what you say you will do.  This point can be called trustworthiness, integrity or authenticity.  Regardless of what you call it, this point is all about being a woman or man of your word.  Even when it’s not comfortable or easy, you can develop the habit of following through the way you said you would.  We all know that people like this are few and far between.  By committing to be a person of commitment, you are already setting yourself apart as unique and special.
4. Generosity.  The best way to show generosity is to focus on others rather than on yourself.  When we turn the focus outward rather than inward, we show that it’s not all about us.  When we are willing to be generous to forgive mistakes, we develop trust relationships with others.  Think “win-win” whenever you have to negotiate.  It’s always better to err on the side of generosity. Check out Give and Take for more on the topic of giving.
5. Sense of Humor.  This is my favorite. (Just listen to my podcast and you’ll see why immediately.)  I love to laugh.  I usually laugh at myself first.  By not taking myself too seriously, I open the door to honest communication, as most people recognize that a bit of “lightening up” can effectively raise morale and boost productivity. I have found that those who are willing to laugh at themselves are also those who can get past the imperfections of others, creating an atmosphere of freedom and willingness to risk looking stupid.

Why not start working on these skills today?  I guarantee you will be very happy with the results as you experience improved relationships and increased opportunities.

Question:  Which of these are the most difficult for you? Which are the easiest?  What do you think about the importance of soft skills to life success?

The post The Top 5 Interpersonal Skills You Need to Succeed at Work and Home appeared first on Christy Largent.

So, today I want to pass along a link to a great event coming up tomorrow (Tuesday) with Ali Brown, a woman I admire a lot.

Ali is holding a FREE web-event and you are invited.  I’ve copied what’s on her website here:

It’s time for a change in how you work… for the better…

During this special 4-hour web event, you’ll discover:

•WHAT SEPARATES PROSPEROUS WOMEN FROM THOSE WHO STRUGGLE
It’s a simple principle, but you may not be aware of it.. or its importance

•BALANCING YOUR AMBITION WITH SURRENDER
You don’t have to “go hard or go home”. Time to tap into a higher power

•YOUR TOP 3 BARRIERS TO BEING IN YOUR BLISS
We often don’t even see these, but here’s how to easily remove them

•THE 5 KEYS TO A MONEYMAKING BUSINESS YOU LOVE
And the strategies that will help you get started right away

•NEW! DETAILS ON OUR BUSINESS BLISS OPPORTUNITY
(we’d love to have you!)

Ali has a whole list of accolades, too many to go into here.  Bottom line, If you are a female entrepreneur or wantrepreneur, Ali gets results.  Plus she’s a whole lot of fun!

Enjoy!  And we’re off to another great week!

The post A Big Recommendation appeared first on Christy Largent.

First things first.   Yes, this was written on my whiteboard by my Amelia.  I love how she spells, and I really love how she is focused on what is important.  As I mentioned at the end of May, my weight loss challenge was a  “failure”.  The month was really GREAT in other areas…but…

Do you ever do that?  When the one thing you really want to achieve doesn’t happen, you write off the whole month?  That is SO MUCH my tendency.  But I’m learning and growing and so today I celebrate all the good things that happened in May.  My podcast launched!  I made it to iTunes New and Noteworthy thanks to all the amazing reviews!  I kept up with semi-regular blogs.  I recognized that I have a focus on perfectionism.  This is actually the first time I’m figuring out that I really am a perfectionist in quite a few areas of my life. Yeah! Growth! The book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are is really helping me (and I think it would help you too if this is your struggle).

My girlfriend told me about a trainer who helps you re-set your metabolism.  Seriously, I have tried everything (too many to go into here) and I’m sure my metabolism is as sluggish at the pink goop McDonalds uses for it’s chicken nuggets.  So, as soon as I finish this blog post, I’m going to call him up and get an appointment.  Can’t hurt, and it just might help.  I’ll keep you posted!

Now to the really important stuff.  The “I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off” syndrome that mysteriously reappears every June.  If this is something you can relate to, here are my top 5 ideas for getting back on track.  I’m going to start them right after I finish this post and call that magical trainer…

1.  Write down what you want to accomplish. When everything is going crazy, the easiest thing in the world is to forget what you really need to do.  The urgent jumps up to the top of your mind and you lose track of the important.  Writing it down will give you clarity and free up your brain.
2. Prioritize.  My guess is that your list is crazy long.  Everything from put in a load of wash to contact that client.  I find that prioritizing is a huge help since I RARELY finish everything on my list during the day. I feel really good when I can check off each item and know the most important thing has been done.  If you struggle with prioritizing and procrastinating, I’ll encourage you to read Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time by Brian Tracy.  This book is full of great practical suggestions for how to get the hard stuff done. I re-read my copy at least once a year to keep me on track.
3. Keep the list handy.  I sometimes write a list and then close my notebook and forget about it.  Don’t do that!  Keep it open and handy so you can check off things as you do them.  It also helps you stay on task.
4. Set aside 40-50 minutes to work without distractions.  Do whatever it takes to be uninterrupted.  Work while the baby is asleep.  Get up early. Stay up late.  Shut the door.  Turn on the TV for heaven’s sake.  That’s why PBS was invented!  You get my drift.  Set the time and work undistracted.  You will be amazed at how effective and productive you will be in such a short amount of time.
5. Celebrate your wins!  You did it!  You accomplished something today.  Go kiss your kids, pet the dog and jump in the pool. You’re going to need it ’cause tomorrow it starts all over again.  Big hugs from sunny, hot (105!) and summery Redding.

Question:  How do you handle the challenges summer brings?  What are your best practices?.  Share please.  We’d love to know!  Just post your ideas below in the comments section.

The post 5 Steps to Stop Running Around Like a Chicken With Your Head Cut Off appeared first on Christy Largent.

When I got home and after the car was unpacked, the clothes in the washer and most of the dirt wiped off, I picked up a book I’ve had sitting on my desk for 2 weeks or so.  In light of the way my non-stop self-talk had run riot after a weekend of being reminded I’m not where I want to be physically, (the end of the month challenge…remember?!?) the title caught my attention.  Crash the Chatterbox by Steven Furtick is timely to say the least.

Right at the beginning he reminded me that this frustration I experience between what I want to do and what I currently experience is nothing new.  In fact, the apostle Paul beautifully shared with us how he was constantly “at war” with this battle in his mind.  “I do what I don’t want to do, and I don’t do what I want to do,” Paul said.   Sound familiar?

If you struggle with your self-talk, I think you would enjoy  Crash the Chatterbox too.  I’m about 1/2 way through it now, and so far, there have been 2 key ideas I want to share with you.

1.  Look to God rather than people for approval.  My personality tends to look to others for their approval.  I work harder for others than I do for myself.  I focus on being the best student, the best friend, the best worker, the best daughter.  And it seems like I’m always striving to be perfect so that I’ll hear “good job” from the person I’m working for approval from.

Instead, I”m going to take Steven’s reminder to heart and realize that God has already said “good job Christy.”  In fact, he has already said, “Good Job!” to you too.  I’m already fully approved of and so are you.

Following hard on the heels of this need for approval, is my desire to compare.          2.  Dump that darned comparison trap!  It was so tempting to trot out my old friend – especially this past weekend as the end of month brought many promotions in my former business.  Several friends whom I had watched start their business’ after me, and then promote past me had just achieved the top level of the company.  I am so happy for them.  Really.  I am.

And I’m kind of sad for me.  For the lost hopes and dreams.  For the title of “National Vice President” that I didn’t achieve.   And then, just in time, I was reminded by Steven that comparison is ridiculous. Let me quote from him (just in case any of you could benefit from this thought too.)

 “Before you were born – before any of your defects were apparent to you — they were absolutely apparent to God.  That didn’t stop Him from calling your name and setting you apart.  He placed you on the earth at a certain time for a pre-decided purpose.

 And even when you can’t seem to get your act together, your identity is secure and completely intact.  Because in Christ, who you are matters infinitely more than anything you do or cannot do.”

And that’s the truth.  That “pre-decided purpose” just makes my heart sing.  Because I know that had I achieved that rank I was working so hard for, I wouldn’t be right here with you right now. There would be no blog.  No podcast. No speaking career.  And for whatever reason, I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is where I’m supposed to be.

All 187 lbs., achey back, creaky knees and all.  And as I get my mind repositioned, whatever that process looks like, is when the weight will drop and the fitness improve.  In the meantime, ping-pong anyone?

Question:  How do you handle your self talk?  What’s your biggest challenge?  Can you see yourself using the two ideas I discussed?

The post What’s in Your Mind? appeared first on Christy Largent.

I headed straight to the pantry.  I rummaged through until I found an old, stale and expired ready-to-eat butterscotch pudding.  I quickly opened that sweet concoction and gobbled it down as if it were manna.

The next day at my therapist’s office, I told her what had happened.  She smiled and gently asked if I saw the pattern.  Clueless, I had to think about it for a while before I realized what I had done.  To her it was textbook.  To me, it had become a way of life.

Were you ever told, as I was, that it’s better to say nothing at all than say something that could damage your relationship — as you can never get words back?  When I heard that advice as a naive 21 year old, I took it to heart and instead of learning how to communicate clearly and respectfully, I decided to just say nothing.  Big mistake.  8 years and 1 failed marriage later, I was living the negative outcomes of that behavior.

Feelings cannot get stuffed without disastrous results.  We all need a positive way to express our feelings.  The list of negative coping behaviors (if you don’t express them) is long….overeating, under-eating, control-freakism, unmanageable anger, withdrawal, depression, manic exercising, addictions of every kind…and the list goes on.

I want to share a conversational solution to this dilemma I have both used and taught over the years.  When I use this, it works.  Amazing.  Notice the emphasis.  When I use it!  When I don’t, I find myself falling back into the old patterns.

Here’s a sample dialogue:  (This is called  “Assertive Dialogue”)

• When you interrupt me while I’m talking in our staff meeting
• I feel frustrated
• Because I’m unable to complete my thoughts, and I think they are important or I wouldn’t have started speaking.
• I want you to stop interrupting and listen to my full thought before jumping into the conversation.

Notice the key phrases that start you in the right direction.

• When you…..fill in the behavior that’s bothering you here.
• I feel…you can leave out “feel” but be sure to name the EMOTION and don’t fall into the trap of turning it into an accusation by saying I feel LIKE YOU…
• Because – this explains to the listener how their behavior is affecting you.
• I want you to – or I would like you to – this explains the behavior change you are looking for.  This changed behavior MUST be a direct response to what you started the conversation with – it must not be some random new thing.

Each component is important, because each layers onto the other.  Fill in your own blanks and try it out!  Let me know what you think.

A great resource if you want to work on this, is Changes That Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud. You can get it here.  And you can get the workbook here.  This book was extremely helpful to me as I worked through all the issues that had built up over a lifetime of stuffing.  I think you’ll like it too.

If you’ve read this far, you’re probably a regular reader and you noticed I did not post with a “weight update” last Friday.  After a full week of 7-year-old birthday activities and then a Saturday afternoon birthday party with 25 little ones to plan for – combined with publishing 3 new podcasts, I just couldn’t get it done.  The ending number Friday was 185.

Today’s post was motivated by my own struggle this past week…I fear I have been stuffing my mouth rather than speaking out the truth in love.  I’m doing better so far this week now that I’ve reminded myself of how to deal with my feelings in a positive way.  I’m going to change my updates to Mondays since Friday seems to come around really fast!

I’m off to Atlanta this week to celebrate the High School graduation of my sister’s daughter and my namesake, Caroline.  I think I’ll have a lot of opportunity to practice my script!

PS – check out this week’s podcast published this coming Thursday morning for more details on Assertive Dialogue.  Subscribe in iTunes to get every podcast as it’s released!  (Feel free to leave a review too! :))

Question:  How do you handle communicating your feelings?  Do you ever find yourself looking for the “easy” way rather than speaking the truth in love?  Let me know…I love reading your comments!

The post How to Say it Nicely appeared first on Christy Largent.

The study of The Personalities is very old – dating all the way back to Hippocrates in about 400B.C.  He started it, and still today we are wondering why people act the way they do.  Florence Littauer has written the most user-friendly book on the subject that I have found.  You can find Personality Plus Here.  Back to Hippocrates, he categorized people into 4 basic styles:

Sanguine, Choleric, Phlegmatic and Melancholy.  Today we  still find it useful to recognize these general categories.

In this podcast, I explain in detail about the Powerful Choleric – “Action Annie” and the Peaceful Phlegmatic – “Peaceful Patty”.  If you want to get the full picture of these styles, be sure to listen to the podcast episode 002 for the details.

Powerful Choleric (Red) – Action Annie:  You know her because she is;

• High Energy
• Strong with her words and gestures
• Functional for optimum performance

Her motivator is to BE IN CONTROL!!

Peaceful Phlegmatic (Green)- Peaceful Patty:  You know her because she is;

• Laid Back and Easy Going
• Great sense of Dry Humor
• Great Listener

Her motivator is PEACE AT ANY PRICE!!

The styles basically work together so that you have one dominate with a supporting style.  The natural combinations (which can vary between the two as to most dominant) are:

• Sally Sunshine (Yellow) dominant with Action Annie (Red) secondary or Red dominant with Yellow secondary
• Action Annie (Red) dominant with Detailed Danielle (Blue) secondary or Blue dominant with Red secondary
• Detailed Danielle (Blue) dominant with Peaceful Patty (Green) secondary or Green dominant with Blue secondary
• Peaceful Patty (Green) dominant with Sally Sunshine (Yellow) secondary or Yellow dominant with Green secondary

Remember, you can change positions but you’ll never change teams.  It’s a learning journey.  Hopefully, we are all growing and changing every day.  For more details on this topic, be sure to listen to episode 002, and then check back for episodes 004-005 when I’ll go in to specifics on what to do with these people!  It will be entertaining and educational.  I promise.  After all, I’m a yellow!

P.S. If you haven’t subscribed to these podcasts, please go to iTunes and subscribe.  Then download the episodes so you’re up to date.  Thank you so much!!

Question:  Which of these 4 styles we’ve covered are you?  What are your challenges? What’s easy for you?  How has your style helped you at work and home?  Please leave your answer below.

The post #003: Understanding The Personalities Part 2 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

One of my clients, a high-level executive from San Diego, once made this comment; she said, “Christy, I hope you’re going to tell me what to do with these people. I’m telling you, they come into my office, and they go on and on and on and on, and I say to them, Nutshell, nutshell, just give me the nutshell!” I just had to laugh!

But I think we can learn a valuable lesson from the story. It’s a good plan when you’re dealing with these “Nutshellers” to do them (and yourself) a favor. Just give them the nutshell! If they want more information, they will ask. These are the people with whom it’s a good idea to live the “don’t tell until they ask” policy. Speak in bullet points, and get right to the point. When you do this, you will find their attention level will stay high, and they will appreciate your focus.

But what if you’re not the Nutsheller? Well, you’re probably the “Detail Lover”. You know you are this if you tend to be the one going on and on and on and on. You might even notice people get a glazed and dazed expression as you are telling them all the ins and outs of your latest projects. You LOVE the details. And that’s a good thing! We need people who read the directions and pay attention to all the specific stuff.  Imagine if your physician couldn’t be bothered with the details?  What a nightmare!  But if you are able to focus on the details, just be judicious with your use of these precious nuggets of information.

And if you Nutshellers want to make a powerful impression with the detail lovers, ask them for the details. They are truly the experts in all the information you would ever want to know. Tap into their focus on details and experience the benefit as you watch them blossom.

Recognizing which of these two communication types you tend to be can help you communicate more effectively. And, as an added benefit, you’ll get to experience improved relationship and stronger bonds as you “give it to them” as they like it.

Question: Which are you? Nutsheller or Detail lover? I’d love your stories in the comments. Feel free to tell us in your “style”.

The post Are You A Nut…sheller? appeared first on Christy Largent.

1.  Recognize the Power of Image.- oh yes, this is a visual world.  With Pinterest, Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter and so on, it seems we are inundated with images like never before.  Did you know that you are creating a personal image whether you are intentional with it or not?

So the question becomes what image are you creating?  There isn’t really a right or wrong answer to this.  So much depends on your environment and what your objectives are.  A good rule of thumb is to observe the leaders in your industry and duplicate what they are doing.  So dump the stuff that’s in conflict with who you want to be perceived as, and stock up on the goods to make you ROCK your style and you’re on your way.

2.  Utilize the power of your voice.  Your words are just a portion of your message.  That’s right,  the bast majority is conveyed with your pitch, tone and volume, body language and facial expressions.

In American english, the primary time you should end a sentence with a vocal lift is at the end of a question.  Yet how many people do you know who end their statements with a lift?  That little habit will cause people think the speaker is “just a bit tentative” with his ideas.

Use variety with your pitch, tone and volume.  If monotone is a habit for you, turn on NPR in the morning and repeat after the reporter just a beat or two behind.  It will force you to modulate your voice in ways you’re not used to doing.  Strengthening your vocal variety could be just the ticket for increasing interest in what you have to say and earning credibility through a more powerfully spoken message.

3.  Maximize your body language.  Yup, the other big chunk of getting your message heard is your body language.  What are you doing with your arms, your head, your face?  All parts of your body send messages a million times a minute.

Here’s the interesting thing – if you say no and shake your head yes, guess which message is heard?  That’s right, it’s the Yes! that comes across.  People always believe what they see over what they hear.  You may be speaking with confidence and passion, but if your body is sending a passive, unsure or negative message, that’s the story that’s heard.

4. Operate like a professional.  Return phone calls and respond to emails and texts.  Finish projects prior to their deadlines and work generously with your team.  Keep your desk area organized.  It’s the little things that add together when someone is forming an image of you.  Do these simple things and you will be perceived as proficient and professional.

5.   Stop underestimating yourself and your ideas.  I pulled up one of my favorite podcasts last week and had to giggle when I heard what the topic of the day was.  All about being a good conversationalist.

As I had just that morning completed my free “Top 10 Conversation Tips” as a gift for my newsletter subscribers, I was curious to hear what my mentor had to say.  I must admit I was tickled pink when his main points coincided almost surreally with mine.  And he is one of the top referenced business and platform minds in the world!

Needless to say, I was reminded of this great truth.  You know more than you think you do.  So be bold.  Be courageous.  Sell your message with passion.  Only YOU were created to do what YOU are doing.  The more confident you are in yourself, the more there will be to share with others.

So this has gone a tad long, but I think it’s worth it to remind you that YOU are the most powerful person when it comes to creating your image and being taken as a professional.  Try these tips and let me know what you think.

Question:  Have you ever felt like people don’t take you seriously?  Is your work ever minimized?  If so, what have you done to overcome the mis-perceptions?  I can’t wait to hear your responses!

The post 5 Steps to Get Taken Seriously appeared first on Christy Largent.

Needless to say, when I finally pulled up to the service window, my stress was palpable and I fear I uttered a few not-too-kind words about that pesky Suburban driver.  Imagine my surprise when the Barista, Ashley, responded with solace and a gift along with my eagerly awaited coffee. Instead of stark raving mad, I left that drive-through a raving fan.

What did she do?  She followed a few classic recovery suggestions.  Here are the steps she took that you can take too…

Step #1:  Apologize and Acknowledge you goofed up.  It’s amazing how the words “I’m sorry” can get everyone back on the right track.  Begin with the admission that you did something wrong.  Be careful not to say “I’m sorry you feel that way”.   If you say that, you’re actually shifting the blame to them and away from yourself.  Now is the time to suck it up and apologize.  That’s what the sweet barista Ashley did for me, and she immediately calmed my ruffled feathers.

Step #2:  Put your Listening Ears on and Ask open ended questions, Listen to the answers and then Empathize.  Be careful you don’t jump straight to the fixing portion before you do this step.  Everyone wants to feel heard, and when you take the time to ask and listen first, you’ll be able to move forward with little resistance.  Ashley let me vent and she then calmly moved to step #3, showing me she understood my frustration.

Step #3:  Fix the Problem.  Stat!  After listening, that’s when you want to jump in and fix it as quickly as possible.  Address the specific issue and be as detailed as possible.  Once you have fixed the problem, you should quickly move to Step #4 – which is what Ashley did…

Step #4:  Offer Atonement.  Even before Ashley  gave me my coffee, she reached out and handed me a coupon for a free coffee of my choice anytime, anywhere.  Wow!  I didn’t expect that, but her swift gift (and tiny $5 cost max to the company) did a world of good.  Although I was still late, I was mollified by her thoughtful gesture. Atonement shows you really care.

Step #5  Follow up.  Although Ashley and Starbucks couldn’t do this, most of you can.  After you’ve fixed the problem, be sure to call and follow up in a timely (2-3 days) manner.  Showing you care with this follow up phone call will, I promise, be unexpected and very appreciated.  The extra good part of that phone call is that you’ll get to hear first hand how they are doing with the fix – and make sure they are ok.

Even the most conscientious people occasionally flub up and give poor customer service.  Following this 5 step process will indeed compensate for falling short and convert your clients into Raving Fans.

Question:  What exceptional customer service recovery have you received, or not?  How did it leave you feeling about that company?  Leave your stories below.  I can’t wait to hear from you!

The post 5 Steps From Stark Raving Mad to Raving Fan appeared first on Christy Largent.

Considering the fact I have carried on a full conversation with a Hungarian taxi driver (WHO SPOKE NO ENGLISH) and I’ve never let a little thing like, I don’t know, LANGUAGE, stop me from having a conversation, I figure I have some suggestions to share on this topic.

So here you go.  Super Fast, Easy and Quick ways to get a conversation started:

#1 Smile and introduce yourself.  This is the easiest thing to do.  Follow this pattern exactly.  Smile while you look at their face.  Extend your right hand and say “Hi, I’m Christy Largent (although it works better if you say your own name), what’s your name?”  Keep smiling and stop talking.  I promise you, this magic sentence will get the conversation started.

#2  Start asking questions.  Once they tell you their name, use one of the following words to start your question.  How.  Where. What. When.

For example, (you guys keep telling me you want scripts, so here are a few for you):

• How do you know our host?
• Where do you live?
• How long have you lived there?
• What kind of work do you do?
• How long have you worked there?
• Where did you get that great tan?

Then, continue with some more great follow up questions.  When they say something like, “I just got back from a trip to Hawaii,” don’t fall into the “me too” trap!  Instead, ask open ended questions like, “What was your favorite part?” or “Who all went with you on the trip?” or “Where did you stay?” or “Which island was your favorite?”  These open-ended questions will keep the attention on them, and let them keep talking.

I think you’re getting the idea.  Guess what the conversation is all about?  Yes!  That’s right!  It’s all about THEM.  Not YOU!  It’s them.  Remember to avoid the temptation of switching the conversation back around to yourself.  That’s a guaranteed conversation stopper.  Believe me, I’ve tried.

These are my 2 best tips and they will almost always  get you through the awkward part so that other conversation can then naturally flow.

In the interest of fair disclosure though, sometimes people are actually pretty boring.  You might find yourself in a jam for something to talk about.  I found that out this past week at a luncheon event.  I was stuck sitting next to the most narrow (and foul-mouthed) woman I’d met in a long time.  When the conversation digressed to the type of allergy medicine she found worked best, I knew it was time for tip #3…

Tip #3  Look for a way to escape.  Fast!  Her profanity laced observation of springtime in Northern California was my cue to suddenly remember I was dying for dessert. You can copy the words I used next.  They were surprisingly effective. “It’s been so nice meeting you, I think I’m going to head over to the dessert bar.”  And then you can escape.

Question:  Do you find it hard to meet new people?  What conversation starters work best for you?  What have you tried that doesn’t work?  Please leave your answers below.  (P.S. If you want to get a more complete of ideas for improving your conversations, be sure to sign up for updates and you’ll get a free guide with 10 Tips to help you.)

The post Super Fast, Easy and Quick Conversation Starters appeared first on Christy Largent.

What I experienced at the New York City flagship was the embodiment of Exceptional Customer Service.  According to Kristin Anderson and Ron Zemke and their book, Delivering Knock Your Socks Off Service (Knock Your Socks Off Series)there are 5 keys that all of us look for when we subconsciously asses whether the service we receive is exceptional or mediocre.  Let’s take a quick peek!

Reliability:  Reliability is the ability to provide what was promised in a consistent way.  One of the most successful restauranteurs in Northern California once told me that consistency is the one thing customers need more than anything.  He went so far as to say you can be consistently bad or consistently good.  It didn’t really matter.  What did matter was that the customer knew what to expect.

Assurance:  The knowledge and courtesy of employees, and their ability to convey trust and confidence.  When your clients come to you are they assured of your competence?  Assurance means your team knows all about your products.  They are expert problem solvers and the dreaded words “I don’t know” are never spoken without the rejoinder, “but I’ll find out”.  Assurance is a hallmark of a professional.  Make sure your staff are empowered to engage with assurance.

Tangibles:  This includes your physical facilities and equipment, along with the appearance of your staff.  Take a break and walk outside your office.  Is the entrance bright and enviting?  Is the walkway clean with a cheerful flower pot inviting in your customers?  Is your signage fresh and clear?  What does your office decor say about your company?  Is it tired with worn out french blue and mauve colors with a dusty fake tree stuck in the corner?  Or is it sparkling clean with up to date colors and style?  These seem like minor issues until you realize that first impressions not only happen with people but with property as well.  You have 7 seconds to make a positive impression.  Is an out-of-date office sabotaging your expensive marketing campaigns?  If so, it’s time to make a change.

And how about the appearance of your staff? The dentist I take my children to is not the least expensive in town, in fact, I think he may be the most expensive.  But I love him and I love his staff.  Every 6 months the dentist purchases fresh new, stylish uniforms for his team.  I know that may seem wasteful, but the smiling faces of his staff and positive atmosphere of the office shout out they feel valued and want to value us.  As a bonus, the professional presentation sets the stage for the excellent dentistry to follow.

Empathy:  The degree of caring and individual attention provided to customers – acknowledging their emotional state.  Take a minute to watch this shot video by RSA Shorts and Dr. Brene Brown.  I think you’ll agree it’s the best explanation I’ve ever seen of what exactly is empathy: RSA Shorts – The Power of Empathy

Responsiveness:  The willingness to help customers and provide prompt service.  Don’t you just love it when a message is returned the same day you left it?  Our culture has gotten so lax in this area, it’s a good reminder that you can put yourself ahead of the competition with this one discipline.

Question:  How are you and your team doing in the area of customer service?  What are you doing right?  What needs improvement?  Please leave your comments below..

The post How to Knock Their Socks Off appeared first on Christy Largent.

So what’s the prescription to knock this evil back?  How can you become a better listener?  I’m glad you asked.  Here are a few suggestions that should send the disease running scared and turn you into a healthy, active listener:

1.  Focus on the other person.  Focus with your body and focus with your mind.  Focus with your body by turning yourself towards the person.  You can actually lean towards them about 7degrees without it seeming weird. Usually, putting your body into a focused position helps you focus your mind on the conversation.  In this case, thoughts will follow action.

2.  Follow with Feedback.  Follow along with feedback as you’re having the conversation.  You can give feedback with your words, by asking follow-on questions, as well as offering verbal “cues” that you are following.  Some cues would be, “really”, “that’s interesting”, “and how’s that?”.  These are easy word cues that encourage the speaker to continue on.  You can also give physical (yet silent) feedback as you nod your head, smile and keep appropriate eye contact.  Hint:  Sometimes silence is the best way of all to follow and encourage more productive conversation.

3.  Avoid the “me too” syndrome.  This is where you insert your personal experience into the conversation at every opportunity. Yes, we want to forge connections and grow intimacy.  Yes, we often think that by offering our own experiences we will build those bonds.  But the reality of “me too” syndrome is that what you intend for relationship building, gets perceived as one-upmanship and will shut off the conversation. Nobody wants to feel like it’s a competition.  Withstand the temptation and keep the conversation focused on them as described above.

A couple resources you can use if this is an area you want to grow are, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently by John C. Maxwell, and the classic How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.  Both of these will put you ahead in the communication game.

It’s wonderful to feel heard.  When you practice, and get good at active listening, you are giving this gift to those in your world.  You are telling them they are important and you care.  The time will come when it will be your turn to talk.  And you can only hope that at that time, you’ll be connecting with someone who also practices active listening.

How about you?  How are your listening skills? What are your challenges?  When have you felt heard?  What did the other person do that made you feel that way?  Please, leave your comments below. 

The post Are You Listening To Me? appeared first on Christy Largent.

1.  Suzie Sunshine:  She is happy, happy, happy.  I know her pollyanna personality can get wearisome and you may be tempted to do something mean to her just to see if she is for real, but trust me, she is genuinely happy by nature and you will hurt her when you do or say something ugly.   So you can reframe her behavior into a positive – and you’ll begin to appreciate it…and her!  She always sees the positive, so listen and watch her response to negative happenings, and then you try to reframe the situation the same way.  I think you’ll find your mood shift as you create the mindset to find the best in things.

2.  Controlling Carl:  Carl likes to be in control. His passion for control gets played out over and over every day.  If he’s not in control, he wants to make sure someone is, and so he powers over everyone to make sure no ball is dropped.  The best thing about this control freak is that he is usually VERY good at being in control!  So my suggestion to you is to let go, quit trying to wrestle control from him, and let him at least think he is in control of the situation.  When you do this, you’ll soothe his ruffled feathers, and his intensity may dial down a notch as he is comforted by his own efforts. Furthermore, when you need to control the situation, do yourself a favor and let Carl think he is in control.  It will be your little secret, and Carl will be much easier to get along with.

3.  Detailed Debbie:  Oh my goodness.  Debbie is a wizard with details.  Her mind is like a steel trap capturing every morsel of minutia.  So you can either fight it and keep telling her it will all be fine, and for her to keep her eye on the big picture, or you can just give it to her.  Give her the details.  Waaaaay more than you think you need to give her.  There’s no such thing as too many details for this gal, so go ahead and dump them on her.  Then step back, give her time to process and voila!  You’ll’ll be headed in the right direction.  She’ll back off and you’ll be free to more forward in the next direction.  And, just like with Sunshine Sally, you can be thankful she’s there to catch the details.  You benefit when all the details are taken care of.  Reframe your mind to be thankful, not irritated.

4.  Procrastinating Pete:  Pete will get around to doing the job set before him.  He’ll just find the quickest and easiest way to do it, and his procrastination will drive you over the edge if you let it.  The good news is that Pete usually does perform and live up to what’s required of him, it’s just you must realize that Pete will not do it the way you think he should do it – he’ll do it his way.  Procrastination is just his way to control his life, and you’d better get used to it rather than try to force him to change it.  Incidentally, communicating with him in a calm and low-key manner is the most effective way to get your message across.  If you yell and scream, he’ll just tune you out and you’ll get nowhere.

So as you can see, these styles are distinctly different.  There is no right or wrong.  Each brings a strength,  something wonderful to your world and you can learn from each.  So, rather than look at someone who is not like you as an irritant, I’m encouraging you to step back, asses their strengths in a productive light, and you’ll be able to move forward with improved relationships and increased productivity!

Question:  Where do you think you fit?  Which area do you usually struggle with?  And what suggestions can you add to my list of how to work together more effectively in light of the various styles?

The post He’s Driving Me Crazy! appeared first on Christy Largent.

First, you want to do a quick assessment of who you are and then who you are working with.  Regardless of the profile you used to access your information about the various styles, one way to figure out who you are and who they are, is to take a look at what “coping strategies” you see exhibited when under stress.

The coping strategies you might see exhibited under stress:

Positive Polly: (Yellow Sanguine)

• Laughing too much
• Making a joke about a serious situation
• Hyper positive
• Extra- over the top Energy
• Moving to resolution too fast

Powerful Peter: (Red Choleric)

• Extreme anger
• Control Freak-ism goes into high gear
• Raised voice and heavy gestures
• High intensity and focus

Peaceful Paul: (Green Phlegmatic)

• Shut down
• Withdraw
• Won’t give any feedback
• Space-out and avoid conversation

Perfect Patty: (Blue Melancholy)

• Become negative about everything (Negaholic!)
• Withdraw – give you the cold shoulder
• Moodiness becomes extreme
• Overwhelming attention to details

Look this list over and it will be fairly easy to clarify which category you fall into.  (And of course you can figure out that person who has been driving you crazy too!) Once you have figured out where you fit, now let’s look at some strategies for creating a supportive environment for each.

If you are Positive Polly:

1. Stop laughing (or giggling)!  It’s really not that funny.
2. Take a deep breath. Slow down and shut up.  Your tendency to talk-talk-talk is really irritating at the moment of stress.  Remember, others process differently than you do and most require quiet.
3. Wait for others to ask for your input or advice and they won’t perceive you as irritating.

If you are Powerful Peter:

1. Take a deep breath and sit down.  Physically slowing yourself down is important, as the physical action will allow you to mentally regroup.
2. Remember that you’re not the only one who can be in control.  Other people bring value to the situation.  They may do it differently than you do, but they’re still valuable.
3. Don’t give in to your desire to control through rage.  People will be scared of you, and you WILL be a bully. You may get your way in the short term, but long term you are burning bridges and weakening relationships.

If you are Peaceful Paul:

1. Don’t let yourself withdraw from the situation.  You will want to but you must find a way to engage.  If you remove yourself you will alienate those you most want to engage with.  You will also cause people to think ill of you if the perception is you’re weak and uninvolved.
2. Look at people when you speak with them.  Use face and body gestures when you communicate.  You will have to practice this, since under stress you completely shut down.  But the practice will be worth it when you successfully negotiate an uncomfortable conversation.
3. When you experience perceived (or real) conflict, develop a strategy to stay in the game.  Speak up.  Lean forward. Count to 10 in your head then start thinking of ways to respond.  If you have a strategy, you will not succumb to your normal pattern of disengagement, and will be seen as a committed, engaged team member, committed to the success of the team.

If you are Perfect Patty:

1. Don’t give in to the tendency of negativity.  Instead, look for the positives that can come from the situation.  Your habit of seeing the worst can be broken by training your mind to search for the positive.
2. Give other people the benefit of the doubt and accept their comments at face value.  Don’t judge too harshly and don’t look for a hidden agenda.  There’s not one. (Usually).
3. Recognize that others don’t care about all the specific details as much as you do.  Don’t start “going down your list” unless someone asks you to.  Deliver details only upon demand.

We are all a mixture of these…more on that later!

Question:  Where do you fit?  What’s your style and that of your mate? children?  Have these differences every caused you problems?  Leave your comments below. Can’t wait to hear from you!

The post Who Am I and What Can I Do About It? appeared first on Christy Largent.

For the past 9 years I have been focused at home.  Raising my long-awaited children.

and working a home business in the nooks and crannies.  My passion for speaking had not abated, I just put it put on the back burner.

Taking stock while vacationing this summer in the beautiful Oregon countryside

I realized I needed to get busy doing what God put me on earth to do.  With the help of some terrific books, Put Your Dream to the Test: 10 Questions to Help You See It and Seize It
and The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results
I decided to relaunch my professional speaking business.

The Dream  This is the dream that emerged.   I’m committed to helping people all over the world Create Positive Connections and Cultivate Purposeful Living.

The Reality  I quickly discovered the business world has changed a lot in the 9 years I’ve been away from professional speaking.  Thankfully, I discovered Michael Hyatt at just the right time!  The former CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers has the most extraordinary website www.michaelhyatt.com as well as book, Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World.
The book is a step-by-step guide to launching whatever business you want to.  I memorized it immediately!

The Plan  I will be speaking, writing, and using social media to connect.   My plan is to blog 3 times a week with regular topics.

Mondays I’ll offer insight for dealing with the various personalities in your life.  When I speak on the personality styles, it’s always a favorite, so I think you will like too.

Wednesdays I’ll cover tips, tricks and strategies for successful communication.  By Wednesday you’re usually sick to death of those irritating people you have to work with, so I figure that’s a good time to help you strengthen your communications skills.

Fridays, in the interest of honest transparency, I’m going to write about my lifelong challenge interest in fitness, wellness and nutrition.

I have a lot of other exciting ideas, so in between the scheduled posts I’ll be adding videos and podcasts and tools to help you create positive connections and cultivate purposeful living. I’m so excited!

Question:  My theme is “Positive Connections. Purposeful Living.”  With that in mind, what topics would you like to see me cover this year?  What are you most interested in learning about? Please leave a comment below!

The post The Beginning – What’s this all about? appeared first on Christy Largent.

My History with The Personalities

Mid 70‘s:  A book called Spirit-Controlled Temperament by Tim LaHaye was making the rounds and as a pre-teen I picked it up and read it.  Didn’t understand a thing, but loved the idea of the various personalities.

Late 80’s:  Small, tight singing groups (think Wilson Phillips and First Call) were all the vogue.  In the interest of getting tighter, the director of my group introduced us to Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types
Well, I gobbled that book up and discovered I was an ENFJ, my husband was an ESTJ, and we were actually quite incompatible.  That’s about all I learned, (not helpful) but I still loved the idea of the various personalities.

Mid 90’s:  20 years and one divorce from my first exposure to the concept of personality styles.  I was no closer to understanding myself, much less what went wrong in my marriage, but I still loved the idea of the various personalities.  Thankfully, that’s when I was introduced to Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself by Florence Littauer.  Now HERE was some information I could use! Practical and full of application for everyday life, I dove into that book like the lifeline it was.  I even got trained by Florence herself on how to teach the material and I started shouting it from the rooftops any chance I had.

Interestingly, this passion for understanding how people get along was the start of my speaking career.  I had fun with, and was good at, teaching the information in a meaningful way.  Most importantly, people were eating this info up with a spoon!  And a career was born.

Current Day:

As I’ve taught this material, over the years a few key ideas have emerged

• Deep down, most people really want to understand and get along with the important people in their lives.  (Husband, wife, kids, parents, coworkers and clients.)
• People are hungry for tools to understand and engage positively with these people.
• The knowing (understanding) is actually fairly simple.  It’s the doing that’s difficult.
• It’s long process and no matter how much you practice it’s still difficult to get out of yourself and into the other person.  (I’m selfish and I want to do things MY WAY!)

The doing can be learned…you just have to want to do it.

What about you?  Are you interested in this subject? How would your life change if you were able to connect more effectively with those in your life?

The post Why The Personalities? appeared first on Christy Largent.

Have you ever felt like you were under a microscope and every word you said, every gesture you made, every expression that crossed your face, was immediately jumped on, examined, judged and found wanting?

If so, then you’ve experience the exact OPPOSITE of The Grace Advantage. When you experience The Grace Advantage in your home or workplace, you are in a place of safety. A place where you can feel free to be yourself with out judgement, without negativity, without criticism. Sound good? Want to find out more? Read on dear reader, read on.

The Grace Advantage is really Foundational Communication Principles at work. I’ve chosen to spell out GRACE to explain it a little better.

The Grace Advantage means you choose to…

Be Generous. Generosity, according to my online dictionary, is a “readiness to give more of something, as money or time, than is strictly necessary or expected.” Can you be generous? First you must be generous with yourself, then with others.

Recognize Uniqueness. Reframe your view. From strange, different or wrong, to unique! Recognize the value in the person. Recognize the value in the situation. Recognize how powerful you can be as you reframe your vision.

Accept What Is. I “give up” trying to change others. I accept a given situation as reality, rather than pretending it’s something it’s not. I accept that the current reality, IS. When you accept, you release a TON of tension, and open the door to positive movement.

Communicate (Speak) the Truth in Love. I stop ignoring problems hoping they will just go away. I thoughtfully look for ways to communicate most effectively. I learn how to incorporate words that heal. I eliminate words that hurt and harm. Boy am I convicted by this! Last night, as my 10-year-old daughter got ready to go to bed, I reminded her, “Tomorrow morning you have to take a shower. You stink and your hair is disgusting”. Niiiice, Mama. (I say in full sarcasm mode…) Oh my, am I ever convicted. I would call this the EXACT OPPOSITE of what I should have said…Good thing I’m writing this blog post to remind myself of who I really want to be. That ugly, critical Mother is NOT it for sure!! Today, I will choose to speak words that help and encourage.

Expect the Best. I expect the best in people. I anticipate positive outcomes. I look for creative ways to turn negatives into positives. I ignore and avoid negative people and situations. Once again, there is tremendous power for you once you recognize that your outlook will affect the outcome.

This is just a quick overview of the Grace Advantage, but wouldn’t you love to live and work in this kind of an environment? Wouldn’t you love to BE this kind of person? Me too! I’m so excited to explore this more over the coming weeks.

Be sure to sign up for my email notification, so you don’t miss out.

How can you add some GRACE to your daily activities? How do you fail? How do you win? Please share your stories below.

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