This semester in my Bible Study we are studying the books of Philippians, Colossians, and Philemon from the New Testament. We’re starting in Philippians.

This week, Paul is writing from Rome, where he is in prison, literally chained up, to his church family in Phillipi.

He’s talking about how the church in Phillipi should stay encouraged by staying unified in Christ, and that they should, like Christ, look for ways to serve each other.

Then he reminds them to keep doing the good works that they know to do…and to continue to do them without grumbling or arguing.

—–

Way back in the day, when my kids were in Pre-K, the teachers taught them 2 simple sayings.

The first: “Delayed obedience is disobedience.”

(I still use that one from time to time with my 16-year-old!)

The second: “Obey with a happy heart attitude.”

This week, as I read this passage from Philippians 2, I was reminded of these sayings and I was kind of convicted.

Do I go through life doing what I’m supposed to be doing, (loving and serving) with a happy heart attitude, or am I grumbling and complaining?

It’s so easy to get sidetracked and head down that negative pathway, isn’t it?

Things like time pressures, disappointments, and even fear of the future can set us off. Then, instead of working with a happy heart attitude, we’re working from a place of arguing, whining, disagreement, and negativity.

The good news is you can change at any time.

When you catch yourself arguing, complaining, moaning, groaning, and just generally being ungrateful for your life, stop it immediately!

Recognize you’ve fallen into an unhelpful thought pattern, and notice instead, all the good around you.

–Take a moment to be thankful.

–Look for the good in the situation.

–Determine if there’s a way to serve humbly, then get busy!

Philippians 2:14-15 says, “Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. ” (NLT)

Do you want to be a light in this dark world?

Do you want to live life with a happy heart attitude?

Later in verse 16, Paul says to “hold on to the word of life” and I believe this is the way we are able to live with that happy heart attitude.

We hold on to the truth we know from the word of God.

We think about things that are good and pure and truthful and loving and kind and generous.

And in this way, we live as children of light with a happy heart attitude.

And just think how much happier we will be, and how much better off our world will be.

All because we purposed to live with a happy heart attitude.

Cheering you on,

Christy

P.S. If you want to hear a really “catchy” (ear-worm) song from this verse, here’s Steve Green’s version. I used to play this song when I babysat back in the 90’s…and I have never forgotten it. You’re welcome.

The post Living With a Happy Heart Attitude appeared first on Christy Largent.

Here in Texas it’s been so HOT I was afraid to buy pumpkins for the front porch.

(Heat + Pumpkin = Stinky Mush!)

But it has finally cooled off, so I’ve decorated and it finally looks like Fall around here!

On another note, have you noticed that the journey to mastery is a complex and non-linear one?

When I learned flute way back in elementary school, I had to master the scales first. Playing beautiful music was the desired outcome, but the only way to get there was to master the scales so I could play whatever key was required easily and without too much “thinking.”

As I was reminded when my son learned clarinet, the road to mastery is filled with missed notes.

It’s the same in Pickleball. I’ve got to drill the basics, the “dink,” “drop,” and drive,” to such a level that when I’m playing an actual game, these shots become automatic. And even with this practice, I’ll often miss more than I make in a game.

It’s a mixed bag getting to a higher level.

In life, there are a lot of ways this plays out…

For example, you may read a book on communication skills so that when you get into a difficult conversation with your husband, you’re able to have a productive conversation.

But sometimes the conversation with your husband isn’t productive.

Or you practice some cooking basics like chopping and….well, I don’t know what else actually because I’m not much of a cook, but there are probably some “chef-like” skills that would be helpful if you wanted to cook a gourmet meal!

And yet, the table to master chef is filled with inedible food.

This is the truth…when learning new skills, the line to accomplishment isn’t a straight uphill arrow. It’s up and down and up and down and if you stick with it, there’s a gradual movement up and to the right.

So if you’re learning something new, don’t be discouraged if you’re making mistakes and it seems like it’s taking longer than it should.

Keep practicing the basics, getting better and better, honing your skills, and sharpening your knives.

And enjoy the journey along the way. You may never be the “best” at your chosen thing. But you will have had many amazing experiences that enrich your life along the way.

Cheering you on,

Christy

P.S. I’d love to know what you’re working on. What area are you practicing right now? Just leave a comment and let me know. xoxoxo

The post It’s Never a Straight Line appeared first on Christy Largent.

His glaucoma (pressure on the eye) had not been responding to his daily drops, and his lens was getting cloudy, so the Doctor recommended he get a new lens and while he was in there, go ahead and get some little, tiny, tiny, tubes inserted to hopefully help with his pressure issues.

Isn’t it almost unbelievable what technology offers us today?

Thankfully, he’s home fine, and already on the mend. Amazing!

Some things are so much better than when we were young. And some things are so much harder.

Like making friends.

As a grown woman, it’s sometimes downright difficult to find like-minded friends and many of us are lonely and alone.

We know how important to our longevity strong relationships are. In fact, it seems like almost every day some new study comes out underlining how important positive relationships are for our health and wellbeing.

Making friends is one thing I’ve always been pretty good at, so I thought I’d share a few places I’ve looked for, and found, friends over the years. I’ve grouped them into interest areas.

1. Faith

Join a church.

I’ve gone to church my whole life, and every single time I move, I’ve worked to find a faith family to connect with. Once I found the church, then I start volunteering to get involved.

Here are some of the things I’ve volunteered for at church:

• Choir member
• Small group singing member
• Orchestra
• Children’s choir director
• Sunday School teacher
• Women’s Bible Study teacher
• Home Group attendee and leader
• ESL teacher
• Vacation Bible School musician and teacher
• Outreach activities
• Mission Trips
• Nursery attendant…and
• Greeter

I’m sure there are more, but I list these all out to show how many areas there are to meet new people who can become friends.

If you keep finding excuses why it’s too much of a hassle to go to church, and you find yourself lonely for deep friendships, I’d encourage you to take a deep breath and find a church near you.

You may have to try a few to find a good fit, but I assure you, there are places to serve and connect just waiting for you to show up!

2. Fitness

This is another easy place to make friends. Join a gym. There are about a million options for most of us, and I’ve often found classes to be a warm and welcoming place to meet like-minded friends.

It’s usually taken a bit of time to become friends (in my experience) but with time and consistency, you’ll find your people there, and friendships can develop.

Plus, you’re taking care of your body and releasing all kinds of good hormones into your brain when you work out – so win-win!

I can’t leave fitness without recommending Pickleball! So many friendships have been formed on the courts, and it’s popping up all over the place, so why not try th fastest growing sport in the US? The Places 2 Play website can get you started.

Think of a sport you love, and find a place to play. Future friends are waiting for you there!

3. Hobbies and Interests

Check your local Parks and Recreation guide for a listing of “hobby-type” activities available in your community.

Everything from reading groups to gardening, sewing, crocheting, art, travel, college classes, museums, and so much more are available for a nominal fee or free in most communities.

There’s a place to find a new hobby or pick up an old one, and once again, friends are waiting for you to show up.

Finally, I have to suggest that if you want to have friends, you need to be friendly.

When we moved into our Flower Mound home, I grabbed some bouquets of flowers at the local grocery store and took them, along with our names and contact information written on a card, over to our 2 new next-door neighbors.

One of them, Lynne, became one of my favorite friends and she invited me into her book club, which became another group of favorite friends. The other neighbor was not that interested in becoming friends, but still, we began a sweet neighbor-friendship.

Later my neighbor Lynn told me that she had never met my other neighbor until I introduced them in our front yard, and she had lived there for 15 years!

You might be surprised at the friendships waiting for you as you take the first step.

I hope these ideas stirred up some ideas you might have for making and nurturing your friendships. It’s so worth it, as our hearts long to be connected.

It’s up to us to make it happen, and I believe you can!

Cheering you on,

Christy

The post Making New Friends appeared first on Christy Largent.

I was thinking of summers past, and all the child-focused activities that used to fill my days. Activities like swim lessons, YMCA camps, VBS and lazy days at the lake.

With the kiddos grown, those days are long gone, but I still want to have a fun summer.

We know that some summer fun happens by magic…but I’ve found, that unless I plan for it, it’s sometimes easier (and less fulfilling) to just sit down for a Netflix session after dinner rather than enjoy some experiences that would be much more fun and definitely more memorable.

So I’ve put together a list of 7 things not-to-be missed for us grownups, and I wanted to share them with you. Let me know if you do any of them, and how you liked it.

Summer Fun for You!

1. Visit a local museum.This is the kind of thing you might do when company comes to town, but I’d recommend you visit just because you can. Thankfully, even the smallest communities often have interesting museums, and this is just the time to take advantage of it.

2. Take in a local concert. When I lived in the Washington D.C. area, going to the free Sunday afternoon concerts at Constitution Hall was one of our family’s regular activities. I didn’t realize until l was grown how unique an opportunity it was to hear some of the great musicians of our time – and I’m quite thankful now. So this summer is a great time to look at who is coming to town, and go enjoy yourself.

3. Visit a local night market. I just love the fun and food that pop up all over our nation on weeknights in the summer. Once again, a time of listening to music, eating fun food, and relaxing in the summer glow while browsing local handmade arts is special and fun, and unique to the season.

4. Sign up for summer classes. Ever wanted to take a painting class, or learn how to calligraphy? Or how about flower arranging? Summer is a terrific time to try something new. Many local businesses offer summer classes, as do most Community park and recreation programs. Check out what’s on offer and jump in.

And speaking of jumping in.

5. Go swimming. Whether it’s your backyard pool, the neighborhood hot spot, or your local YMCA, find a pool and go swimming. It’s such a fun activity, and even if you’re just enjoying a good book along the side and popping in every 30 minutes or so to cool off, it’s still such a relaxing way to spend an afternoon.

Of course, I have to mention reading.

6. Try a new genre you normally don’t read. Are you a fiction person? Then try a biography or autobiography. Is Science Fiction your thing? Pick up a true crime book and see what you think. Romance all the way? Stretch yourself and grab one on self-improvement. You know I love to read, but I must admit, I usually only pick a few types of books. So I’m going to challenge myself to stretch and read something new.

7. Play a sport! Of course, I’m going to recommend Pickleball, which anyone can play no matter their age, size, or abilities. But there are other sports after all, and this summer is a perfect time to seek out a softball league, a volleyball pickup game, or dust off your tennis racquet and head for the courts. Nothing gets your mind moving like a fun game of sport.

There are so many different things I could add to this list, but this should be enough to get you started.

Don’t let work and tiredness cheat you out of having a really fun summer. With a little effort and forethought, this really could be your best summer ever.

Love ya and cheering you on,

Christy

The post Making It Your Best Summer Yet appeared first on Christy Largent.

Gratitude. The foundation for a Positive Life, and the foundation of our Positivity Principles. Gratitude. Easy to think about, but sometimes difficult to live.

In this podcast, Christy gives 3 simple ways to incorporate more gratitude into your life.

Key Idea:

• Gratitude is simple, but takes practice to become a habit.

Resources:

• Christy’s Website

Free Download:

• “31 Ways to be More Positive”. Text “31Positive” to 44222

Book:

• Atomic Habits by James Clear

Speaking Inquiries:

• Do you need an entertaining and encouraging speaker for your event? Text 530-949-3646 and leave a call back number or email christy@christylargent.com

Enter to Win:

• Rate & Review this episode for a chance to win a $25 Amazon gift card.

The post 5 Minute Motivation – Gratitude appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

You get to create the environment you want to create. Positivity can be learned with work and effort.

Resources: 

• Christy’s website

Books:

• 31 Positive Communication Skills for Women, Christy Largent

Mindset:

• The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck, Ph.D.

Free Download:

• “31 Ways to be More Positive”. Text 31Positive to 44222

Speaking Inquiries:

• Do you need an entertaining and encouraging speaker for your event? Text 530-949-3646 and leave a call back number or email christy@christylargent.com

Enter to Win:

• Rate & Review this episode for a chance to win a $25 Amazon gift card.

The post 048 Welcome Back Podcast appeared first on Christy Largent.

This morning was a rough morning. I woke up feeling crummy thanks to a late night yielding to temptation. The temptation of ice cream. Unfortunately, it was in the freezer. And I ate it. All.

I paid for it this morning.  Headache. Bad attitude. Short temper.

And have I mentioned that my daughter is in 7th grade? She’s a Jr. Higher. Yup. You know what that means. Hormonal. Headache. Bad attitude. Short temper.

And have I mentioned that my son is in 4th grade and is the favorite recipient of above mentioned big sister’s bad attitude and short temper? Yup. You’ve got it.

And have I mentioned that my dear, sweet husband leaves quite early in the morning. He used head out about 7:30 and was able to help get them off to school. But lately I’ve noticed he’s leaving earlier and earlier. This morning it was well before 7:00am… I wonder why? Hmmm…

Which brings me to my topic of the day.

How to say you’re sorry.

Because I wasn’t at my best this morning and I know Mamas set the tone for the day, and Amelia wasn’t a pretty sight. crying as she headed into school and I wasn’t a pretty sight sitting miserable in the car watching her walk away.

I wanted a do-over on the whole morning.

But, of course, there’s no such thing as a do-over. The morning is gone never to be lived again.

But the good news is that there is such a thing as asking for forgiveness. I get to tell my sweet girl and boy, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry I was so short tempered. I’m sorry I didn’t give you what you needed. I’m sorry I gave into my own issues rather than rising up and loving you through yours. I’m sorry. I was wrong. I’ll try to do better next time. Please forgive me.”

And if all goes well, (this is not the first time they have heard this particular drill,) they will accept my apology as we discuss it, and they will forgive me and we can all run out and jump in the pool and order pizza and family harmony will be restored. At least that’s how it usually turns out if I actually do ask for forgiveness and not just sweep it under the rug to fester and boil.

It’s a 4-Step Process…

1. I’m sorry I…… (Fill in the blank.)
2. I was wrong. (Do not insert a justification here – just say the basic sentence.)
3. I’ll try to do better next time. (This shows you are working towards being a better person.)
4. Please forgive me.

My story from home is equally valid for you at work you know.  That co-worker who asked you to do a favor and you snapped her head off. That boss who you subtly undermined as you casually discussed office politics in the lunch room. That client you told you would do something – only you didn’t.

There are lots of opportunities in our life when we experience brokenness in relationships. Living in the Opportunity Mindset means we don’t ignore the yuk. We see it for what it really is. An opportunity to restore and even deepen a relationship rather than driving separation.

So I hope you will take the opportunity, when needed, to go ahead and say you’re sorry. Then take it a step further and ask for forgiveness. Then don’t do it again.

Now, I’ve got to go and meet the bus…I’ve got a little conversation I’m looking forward to.

Love ya,

Christy

The post How to say “I’m Sorry” appeared first on Christy Largent.

Nothing spirals downward faster than a negative environment. I knew I needed to fix this situation, and fast!

Here are the 3 things I did. Maybe they will work for you the next time you hit a rough patch.

1. Take a deep breath and assess the situation. What can I change? What is non-negotiable? I stepped back and saw the main things I needed were to get myself dressed, the kids fed and the dog put in the backyard. I also saw that the dark house filled with the noises of anxiety were not helping.
2. Do what you can do and delegate the rest.  I put on some fun music and turned on all the lights. Our surroundings can affect our behavior more than you know. The lights and music helped lighten the tone. I delegated the dog and her “issues” to my daughter and hustled back to get dressed and throw my makeup in a bag – I could finish in the car before my meeting. I had my son pull out the eggs and cheese so I could whip up their breakfast after I got dressed.
3. Focus on the good and enjoy the journey. I did a quick mind re-set while I was getting dressed. I reminded myself that for so many years I had longed for children with a desperate longing…in other words…I asked for this!  I said a prayer of thanks for my kids. I smiled. Yup. A physical smile made me giggle. And when I came back into the kitchen, I sang along to the music while I made the eggs. I forced myself to change my attitude. I know a happy heart attitude is contagious.

[Tweet “A happy heart attitude is contagious.”]

I’d love to tell you my kids started dancing and singing with me and happily gobbled up their breakfasts with words of gratitude on their lips.  That’s not actually what happened.

They were still a bit grumpy. But my attitude was better, so there was less tension and I enjoyed the rest of our time together before school much more. Plus I told myself, often it’s what is caught, more than what is taught that sinks in.

[Tweet “It’s what is caught, more than what is taught that sinks in.”]

So when they think of their Mama today (if they think of me at all!) it will be with the happy smile and kiss that I left them with rather than the surly frustrated face of the earlier morning.

And I’ll call that a win.

How about you? What do you do to shift the momentum when things start deteriorating around you? I’d love you to share! Just leave a comment below.

Love ya!

Christy

The post 3 Steps to Create a Positive Environment appeared first on Christy Largent.

Family, friends, food and faith.

Today as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, I hope you will be spending time with your favorite family and friends.  I hope your tummy will be full of the yummiest food of the season.

But most of all, I pray you will find faith in the perfect God-man, Jesus Christ.  And that in the midst of your gift giving, laughter and fun, that your heart will be drawn to the only one born to bring lasting and eternal peace.

Peace between our frail, flawed humanity and a perfect God. Peace made possible by the baby born in the stable. Peace paid for by His perfect life given as a sacrifice. For you. For me. Peace.

Merry Christmas!

The post Merry Christmas! appeared first on Christy Largent.

Several weeks ago I created my first ever community survey. I wanted to know more about you so that I can make sure what I’m creating is meeting your most important needs.

You responded and I got some surprising results.  Here they are – along with why the information matters and what I’m going to do differently.

Results

• You are a dominantly female audience (97%),  and in your middle years, 45-64 years old (72%).  I knew this intuitively, but it was fun to see the numbers. (You look like me!)

• You value education and have either a Bachelor or Graduate degree (66%) or at least some college 25%. Clearly, you are a lifelong learner.
• Your total household income is more than $75,000 (65%), and  you can be found in a huge variety of job positions, so much so, there’s no 1 thing that jumps out. I love that you bring an incredibly diverse scope of background and skills.

• Social Media Use was my biggest surprise.
  • Facebook was #1 (93% ranked it #1)
  • YouTube (79% ranked #2 or #3) virtually tied with
  • Pinterest (75% ranked #2 or #3).

• You don’t listen to my podcast. (72%) (Many of you said you wanted to listen, but were too busy to fit them in.)
• You want to learn from me…
  •  #1 Communication Skills and
  • #2 Self Development strategies.

• Your Biggest Challenges…
  • Finding time to do what needs to get done (61%) and
  • Desire to improve professional growth (45%), then
  • Life/Work balance (35%).

Your dreams…travel, being fit, creating a business and spending time with your family all rose to the top. We women really do want to do it all!

My top 5 Action Items based on the survey…

1. January 5th I’ll be offering a free webinar to help you dig deep to Discover your Calling and Develop your Plan for the new year.  More info. on that will be coming shortly. (It will have a wonderful name I’m sure, I just haven’t come up with it yet…title ideas welcomed.)

2.  I’ll continue finding excellent outside resources to recommend. The first is available now, 5 Days to Your Best Year Ever, by Michael Hyatt, and then in January there’s a free Peak Performance Summit you can register for here now. More on both of these as we go.

3. I’ll be creating YouTube tutorials focused on communication skills and strategies to help you communicate most effectively (get what you want!)

4. My podcast is going to reformatted into a short 5-10 minute production that you can fit into your busy schedules.

5. Finally, I’m going to send the survey at a different time of year. (Feb or March will be good.)  Late fall is such a busy time of year, I know many of you wanted to take the survey, but just couldn’t squeeze it in. So, next time I’ll find a less “intense” time of year to send so I can get even more feedback.

Thank you so much! I just love connecting with you and I’m excited about the year to come. What are you excited about this for this coming year? I’d love to hear what’s top of your mind! You can comment here or better yet…(see, I’m learning…) “like,” then post on my Facebook Page here.   Love ya!

Christy

The post Community Survey 2015 Results appeared first on Christy Largent.

How did all that happen in just a few hours?  It was a virtual meeting of my Mastermind group.  We 5 women gathered together around our computers.  We’re from 4 different states, yet all united with a specific focus to help each other.  And because we all were focused on helping each other, we obviously were given help ourselves.

Have you ever wanted to be in a Mastermind?  What is a Mastermind?  Basically, it’s a small group of people who commit to helping do all the things I mentioned above.  You usually commit to a specific focus, agree on a specific time frame and then meet together.  Sometimes one person starts it, and charges the others to be a part.  Sometimes the only fee is participation and your time.

I’ve been in 2 other masterminds, and each brought it’s own positives and negatives.  1 was super helpful, the other, not so much.  Typical, right?

I guess the overarching thing is that it’s a tool you can use for growth.  I love taking every opportunity for growth, don’t you?

That’s why I’m so excited to share with you a FREE event happening this week, “Masterminded” by my mentor and friend, Michael Hyatt.  You’ve heard me talk about him so many times over the past few years, and the key thing about him is he ALWAYS over-delivers.

I’m sure this FREE event will be no exception.  The Influence and Impact Summit is going to be a stellar coming together of some of the best and brightest influencers of our day.

People like Dave Ramsey, John Maxwell, Lysa TerKeurst, Jen Hatmaker, Andy Andrews, Glennon Doyle Melton, Jon Acuff, Bob Goff and many more will be gathered together between October 6-13, 2015.  You can watch or listen on your own time as Michael will email you a link to access 3 presentations at a time.  It’s all virtual, so super easy to squeeze in.

You can have access to this for FREE!  Did I mention it was for FREE?  So exciting!  You just need to register here at the Influence and Impact Summit page to get in on the summit.

I’m not an affiliate or anything, I just love all things Michael Hyatt.  And I love the magic that can happen when you are around people intent on giving their best.  Just like in my Mastermind this morning, I know you will find the speakers (and too many to name here, seriously!) will hit on just the thing you need to hear.  Right now.

So don’t miss out!  I want this for you – click here  – to register now for the big event!  I’ll see you there!

Love ya,

Christy

The post Are You Accelerating Your Excellence? appeared first on Christy Largent.

Today I want to share a few words of encouragement.  Sunday’s holiday used to be one of the saddest days of my year.  I know the pain of dashed hopes and deferred dreams.  And I’ve found some ways to navigate that I think might be helpful to you too.  Listen in for more!

Key Ideas:

1.  Remember – “Not now” doesn’t mean “Never”

2.  Managing Expectations

3.  When the difficulties come, hang on.

4.  Look for the sunshine

Encouraging Word of the Day:  Psalm 37:4  “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you all the desires of your heart.”

The post #047: Encouragement for Mother’s Day (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Today I share the “aha” moment I had that has helped me to do a turnaround when in conflict.  Learning how to be transparent can be transformational.

Recommended Books:

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Luke 6:38 “Give and it will be given to you.  Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”

The post #512: 5 Minute Motivation – Be Transparent (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Remember, when giving feedback, it’s important to…

• Be Specific
• Be Honest
• Be Clear

Today is about how to be so clear the other person knows EXACTLY what you want them to do.  It’s the perfect way to complete your thoughts — creating an effective feedback opportunity.

Encouraging Word of the Day:  Ephesians 4:25  “So let us put away the lies, and speak the truth to one another, because we are all part of one another.”

The post #511: 5 Minute Connection – Be Clear (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

So here are the 5 big takeaways…

1. Discover your Assets
2. Broaden your perspective
3. Find ways to connect
4. Surround yourself with people who care
5. Pay attention to your heart

Encouraging Word for the Week:  Proverbs 19:20-21 “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.  Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”

The post #046: 5 Key Life Skills to Enjoy Life More (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Remember, when giving feedback, it’s important to…

• Be Specific
• Be Honest
• Be Clear

Today is more about how to stay out of judgement or assumption, and instead, Be Honest.

Encouraging Word of the Day:  Ephesians 4:25  “So let us put away the lies, and speak the truth to one another, because we are all part of one another.”

The post #510: 5 Minute Connection – Be Honest (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

I’m going to focus on 3 main elements of giving effective feedback over the next 3 weeks.

When giving feedback, it’s important to…

• Be Specific
• Be Honest
• Be Clear

Today is all about how to avoid judgement or assumption, and instead, be specific.

Encouraging Word of the Day:  Ephesians 4:25  “So let us put away the lies, and speak the truth to one another, because we are all part of one another.”

The post #509: 5 Minute Connection – Be Specific (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

• How to find inspiration
• Using the calendar to ensure “me time”
• How to keep your husband a priority
• Recognizing seasons in life
• Creative ideas for how to get help

Encouraging Word of the Week:  1 Peter 4:10 (The Voice)  “Use whatever gift you’ve received for the good of one another so that you can show yourselves to be good stewards of God’s grace in all it’s varieties.”

The post #045: Ask Anna Moseley and Asking for Help (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

But he was gone.  Buried in a borrowed grave.  It had been a pretty dramatic and disgusting end to the whole thing too.  For Pete’s sake.  Well actually, Pete had his own embarrassing episode during the whole long, drawn out fiasco.

What a waste.  Three long years.  They had walked away from their careers, their families, everything in order to follow their Pied Piper.  He promised.  And now he was gone.

We know they had lost hope because when the miracle happened and He really was gone from the tomb and the women tried to tell the disciples all about it, this was their response, “They did not believe the women, because their words seemed to them like nonsense.”  Luke 24:11  Does that sound like men who were waiting with bated breath for their dream to resurrect?

And maybe today, on the Saturday before Easter you have lost hope too.

Maybe your marriage has crashed and burned and all those dreams you had when you were dressed in white are cindered, black and smelly.

Maybe you got that pink slip yesterday.  Your high hopes of promotion and growth and success now seem about as likely as a trip to Pluto.

Maybe, God forbid, your child is gone. And that has torn everything thing you thought you knew to be true into disarray leaving you stripped, barren, broken.

Not a single shard of hope.  You get it.  You know how those disciples felt.  And yet.

And yet.

Their story wasn’t over.  Your story isn’t over.

And actually, all because Sunday already came, you don’t have to be hopeless either.  You can cling to that resurrected reality, even if by the slenderest of threads.

Oh dear friend, cling as hard as you can.  And then, it will be the resurrected Christ who will come and hold you up.  He is the one who will restore your heart.  I promise.  He promises.

After the resurrection, Jesus appeared to his disciples you know.  They were actually all huddled fearfully together, locked in some hidden room when he came to them.  And the first words out of his mouth were these, “Peace be with you.” (John 20:19)

Can you imagine?!?  Peace.  After all that.

Peace.

So today as we await our own celebration of resurrection on Easter Sunday, let’s join together and open our weary, discouraged and hopeless souls to his exquisite, soothing balm of peace.

Peace.

The post Hope Lost and Found appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1 – Interview Highlights

• A funny Alec Baldwin story and her podcast “You’ve Got This”
• Finding your direction
• The role mentors can play in your life
• The true cost of clutter

Part 2 – Decluttering Our Lives

• Making hard choices
• Being realistic
• Staying focused
• Perspective Reset – Tim Challies article

Website Links

www.kathilipp.com

www.clutterfreebook.com

canva.com

Kathi’s Recommended Reading

Clutter Free, Quick and Easy Steps to Amplifying Your Space, by Kathi Lipp.

Communicating for a Change: Seven Keys to Irresistible Communication (North Point Resources), by Andy Stanley and Lane Jones.

The Power of a Positive No: Save The Deal Save The Relationship and Still Say No, by William Ury.

StrengthsFinder 2.0, by Tom Rath.

Connect with Kathi

On Facebook

On Twitter

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Ecclesiastes 5:10  “Whoever loves money will never have enough money. Whoever loves luxury will not be content with abundance. This also is pointless.”         – I know this is not very encouraging, but seriously, doesn’t it just fit perfectly with our discussion today!  It’s about relationships, not about stuff!

Question:  Are you a cluttery person?  How do you manage to keep it down?  I’d love your ideas too!  Just leave a comment below, or on FB or Twitter.

The post #044: Kathi Lipp – A Clutter Free Life (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

This week, I want to give you 2 magic questions you can use when you absolutely MUST give the advice burdening your heart.  Before you speak…

Ask yourself these 2 questions:

1.  What gives me the right?

2.  Is it in the best interest of the relationship?

Listen to the podcast and share it!  I think you’ll enjoy this part 2 of the podcast.  Who knows, it might even change your life!  And feel free to share with your friends!

I’d love to know – do you struggle with giving unsolicited advice?  How do you keep from becoming “that person” who always has a better way of doing something? Please let me know your thoughts!

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 12:18  “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

The post #507: 5 Minute Motivation – Be Mysterious Part 2 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Unsolicited advice will destroy relationships, create conflict, drive division, and push people further and further away from you.  If you want healthy relationships where your friends and family ASK for your advice, then you’d better say far, far away from giving the unsolicited kind.

Today I’m sharing with you a humorous story on this very subject.  I think you’ll love it!…so you have to listen to the podcast.  But if you can’t spare 5 minutes, here’s my advice for keeping yourself from giving Unsolicited Advice:

When you want to start talking, instead, start asking questions.  

I hope you enjoy this today.  I’d encourage you to listen.  It’s short and who knows..it might even change your life!  And if you know someone who loves to give unsolicited advice, please feel free to share this with them too.

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Romans 12:18 “If possible, live in peace with everyone. Do that as much as you can.”

The post #506: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Mysterious Part 1 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

1.  Smile

2.  Stick out your hand and introduce yourself.

3.  Lean towards the new person

4.  Look them in the eye

5.  Speak up

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”

The post #505: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Friendly (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

It’s the magic of charisma, and I have a few ideas to share with you about how you can get some too!  Listen to the podcast for all the details…

Key Suggestions Discussed:

1.  Confidence

2.  Questions

3.  Listen

4.  Be interesting

5.  Laugh (at yourself)

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Colossians 4:6 “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”

The post #504: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Charismatic (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Most people pad or hedge with the best of intentions, but what happens is the opposite.

Lesson:  Avoid Hedging and Use Power Phrases

You’ll have to listen to get them — too boring to write here.

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Matthew 5:37 (Phillips) “Whatever you have to say let your ‘yes’ be a plain ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ a plain ‘no’—anything more than this has a taint of evil.”

The post #503: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Straightforward (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Today’s Tip:  Be Connected!

I want you to grow strong connections.  Here are a few ideas to help you develop strong, healthy connections.  Remember, more details are in the podcast.

1. Decide you want connection
2. Be willing to be vulnerable
3. Be focused on them when you are with them
4. Time — it Takes Time and you must Give it Time
5. Enjoy the fruits of connection

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Matthew 18:20  “Where 2 or 3 are gathered together, there I am with them.”

Question:  What do you think about these 5 minute Fridays?  I’d love to hear your comments!

The post #502: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Connected (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas: 

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• Anne’s key activities
  • Delegate Activities
  • Eliminate Decisions
  • Prioritize and ask – “Is This Really Important?”

[Tweet ““I am not here to do it all.” Anne Ricci”]

Part 2 – The Power of Effective Prioritization

• Run your priority selection through My Priority Process

Website Links

Anne’s Healthy Kitchen

Lifespa.com  Dr. John Douillard

Anne’s Recommended Reading

Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder, by Arianna Huffington.

Connect with Anne

On Facebook

On Twitter

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 24:27 “Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and then after that, build your house.”

The post #042: Anne Ricci – Anne’s Healthy Kitchen and Prioritizing (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Today’s Tip:  Listening!

I want you to “Be All Ears”.  It’s amazing what can happen when you stop just thinking about your own agenda and begin really listening and paying attention to those in your life.

• Focus
• Follow
• Feedback

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  James 1:19  “Know this, my beloved brothers and sisters: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;”

The post #501: 5 Minute Friday – Be All Ears (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas: 

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• The benefits of an unexpected journey
• Finding Mentors
• Her favorite productivity secret Hint:  It’s painless!
• Friendships – finding honest ones
• How to be totally awesome!

• Part 2 – Set Yourself Up for Success

• Sleep Enough
• Plan, then Schedule
• Clear out the clutter
• Get busy and enjoy it all

Website Links

www.karikampakis.com  All the good stuff from Kari

www.handsfreemama.com  LOVE this blog!

www.jeanniecunnion.com  Another keeper! Wonderful.  And her book is stunning too.

www.thehouseofhendrix.com  So awesome.

I love all of these connections.  Kari’s leading you in the right direction with these amazing women!

Kari’s Recommended Reading

10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know, by Kari! This is sooooo good!

The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?, by Rick Warren

Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis

Connect with Kari

On Facebook

On Twitter

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8  “A Time for Everything”
“There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
A time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
A time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.”

The post #041: Kari Kampakis and Success Tips (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Today she shares her best practices with us for how to live life with faith and without pretense.  You’re going to really enjoy her!

Key Ideas: 

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• Using the 4 Things List
• Being vulnerable
• Mommy Guilt
• 14 day challenge!

Part 2 – Exciting Update!

Website Links

Christine Leeb Website

4 Real Moms Website

Christine’s Blog

Recommended Resources

Christine’s Book: In His Light: Facing Fear With Faith. You’ll love this!

The Power of a Praying Wife, by Stormie Ormartian

The Power of a Praying Parent, by Stormie Ormartian

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Psalm 126:3  “The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.”

The post #039: Christine Leeb – 4 Real Moms (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

I got the iPad as a Christmas present.  Actually, I purchased it the day after Thanksgiving during the Target’s awesome Black Friday sale.  So I even got it for a crazy-good price.  But I wrapped it up and even hauled it on our trip with us.

I didn’t open the box until last night.  Why on earth?

I was trying to analyze why I do that to myself.  I put off really good things.  And I do this with blogging, editing my podcast interviews, finishing my book…and the list goes on.

Do you relate?  I think it must be because sometimes, even when new things are really good, the unknown still makes me nervous.  Maybe it’s that I’m just getting too far down the road, wondering about how it’s going to play out, so I stop myself before I even start.

[Tweet “”Even when new things are really good, the unknown still makes me nervous.””]

I’ve decided to turn it around.  And when I feel like putting something off, rather than turn it all around in my head, I’m going to immediately do something positive about it.

This concept is something I’m going to start embracing.  I LOVE what comes after I do these things.  After all, it’s an iPad!  Can you say…easy-peasy?  And yes, I’m already loving it and wondering how on earth I ever did without it and it’s been less than 12 hours!

And with all the other stuff?  Here’s what I’ve come to.  I’m going to quit telling you hard and fast deadlines about my work.  I’m going to do my best to connect with you in a regular way with my podcast and blog posts and Facebook and twitter.  No set schedule.

I know that goes against all the experts.  But seriously.  I am SO NOT these people who are introverts and schedulers and get-it-all-done-at-any-cost types.  I’m just Christy.

My first priority is my family and many most days they take up a lot of my brain activity, not to mention, time.  And that’s OK.  Actually, I’m really AOK with that.

As you may know, I waited a long time to be a Mama, and I want to savor every moment.

And at the same time, I really love you, my encouragers, who I feel privileged to connect with day in and day out.  And I want to give you my best.

So, with that in mind…all my pre-planned schedules I thought I could do this year are going by the way-side.  I’m going to do my best to get you weekend updates, and twice a week posts and weekly podcasts.  Do my best being the operative words in this sentence.

Ahhh, it feels so freeing to say that.  So you won’t be expecting what I can’t, or don’t, give.  How does that sound?

Question:  What do you struggle with putting off?  It’s more than simple procrastination isn’t it?  How have you overcome that tendency?  I’d love to hear your suggestions!  Please leave a note below.

The post The Sweet at the End of the Stuck appeared first on Christy Largent.

Several of her books have been New York Times Bestsellers. She has both biological and adopted kids, and when she adopted, she didn’t go for just one, nooooo, she adopted like 10 (just kidding, I think it was 2).  You get the picture right?

Well, the reason I’m mentioning and linking to that post here, is because it was such a totally clear picture of a certain personality type I just couldn’t stand it!  In fact, her blog post title was How to Choose People Over Projects.

Seriously.

She even made printables to help her remember to do this.

Seriously.

Now some of you are like, Wow, that would really help me.  I always find myself thinking how people get in the way of my accomplishments.  And others of you are like, Are you crazy?  Why on earth would you put a project ahead of a relationship?

And there you have the rub.  The personality conflict that causes just that.  Conflict.

Because you want your office mate to drop her project and join you for lunch at the trendy new hot spot.  And she can’t understand how you can even think of leaving the office for lunch, of all things, when the project isn’t finished.

Or your husband wants to take Saturday and explore a new set of trails and you’re fretting and stewing because the new toilet you purchased 3 weeks ago still isn’t installed.

See where the conflict arises?  It’s simple personality conflict.  I would call it Action Annie vs. the rest of us.

Here are 3 positive ways you can work through this difficulty.

1.  Recognize you have different expectations. You might be tempted to think there is something wrong with the other person when they don’t act the way you would.  After all, they clearly have different priorities than you do.

You’ll be able to reconnect when you recognize that these differences aren’t really wrong. They are just different.

2.  Discuss your differing desires. Having an open discussion of these differing expectations will be very productive for you. Once we name it and get it out for discussion, then you can move forward to a solution.

3.  Work out a compromise.  This sounds a lot easier than it actually is of course.  Maybe you can stay through lunch to finish up the project and then celebrate with a brisk walk around the block together after it’s finished.  Or how about working together to get the toilet installed so you can take the afternoon to explore those new trails.

When we change our perspective on these differences, we will be able to appreciate and actually be thankful for the variety in our personalities.  Try these ideas the next time a conflict like this arises and I think you’ll enjoy the positive outcome.

Question:  What are the typical personality conflicts you deal with?  Do they drive you crazy or have you figured out ways to bring out the best?  I’d love to hear your ideas! Just leave your comments below.

P.S. – If you want to know more about The Personalities, you might want to check out some of my first podcasts here and here where I gave an introduction to the various styles.

The post Psst…Your Personality is Showing appeared first on Christy Largent.

If you’ve ever worked for or with someone who just bugs you, here are 3 suggestions to help you turn a crummy interaction into something positive:

1.  Recognize your feelings.  This is a new skill that I’ve been working on. When you feel that rush of anger or frustration, instead of grabbing it and massaging it and escalating it, simply recognize it.

Try something like, Wow, that comment hurts.  Or, I’m feeling really mad right now.  There’s something about saying the statement out loud or to yourself that will help you process it.

Identify more about why it hurts or is inflammatory.  For example,  When she said I was a bad team player, I feel unappreciated.  My reaction is to get defensive and lash back at her.  Wow, I’m really uncomfortable.

I also recommend you take some deep breaths as you walk yourself through the emotions of the situation.  Try to pinpoint exactly what it is that’s causing such a strong emotional reaction inside of you.  Now you’re ready to…

2.  Figure out if and/or how you are going to address this with her.  My experience is that sometimes you need to address it, and sometimes you just need to let it go.  Let’s be realistic.  With some people, you could talk until you’re blue in the face and it would do NO GOOD! If that’s the case, please, just give yourself the freedom to experience the emotion and then choose to release it.  You might need to take a few deep breaths and physically open your hands outward – breathing out the release as you fan your fingers open.

But if the irritating person is open to honest communication, you would do well to create an assertive dialogue and let them know how their words affected you.  Both of you will do better after that discussion and you can move forward.

Regardless of which step you decide, I always find it helpful to close the interaction with the third idea…

3.  Look for the good.  Find something you appreciate or like about them.  I know that’s a tall order when you’re not feeling very positive towards them and frankly just the fact that they are still taking up space in your universe grates on you like fingernails on a chalkboard, but I promise you — if you will do the exercise of finding just one thing to be thankful for or that you like/admire about them, it will help.

Some suggestions might be, I’m thankful she takes her job so seriously. Or, I’m thankful she follows through. Or, I really like how she is such a professional dresser or if you’re really desperate, I’m thankful she just left the room…JKLOL…as my 2nd grader says

Do you see how I’m suggesting you reframe your mind?  You can do this!  Even if you don’t feel like it now, by recognizing your emotions, figuring out what you are going to do with them, and then creating a positive feeling to close the experience, you are reframing the whole thing on your terms.  And that feels great!

I hope these 3 simple steps will help you to maneuver through the next time you find yourself in the middle of a muddle.

Question:  What are your coping techniques?  Have you tried any of these and how did they work for you?  I’d love to hear your feedback.  Just leave a comment below.

The post 3 Steps to Turn a Bad Interaction Better appeared first on Christy Largent.

That night at the dinner table as I was telling the story, I made sure to give full expression in the retelling.  Wanting my kids to have the full picture of what happened.

As I gave my response, my daughter brought me up short. “Oh, and did you give her that ugly face too?”

“What ugly face?”

“That ugly face you just did when you told the story.”

I was silent as the truth sunk in.  No wonder my colleague responded like she did.  My face and body had said such a different story than what I really meant to say.  It’s not her fault that we all believe more of what we see than what we hear.

Shamefacedly, I admitted the truth.  Yes, I probably had made that ugly face that morning during the conversation. Yikes!

When you think about effective communication, you might sometimes forget how important your facial expressions are.  Obviously, when you’re online, texting or tweeting, it’s not an issue.  But on the phone or especially in person, you want to make sure your face is giving the same message as your words.

Here are 3 ideas that might help you (and me) match our faces to our words.

Smile.  Obviously you can’t smile all the time, but whenever you are listening, it’s helpful for you to have a pleasant expression on your face.  For most of us, a slight, mouth closed smile gives that pleasant look that encourages conversation.  Also, it’s impossible to smile and frown at the same time.

Clear your forehead.  By this I mean, if you have 2 those vertical lines between your eyebrows, or lots and lots of forehead creases, take a moment when you are in the conversation, or even before, to consciously smooth your forehead.  For me, this means I smile (automatically decreases the center lines) and take a deep breath as I run my left hand across my forehead.

Use your eyes.  The eyes are such a great communication tool!  Have you noticed that when you’re really engaged in a conversation, you’re giving good eye contact.  Not staring, but just following the conversation with your eyes.  You look at the other person for a few seconds and then look briefly away.  And when you smile, your smile reaches your eyes.  I know because an engaged smile includes eyes crinkled at the corners.

So I’m hoping that we’ll remember these simple behaviors.  That way, we can be sure our face matches our message.

Question:  What kind of expressions do you find “pop out” when you least expect it?  What are your compensation strategies?  Please leave me a comment below.

The post 3 Ideas to Avoid Making The Ugly Face appeared first on Christy Largent.

Next week I’m going to clean out Amelia’s closet and room.  The poor thing is living with piles upon piles. I was inspired by Kathy Lipp’s new book, Clutter Free: Quick and Easy Steps to Simplifying Your Space.  I plan on writing a blog post about the book later this month, so I’ll let you know how the room project goes!

What I read this week:

Of all of these, I actually only recommend two.

Anne Lamott’s Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace. This collection of essays on faith, family and community are so beautifully written it often makes you cry. I do so love her writing. Despite our faith differences, I’m always pulled towards contemplation when I read her words. Beautiful.

I love a good mystery, so Margaret Maron’s Designated Daughters (A Deborah Knott Mystery) did not disappoint.  Entertaining and fast moving, I enjoyed this quick read.

The other books were either trite (Danielle Steel, what did I expect?!…can you say, Escape!), boring, The Book of Jonah, or too difficult to wade through.  I wanted to love Dallas Willards’ award winning last book, but it was so dense I couldn’t stick with it.  I hope I have better luck next week!  Here’s what that stack looks like.  By the way, can you tell I’m a huge advocate of our public library!

What I’m planning on reading next week:

Wellness Journey:  Well, I’ve successfully completed week 1!  I’m so happy!  Here’s how it’s going so far…

• So far the food has been pretty tasty and easy to prepare.  I like most of it.
• My favorite thing is that the week’s eating is all planned out and even prepackaged so it’s easy for me to get the food out the night before and have it ready to go in the morning.
• I’m drinking a lot and even writing down what I eat.   That’s a huge win for me because I generally tend to fight that kind of restriction.  But I keep telling myself this is just for 4 months (my goal!) and is a means to an end.
• No exercise but I did go to the chiropractor and also get a massage.  I liked that because it’s a way of taking care of myself.  On Thursday I stepped into a hole in the road while crossing the street to my kids’ piano lesson.  I really shocked my body…thus the trip to the chiro.  But I’m strong and I’m on the mend.  Next week I’ll add in some yoga and walking.  That should feel great!

I just don’t like cooking.  There, I said it.  The incredible amount of time (even with use of the crock pot) just drives me crazy!  Thanks to Sara Fragoso and Everyday Paleo, I now know how to cook, but I just don’t like it.  I guess I would like it more if that’s all I had to do…but with a messy home and kids to play with and books to read, for heaven’s sake!, I just don’t enjoy all the time I spend in the kitchen.  So, that’s just a little aside that’s neither here nor there, but I thought some of you might be freed to say the same thing by hearing me say it.  And some of you might have suggestions for how I could simplify so that I like it more.

Professionally:  This week was neat because I finally got my first podcast of the year posted, and have set up a new schedule…so that it will be released on Wednesdays from now on.  The frustrating thing is that for some reason my podcasts since December 1st are not showing up in iTunes…so I spent a ton of time trying to figure that out…and it’s still not fixed! Argh.

I also had a productive work session with my tech helper and the support team from Infusionsoft, the program I purchased for all my emailings and so forth.  It’s another steep learning curve, but I’m so excited to have it because it will allow me to offer all sorts of exciting products and programs directly to you in a professional and automized way.

Next week I have a few big things on my calendar.

• Saturday I’m speaking for a local non-profit, Homes of Hope for Vida, which is an organization that helps victims of domestic abuse with long term housing.  I’ll be working on that program this week.
• I’m also planning on finishing up all the edits of my book and starting on the recording.  My plan is to launch on Tuesday February 3rd, so stay tuned!
• I’m also working on learning more of that infusionsoft support program I mentioned earlier.  As I said, that’s a steep learning curve, so I’m trying to do a little bit every day.
• Add in a new podcast and 2 blog posts, a day trip to San Francisco to take my son to a Dr.’s appointment, filming for my TV-Show all morning Thursday and a field trip with my daughter’s class on Friday, and it’s going to be a very full week!  I hope yours will be fabulous too!

Question:  What are you working on?  What are you looking forward to?  I’d love to hear from you.  Just leave your comments below.

The post Weekend Update appeared first on Christy Largent.

Sometimes getting started is the hardest work of all.

Do you know what I mean?  Doing the work is the fun part – getting started is the challenge.  I’m a great one for planning out and creating a big vision broken down into smaller, actionable steps.  But then I have to stop and go get the kids from school or start dinner, or clean up after the dog.

And once I’m stopped, it’s often difficult to get back into the swing of work again.  So, as a practical matter, I’ve decided to use my early morning hours as a kind of “bonus” time for the next year month, and see how it works out.  I’ll let you know!

I’m behind on my podcasts and obviously on my blog posts as well…to be honest, I’ve been a bit distracted as I’m beginning a new nutrition plan. (Notice how I didn’t say “diet”.) After doing all my work on goals and plans for 2015, the one thing staring me in the face was that big-old-fat goal of losing weight!

I know for some of you, you have NO IDEA what I’m talking about.  You never saw a cookie you couldn’t resist.  But many of you will be tracking along with me here. Right?

For some reason, this weight albatross has been hanging around for far too long and I’ve decided to get some help cutting it off…No, not a surgeon!  But I’m working with both a physical coach and a mental coach to get me realigned with where I really want to be.

Last Friday when I walked up the steps to my first appointment with the health coach, my heart was beating a tattoo, my hands were shaking and I had that familiar tight feeling in my chest. (No, not from taking the stairs either!)

As we got into the meeting and she began taking my measurements, she just chuckled.  “You don’t like this much, do you Christy?”  I grinned ruefully as she added, “It’s written all over your face.”

All I could think about was what if this doesn’t work.  What if I fail again?  And what on earth makes me think I can be successful this time when I’ve failed so many, many times before?  And how embarrassing this whole thing is anyway.

But right in the middle of our conversation I realized this is nothing but that ravaging beast FEAR rearing it’s nasty head once again.  Fear of failure. Fear of not being enough. Fear of…well, you fill in the blank.

Because this time my fear was wrapped around the ridiculous obstacle of weight loss.  But what is yours wrapped around? And how can you be brave and fearless in overcoming it today?

My personal prescription for bravery today includes writing this blog post.  Being honest with you about what’s going on with me feels quite scary and dare I say it…vulnerable?

Because, after all, I’m a speaker and trainer on communication skills – not lifestyle blogging or health and wellness, right?

But one thing I know for sure, is that for me, it’s darn near impossible to keep limping along in failure in this one area, while expecting to be able to give you my A-Game in my professional endeavors. Because after 15 years of this gig – I know you can spot a phony a million miles away.

So I won’t be a phony.  I’ll be authentic with all my foibles.  I’ll lay them out on the table, and then after that’s finished, we’ll get to talk about personality styles, and getting along with difficult people, and how to create fantastic customer relationships, and all the other topics I love to help you with.

I have all kinds of exciting things ahead for us this year.  This month I’ll finally release my 31 Positive Communication Skills for Women Devotional.  Next up I’ve got an awesome free webinar I’ll be offering on the topic of Getting Along With Difficult People.  We’ll follow that up in late February with my first ever online bootcamp — Powerful Communication Skills for Women.  More on all of this later…it’s so exciting!

In the meantime, I’d like to re-vamp my blog schedule a bit.  This is what you can expect.

• Monday:  Communication Skills — Strategies you can use
• Wednesday:  Encouraging Words for Working Moms Podcast
• Friday:  Personality Styles — Bring out the best and dealing with the worst
• Weekend: Update on my weight loss getting fit, healthy and strong journey along with periodic updates on what I’m doing and the books I’m reading.  I really enjoy those posts from some of my favorite bloggers, so I thought since I’m such a reading freak,  I’d share my reading adventures with you.

Well, if you’ve read this far…thank you!  I love you too!  Be sure you’re subscribed to my site to get all the updates, new stuff and freebies I’ll be bringing out this year.

Question:  I’d love to know what your challenges are this year.  Are you already off to the races or are you still circling the bay trying to get up the nerve to get started?  What are you working on this year? What’s holding you back?  I’d love to hear from you!  Just leave your comments below – on the blog or FB – either are great!

The post How’s Your Year Going So Far? My Honest Confession… appeared first on Christy Largent.

As I write this, the tail lights of Christmas are dimming and the bright splash of New Years is calming down and I have to ask myself, “If we were having coffee at the local Starbucks right now, and you asked how my year went, what would I say?”  The first thing that comes to mind is that I want you to know how thankful I am to have you in my life.  YOU, our friends and family, are the best part of our lives. Your friendship means so much to us.  That’s the key take-away from this holiday letter – so if that’s all you needed to hear, go ahead and toss this right now.  If, on the other hand, you are curious about what has filled our lives since we last talked, then read on…

You didn’t get a card last year because…oh bother, I guess I was just too disorganized!  We celebrated my 50th birthday in October with a long vacation in Hawaii and it threw everything into a tailspin.  What was I thinking?  The kids missed school so we took their work with us.  Big mistake.  Note to self.  Don’t do that again. But the sun was hot, the resort was cool and all that made turning 50 just nifty. (Where are my hair color and tweezers?!?)

The kids are still enjoying school at Redding School of the Arts.  Graham is in 2nd grade and Amelia is in 5th grade.  They are both in the full Mandarin Immersion program which means they have half the day in English and half in Mandarin.  They also have a full plate of music, art, and all the rest of the regularly scheduled programming, so they’re stretched.  They are also taking piano lessons and that makes for a fun time of chasing them around the house hollering for them to practice magical music at all hours in our house.  Soccer in the spring and swim team all summer keep us in tip-top-shape…as supporters.  The kids love it and we love watching.

On the extended family front, my Mother and Dad are well and doing as much traveling as they can.  My Mother took a few cruises and my Dad took trips to Dubai, Australia, and London. I can’t wait until the kids are big enough to go with them.  We all celebrated together as my brother Craig (who lost his wife to cancer almost 3 years ago) got married in June to a darling woman, Diana.  After such loss before, the celebration was all the sweeter.

When our local Veteran’s Home opened their skilled nursing facility in July, we moved Tom’s Dad up here from his long-time home of Moraga.  It has made for an interesting year as Tom figures out how to juggle the responsibilities of primary care giver for his Dad with those of being husband and dad to his own family.  He’s doing his usual exceptional job with it all. (In my humble opinion.)

Tom celebrated his 30th! year with his company this fall.  He still loves his job and looks forward to going to work.  The forestry and natural resources world is full of exciting challenges – so it’s pretty neat to see all the opportunities unfold.  He has also managed to fit in finding an occasional geocache – one of his favorite long-time hobbies.

2014 was my big, huge, major, changing year.  I decided that I was going to get back to my first love of public speaking.  Wowzer! Had things ever changed in the 8 years I had been away.  So, rather than just get out and speak, I spent my year starting a blog/website, a podcast, which you can find on iTunes, while continuing to host a local TV Show, The Forum, (episodes available on You Tube), writing a book (check my website and Amazon after January 15th), and filling in with speaking as much as I could, including a terrific Spring Women’s Renewal Retreat at my church.

Oh, and I also ran the San Jose Rock and Roll 1/2 marathon and was chosen to be one of Michael Hyatt’s testimonials for his goal setting program 5 Days to Your Best Year Ever.  I think a highlight was having Michael’s film crew come from Canada to film for the day.  When they filmed me running down our street, it was too much for our hyper-vigilant cautious neighbor and he almost ran us off the road with his dually truck – insistently questioning us what we were doing filming on the street!  Excitement all around. Ha.

We wrapped up the year with a Christmas cruise to Mexico and a few days in San Diego.  It was a relief to let Princess Cruises do the decorating and cooking.

So with all of this we are thankful.  Thankful for the December rains, thankful for healthy kids and family, thankful for you!  We love hearing your updates and seeing you when you pass through.  Please don’t be a stranger!

Our homebase for all social media platforms and to stay connected is www.christylargent.com  Be sure to sign up for my email list to keep up with all our happenings!

Much love and hugs from all of us!

Tom, Christy, Amelia and Graham

The post New Year’s Greetings! appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas: 

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• How to get started writing
• Ideas for finding connect in the midst of a dry spell
• How conferences and the global church can heal relationships
• The power of seasonal sabbath
• Using time blocks to create focus
• Making time for what energizes not depletes

Part 2 – Seasons, Community and Getting Energized

• Seasons of Life
• Building Community
• Energy to get Energized

Website Links

Denise Hughes website

Deeper Waters Community

Deeper Waters Retreat, June 26-28, 2015

Team 365

Denise’s Recommended Reading

The Daily Bible – In Chronological Order

Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Faith in Community, by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain

My Utmost for His Highest: Quality Paperback Edition, by Oswald Chambers

The Pursuit of God, by A. W. Tozer

In This House, We Will Giggle: Making Virtues, Love, and Laughter a Daily Part of Your Family Life, by Courtney DeFeo

Favorite Quote:  “If you cannot express yourself on any subject, struggle until you can.  If you do not, someone will be the poorer all the days of his life.” Oswald Chambers

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Psalm 133:1  “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!”

The post #036: Denise J. Hughes and Community (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Oh wait?  You don’t? You say you don’t feel like that, but that you feel overwhelmed. Discouraged. Stressed out.  Oh, good.  Me too.  You’re in the right place, so you’d better read on.

As I was considering what I could write that would be of value to you this weekend, I was reminded that the root of so much of our difficulties during the holidays (and all year long, actually) is nothing more than comparison in disguise.

Comparison.  I’m sure you’re aware of the obvious ways comparison sneaks in.  Fakebook err, Facebook being the easiest and most obvious example.  Instagram and even highly anticipated holiday letters can be added to the list.

It’s easy to recognize the way Facebook makes us compare isn’t it?  Your decorations/children/vacations/husband/job/home/car/jewelry are nothing like the perfect neighbor down the street or the blogger across the country are they?

But, have you ever thought of the most insidious ways comparison sneaks into your life?

Have you ever stopped to consider that every time you compare your current reality with the one that you wish you had, you are setting yourself up for dissatisfaction, discontent, discouragement and even depression.

Worst of all, comparison devalues what is.  A basic tenant of The Grace Advantage is to “Accept What Is”  You can’t do that when you are comparing.  Because when you compare, you always come out the loser.  You are the loser when you feel pride of how much better you are and you are the loser when you see how much “less than” your life is.

Ouch!  Comparison cuts deep even when it’s just with our own idealized ideas of who we or our family should be or could be or even worse, ought to be.

If you’re feeling defeated, here are 3 simple words that just might help.

1.  Gratitude.  Before you start running down the list of “lack” in your mind this morning, stop and give thanks.  Look around you.  Gather your family close and kiss their sweet cheeks and say thank you.  Thank God for a roof over your head (even if it’s leaking!)  Thank Him for your car.  Thank Him for money to buy gas.  Thank Him for the abundance that allows your jeans to get tighter.  Ahem.  Thank Him for the challenging job that takes every negotiating skill you have.  Get the picture?  Get thankful.

2.  Giving.  Give up and give out. Give up your schedule to snuggle close and watch your son play Angry Birds. Give up your plans for the afternoon to meet your husband for lunch.  Give up your expectations for perfection and enjoy the beauty of the imperfection of life.

Give out of your abundance and out of your lack.  Any cans in the pantry you could share with the mission this weekend?  Any books you could pass along to the library? Scheduling time to ring the Salvation Army bell with your kids in front of Target is given out of your lack of time isn’t it? Yet you can choose to do it.

Giving requires you stop the navel-gazing and take a look around.  Who needs what you have?  You do have to look at yourself – but through the prism of how what you have and more importantly, who you are, can benefit others.  You are who you are and with what you have because there is an impact you can make.  It’s not all about you!  (Reminding myself too!!)  It’s not all about you.  But all about others and the impact you can make in their life.  Get giving.

3.  Grace.  Undeserved favor.  Who can you bless with grace this week?  Who can you love and accept just as they are?  Right now!  Without fixing a single thing about them.  Without expecting anything in return.  Undeserved favor.  We all need it.  We all can live it.

When we are thankful, giving and full of grace, suddenly comparison shows up as the ugly impostor it really is.  The counterfeit sensations comparison imparts fade quickly in the face of authentic living.  Living out gratitude.  Living out Generosity.  Living out Grace.

Now let’s get going!  I’ll meet you at the mall.

Question:  How does comparison rob you of joy?  What do you do that works to help you stop comparing?  I’d love to hear your stories.  Please leave a comment below.

The post 3 Words That Can Change Everything appeared first on Christy Largent.

Yet the challenge to be thankful is an ongoing one.  In fact, the conflict of “not enough” comes screaming back full force just hours after the feast is over.  For the past few years, the reminder of how we don’t have enough is even creeping up on us earlier and earlier. (My newspaper and inbox were full of special sale ads starting about 10 days before Thanksgiving.)

You know what I’m talking about don’t you?  ‘Black Friday’ hits with the ferocity and intensity of Niagra Falls.  Black Friday SHOUTS.  I’m convinced its message is not really about the stuff though – I think it’s deeper than that.  It’s the lie of the enemy that we not only don’t have enough, indeed we aren’t enough.

And that’s the tender spot isn’t it?  I believe the lie that if I just get that set of matching luggage, then I will be stylish enough.  If I just load my kids down with that new doll/truck/game, then I will be a good enough mother.  If I get my husband the latest tool, then I’ll be a good enough wife.  Oh, and if I will just be wise enough to take advantage of the incredible pricing on those things I really don’t need and don’t have room for anyway, then I’ll be a savvy enough homemaker.  Oi vay!  It’s enough to make your head spin.

And that’s what the father of lies wants, right?   He wants me to spin my head from the truth that none of that stuff matters because I am accepted and loved just as I am.  The truth that not one thing I do or say or buy will change my value.  I already am enough.

Interestingly, it’s the same lie I tell myself when my relationships start breaking down.  The lie that my lack is why I can’t fully connect.  I imagine that if only I were more (fill in the blank) then we would become better friends, coworkers, (fill in the blank).

Truth, is that when we are wiling to recognize the lie for what it is (never fulfilling) and start being thankful for what we already have that our relationships can start being repaired.  Truth, is that it’s only through gratitude that I am able to fully experience contentment and peace.

Today I wish you peace through gratitude.  When your sibling hurts your feelings, be thankful feelings will mend.  When your parents give you unsolicited advice, be grateful you still have parents.  When your kids misbehave, disobey and embarrass you, be thankful they are independent thinkers.  When you eat too much and have to unbutton your jeans, be thankful for the bounty.

So tonight, before we set our alarm for 3am in order to head out for early shopping, let’s stop and take an inventory of all we already have. All we have in our relationships, our health, our work and indeed our lives.   My hope is that our grateful hearts will realize just how full they already are.

The post Grateful Hearts appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• The Power of small decisions
• What to say when someone you love is making bad decisions
• To keep secrets….or not?
• How to move forward after a bad mistake

Part 2 – Moving through Messiness

• Honesty
• Forgiveness – Colossians 3:12-14
• Face down Fear

Website Links

www.JacqueWatkins.com

The Mud Stories Podcast

Jacque’s Resource Recommendations

www.momastery.com (Glennon Melton)

Jacque’s Recommended Reading

The Daily Bible – In Chronological Order

The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands, by Lysa TerKeurst

One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, by Ann Voskamp

One Thousand Gifts Devotional: Reflections on Finding Everyday Graces, by Ann Voskamp

StrengthsFinder 2.0, by Tom Rath

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Colossians 3:12-14  “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

The post #032: Jacque Watkins – It’s a Messy Life (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

In light of the overload most of us constantly feel, I thought it would be helpful and refreshing for us to consider how we can be effective in telling people our thoughts and ideas in a way that’s “right the first time.”  So, here for your consideration are three suggestions to help you do just that.

1. Be respectful of the person.  The next time your employee suggests an idea you think is ridiculous – remember to focus your response on the idea, not the person.  As you are respectful of the person, get specific with your responses to the idea so they know you are skeptical of the idea, not them as an employee.
2. Get to the point.  Head right to the comment without padding it with extra words or fillers like um, and , ahh, so, like, etc.  The more you add needless words to what you are saying, the more likely you are to lose your listener and undermine your credibility.
3. Make suggestions for improvement instead of criticizing.  Many years ago I had a speaking coach who would intentionally sit in on my program and then make suggestions on how I could improve.  Her way of suggesting improvements was fabulous.  She used the “Like best” and “Next time” technique.  First, she would tell me what she liked best about the program.  Then she would say, “Christy, next time, instead of telling that joke at the beginning of the program, tell it at the end.”  By using the like best and next time method, I could hear what was working and what wasn’t working.  The bonus was that I did not get defensive at the criticism because I heard ways to improve…and that is what I really wanted all along anyway.

As we head into the holiday season, I know we’ll all have lots of opportunities to practice communicating with people who are really important to us.  I hope you can stick these 3 additional ideas into your communication toolbox and whip them out the next time you need to say it right the first time.

Question:  Which of these are most difficult for you to do?  Do you ever get stuck when you don’t know what to say so you say nothing?  Have you experienced someone else doing these things for you? How did it feel?  Please leave your comments below!

The post 3 Strategies to Say It Right The First Time appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:
Part 1:  Interview

• Effectively using your gifts
• How amazing stuff can happen when you wait on God’s timing
• How to give up what’s not working
• The importance of seeking wise counsel
• Forgiveness
• A strategy to stop comparing
• The power of a great Mission Statement

Part 2: How to create Your Own Mission Statement

“Find out what your lane is”, Courtney DeFeo

1.  Ask – What are my passions and areas of natural giftedness?  

• What is my special passion?
• What do I do better than anyone else?  (Where do my gifts and talents line up?)
• How do I do this?  What does it look like?
• What am I creating/designing/building?
• What is the result I’m looking for?
• What keeps me up at night?

2.  Answer – What are we about?  What am I about?

3.  Application – Write it down, memorize it and use this as a filter for making decisions about opportunities as well as staying focused

Courtney’s Website links and favorite Podcasts:
courtneydefeo.com
Catalyst
Andy Stanley
Louie Giglio

Courtney’s Recommended Reading and Resources:
In This House, We Will Giggle: Making Virtues, Love, and Laughter a Daily Part of Your Family Life, by Courtney DeFeo

Parenting the Wholehearted Child: Captivating Your Child’s Heart with God’s Extravagant Grace, by Jeannie Cunnion

The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands, by Lysa TerKeurst

**Watch for her darling “Conversation Cups” to be available January 2015**

Encouraging Word of the Week:  “God has already woven in you a beautiful story.” Courtney DeFeo
Jeremiah 29:11  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Question:  What part of this interview spoke to you the most?  What idea did you really connect with?  Do you want Courtney’s new book?  Just leave your favorite parts of this interview below and on Friday, November 14, 2014, I’ll pick one winner from all the commenters.

The post #029: Courtney DeFeo – A House that Giggles and Mission Statements (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

And I guess there’s really nothing like a drama with a loved one to remind you why we’re doing all this communication stuff in the first place.

I can give you all kinds of tips and techniques on how to be a more effective communicator. But the bottom line reason we learn and do all this is so we can love each other better. Right?  We want to learn how to act and speak and express ourselves in the best way so that the people in our lives feel loved.

Does that make sense to you?  Who in your life do you wish knew how much you loved them?  Do you communicate that love? What’s getting in the way of your truth? This morning I’m drawn to think of this…and here are the 2 main questions I’m asking myself.

1.  Is my style getting in the way of my message?  Yesterday I spoke about being a passive, aggressive or assertive communicator.  That message was straight from my heart.  You see,  I am really strong.  I come across as strong. I have to work hard to dial down from aggressive to assertive, and sometimes even assertive is too much.  And sometimes that ‘natural style’ is getting in the way of my message.

When I’m trying to talk with Amelia or Tom about something that I’m passionate about, (almost everything) I think I get too wound up and my words, tone, body all end up sending messages that actually shut them down.  Do you have that challenge?  Or do you go the other way, and you shut down when you get passionate?  I think both of these can be a challenge.  I have to remember, it’s not all about me…it’s about communicating well.  Because I LOVE THEM.

2.  Do I find ways to communicate love even when I’m stressed and busy and overwhelmed?  When I think of all the times I’ve thought of my telling my mother something and not texted her, or bragged about my sister and not called her, or even been angry with my dad and talked about him instead of talking with him, it makes my heart sad.  I’m supposed to be teaching this stuff!  Instead, I so often fail in the execution of the communication.

How about you?  Would it help your relationships if you were more intentional communicating your love to those in your life?  I want to take each opportunity to communicate love and not put it off until later.  Because, as I’m being so forcibly reminded today, there’s no guarantee of tomorrow, and I want to rest assured I’m communicating my love the best possible way every day.

So for now, thanks for following along this month as I’ve posted every day.  Whew.  31 Blog Posts in 31 days.  Definitely a new record for me.  I’ve learned some things along the way, so there will probably be a post about that in the future. (Not tomorrow!!)  I want you to know I appreciate each of you and how you have commented and encouraged me.  It’s meant more than you will ever know.  So here’s our take-away.  Let’s commit together to using powerful  communication to create positive relationships so that we can live purposeful lives.  I think we’ll all be glad we did.

This is Day 31 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women.  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Does today’s discussion ring true with you?  Which post, of the past 31 days was your favorite?  Why?  Please leave your thoughts below.

The post Day 31 – Why Are We Working At This Stuff Anyway? (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Passive Communicator – “A reluctance and/or inability to confidently express what you think and feel.”

This person is quiet, shy and rarely says what they really think or feel.  They will keep their thoughts to themselves, often taken extreme amounts of time to think about what they will say before they say it.  They expect you to read their minds since they have limited body language and facial expressions.

My favorite story about passive communicators happened when I was speaking in Minot, North Dakota.  I had a group of 40 women in my “Powerful Communication Skills for Women” class.  The majority of them were of Scandinavian descent. (Internal processors and typically passive communicators.)  Throughout the day, I was getting basically no visible response from them.  I would say something funny and they would crack a slight smile or nod their heads.  As someone who gets their energy from other people, all day long I was giving myself pep talks, reminding myself that they were engaging on the inside, even if I couldn’t see much of a spark on the outside.  At the end of the day I was shaking hands at the door saying goodbye.  One after another of the women told me how much they loved the class.  One woman generously proclaimed, “This was the best class I’ve ever attended.”  “Oh, thank you,” I replied. “Yes,” she continued, “My favorite part was how you got us all so involved!”  Inside my head, I was screaming, “When? I missed it!”

That’s a funny story, but it illustrates the difficulty others can have with passive communicators.  Because passive communicators tend to keep everything inside, others can be at a loss to know their real feelings.  They are also very good at using passive aggressive manipulation to get what they want.  (I think passive-aggressive behavior is a post for another day.)

Aggressive Communicator – “Intimidates, demeans and degrades another person – behavior that results in a put-down, causing defensiveness and hurt.”

You’ve meet these aggressive communicators.  They are intent on getting their way and letting you know it.  The classic aggressive communicator can be found on the school yard – we call him a bully.  Or maybe she’s the one in your daughter’s peer group who is the dominate force.  She tells all the other girls what they should do and how they should do it.   An out of control aggressor uses their threat of anger to manipulate those around her.

The Aggressive Communicator uses their body language with their hands on their hips, their fingers pointing at you (while they shake their hand) and the scowl on their face to get their messages across.

Assertive Communicator:  “Confidently express what you think, feel and believe.  Standing up for your rights while respecting the rights of others.”  

You love these people.  They know what they want and they share it assertively.  When you finish a conversation with this assertive person, you feel great!  Encouraged and energized because you have been on the receiving end of healthy, life-affirming communication.

So, which kind of communicator are you?  By nature, most of us fall into either passive or aggressive.  Most of us have to learn how to be an assertive communicator.  It helps if your family of origin used good, healthy communication.  But even if they were too far on either end, you can learn to communicate assertively.

This month of October I’ve given you 30 specific ideas on how to be most effective with assertive communication.  I hope you will take these ideas and move yourself into the assertive category.  Your friends, family and co-workers will thank you and you’ll be empowered knowing you can use these tools to create a life of strong, active and relationship building communication.

This is Day 30 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women.  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which category do you fall into?  What challenges have you experienced with your own natural style?  How have you worked around your style to get better results?  I’d love to hear your stories and comments.  Please comment below.

The post Day 30 – Your Communication Style (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Choose Generosity.  J. Paul Getty was known for being the richest man in the world.  He was also known as one of the most stingy…even refusing to pay ransom when a grandson got kidnapped!  By the time he died in 1976 he had alienated all his children as well as his five former wives.  Contrast that with Dave Thomas of Wendy’s fame.  He was known for being generous of spirit with himself as well as his money.  Over his lifetime he gave away millions of dollars, as well as hours and hours of his time and passion in his interest of helping others.  He said, “Share your success and help others succeed.  Give everyone a piece of the pie.  If the pie’s not big enough, make a bigger pie.”  Which person would you like to model yourself after?  You get to choose.  Choose generosity.

Value People.  Think of what you love.  Your home, car, boat, jewelry.  I’ll bet you spend time and money maintaining these items.  What about the people you value?  Why is it so easy to pursue the things we love instead of the people we love?  (I actually think the answer to that is a whole different blog post!)  Find ways to value people.  The best and simplest is to listen to them.  Spend time with them.  Help them feel heard.  I was listening to a podcast recently and the speaker challenged us to “add energy” in our every encounter.  When you leave someone, is their energy higher or lower?  You can be an energy giver or taker.  You get to choose.  Choose — every day in every way I will add value to others.

Do It Every Day.  “Do all the good you can, to all the people you can, in all the ways you can as long as you can.”  D.L. Moody.  Don’t wait for your income or circumstances to change – just begin!  Science is now showing how our behavior impacts our mind.  Living generously will make us generous people.  Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, “what are we doing for others?”  Choose to act every day.

My friend Amy Sullivan, has written a wonderful book to help you teach generosity to yourself and your kids.  You can find it here.  The title, When More is Not Enough – How to Stop Giving Your Kids What They Want and Give Them What They Need really says it all. Tons of creative ideas are found here. Additionally, my friend Courtney DeFeo has a terrific program she created called “Light ‘Em Up”. Check it out here.  Designed to be done with your kids, it’s a great way to teach by doing.  Oh, and it’s fun!

In closing, let me leave you with a thought from Ann Voskamp, “When someone stops doing nothing, and just starts doing something, this is what starts to change everything.”  Today is your day.  Start.

This is Day 29 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. (And my birthday!)  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Is it difficult for you to be generous?  How do you motivate yourself to choose generosity?

The post Day 29 – Live Generously (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

When Receiving Feedback:

Ask for clarification.  What’s your response when your boss says, “You don’t seem to care much bout your job these days.” Do you get defensive and react or do you take a deep breath and ask for clarification like this…”What am I doing that gives you that impression?”  Asking for clarification is a good way to slow down the conversation and get it headed in a more productive direction.

Ask for specifics.  When your coworkers says, “You’re really trying to get on the bosses good side,” rather than reacting with a sarcastic or cutting response, just turn it around and ask, “Oh, what makes you say that?”  You’ll shut her negativity down without engaging in any of your own.

Respond don’t react.  Sometimes people give us feedback that we weren’t expecting.  When you give yourself space to respond, you’re setting yourself up for success.  A sentence like “I’d like to think about what you just said and get back with you about it later this afternoon,” is perfectly acceptable and preferable to an angry reaction.  You dictate how you will engage with someone.  Don’t give your power away to them.

Expect the positive.  One time I was speaking to a group of trucking executives in Montana.  Throughout the day I noticed one man in the front row who seemed to visibly disagree with everything I said.  During one interactive time, I asked, “What is it? You obviously don’t agree with me.”  “Oh no!” he exclaimed, “I was just thinking how much I agree with you and that you were hitting on everything that was going wrong with my company.  I’ve been thinking of all the ways I could fix the problems.”  Oh my.  I had completely mis-read his body language and because I had been expecting the worst (based on what I saw) I was expecting a negative response.  What a great lesson.  Look for, and expect the best.  Most of the time, it’s out there, just waiting for you to discover it.

Give grace.  Sometimes people spout off without thinking, giving you feedback that should have much more prudently gone unspoken.  If that happens to you, I’d encourage you to just skip it and forget it.  Life is too short to nurse grudges against people who have said ugly things to you.  Just this morning I had to give myself this very advice as one of my clients spoke extremely rudely and aggressively to me.  My feelings were hurt.  And then I remembered that I could give him grace and just let it go.  All of us have some days that are better than others.  By giving grace you allow others the freedom for a not-so-perfect day…and who knows, maybe next time you’ll be the one on the receiving end of the grace-giving.

This is Day 28 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. (And my birthday!)  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question: How are you at accepting feedback?  Is it easy for you or do you, (like I), get defensive? And can you share a story when you received grace from someone?  I’d love to hear your stories.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 28 – How to Say It — Receiving Feedback (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Communicating what you really think or feel is part of everyday life.  Doing it with finesse and tact is a skill you can learn to master. Giving and receiving feedback is an especially important art of communication.  Today we will talk about giving feedback and tomorrow about receiving feedback.

When you are Giving Feedback:

Be Specific:  When someone is having difficulty with getting their work turned in on time, say, “I’ve noticed that in February, March and April your reports were turned in two days late each month.”  Not, “So, looks like you’re really busy these days.”  The first was specific about the real issue, while the second left the listener wondering what you’re really saying.

Avoid Assumptions:  When you make an assumption like, “I know you probably don’t like discussing this issue, but…” it puts people on the defensive.  When we assume, we’re taking upon ourselves the projected thoughts of another.  Many times we’re way off base! Who really knows the mind of another?  Instead, say, ‘I would like to discuss our report schedule.  Do you have time now or later in the afternoon?”  This gets the conversation going on an even, unbiased note.

Avoid Generalities:  The minute you say, “Everyone knows you’re always late to meetings,” not only does the person become defensive, but you’ve set yourself up to be disagreed with from the beginning of the conversation.  After all, who among us is “always” or “never” anything?  Keep yourself focused on solutions by being specific and targeted in your discussion.

Focus on the Problem, not the Person:  Our tendency is to personalize issues.  When I complain about Betty being selfish and uncommitted to the team because she’s always late coming back from her breaks – I’m not only making an assumption and generalization, I’m also targeting Betty with my words, not focusing on her behavior.  When I focus on the problem – that is that other team members can’t take their breaks when Betty is late returning from her break – the focus keeps me from getting personal and/or attacking Betty.  This helps the conversation stay in productive territory.  Remember, when I target the behavior, then I can ask for that behavior to change for the better.

So, the next time you have to give feedback, I hope you remember these suggestions so that your conversation is productive, encouraging and keeping you on the path of creating positive connections and helping you be purposeful in living.

This is Day 27 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. (And my birthday!)  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you ever have trouble staying specific and focusing on the problem, not the person?  Do you find it easy to get personal?  I’d love to hear your stories, just comment below.

The post Day 27 – How to Say It…Giving Feedback (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Yet when I think over what makes a life truly well lived, I realize it all boils down to how well we get along, engage with and yes, even love our family and friends.  Therefore, following is an acrostic with my suggestions for how to really communicate LOVE.

Laughter:  Giggle, chuckle, guffaw…laugh until you cry!  Tell funny stories from your past; remembering how Great Aunt Georgina “fell asleep” in the mashed potatoes when you were just 6-years-old, is fun for everyone (except Great Aunt Georgina of course!).  Pull out old photo albums and laugh at how dorky you looked in 7th grade. Watch Planes, Trains and Automobiles, that’s a movie guaranteed to tickle your funny bone.  Families and friends who laugh together…have fun!  Laughter is the best medicine and does your heart good.  (Trite but true.) And of course, remember that when the dog rolls in the newly planted flower bed, your daughter spills honey all over your freshly cleaned floors and you sew the costume inside out and backwards 1 hour before the party starts, these incidents will be fodder for family laughs for years to come.  Laughing together communicates love.

Other Focus:  A wise teacher told me long ago that true Joy comes when you put others before yourself.  I would encourage you to try this.  Let go of focusing on what you want and re-focus on what others need.  When I focus on me, me, me, I become discontent, disappointed and depressed.  Comparing my insides to some else’s outsides just makes it worse.  But when I let go of myself, focus  on others and how I can impact them in a positive way, my whole paradigm shifts!  Focusing on others communicates love.

(I must include a whole paragraph of warning to the ‘O’ suggestion.  Oftentimes I see mothers get so wrapped up in their kid’s and husband’s needs they ignore their own.  Please don’t do this!  What I’m suggesting is a healthy balance.  Focus not only on your family and not only on yourself…but a balance.  Make sure each day has a little of both.  In the mother’s life, it’s a tricky balance of both isn’t it?  Please remember that sometimes serving yourself is the best way to serve others.)

Vorgiveness…err…Forgiveness: Please let go of that baggage that’s holding you back.  Your anger and resentment are only hurting yourself.  In the words Frozen made famous…Let it Go!  There is a scene in the movie “The Piano” where Holly Hunter is being pulled to a watery grave by tangled ties holding her to a piano plummeting to the bottom of the ocean.  It isn’t until she decides to break free (let go) of the heavy ropes and unburden herself from the weight of the piano that she is able to kick her way up through the water to the life-giving air at the surface.  The next time you are tempted to hold on to that resentment, I urge you to let go instead and communicate love.

Expect the Best:  What you are looking for is looking for you.  We have a joke in my family that I get all the green lights and my husband gets all the red lights.  I’m sure, it’s statistically the same, but our perception of who gets what is definitely affected by our outlook.  I celebrate my (expected) greens while my husband suffers through his (expected) reds.  I wonder which you would rather experience?  When you expect fighting, animosity and negativity, that’s exactly what you will find.  Expect the best and you will communicate love.

This is Day 26 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Questions:  So how about it?  Today can you communicate L.O.V.E. by implementing some of these ideas?  I’d love to hear your stories.  Just leave your comments below.

The post Day 26 – Communicating L.O.V.E. (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Tiger Woods was once asked by a fan to demonstrate how to hit the ball out of a sand trap.  Tiger refused, saying he never practiced the wrong shot – only the right ones.  I am often asked how to get good at public speaking.  My answer is always “Practice the right shot.”  And the right shot for speakers and communicators is Toastmasters.

Let me give you some background on this amazing organization and then share with you how to connect with a local club.  Toastmasters began in California in 1924.  Today it is an international non-profit organization boasting over 313,000 members in more than 14,650 clubs located in 126 countries.  The one commonality of members is that each is committed to becoming a more effective communicator.  The Toastmaster organization supports this common goal by providing a venue for members to hone their communication and leadership skills.

My own experience with Toastmasters was so positive I became a life-long advocate.  Never have I been involved in a group as uplifting and positive towards each other.  Good communication is not just about talking, it’s about learning how to actively listen, respond and how to give good, productive feedback.  By participating in the weekly meetings, you will learn how to do all of this and more.

My favorite story is about “Larry.”  My first visit to our local club was about week 3 for him.  A part of each club meeting is a section called “Table Topics” when attendees are asked to stand up and speak impromptu for 60 seconds on a given topic.  Poor Larry was so scared and nervous and freaked out when it was his turn, he stood, hands glued tightly to the back of the chair, chin tucked firmly upon his chest and whispered, stumbling and stuttering through his speech topping out at about 45 seconds of torture.  I hurt for him!

Fast forward 12 months.  This time when Table Topics was called,  Larry stood confidently.  He looked around the room as he spoke.  He used humor.  He used voice inflection.  His impromptu speech sounded like it had been planned and fine tuned for weeks.  He not only nailed that activity, but he won the weekly award for best Table Topic!  Talk about a turn around!  That’s what Toastmasters does for you.

That’s why, if you are serious about becoming a Master Communicator you need to get yourself to local Toastmasters club, join, and start reaping the benefits of this connection.  On a side note…each club has it’s own “flavor.”  So if you don’t feel comfortable at the first club you visit, find another and go visit it.  Even the smallest of communities usually have several clubs to choose from, so you’re sure to find one that’s a fit for you.  Here’s a link to help you find a local club.

This is Day 25 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Have you ever visited a Toastmasters club? What was your experience? What other way to practice has been helpful for you? I’d love to hear your stories! Just leave a comment below.

The post Day 25 – Becoming A Master Communicator (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.  Your tone, facial expressions, and body language all play a huge part in your communication (93% to be exact.)  You may say, “Yes honey, I’d love to go to your office party with you.” but your mate knows you’re not telling the truth because your rolling eyes, crossed arms and sarcastic tone scream, “Of course I don’t want to go be with all your stupid co-workers for my one precious evening home this week!”  Just be honest and match your non-verbal to your words for positive, effective communication.

Actions speak louder than words.  If your manager asks you to do a project, and you say “Sure, I’ll do it,” but somehow you never get around to actually doing it…be careful.  Your actions (not doing the work) are speaking much louder than your words.  You may think you’re just keeping the peace and avoiding conflict, but be sure your actions will be the ultimate test in the end.  Make sure your words and actions match.

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.  Saying ugly, negative things about people or situations does nobody any good, it just makes those around you uncomfortable.  Make sure when you add a comment or idea that it is positive.  A nice comment that benefits others. I loved being around my mother-in-law Shirley.  She was consistently positive and in fact, at her memorial service, more than one person agreed with me that we never heard her say a negative word about anybody.  Now that’s a testimony!  I can only strive to be more like her.

Only give advice when asked.  I’ve covered this extensively on Day 11 and Day 12 when I talked about giving unsolicited advice.  If you need a refresher be sure to read those.  But I wanted to remind you in this list how important it is to keep your opinions to yourself if you want to build relationships and not walls.  I know it’s tempting to tell your 15-year-old nephew that his permed, green, mop of hair is unattractive, but believe me, unless he asks for your input, he doesn’t care what you think, and if you mention it, you will only succeed in building a barrier between the two of you.  You never know when he will want someone to help him get it cut and re-dyed a nice red or something – and if you have built a wall instead of a relationship, you’ll miss out.  No unsolicited advice!

Enjoy every moment as you build relationships remembering this handy list of ideas.  And be sure to thank your Mother for her wisdom as well.

This is Day 24 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these suggestions do you consistently follow?  Which is the hardest for you to follow? I’d love to hear your stories.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 24 – Mama Knows Best (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Like – Are you a likable person?  What is that intangible that makes you like someone else?  I think it’s the magic of interest in others.  When you are around someone who is genuinely interested in you, you can’t help liking them.  Their focus on you makes you feel good, and when you feel good, you’re more likely to overlook minor irritants and like them back.

When I think of the people I really like, and want to know more, they are invariably people who are actually interested in me.  And how do I know that?  They ask questions.  They listen when I answer them.  They remember things about me and what is important to me.  How are you doing?  When was the last time you became more likable by asking thoughtful, interested questions?  Why not start today?

Trust –  Are you trustworthy?  Do people know they can count on you no matter what?  Trust is hard to build and very easy to lose.  I know some people are slower to build trust than others, but the hard, cold fact is that nobody will take you seriously unless they can trust you.  They need to know you will be ethical and do what you say you will do.  Ouch.

My guess is most of us could improve in this area.  Circumstances affect our behavior and sometimes we don’t follow-through, or we allow ourselves to move in the shade of gray…hmmm.  When others trust you, they have the gold standard to count on – and you have the privilege of being heard authentically when you communicate.

Know, Like, Trust.  Three cornerstones for effective communication you can begin working on right now.  If you are serious about building positive connections and living a purposeful life, you will want to think about and start putting into practice the skills of being known, likable and trustworthy.

Another excellent resource if you are struggling with this idea, is the book Little Black Book of Connections: 6.5 Assets for Networking Your Way to Rich Relationships by Jeffrey Gotomer. I love this book! It’s fun and easy to read and most importantly, it’s full of practical, actionable things you can do immediately to build connections.  I think you’ll like it too if you’re looking for more help in this area.  Can’t wait to hear your results!

This is Day 23 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  What do the people you know, like and trust have in common?  Can you name what element about them allows and encourages you to be in relationship with them?  I’d love to hear your stories.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 23 – Know, Like and Trust Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Know – How do you get to know others and get them to know you?  The simplest answer is to be friendly.  When you’re in a new place, stick out your hand to someone you don’t know, smile and say, “Hi, I’m (fill in your name).  This simple gesture opens the door to conversation, and soon you’ll have a new connection.  My college friend, George, reminds me that the very first time he ever met me was in our Speech 101 class when we were both 19.  What he noticed was that I was “working the room”, sticking out my hand, smiling and saying, “Hi, I’m Christy,” as I met all my new “friends.”  Years later, he came to one of my day-long seminars and he just started laughing.  “Christy,” he chuckled, you’re still working the room.”  I smiled at him and said, “Yes, and still meeting lots of new friends!”

At work, everyone already knows you, but hat doesn’t mean you should stop being friendly.  I’e been in workplaces where the employees don’t even acknowledge each other.  There’s no eye contact and rarely a smile.  Needless to say, because they engage with each other solely when required, there’s minimal relationship building and what’s left is a building of strangers who work together only when absolutely required.  I contend, if they were to take some time to get to know each other, their communication and their lives would  be enriched in ways unimagined.

Oftentimes, people tell me they don’t know what to talk about.  So I’m going to recommend a favorite book that will help you with this challenge. It’s a classic and was originally published in 1936!  But like all classics, it’s as fresh today as if it were written yesterday.  It’s called How to Win Friends & Influence People and I’m sure you know it’s author, Dale Carnegie.  You may have heard that this book is full of tricky techniques to manipulate others into relationship with you.  But I found just the opposite.  Instead, it’s all about how YOU can be a true friend to others.  The magical outcome is that when you’re a friend to others, others become your friend as well.  I highly recommend this book!

Tomorrow we’ll talk about the other 2 parts of this discussion – how to build relationship so that people like and trust you.  Until then, don’t forget to be friendly!

This is Day 22 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you find it easy to be friendly, or do you have to work at this?  What tips have you tried that makes it easier to stick out your hand and smile?  I’d love to hear your stories below!

The post Day 22 – Know, Like and Trust Part 1 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Remember the magic words

• “Please”
• “Thank you”
• “You’re Welcome”
• When someone sneezes – offer “Bless You,” and then pass them a tissue
• When you pass someone in the hallway, say “excuse me”

These simple kindnesses will sweeten things up in no time.

Respond to voice mails and emails in a timely manner

I was listening to old voice mails earlier tho sweet and almost had a heart attack when I heard a message left 6 weeks ago – to which I had failed to respond! Arghhhh!!!  Have you noticed how easy it is to be rude in this technological world?  Let’s all be polite and respond promptly.  If you have forgotten to respond, pick up the phone and call the person immediately to rectify as best as you can.  Using Facebook, twitter, email, text messaging and cell phones properly can help you stay connected and communicating.  Be sure to use them thoughtfully.

Send notes in the mail

Thank you notes.  Congratulation notes. Thinking of You notes.  These all work really well.  My second job out of college (after leaving Capitol Hill) was as a Realtor.  (Of course, one listing and one sale in one year does not a realtor make – I waited tables to pay my bills.) But one lasting lesson I learned during that time was from my manager.  He suggested I get in the habit of looking for articles of interest to my clients – then clip them and send them on with a little note.  I did implement this idea, and have continued it to this day.

I do love it when I receive a little note – don’t you?  This week, you can be the one to brighten someone’s day with a well written note.

Lose the Profanity

When I was doing Improv Comedy, I quickly learned that getting fast and easy laughs with off-color language and innuendo was never the better choice.  It wasn’t the potty humor that lasted, instead it was the richer, more difficult comedy combinations that left the audience sated and replete from deep, tummy busting laughter.  Elevate your environment by eliminating the profanity and using better language.

So, put Mama’s words into action.  I’ll look forward to hearing about your sweetened environments.

This is Day 21 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  What’s your favorite “honey” to use?  When have you experienced the “honey” of others and how has it affected you?  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 21 – Pass the Honey Please (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Consider these two requests you might hear from a coworker; “Debbie, I know you’re really, really busy and have a lot on your plate, but if it’s not too much trouble, and if you could maybe find the time, I could really use your help with this project if you think you might, maybe, be able to squeeze it into your crazy busy schedule.”  Alternatively; “Debbie, do you have 5 minutes? I would appreciate your input on this project.”  Which request would you be most inclined to answer in the affirmative?  Obviously, the second.  It’s to the point, respectful and clear.

Many times, people think they are just being “nice” when they are actually unnecessarily using padded words and phrases that irritate, annoy and reduce the impact of their comment or request.  Padded word and phrases have their appropriate uses – ask anyone married more than a year and they will agree to that – but in the workplace and as a communication rule – you will sabotage yourself if you routinely pad your words.  You will be perceived as being insecure, indecisive and interestingly enough, even as a manipulator.

So, how do you stop padding?  First, you want to edit your comments.  If the word or phrase doesn’t add value, omit it.  Secondly, make sure you’re choosing the most accurate words to convey your message.  I suggest you even consider using power words and phrases.  Consider the following lists of phrases and make note of those that seem familiar…

Words to lose:

• “If it’s not too much trouble…”
• “I know you’re really busy, but…”
• “I really hate to bother you, but…”
• “You probably don’t know the answer to this, but…”
• “I’m only the assistant, but I think…”
• “I know I’m the new person here, but…”
• “This is probably the wrong answer, but…”
• “It’s only my opinion, but…”

Words to use:  Power Phrases

• “I would like you to…”
• “Please finish this by…”
• “It would help me if you would…”
• “I suggest we…”
• “My experience has shown…”
• “Past practice indicates…”
• “The research points towards…”

And I’m sure you can add many more.  Now that you’re aware of the negative impact of padded words and phrases, I challenge you to be proactive in adding power phrases to your vocabulary.  You’ll be happy to watch your communication quotient soar.

This is Day 20 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which padded words do you find yourself using?  What can you use that will be more effective?  I’d love to hear your answers – just comment below.

The post Day 20 – Power Phrases (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

I gave you an example of a dialogue with Tara yesterday.  Today I’m going to give you a fresh dialogue along with some guidelines to follow when having that difficult conversation.

1.  Be honest with yourself.  When someone is difficult, check in with yourself and ask, what is the real issue here?  For example, if Mary made a sarcastic comment in front of your team about the way you’re handling this month’s project, your first reaction might be anger.  But when you check in and are really honest, you’ll recognize that it was embarrassment and awkwardness you were experiencing in the moment.  Additionally, when you were “put down” in front of your team, you could be worried it could potentially minimize your authority as well.

2.  Be willing to be authentically transparent.  Tell Mary the way her behavior affected you.  You don’t have to go into a huge long explanation here – and be careful NOT to insert judgements or generalities here.  Don’t say – “Mary, you were a real jerk when you made that nasty comment about my work in front of my team this morning.”  That’s NOT what we’re looking for!  Instead, say “Mary, when you criticized my work in front of my team this morning I was really uncomfortable.”

3.  Tell her what you want her to do.  Sometimes I’ll hear people tell the difficult person they didn’t appreciate the difficult behavior and then stop the conversation.  Frankly, that does no good at all because most difficult people don’t even get that their behavior is a problem!  You must be specific and tell them what you want them to do.  “Mary, in the future, when you have feedback on my work, I would appreciate it if you would tell me privately.”  Short, specific and without judgements should do the trick.

This conversation may seem hard to do. But rest assured if you do not confront the difficult behavior it will continue.  Remember, that which is rewarded is repeated.  When you ignore their behavior it’s a way of rewarding their behavior.  Be sure to draw your own firm assertive lines so you don’t let the difficult people get the best of you.

I hope this mini-series on difficult people has been helpful.  I’ve enjoyed reminding myself of what works when I get confronted with behavior that’s upsetting to me.  I hope you will incorporate these ideas along with me, and let’s see our relationships blossom!

This is Day 18 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these suggestions have been most helpful to you?  Which can you implement? I’d love to hear your feedback.  Just leave your comments below.

The post Day 18 – Difficult People – Strategies and Solutions Part 3 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

In answer to my opening question, “Why are you here today?” an older man in the back row raised his hand.  As I called on “Bud”, I took a quick inventory.  I noticed the deeply etched lines of discontent framing his down-turned mouth.  His oversized hands were rough and callused and the wrinkles in his khaki work shirt mirrored those scored across his timeworn face.  As he stood, he placed his hands on his hips, thrust out his chest and loudly proclaimed, “Well, I’m the difficult person, and I’m here today to find out what you’re teaching, so when the people I work with try it on me, it won’t work!”  Hmmm….at least he was honest!

Does “Bud” sound familiar to you?  Difficult People.  Over the next few days I’m going to give you some suggestions for dealing effectively with them.  I’m going to help you bring out the best in  yourself first, then them, and even help you diffuse difficult interactions no matter who’s at fault.  Let’s get started with a few questions.

When you encounter a difficult situation with a difficult person, ask:

1.  Will this matter 5 years from now?  How often have you reacted to something in the moment only to realize later that it really didn’t matter in the big scheme of things?  Yet your reaction left disrupted relationships and hurt feelings.  Before you react, stop.  Take a deep breath and ask yourself this perspective reminding question.

2.  Who is getting the power here?  Sometimes, believe it or not, these difficult people just want to throw the behavior, words, attitude out there to see how we react.  (Interestingly, it’s the same thing my 10 year old does when she wants to see me jump!)  When I take the bait, I’m giving them what they want.  How about recognizing my reaction really gives them the power. Instead, let’s stop, and…

3.  How Can I Respond with the unexpected?  When I was verbally accosted at the gas pump last week by the oversized 40-year-old-surfer-dude on his way to the lake, I just laughed.  Based on his aggressive words, I’m sure he was looking for an argument.  But the whole situation was so ridiculous, laughter was my only possible response.  It stopped his aggression and I was left feeling slightly bemused rather than depleted by the incident.

Interestingly, these questions and behaviors are much easier to do with people you don’t know.  I think that’s because we’re so much more invested and connected with those in our close circle.  It’s that double whammy – we do what we don’t want to with those closest to our hearts!

So try these ideas out on your family and co-workers and see what happens.  I’ll love to hear your feedback.  Check back tomorrow for another set of strategies for dealing with difficult people.

P.S. Happy Birthday Dad!  75 Years Young.  And through the years when I’ve sometimes been the difficult person, you keep on being the most awesome Dad.  I love you!

This is Day 16 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these are you interested in trying?  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 16 – Difficult People – Strategies & Solutions (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Have you heard any of these phrases lately?  Negative, energy sucking, relationship tearing, and motivation zapping phrases seem to be all the vogue.  And it’s kind of hard not to be negative when you read the paper, listen to the radio and watch the news.  Holy cow!  Have things in this world ever been worse?

I’m going to suggest 3 simple ideas to keep you from letting that negativity bug get you down.  They are simple.  But they work.  Let’s take a closer look.

1.  Commit to yourself not to be one of the negative ones in your environment.  This is easier said than done, but “NO NEGATIVE” should be your internal command.  When you’re tempted to chime in to a negative discussion or make a negative comment, remind yourself of your commitment.  You can either say nothing or better yet, reframe it so you have something positive to say.

2.  Determine you will look for the good in every situation.  It’s amazing how this small choice can change your outcomes.  I think my Dad is a great example of someone who finds the good in every situation.  In 2003 he was diagnosed with stage 2 colon cancer.  Surgery removed all the cancer, but his physicians recommended chemotherapy.  As he was sitting in his home office on the morning of his first treatment, my Mother asked if she could do anything to help him get ready.  With a bright voice and shiny eyes, my Dad replied, “I don’t think so.  I’ve got the new Clive Cussler book I’ve been wanting to read and the brand new Straight Ahead Big Band CD I’ve been wanting to listen to.  You know, I’ve never done anything like this before.  I think this could be kind of fun!”

Yes, that’s right, FUN.  Wow!  What an attitude.  Before you say, how ridiculous to be so positive and light hearted about something so serious, stop a minute and think.  No matter the outcome, wouldn’t it make your time pass more enjoyably if you had a positive outlook rather than a negative one?  And study after study shows the importance of a positive outlook on outcomes.  Interestingly enough, today my Dad is a fit, healthy 75.  Better than before and cancer free.  I’m thankful.

I know many people do have negative outcomes even with a positive outlook.  I have a friend who just lost her father to cancer, and I don’t know of anyone who had a more positive spirit and deeply felt faith.  Bad things happen. But the idea here is to look for the good no matter how bad the situation.  It will benefit you and others.  And who knows, it might even positively affect your outcome.

3.  Get back on the positive wagon.  We all succumb to negativity at one time or another.  So the real success comes in recommitting yourself to a positive outlook so you can have a life of joy.  If there’s a deeper problem and you find yourself living in negativity, I’d encourage you to get to a health care provider ASAP so you can get some help climbing out of the pit.  Go for a walk, listen to some favorite music, jump on the trampoline with your kids.  Do what you can to jump back on that wagon.  Life is too short to spend it bound in negativity.

This is Day 13 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

I hope these will help you when you find yourself tempted to get negative.  Question:  How do you overcome negativity? I’d love to hear your comments – just leave them below.

The post Day 13 – How to Squash the Negativity Bug (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Here’s where it gets a bit tricky.  Ask yourself this.  What if trimming the bushes was one of the biggest thrills in your husband’s life?  Do you still have the right?

And what if each time he trimmed the bushes, they died.  Yes, that’s right. Dead. Brown. Kaput. As in, you have to pull them out and start over.  Do you still have the right?  Yes! (By the way, if it gets this bad, you must transition from mere unsolicited advice to a full blown strategy of assertive dialogue – but that’s another column.)

So, even, and especially when you have the right, before you open your mouth, ask yourself, “Is it in the best interest of the relationship for me to give this unsolicited advice?”  If not, then keep quiet.

I can’t emphasize this technique enough.  If they don’t ask, don’t tell.  Shhhh.  Bite your tongue. Hum a tune.  Try anything you can to stay silent and keep from transmitting the disease!

I admit this is a “hot button” topic for me.  In fact, let me be authentic with you and make a confession…I’m in recovery.  That’s right, I’m a recovering unsolicited advice giver.  I grew up in a family where we felt compelled with a moral obligation to pass on our wisdom to anyone we saw doing something differently (i.e., not our way) than we thought it should be done.  This propensity to participate in the plague has caused me untold misery and compounded problems – all because I never realized the destruction I was sowing.  You’ll be relieved to know I am in recovery, the cure is working, and I”m well on my way to a total healing.

But back to you.  What stage are you in?  Denial? Are you carrying the plague with you – bringing irritation and alienation to everyone you come in contact with?  Or are you willing to start and work the steps of recovery by resolving to practice the cure?

Remember, before you speak up, ask yourself these 2 questions:

1.  What gives me the right?

and then,

2.  Even if I have the right, is it in the best interest of the relationship?

There’s no easy answer here, and if you struggle with this I suggest you give these steps a try.  I know from experience, it’s so much more rewarding and positive for a relationship when you can stay quiet, build relationship and interestingly enough, often the person you most want to help will end up coming to you and asking for advice.  And then you can give it to your heart’s content.  Voila!

This is Day 12 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you give unsolicited advice?  Have you tried these solutions?  I’d love to hear your feedback – just leave a comment below.

The post Day 12 – A Widespread Plague Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Did you know that in the world of communication and relationships there is also a plague?  It is a plague that goes largely unnamed and unchecked – a plague that affects virtually every one of us.  Despite it’s alarming range, there are not many of us yet immune to it and its devastating effects.  Most of us have even been guilty, at some point, of not only being a carrier of this disease – but of actively passing it on to someone else!  What is it you ask?  The problem is the plague of giving unsolicited advice.

Are you a carrier?  Have you been infected?  Or have you been inoculated just enough to make you immune to it from others, but still wickedly powerful in your ability to spread its devastation?  Not sure?  Then read on…

Definition:  Unsolicited Advice is when you offer your opinions, suggestions or ideas to someone about something they are doing or planning, before they ask for your input.  I know most of us have excellent motives when we offer up these little truffles and tidbits of testimony.  But if you are brutally honest with yourself, you’ll recognize how frequently your unrequested suggestions are rebuffed or brushed away, not to mention met with defensiveness and ultimately rejection.  So, what’s the cure?

Ask:  What gives me the right?  This cure was found in the extremely helpful book by Doris Wild Helmering, Being Ok Just Isn’t Enough: The Power of Self-Discovery .  Ms. Helmering suggests that this is the first question you should ask before you open your mouth.

Ask yourself…What give me the right to tell my friend where to park as we’re circling the mall looking for a parking spot?  What gives me the right to tell my co-worker how to “more effectively” do the project he’s working on? Or how about this…What gives me the right to tell my husband how to trim the bushes?

Ooooh!  Got your attention on that last one didn’t I?  You probably responded – “But I have the right because it’s my yard too!”  And you would be correct.  You do have the right.  In my part 2 of this post, I’ll elaborate on how to process this – when you do have the right to give unsolicited advice.  The question becomes…should you?  I propose that when you don’t have the right, that is, it’s none of your business, you keep your mouth shut and your opinions to yourself.  But when you do have the right.  I also propose you ask yourself a few questions before you open your mouth and spout your opinion or suggestion.  Check out the next post for what those questions are…

This is Day 11 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you give unsolicited advice?

The post Day 11 – A Widespread Plague (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key #2 ~ Follow:  Follow first with silence and then with open ended questions.  Think back to your favorite listener.  Let me ask you, does the person who came to mind give you lots and lots of space around your sentences?  Do they let you have a pause at the end of your thoughts?  I’ll bet they do.  That’s called following with silence.  That’s probably the main reason you think of them as a great listener too.

You can do this too.  During a conversation consciously be quiet and allow a space (I try for 3 seconds) to follow after the person you listening to says something.  A funny thing will happen when you do this.  Either they realize they have more to say – and say it, or they’re finished with their thought and they’re waiting for your followup.  Being an active listener – then they don’t speak after 3 seconds, you follow up with an open-ended question.  That is, a question that cannot be answered with a yes or no answer.  This will keep the conversation moving forward and they will feel heard.

Key #3 ~ Feedback: This is the final step you can do when you are an active listener.  You can give feedback by reflecting with your body and reflecting with your words.  Think of the concept of mirroring the person speaking.  They tilt their head, you tilt your head.  They lean right, you lean left.  Basically, you’re matching their movements.

Did you know that people like people who are “like themselves?”  Think of your best friends.  Aren’t they similar to you in many ways?  The same thing holds true with listening.  People like to engage in conversation with people who are “like them.”  Now, don’t be a dork!  This isn’t the game my 2nd grader played tonight at the dinner table where he mimicked my every word and behavior!  Just do it gently with your body and then with your words.  When they comment, “We’re going to Hawaii for our vacation.”  You can reply, “Oh, so you’re going to Hawaii, how exciting!”  This confirms for them that you are listening and interested.  You show you are interested by giving them this verbal reflection.

Focus, Follow and Feedback. Three simple steps to energize yourself towards Active Listening.  Try it and see what happens.  I guarantee, when you commit to this behavior, you’ll see deepened relationships and more productive communication.

This is Day 10 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these 3 types of active listening behaviors are your favorite to use?  To be the recipient of?  I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comment below.

The post Day 10 – Active Listening: Following and Feedback (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1:  Interview

• The importance of being proactive with your activities (and what happens when you aren’t!)
• What happens when you switch careers mid-life
• Why difficulties are not the end of the story
• “We learn the most when we feel weakest and most afraid”

Part 2: What I learned when I felt my weakest and most afraid

1. Look at myself first
2. I can let go of the outcome and trust God
3. Just do the next right thing

Website links:  (This week we discussed)

 https://loriandsteven.wordpress.com/

www.sacredspace.ie

www.momastery.com

Lori and Steven’s Recommended Reading and Resources:

15 Ways to Make Love Impossible, by Lori and Steven McClure

Noisetrade – Free Download of their book here

The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out, by Brennan Manning.

A Grief Observed, by C.S. Lewis.

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

Encouraging Word of the Week:  2 Corinthians 12:9 (New Living Translation)   “Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.  So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”

Question:  What was the most encouraging part of this interview?  Are you going through any rough times that would make these ideas helpful?  I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.  And I’d love to pray for you too. Please leave your comments below.

The post #026: Lori and Steven McClure and Learning through Weakness (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Our conversation got off to a good start with a discussion of current events.  The talk moved to the problem of the Sandinistas in Nicaragua and in those days before the Iran Contra affair became known to all, it was natural to ask the Congressman what ideas he had for dealing with them.  When he gave his answer, I immediately piped up with, “But why do you think that would work when we’ve tried it before and it failed?”  He immediately leaned way back in his chair, crossed his arms behind his reclining head, swung his crossed legs up onto the top of his desk and fired back, “What do you think we should do?”  Clearly, he was not interested in my answer, nor was he receptive to anything I might have to say.  Considering I was just 20 and more than a little intimidated by this show of “manliness” I quickly responded, “I don’t know, you’re the Congressman.”

Needless to say, that was the end of that discussion and we moved on to other topics and the meeting was over not long after.  What happened there was a beautiful display of how NOT to listen.  Congressman Kemp’s dramatic body language put form to his feelings.  He had no interest in meeting with us or hearing what we had to say.  So since he couldn’t say that to his scheduler, he dramatically let us know we needed to get moving.

So, how do you avoid the same mistake in Listening?  I believe there are 3 key things you can do to be an active listener.  Focus, Follow and Feedback.  Today we’re going to look at how to focus.

Key #1:  Focus ~~ Focus with your body first and then your mind.  This is how you do it:  Uncross your arms and legs.  If you are sitting, lean slightly forward, about 7 degrees forward. When your body is open and you’re tilted slightly forward towards the speaker, it conveys you are interested in what the other person has to say.  This posture also helps you focus your mind on the immediate conversation. Your mind will be less likely to wander to your grocery list, or who is picking up the kids from school, or what you are going to do with that problem employee.  Instead, you’ll be laser focused on the conversation.  Note:  do not do this forward lean if you are standing — people will move away from you because you’ll be invading their space.

Oftentimes people are resistant to truly focusing during a conversation and will instead, take the opportunity to multitask.  What’s so interesting is that just this past week, research has emerged that Multitasking actually Damages Your Brain!  Yes! Can you believe it?  You can read more about it here.  When I saw this article, I recommitted to focusing more intently, especially during conversations.  Check back on tomorrow for part 2 on active listening.

This is Day 9 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

How about you?  Do you focus when you are listening or are you a multitasker?  I’d love to read your comments below!

The post Day 9 – Active Listening: Focus (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

And do you know, his behavior problems “magically” disappeared, and she ended up having a great year…with the whole class.  You see, she had the same conversation with each student, and they all rose to her vision and expectations for them.  In the business world, we call this using Praise, Rewards and Recognition to develop your people.  At home, I call it helping myself stay sane.  Do you realize people respond to your expectations?  In study after study, scientists have observed the power of positive expectations. So whether you need this technique at home or work or both, let’s take a look at how you can bring out the best with positive expectations.

Praise:  Look for positives and respond.  Once, while I was doing a training in Arkansas, a supervisor from the Little Debbie factory raised her hand and said, “My workers are working hard at a difficult and repetitive job on an assembly line.  I always like to catch ’em doing something right!”  You can bet she had motivated and empowered workers.

In order to come across as authentic with your praise, makes sure it is both sincere and specific.  People believe you are sincere with your praise when you are specific.  For example, if you tell your employee, “I really appreciate you.  I know you’ve put in a lot of extra time on this project and I appreciate it.  Thank you for your hard work and your attention to detail.”  Your employee will be energized and motivated to do even more.  And I must add, with certain employees, a letter spelling out this praise will be most highly valued of all.

We know people work harder for praises than raises.  Most importantly though, they will know you sincerely appreciate them…you told them so with Praise.

Recognition and Rewards:  Create an environment for people to look good!  When you walk in the door of the Arbonne International headquarters, almost the first thing you see is a huge wall filled with pictures of top achievers in the company.  These achievers are recognized for their accomplishments.

Focus positive attention on the quality of work and keep it there.  My 5th grade daughter is intensely focused on getting all her homework finished on time, and finished perfectly so she can participate in her teachers’ “Friday Rewards”.  And the even bigger goal is the “Perfect week, Perfect month” reward.  And on top of that, each test holds the potential of receiving a “Big Cookie” for a 98% or higher on the test.  Her teacher has tapped into the power of recognition and rewards for her 4th and 5th graders.

There are all kinds of way you can incorporate Praise, Recognition and Rewards into your communication life.  If you’re short on ideas, I recommend a book called The Carrot Principle: How the Best Managers Use Recognition to Engage Their People, Retain Talent, and Accelerate Performance by Adrian Gostick and Chester Elton. It’s loaded with great ideas you can implement immediately both at work and home.

This is a perfect time to re-commit to the power of positive.  Love the people in your life this way.  They will thank you and both morale and satisfaction will soar.  And a brand new resource to help you stay positive is Crystal Paine’s (Money Saving Mom) Choose Gratitude: Blessings Journal. There’s nothing like focusing on the good to help you stay positive.

This is Day 8 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you find it easy to focus on the positive this way?  What are some good ways you have given praise, recognition and rewards?

The post Day 8 – The Power of Positive (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1:  Interview

• There is power in community
• Enthusiasm is contagious
• The beauty of an early morning ritual
• Keeping sane with sleep, exercise, friendship and the Word

Part 2: How to be Extravagantly Generous

1. Start with what you have – talents, time, ideas, stuff
2. Look for ways to help – hint, you don’t have to start it.   Amy’s website has some great suggestions
3. Pick a week to eat from the pantry/freezer, and with your kids, pick out a way to be generous with the grocery money
4. Discuss what being it would look like for your family to be extravagantly generous – then pick something to DO to live it out
5. Don’t wait

Website links:

Amy L. Sullivan  Amy’s website with load of great information here.

Amy’s Recommended Reading and Resources:

When More is Not Enough – How to Stop Giving Your Kids What They Want and Give Them What They Need, by Amy L. Sullivan  How important is this?!  Very!

15 Ways to Make Love Impossible, by Lori and Steven McClure  – watch for their upcoming interview on our podcast in a few weeks.

Start A Snowball – Helping Kids do Good  What an excellent resource for your family!

Encouraging Word of the Week:  1 Timothy 6:17-19 (The Message)   “Tell those rich in this world’s wealth to quit being so full of themselves and so obsessed with money, which is here today and gone tomorrow.  Tell them to go after God, who piles on all the riches we could ever manage, to do good, to be rich in helping others, to be extravagantly generous.  If they do that, they’ll build a treasury that will last, gaining life that is truly life.”

Question:  What was your favorite part of this interview?  What are you doing to teach and train your kids how to implement giving into their everyday lives?  I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.

The post #025: Amy L. Sullivan – When More is Not Enough and Extravagant Generosity (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Customer Service.  Towel animals aside, here’s a 2-step exercise to easily to assure you create a positive experience every time.

1.  Focus on their Expectations

What are your client’s expectations?  Make a list of 10 expectations you think your client has.  Think of the spoken and the unspoken expectations.  Once you have 10, try to expand to even more.  Cultural, social, educational and economic backgrounds all affect the set of expectations each person has.  Oh, and the age.  I was reading this week of a church in the midwest catering to 30 and unders. They met in a warehouse.  The walls were black.  The music was loud. The computerization was pervasive.  And apparently their target market was swarming.  It all comes down to recognizing (and then meeting) those expectations.

This is a powerful discovery exercise to do with your staff.  Find out if the lists match.  If not, then it’s a good time to discuss it with each other.  Think about this:  How on earth can you meet client expectations if you don’t know what they are?  By making the effort to define a concrete list of expectations you’ll be well on your way towards meeting them.

2.  Create a list defining how you’re going to meet those expectations

Write down at least 2-3 behaviors you can implement that will match the expectation.  For example, if you wrote down, “a pleasant greeting when clients come in the door,” then you would list, “greet client with a smile, eye contact and a pleasant hello.”  You should have a “solution” for each of the expectations.  If you don’t have a system in place to assure each expectation will be met, then this is a perfect time to implement the training and development required to make that happen.

When you go through this exercise of listing the expectations and then creating a pro-active action plan for meeting those expectations, you are well on your way to crating a positive customer service experience for each and every client. Oh, and no towel animal required!

The post 2 Simple Steps to Improve Your Customer Service Efforts appeared first on Christy Largent.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I find myself just kind of “in a funk”.  Leaving the house in a rush and escaping to a restaurant to read and write and work because I don’t want to say a truthful thing to a house guest who hurt my feelings.

I fall into the same pattern of behaviors that have ill-served me over the years.  Apparently I’m pretty good at persuasive communication and not-so-hot at honest, vulnerable communication.  So instead of saying, “Wow, that behavior of yours hurt me,” I grab my computer, books and rush out the door to drop the kids at school and escape the uncomfortable feelings bubbling up inside me.

I am obviously bothered by these feelings because I woke up this morning at 2:17am just in time to watch the Amtrack train cross the trestle heading south.  And when I couldn’t go back to sleep by 3:30, I slipped to the kitchen for my cure-all, Advil, and went back to bed deeply breathing my mantra “God made me enough” over and over again.

And these feelings rage around inside of me and I can’t figure out how to say it nicely.  And then I read the blog posts of my most current wonder-woman Crystal Paine and think how little I”m producing and how slow my progress and all the other not-enough lies that come from comparison and I wonder if any of my dear readers ever feel this same way?

Do you have an agenda list 2 miles long and somehow just can’t seem to get accomplished what you want to get accomplished?  Do you have things to say and instead of being Brave (Brene Brown) or a Warrior (Glenna Melton) you suck it back inside and smolder?  I’m sorry if you do this.  I’m sorry I do this.  I want to be the woman who bravely speaks and lives her truth.

You might even look at me and think, “Christy is a clear communicator,” “She speaks the truth in love,” but then you would be looking at my outside and not my stress-induced rash or my marriage that’s in a hard spot or my sadness with some of my most personal relationships.

My dear sisters.  We are on a journey and I want to encourage you on yours while I encourage myself on mine.  I will write this post and maybe post it, and then I will create my own list of 3 4 things I will do to pull myself out of this pit and get busy doing what I was put on earth to do.

1. Remember that your mission is uniquely your own.  The journey you are on only you can travel. You are the right person for the right job.  Claim your mission with thankfulness. Here’s mine.  God first cliche, but true – Oh how He loves you and me! My Husband, love him unconditionally.  My children love them without expectations.  My work/health.  Programs to write, people to encourage, miles to run.
2. Revisit your Goals.  What is the most important next step?  See programs to write, above.
3. Get busy doing something of value that will move you towards those goals.  Don’t check Facebook or read over other (better) blogs.  Get busy producing.  I always feel better when I produce.
4. Ignore the other 3 things until you face your fear.  Say the uncomfortable thing you need to say.  (More action!)  Today I will be brave.  I promise you I will figure out the words to say.  I will not try to convince.  I will be honest and vulnerable.  Yuck.  Just thinking about it twists my gut into a knot.  But I will do this today first because I want to grow.  I want to start defaulting into the better choices instead of the old ones that produce negative results.  And I know I have to practice to get better.  Today I will practice.

And so I offer to you these thoughts.  My heart hopes you will not judge me too harshly.  Instead, I hope you find some encouragement in my struggling path for your own path.  Maybe you will even feel better because this is not your struggle.  You got this!  Be thankful, and pass this along to someone in your life who is struggling.  Because maybe she needs to be reminded that she really is the right person for her right job and the world is waiting.

Deuteronomy 31:6  “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Question:  I’ll leave my results from today in the comments section. I’d love to hear your results too!  Please encourage me by leaving your comments below.

The post Practice Makes…A Life appeared first on Christy Largent.

Driving down the coast of California with a 7 and 10 year old in tow, making periodic stops at California Missions does NOT a fairytale make.  I’f you’d been with us, here’s a bit of what you might have heard…(see if you relate)

“Pay attention and  look at this view! People come from all over the world to see this beautiful landscape!”

“Stop hitting your brother!”

“There’s a statue of Father Serra – let’s get another a picture”

“Don’t you dare touch your sister again!”

“No, we’re not going to the beach until the end of the day”

“Write this down, this will be good for your report on the California Missions this fall.”  (You would hear muttering in response.)

“Please be quiet, we’re going to stop in just 2 hours a few minutes!”

Needless to say, as I sit here in the hotel room this morning (the pool is closed for maintenance, the beach has no beachside cafes and the one umbrella topped tables is full of HS girls in their pajamas playing on their i-phones). I figure there must be something good from all this I can share with you.  The must be a lesson here somewhere.

Because you see, I woke up early with my heart racing thinking of the things I left undone when we left for vacation.  Those items are still sitting on my computer in my inbox.  The phone calls still need to be made.  The emails still need to be returned.  The blog posts written.  The sheer volume of WORK!  It’s overwhelming.

This re-starting a business has been a lot harder and slower than I anticipated.  I envisioned a quick turnaround.  I pictured myself as a speedy jet boat, making a swift, powerful, unencumbered 180, then racing quickly in the other direction.

I guess the reality is that I’m more of a cruise ship.  Loaded down with husband and kiddos and activities and responsibilities.  With that in mind, I’m taking a big breath and going to share with you a few ideas that helped me this morning.  Maybe they will help you navigate your circumstances too.  I’m writing this in first person, so please put your name in here and feel free to make it your own.

I’m me, not anyone else.  In the midst of my anxiety this morning I opened an email from a very well know and extremely successful female speaker.  She has started a world-wide ministry, written a bazillion books including 2 NY Times best sellers, has an enormous online and in-person following, adopted like 10 kids from Africa, has a bedazzling marriage….well, you get the picture.  What trap did I fall into again? That’s right.  Comparison.  I had to remind myself that I’m me.  The end. My story can only start when the comparison ends.

Work with what I’ve got.  So I’m not sitting by the beach being awed by the wonder of God’s creation as I type these words.  My kids are in and out of the room.  I’m sitting at a fake wood table by the wall AC that’s blowing fast and furious.  That’s ok.  This is all the time I have, so I’m going to make the most of it.  I have a feeling this is a message you might need to be reminded of too.

Break it down.  When I’m overwhelmed, it’s easy to let my mind run crazy with ALL the things that are not happening.  I find when I take the time to list down what these things are, it releases some chemical so I feel better.  It puts it in perspective. It gives me a chance to see what the gaps are and what the REAL (not imagined) needs are.  Breaking it down gives me the bigger picture.

Experience your moment.  I must admit my temptation is to fret and stew this vacation away trying to fit work in every bit of alone spare time I can grab.  Instead, I’m going to finish this post.  Shoot out a few fast emails that say I will get back with them after my vacation is over next Monday.  I’ll do a min-podcast tomorrow morning early before everyone is up and get it posted on Thursday, but other than that, I’m going to enjoy the rest of this vacation without regret.

There will always be more work.  But I will never, ever, have another week with my sweet little chickens (as I call them) like this week.  So I’m going to embrace it and enjoy it.

I have a feeling all the expectations I had for this week will be way blown away by the memories we actually make.  And when I get back to the work, my hunch is that it will be with fresh eyes and a renewed spirit.  Happy Summer!

Question:  What part of this post do you relate to?  Please let me know I’m not the only one!!

The post I’m So Overwhelmed! And I’m on VACATION! appeared first on Christy Largent.

The study of The Personalities is very old – dating all the way back to Hippocrates in about 400B.C.  He started it, and still today we are wondering why people act the way they do.  Florence Littauer has written the most user-friendly book on the subject that I have found.  You can find Personality Plus Here.  Back to Hippocrates, he categorized people into 4 basic styles:

Sanguine, Choleric, Phlegmatic and Melancholy.  Today we  still find it useful to recognize these general categories.

In this podcast, I explain in detail about the Sanguine – “Popular Sanguine” and the Melancholy – “Perfect Melancholy”.

Popular Sanguine:  You know her because she is;

• Loud…voice and clothes
• Open…with her body and her life
• Messy…with everything, even her mind!

Her motivator is to HAVE FUN!!!

Perfect Melancholy:  You know her because she is;

• Quiet…voice
• Closed…with her body and personal information
• Analyzed…to the point of analysis paralysis!

Her motivator is for PERFECTION!

These are general ways we recognize the people in our lives.  Be sure to check back for podcast #3 – #5 where I continue with an overview including the very powerful segments on meeting the needs of those who are different than you are.

The post #002: Understanding the Personalities Part 1 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

So how did that make you feel?  If you’re like I am, you experienced joy, disbelief, laughter, tears and an overall feeling of happiness, wellbeing and goodwill towards man.  That’s what happens when generosity infects the environment.

But what does generosity look like when you don’t have a multi-million-dollar budget and a video capturing every moment?  In other words, how can we live generously every day?  Here are some thoughts…

Generosity in your workplace might look like a bringing a co-worker a cup of coffee or an apple back from the break room.  It might look like scrambling to help a team member finish a presentation on time.  It might even look like sharing resources and best practices although it brings you no immediate gain. (Thank you Shout Out to www.michaelhyatt.com…love that man and his team!)

Generosity in your friendships might mean going to that lunch place you don’t really care for but your girlfriend loves.  Or how about listening to a story you’ve heard your co-worker tell for the 5th time, and you show just as much interest as the first time you heard it.   Even more powerfully, a generous friend will tell you the truth…speaking the truth in love even when the truth hurts.

Generosity at home might be seen when you cheerfully take out the trash even though you hate to do it.  It’s when you listen to your 4th grader read when you would rather be watching the game.  It’s when you make arrangements for a babysitter and surprise your mate with a special night out.  Generosity is when you let go of what hurts you have experienced and look for the best rather than expect the worst.

A Generous Giver is someone who does not always demand to do things their way.  They give from their heart without expecting payback.  They share from what they have with a happy heart attitude. When you give generously, you give from a place of abundance, whether you are actually experiencing abundance at that time or not..it’s your inside attitude that shows on the outside.

How do you like being around generous people?  I love it.  When I’m with my generous girlfriend, I feel inspired to be more generous myself.  And that’s the kind of person I aim to be.  How about you?

Question:  When have you experienced generosity and what did it look like for you?  What difference would it make in your life if you chose to live generously? 

The post Where Can You Find Generosity? appeared first on Christy Largent.

What I experienced at the New York City flagship was the embodiment of Exceptional Customer Service.  According to Kristin Anderson and Ron Zemke and their book, Delivering Knock Your Socks Off Service (Knock Your Socks Off Series)there are 5 keys that all of us look for when we subconsciously asses whether the service we receive is exceptional or mediocre.  Let’s take a quick peek!

Reliability:  Reliability is the ability to provide what was promised in a consistent way.  One of the most successful restauranteurs in Northern California once told me that consistency is the one thing customers need more than anything.  He went so far as to say you can be consistently bad or consistently good.  It didn’t really matter.  What did matter was that the customer knew what to expect.

Assurance:  The knowledge and courtesy of employees, and their ability to convey trust and confidence.  When your clients come to you are they assured of your competence?  Assurance means your team knows all about your products.  They are expert problem solvers and the dreaded words “I don’t know” are never spoken without the rejoinder, “but I’ll find out”.  Assurance is a hallmark of a professional.  Make sure your staff are empowered to engage with assurance.

Tangibles:  This includes your physical facilities and equipment, along with the appearance of your staff.  Take a break and walk outside your office.  Is the entrance bright and enviting?  Is the walkway clean with a cheerful flower pot inviting in your customers?  Is your signage fresh and clear?  What does your office decor say about your company?  Is it tired with worn out french blue and mauve colors with a dusty fake tree stuck in the corner?  Or is it sparkling clean with up to date colors and style?  These seem like minor issues until you realize that first impressions not only happen with people but with property as well.  You have 7 seconds to make a positive impression.  Is an out-of-date office sabotaging your expensive marketing campaigns?  If so, it’s time to make a change.

And how about the appearance of your staff? The dentist I take my children to is not the least expensive in town, in fact, I think he may be the most expensive.  But I love him and I love his staff.  Every 6 months the dentist purchases fresh new, stylish uniforms for his team.  I know that may seem wasteful, but the smiling faces of his staff and positive atmosphere of the office shout out they feel valued and want to value us.  As a bonus, the professional presentation sets the stage for the excellent dentistry to follow.

Empathy:  The degree of caring and individual attention provided to customers – acknowledging their emotional state.  Take a minute to watch this shot video by RSA Shorts and Dr. Brene Brown.  I think you’ll agree it’s the best explanation I’ve ever seen of what exactly is empathy: RSA Shorts – The Power of Empathy

Responsiveness:  The willingness to help customers and provide prompt service.  Don’t you just love it when a message is returned the same day you left it?  Our culture has gotten so lax in this area, it’s a good reminder that you can put yourself ahead of the competition with this one discipline.

Question:  How are you and your team doing in the area of customer service?  What are you doing right?  What needs improvement?  Please leave your comments below..

The post How to Knock Their Socks Off appeared first on Christy Largent.

For the past 9 years I have been focused at home.  Raising my long-awaited children.

and working a home business in the nooks and crannies.  My passion for speaking had not abated, I just put it put on the back burner.

Taking stock while vacationing this summer in the beautiful Oregon countryside

I realized I needed to get busy doing what God put me on earth to do.  With the help of some terrific books, Put Your Dream to the Test: 10 Questions to Help You See It and Seize It
and The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results
I decided to relaunch my professional speaking business.

The Dream  This is the dream that emerged.   I’m committed to helping people all over the world Create Positive Connections and Cultivate Purposeful Living.

The Reality  I quickly discovered the business world has changed a lot in the 9 years I’ve been away from professional speaking.  Thankfully, I discovered Michael Hyatt at just the right time!  The former CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers has the most extraordinary website www.michaelhyatt.com as well as book, Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World.
The book is a step-by-step guide to launching whatever business you want to.  I memorized it immediately!

The Plan  I will be speaking, writing, and using social media to connect.   My plan is to blog 3 times a week with regular topics.

Mondays I’ll offer insight for dealing with the various personalities in your life.  When I speak on the personality styles, it’s always a favorite, so I think you will like too.

Wednesdays I’ll cover tips, tricks and strategies for successful communication.  By Wednesday you’re usually sick to death of those irritating people you have to work with, so I figure that’s a good time to help you strengthen your communications skills.

Fridays, in the interest of honest transparency, I’m going to write about my lifelong challenge interest in fitness, wellness and nutrition.

I have a lot of other exciting ideas, so in between the scheduled posts I’ll be adding videos and podcasts and tools to help you create positive connections and cultivate purposeful living. I’m so excited!

Question:  My theme is “Positive Connections. Purposeful Living.”  With that in mind, what topics would you like to see me cover this year?  What are you most interested in learning about? Please leave a comment below!

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