So here are the 5 big takeaways…

1. Discover your Assets
2. Broaden your perspective
3. Find ways to connect
4. Surround yourself with people who care
5. Pay attention to your heart

Encouraging Word for the Week:  Proverbs 19:20-21 “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.  Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”

The post #046: 5 Key Life Skills to Enjoy Life More (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

This week, I want to give you 2 magic questions you can use when you absolutely MUST give the advice burdening your heart.  Before you speak…

Ask yourself these 2 questions:

1.  What gives me the right?

2.  Is it in the best interest of the relationship?

Listen to the podcast and share it!  I think you’ll enjoy this part 2 of the podcast.  Who knows, it might even change your life!  And feel free to share with your friends!

I’d love to know – do you struggle with giving unsolicited advice?  How do you keep from becoming “that person” who always has a better way of doing something? Please let me know your thoughts!

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 12:18  “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

The post #507: 5 Minute Motivation – Be Mysterious Part 2 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Unsolicited advice will destroy relationships, create conflict, drive division, and push people further and further away from you.  If you want healthy relationships where your friends and family ASK for your advice, then you’d better say far, far away from giving the unsolicited kind.

Today I’m sharing with you a humorous story on this very subject.  I think you’ll love it!…so you have to listen to the podcast.  But if you can’t spare 5 minutes, here’s my advice for keeping yourself from giving Unsolicited Advice:

When you want to start talking, instead, start asking questions.  

I hope you enjoy this today.  I’d encourage you to listen.  It’s short and who knows..it might even change your life!  And if you know someone who loves to give unsolicited advice, please feel free to share this with them too.

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Romans 12:18 “If possible, live in peace with everyone. Do that as much as you can.”

The post #506: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Mysterious Part 1 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Here’s where it gets a bit tricky.  Ask yourself this.  What if trimming the bushes was one of the biggest thrills in your husband’s life?  Do you still have the right?

And what if each time he trimmed the bushes, they died.  Yes, that’s right. Dead. Brown. Kaput. As in, you have to pull them out and start over.  Do you still have the right?  Yes! (By the way, if it gets this bad, you must transition from mere unsolicited advice to a full blown strategy of assertive dialogue – but that’s another column.)

So, even, and especially when you have the right, before you open your mouth, ask yourself, “Is it in the best interest of the relationship for me to give this unsolicited advice?”  If not, then keep quiet.

I can’t emphasize this technique enough.  If they don’t ask, don’t tell.  Shhhh.  Bite your tongue. Hum a tune.  Try anything you can to stay silent and keep from transmitting the disease!

I admit this is a “hot button” topic for me.  In fact, let me be authentic with you and make a confession…I’m in recovery.  That’s right, I’m a recovering unsolicited advice giver.  I grew up in a family where we felt compelled with a moral obligation to pass on our wisdom to anyone we saw doing something differently (i.e., not our way) than we thought it should be done.  This propensity to participate in the plague has caused me untold misery and compounded problems – all because I never realized the destruction I was sowing.  You’ll be relieved to know I am in recovery, the cure is working, and I”m well on my way to a total healing.

But back to you.  What stage are you in?  Denial? Are you carrying the plague with you – bringing irritation and alienation to everyone you come in contact with?  Or are you willing to start and work the steps of recovery by resolving to practice the cure?

Remember, before you speak up, ask yourself these 2 questions:

1.  What gives me the right?

and then,

2.  Even if I have the right, is it in the best interest of the relationship?

There’s no easy answer here, and if you struggle with this I suggest you give these steps a try.  I know from experience, it’s so much more rewarding and positive for a relationship when you can stay quiet, build relationship and interestingly enough, often the person you most want to help will end up coming to you and asking for advice.  And then you can give it to your heart’s content.  Voila!

This is Day 12 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you give unsolicited advice?  Have you tried these solutions?  I’d love to hear your feedback – just leave a comment below.

The post Day 12 – A Widespread Plague Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Did you know that in the world of communication and relationships there is also a plague?  It is a plague that goes largely unnamed and unchecked – a plague that affects virtually every one of us.  Despite it’s alarming range, there are not many of us yet immune to it and its devastating effects.  Most of us have even been guilty, at some point, of not only being a carrier of this disease – but of actively passing it on to someone else!  What is it you ask?  The problem is the plague of giving unsolicited advice.

Are you a carrier?  Have you been infected?  Or have you been inoculated just enough to make you immune to it from others, but still wickedly powerful in your ability to spread its devastation?  Not sure?  Then read on…

Definition:  Unsolicited Advice is when you offer your opinions, suggestions or ideas to someone about something they are doing or planning, before they ask for your input.  I know most of us have excellent motives when we offer up these little truffles and tidbits of testimony.  But if you are brutally honest with yourself, you’ll recognize how frequently your unrequested suggestions are rebuffed or brushed away, not to mention met with defensiveness and ultimately rejection.  So, what’s the cure?

Ask:  What gives me the right?  This cure was found in the extremely helpful book by Doris Wild Helmering, Being Ok Just Isn’t Enough: The Power of Self-Discovery .  Ms. Helmering suggests that this is the first question you should ask before you open your mouth.

Ask yourself…What give me the right to tell my friend where to park as we’re circling the mall looking for a parking spot?  What gives me the right to tell my co-worker how to “more effectively” do the project he’s working on? Or how about this…What gives me the right to tell my husband how to trim the bushes?

Ooooh!  Got your attention on that last one didn’t I?  You probably responded – “But I have the right because it’s my yard too!”  And you would be correct.  You do have the right.  In my part 2 of this post, I’ll elaborate on how to process this – when you do have the right to give unsolicited advice.  The question becomes…should you?  I propose that when you don’t have the right, that is, it’s none of your business, you keep your mouth shut and your opinions to yourself.  But when you do have the right.  I also propose you ask yourself a few questions before you open your mouth and spout your opinion or suggestion.  Check out the next post for what those questions are…

This is Day 11 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you give unsolicited advice?

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