His glaucoma (pressure on the eye) had not been responding to his daily drops, and his lens was getting cloudy, so the Doctor recommended he get a new lens and while he was in there, go ahead and get some little, tiny, tiny, tubes inserted to hopefully help with his pressure issues.

Isn’t it almost unbelievable what technology offers us today?

Thankfully, he’s home fine, and already on the mend. Amazing!

Some things are so much better than when we were young. And some things are so much harder.

Like making friends.

As a grown woman, it’s sometimes downright difficult to find like-minded friends and many of us are lonely and alone.

We know how important to our longevity strong relationships are. In fact, it seems like almost every day some new study comes out underlining how important positive relationships are for our health and wellbeing.

Making friends is one thing I’ve always been pretty good at, so I thought I’d share a few places I’ve looked for, and found, friends over the years. I’ve grouped them into interest areas.

1. Faith

Join a church.

I’ve gone to church my whole life, and every single time I move, I’ve worked to find a faith family to connect with. Once I found the church, then I start volunteering to get involved.

Here are some of the things I’ve volunteered for at church:

• Choir member
• Small group singing member
• Orchestra
• Children’s choir director
• Sunday School teacher
• Women’s Bible Study teacher
• Home Group attendee and leader
• ESL teacher
• Vacation Bible School musician and teacher
• Outreach activities
• Mission Trips
• Nursery attendant…and
• Greeter

I’m sure there are more, but I list these all out to show how many areas there are to meet new people who can become friends.

If you keep finding excuses why it’s too much of a hassle to go to church, and you find yourself lonely for deep friendships, I’d encourage you to take a deep breath and find a church near you.

You may have to try a few to find a good fit, but I assure you, there are places to serve and connect just waiting for you to show up!

2. Fitness

This is another easy place to make friends. Join a gym. There are about a million options for most of us, and I’ve often found classes to be a warm and welcoming place to meet like-minded friends.

It’s usually taken a bit of time to become friends (in my experience) but with time and consistency, you’ll find your people there, and friendships can develop.

Plus, you’re taking care of your body and releasing all kinds of good hormones into your brain when you work out – so win-win!

I can’t leave fitness without recommending Pickleball! So many friendships have been formed on the courts, and it’s popping up all over the place, so why not try th fastest growing sport in the US? The Places 2 Play website can get you started.

Think of a sport you love, and find a place to play. Future friends are waiting for you there!

3. Hobbies and Interests

Check your local Parks and Recreation guide for a listing of “hobby-type” activities available in your community.

Everything from reading groups to gardening, sewing, crocheting, art, travel, college classes, museums, and so much more are available for a nominal fee or free in most communities.

There’s a place to find a new hobby or pick up an old one, and once again, friends are waiting for you to show up.

Finally, I have to suggest that if you want to have friends, you need to be friendly.

When we moved into our Flower Mound home, I grabbed some bouquets of flowers at the local grocery store and took them, along with our names and contact information written on a card, over to our 2 new next-door neighbors.

One of them, Lynne, became one of my favorite friends and she invited me into her book club, which became another group of favorite friends. The other neighbor was not that interested in becoming friends, but still, we began a sweet neighbor-friendship.

Later my neighbor Lynn told me that she had never met my other neighbor until I introduced them in our front yard, and she had lived there for 15 years!

You might be surprised at the friendships waiting for you as you take the first step.

I hope these ideas stirred up some ideas you might have for making and nurturing your friendships. It’s so worth it, as our hearts long to be connected.

It’s up to us to make it happen, and I believe you can!

Cheering you on,

Christy

The post Making New Friends appeared first on Christy Largent.

Family, friends, food and faith.

Today as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, I hope you will be spending time with your favorite family and friends.  I hope your tummy will be full of the yummiest food of the season.

But most of all, I pray you will find faith in the perfect God-man, Jesus Christ.  And that in the midst of your gift giving, laughter and fun, that your heart will be drawn to the only one born to bring lasting and eternal peace.

Peace between our frail, flawed humanity and a perfect God. Peace made possible by the baby born in the stable. Peace paid for by His perfect life given as a sacrifice. For you. For me. Peace.

Merry Christmas!

The post Merry Christmas! appeared first on Christy Largent.

Several weeks ago I created my first ever community survey. I wanted to know more about you so that I can make sure what I’m creating is meeting your most important needs.

You responded and I got some surprising results.  Here they are – along with why the information matters and what I’m going to do differently.

Results

• You are a dominantly female audience (97%),  and in your middle years, 45-64 years old (72%).  I knew this intuitively, but it was fun to see the numbers. (You look like me!)

• You value education and have either a Bachelor or Graduate degree (66%) or at least some college 25%. Clearly, you are a lifelong learner.
• Your total household income is more than $75,000 (65%), and  you can be found in a huge variety of job positions, so much so, there’s no 1 thing that jumps out. I love that you bring an incredibly diverse scope of background and skills.

• Social Media Use was my biggest surprise.
  • Facebook was #1 (93% ranked it #1)
  • YouTube (79% ranked #2 or #3) virtually tied with
  • Pinterest (75% ranked #2 or #3).

• You don’t listen to my podcast. (72%) (Many of you said you wanted to listen, but were too busy to fit them in.)
• You want to learn from me…
  •  #1 Communication Skills and
  • #2 Self Development strategies.

• Your Biggest Challenges…
  • Finding time to do what needs to get done (61%) and
  • Desire to improve professional growth (45%), then
  • Life/Work balance (35%).

Your dreams…travel, being fit, creating a business and spending time with your family all rose to the top. We women really do want to do it all!

My top 5 Action Items based on the survey…

1. January 5th I’ll be offering a free webinar to help you dig deep to Discover your Calling and Develop your Plan for the new year.  More info. on that will be coming shortly. (It will have a wonderful name I’m sure, I just haven’t come up with it yet…title ideas welcomed.)

2.  I’ll continue finding excellent outside resources to recommend. The first is available now, 5 Days to Your Best Year Ever, by Michael Hyatt, and then in January there’s a free Peak Performance Summit you can register for here now. More on both of these as we go.

3. I’ll be creating YouTube tutorials focused on communication skills and strategies to help you communicate most effectively (get what you want!)

4. My podcast is going to reformatted into a short 5-10 minute production that you can fit into your busy schedules.

5. Finally, I’m going to send the survey at a different time of year. (Feb or March will be good.)  Late fall is such a busy time of year, I know many of you wanted to take the survey, but just couldn’t squeeze it in. So, next time I’ll find a less “intense” time of year to send so I can get even more feedback.

Thank you so much! I just love connecting with you and I’m excited about the year to come. What are you excited about this for this coming year? I’d love to hear what’s top of your mind! You can comment here or better yet…(see, I’m learning…) “like,” then post on my Facebook Page here.   Love ya!

Christy

The post Community Survey 2015 Results appeared first on Christy Largent.

How did all that happen in just a few hours?  It was a virtual meeting of my Mastermind group.  We 5 women gathered together around our computers.  We’re from 4 different states, yet all united with a specific focus to help each other.  And because we all were focused on helping each other, we obviously were given help ourselves.

Have you ever wanted to be in a Mastermind?  What is a Mastermind?  Basically, it’s a small group of people who commit to helping do all the things I mentioned above.  You usually commit to a specific focus, agree on a specific time frame and then meet together.  Sometimes one person starts it, and charges the others to be a part.  Sometimes the only fee is participation and your time.

I’ve been in 2 other masterminds, and each brought it’s own positives and negatives.  1 was super helpful, the other, not so much.  Typical, right?

I guess the overarching thing is that it’s a tool you can use for growth.  I love taking every opportunity for growth, don’t you?

That’s why I’m so excited to share with you a FREE event happening this week, “Masterminded” by my mentor and friend, Michael Hyatt.  You’ve heard me talk about him so many times over the past few years, and the key thing about him is he ALWAYS over-delivers.

I’m sure this FREE event will be no exception.  The Influence and Impact Summit is going to be a stellar coming together of some of the best and brightest influencers of our day.

People like Dave Ramsey, John Maxwell, Lysa TerKeurst, Jen Hatmaker, Andy Andrews, Glennon Doyle Melton, Jon Acuff, Bob Goff and many more will be gathered together between October 6-13, 2015.  You can watch or listen on your own time as Michael will email you a link to access 3 presentations at a time.  It’s all virtual, so super easy to squeeze in.

You can have access to this for FREE!  Did I mention it was for FREE?  So exciting!  You just need to register here at the Influence and Impact Summit page to get in on the summit.

I’m not an affiliate or anything, I just love all things Michael Hyatt.  And I love the magic that can happen when you are around people intent on giving their best.  Just like in my Mastermind this morning, I know you will find the speakers (and too many to name here, seriously!) will hit on just the thing you need to hear.  Right now.

So don’t miss out!  I want this for you – click here  – to register now for the big event!  I’ll see you there!

Love ya,

Christy

The post Are You Accelerating Your Excellence? appeared first on Christy Largent.

Remember, when giving feedback, it’s important to…

• Be Specific
• Be Honest
• Be Clear

Today is about how to be so clear the other person knows EXACTLY what you want them to do.  It’s the perfect way to complete your thoughts — creating an effective feedback opportunity.

Encouraging Word of the Day:  Ephesians 4:25  “So let us put away the lies, and speak the truth to one another, because we are all part of one another.”

The post #511: 5 Minute Connection – Be Clear (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

So here are the 5 big takeaways…

1. Discover your Assets
2. Broaden your perspective
3. Find ways to connect
4. Surround yourself with people who care
5. Pay attention to your heart

Encouraging Word for the Week:  Proverbs 19:20-21 “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.  Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”

The post #046: 5 Key Life Skills to Enjoy Life More (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Thankfully, I have an amazing sister-in-law who reminded me of this yesterday, so I get to share it with you today!

Key reminders about being yourself:

1.  It’s scary.

2.  It’s easier to wear a mask.

3.  It’s totally worth it.

Encouraging Word:  Romans 12:9a (The Message) “Love others well, and don’t hide behind a mask; love authentically.“

The post #508: 5 Minute Motivation – Be Yourself appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1 – Interview Highlights

• A funny Alec Baldwin story and her podcast “You’ve Got This”
• Finding your direction
• The role mentors can play in your life
• The true cost of clutter

Part 2 – Decluttering Our Lives

• Making hard choices
• Being realistic
• Staying focused
• Perspective Reset – Tim Challies article

Website Links

www.kathilipp.com

www.clutterfreebook.com

canva.com

Kathi’s Recommended Reading

Clutter Free, Quick and Easy Steps to Amplifying Your Space, by Kathi Lipp.

Communicating for a Change: Seven Keys to Irresistible Communication (North Point Resources), by Andy Stanley and Lane Jones.

The Power of a Positive No: Save The Deal Save The Relationship and Still Say No, by William Ury.

StrengthsFinder 2.0, by Tom Rath.

Connect with Kathi

On Facebook

On Twitter

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Ecclesiastes 5:10  “Whoever loves money will never have enough money. Whoever loves luxury will not be content with abundance. This also is pointless.”         – I know this is not very encouraging, but seriously, doesn’t it just fit perfectly with our discussion today!  It’s about relationships, not about stuff!

Question:  Are you a cluttery person?  How do you manage to keep it down?  I’d love your ideas too!  Just leave a comment below, or on FB or Twitter.

The post #044: Kathi Lipp – A Clutter Free Life (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

This week, I want to give you 2 magic questions you can use when you absolutely MUST give the advice burdening your heart.  Before you speak…

Ask yourself these 2 questions:

1.  What gives me the right?

2.  Is it in the best interest of the relationship?

Listen to the podcast and share it!  I think you’ll enjoy this part 2 of the podcast.  Who knows, it might even change your life!  And feel free to share with your friends!

I’d love to know – do you struggle with giving unsolicited advice?  How do you keep from becoming “that person” who always has a better way of doing something? Please let me know your thoughts!

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 12:18  “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

The post #507: 5 Minute Motivation – Be Mysterious Part 2 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

1.  Smile

2.  Stick out your hand and introduce yourself.

3.  Lean towards the new person

4.  Look them in the eye

5.  Speak up

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”

The post #505: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Friendly (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

You won’t find sugar coating and happy endings here.  What you will find is HOPE in all capital letters.  Because Michele is not a christian in name only.  She lives a gut wrenching faith through the depths of trial and despair.

Since Michele couldn’t be on the show due to the fact she’s in the middle of healing from her most recent cancer surgery, I decided to review the book and go over my biggest take-aways.  If you read my blog post yesterday, I covered these briefly there, but today I take it deeper.

And I have a special ending where you will hear from Michele herself doing what she does best.  Telling a story.

Key Ideas:

Part 1 – Undone: A Story of Making Peace With an Unexpected Life Highlights

• With God’s help, You can do what you never imagined you could do.
• There is good to come out of bad.  There really is a silver lining.
• Don’t wait for everything to be perfect to start! Make the most of what IS.

Part 2 – My Decision before I become Undone!

• Making hard choices
• Being realistic
• Staying focused

Website Links

Michele Cushat

Recommended Reading

Undone: A Story of Making Peace With an Unexpected Life, by Michele Cushat

Connect with Michele

On Facebook

On Twitter

On Instagram

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Jeremiah 29:11  “I know the plans I have for you says the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a future and a hope.”

The post #043: Michele Cushatt – Undone Book Review (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

When I started Undone: A Story of Making Peace With an Unexpected Life, I had a tiny idea of what to expect.  After all, my friend, Michele Cushatt, speaker, blogger, co-host of the top rated podcast This is Your Life with Michael Hyatt, MC for Women of Faith, had been diagnosed with cancer last year.  Or should I say re-diagnosed.  So I knew she had some challenging times in her past and present, I just didn’t know how earth shattering those challenges really were.

Most of us would be buried under the weight of those burdens.  Broken marriage. Single parenting.  Blended family.  Cancer.  Rebellious kids.  Foster parenting. Cancer again.  And again.  Oh my!

But the reason I want you to read this book is not because of how horrible it all is, but how incredibly wonderful it all is.  That’s right.  Wonderful.  Because Michele shares the entire story with an underlying peace and calm that’s completely inspiring.  Her faith is deep and her writing is lyrical, so you are carried along.  Even in the midst of becoming Undone, this really is, as her tag line reads, A Story of Making Peace With an Unexpected Life.

She weaves so many ideas throughout this wrenchingly honest and brave memoir, it’s hard to pick just a few.  But of course I did (since I love 3-point take-aways), and following are 3 things I want you to remember the next time YOU are coming Undone.

1.  With God’s help, You can do what you never imagined you could do.  When Michele was struggling with chronic pain, a body that wouldn’t heal, and a root canal in an already raw mouth, she realized she was booked to speak at a huge women’s conference.  This was an opportunity she had worked for and was really looking forward to.  But seriously. Picture yourself in that situation.  As my mother would say, “She was just beside herself.”

But God.  Michele’s prayer, “God.  I have nothing.  Nothing.  You’re going to have to show up in a big way.  The Advil too.  I don’t know how I’m going to do this.”  

Here’s what happened,

“For two days, women who heard my story lined up at my book table, one by one sharing their own stories of heartache;  of broken marriages, wayward children, and the difficult wrestlings of this life of faith.  Again and again, I abandoned a chair to grasp hands with a stranger, close my eyes and pray.  Together we poured out our hearts to a God we desperately needed but didn’t always understand.  Real, broken, in-progress women trying so very hard to live.”

Yup.  What you never thought you could do.

2.  There is good to come out of bad.  There really is a silver lining.  Story after story Michele weaves a beautiful tapestry out of all the yuck she has waded through.

• A failed marriage brought a brand new ministry to single moms.  And more.
• A tough new marriage and blended family brought a new appreciation for  imperfection and second chances.  And more.
• Cancer.  And more cancer.  I can’t even start on that list — too many good things to write down in this post!  Can you even believe that!!  It’s true!

And my biggest take-away of all…

3.  Don’t wait for everything to be perfect to start! Make the most of what IS.  Michele had some of the most magical opportunities presented to her in the midst of her cancer and other challenges.  Many of us might have passed on the opportunities because of all the other stuff going on.  But not Michele.  We can learn from her choices.

When prospects of a quickly approaching empty nest were put to bed on the heels of “one phone call that came with three children,” Michele and her husband moved forward into their new life.  It wasn’t pretty, but they didn’t shun the opportunity because it wasn’t what they had imagined.  Instead they embraced it.   And when you read the book, you’ll understand all the beauty that came (and is coming) from that choice.

Can you tell I loved this book!   If you’ve ever felt just a tad bit “Undone” then get this book.  If you have a friend who is the midst of “Undone”, then get this book and give it to her.  Your friend will thank you.  Michele will thank you.  I’ll thank you.

Because really, isn’t that what it’s all about as we struggle through this life?  Encouraging each other.  Loving each other.  All because HE first loved us.  Making the most of every day because the days are short.

Love ya!

Christy

Question:  What are some of the ways you are able to survive when you’re coming undone?  Please leave your answers below, or in the comments on FB or Twitter.

Note: Quotes are from Michele Cushatt’s book, Undone: A Story of Making Peace With an Unexpected Life. All rights reserved.

The post 3 Things to Remember When You Are Coming Undone appeared first on Christy Largent.

Today’s Tip:  Be Connected!

I want you to grow strong connections.  Here are a few ideas to help you develop strong, healthy connections.  Remember, more details are in the podcast.

1. Decide you want connection
2. Be willing to be vulnerable
3. Be focused on them when you are with them
4. Time — it Takes Time and you must Give it Time
5. Enjoy the fruits of connection

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Matthew 18:20  “Where 2 or 3 are gathered together, there I am with them.”

Question:  What do you think about these 5 minute Fridays?  I’d love to hear your comments!

The post #502: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Connected (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Today’s Tip:  Listening!

I want you to “Be All Ears”.  It’s amazing what can happen when you stop just thinking about your own agenda and begin really listening and paying attention to those in your life.

• Focus
• Follow
• Feedback

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  James 1:19  “Know this, my beloved brothers and sisters: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;”

The post #501: 5 Minute Friday – Be All Ears (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas: 

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• The benefits of an unexpected journey
• Finding Mentors
• Her favorite productivity secret Hint:  It’s painless!
• Friendships – finding honest ones
• How to be totally awesome!

• Part 2 – Set Yourself Up for Success

• Sleep Enough
• Plan, then Schedule
• Clear out the clutter
• Get busy and enjoy it all

Website Links

www.karikampakis.com  All the good stuff from Kari

www.handsfreemama.com  LOVE this blog!

www.jeanniecunnion.com  Another keeper! Wonderful.  And her book is stunning too.

www.thehouseofhendrix.com  So awesome.

I love all of these connections.  Kari’s leading you in the right direction with these amazing women!

Kari’s Recommended Reading

10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know, by Kari! This is sooooo good!

The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?, by Rick Warren

Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis

Connect with Kari

On Facebook

On Twitter

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8  “A Time for Everything”
“There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
A time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
A time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.”

The post #041: Kari Kampakis and Success Tips (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Today she shares her best practices with us for how to live life with faith and without pretense.  You’re going to really enjoy her!

Key Ideas: 

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• Using the 4 Things List
• Being vulnerable
• Mommy Guilt
• 14 day challenge!

Part 2 – Exciting Update!

Website Links

Christine Leeb Website

4 Real Moms Website

Christine’s Blog

Recommended Resources

Christine’s Book: In His Light: Facing Fear With Faith. You’ll love this!

The Power of a Praying Wife, by Stormie Ormartian

The Power of a Praying Parent, by Stormie Ormartian

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Psalm 126:3  “The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.”

The post #039: Christine Leeb – 4 Real Moms (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

If you’ve ever worked for or with someone who just bugs you, here are 3 suggestions to help you turn a crummy interaction into something positive:

1.  Recognize your feelings.  This is a new skill that I’ve been working on. When you feel that rush of anger or frustration, instead of grabbing it and massaging it and escalating it, simply recognize it.

Try something like, Wow, that comment hurts.  Or, I’m feeling really mad right now.  There’s something about saying the statement out loud or to yourself that will help you process it.

Identify more about why it hurts or is inflammatory.  For example,  When she said I was a bad team player, I feel unappreciated.  My reaction is to get defensive and lash back at her.  Wow, I’m really uncomfortable.

I also recommend you take some deep breaths as you walk yourself through the emotions of the situation.  Try to pinpoint exactly what it is that’s causing such a strong emotional reaction inside of you.  Now you’re ready to…

2.  Figure out if and/or how you are going to address this with her.  My experience is that sometimes you need to address it, and sometimes you just need to let it go.  Let’s be realistic.  With some people, you could talk until you’re blue in the face and it would do NO GOOD! If that’s the case, please, just give yourself the freedom to experience the emotion and then choose to release it.  You might need to take a few deep breaths and physically open your hands outward – breathing out the release as you fan your fingers open.

But if the irritating person is open to honest communication, you would do well to create an assertive dialogue and let them know how their words affected you.  Both of you will do better after that discussion and you can move forward.

Regardless of which step you decide, I always find it helpful to close the interaction with the third idea…

3.  Look for the good.  Find something you appreciate or like about them.  I know that’s a tall order when you’re not feeling very positive towards them and frankly just the fact that they are still taking up space in your universe grates on you like fingernails on a chalkboard, but I promise you — if you will do the exercise of finding just one thing to be thankful for or that you like/admire about them, it will help.

Some suggestions might be, I’m thankful she takes her job so seriously. Or, I’m thankful she follows through. Or, I really like how she is such a professional dresser or if you’re really desperate, I’m thankful she just left the room…JKLOL…as my 2nd grader says

Do you see how I’m suggesting you reframe your mind?  You can do this!  Even if you don’t feel like it now, by recognizing your emotions, figuring out what you are going to do with them, and then creating a positive feeling to close the experience, you are reframing the whole thing on your terms.  And that feels great!

I hope these 3 simple steps will help you to maneuver through the next time you find yourself in the middle of a muddle.

Question:  What are your coping techniques?  Have you tried any of these and how did they work for you?  I’d love to hear your feedback.  Just leave a comment below.

The post 3 Steps to Turn a Bad Interaction Better appeared first on Christy Largent.

As I write this, the tail lights of Christmas are dimming and the bright splash of New Years is calming down and I have to ask myself, “If we were having coffee at the local Starbucks right now, and you asked how my year went, what would I say?”  The first thing that comes to mind is that I want you to know how thankful I am to have you in my life.  YOU, our friends and family, are the best part of our lives. Your friendship means so much to us.  That’s the key take-away from this holiday letter – so if that’s all you needed to hear, go ahead and toss this right now.  If, on the other hand, you are curious about what has filled our lives since we last talked, then read on…

You didn’t get a card last year because…oh bother, I guess I was just too disorganized!  We celebrated my 50th birthday in October with a long vacation in Hawaii and it threw everything into a tailspin.  What was I thinking?  The kids missed school so we took their work with us.  Big mistake.  Note to self.  Don’t do that again. But the sun was hot, the resort was cool and all that made turning 50 just nifty. (Where are my hair color and tweezers?!?)

The kids are still enjoying school at Redding School of the Arts.  Graham is in 2nd grade and Amelia is in 5th grade.  They are both in the full Mandarin Immersion program which means they have half the day in English and half in Mandarin.  They also have a full plate of music, art, and all the rest of the regularly scheduled programming, so they’re stretched.  They are also taking piano lessons and that makes for a fun time of chasing them around the house hollering for them to practice magical music at all hours in our house.  Soccer in the spring and swim team all summer keep us in tip-top-shape…as supporters.  The kids love it and we love watching.

On the extended family front, my Mother and Dad are well and doing as much traveling as they can.  My Mother took a few cruises and my Dad took trips to Dubai, Australia, and London. I can’t wait until the kids are big enough to go with them.  We all celebrated together as my brother Craig (who lost his wife to cancer almost 3 years ago) got married in June to a darling woman, Diana.  After such loss before, the celebration was all the sweeter.

When our local Veteran’s Home opened their skilled nursing facility in July, we moved Tom’s Dad up here from his long-time home of Moraga.  It has made for an interesting year as Tom figures out how to juggle the responsibilities of primary care giver for his Dad with those of being husband and dad to his own family.  He’s doing his usual exceptional job with it all. (In my humble opinion.)

Tom celebrated his 30th! year with his company this fall.  He still loves his job and looks forward to going to work.  The forestry and natural resources world is full of exciting challenges – so it’s pretty neat to see all the opportunities unfold.  He has also managed to fit in finding an occasional geocache – one of his favorite long-time hobbies.

2014 was my big, huge, major, changing year.  I decided that I was going to get back to my first love of public speaking.  Wowzer! Had things ever changed in the 8 years I had been away.  So, rather than just get out and speak, I spent my year starting a blog/website, a podcast, which you can find on iTunes, while continuing to host a local TV Show, The Forum, (episodes available on You Tube), writing a book (check my website and Amazon after January 15th), and filling in with speaking as much as I could, including a terrific Spring Women’s Renewal Retreat at my church.

Oh, and I also ran the San Jose Rock and Roll 1/2 marathon and was chosen to be one of Michael Hyatt’s testimonials for his goal setting program 5 Days to Your Best Year Ever.  I think a highlight was having Michael’s film crew come from Canada to film for the day.  When they filmed me running down our street, it was too much for our hyper-vigilant cautious neighbor and he almost ran us off the road with his dually truck – insistently questioning us what we were doing filming on the street!  Excitement all around. Ha.

We wrapped up the year with a Christmas cruise to Mexico and a few days in San Diego.  It was a relief to let Princess Cruises do the decorating and cooking.

So with all of this we are thankful.  Thankful for the December rains, thankful for healthy kids and family, thankful for you!  We love hearing your updates and seeing you when you pass through.  Please don’t be a stranger!

Our homebase for all social media platforms and to stay connected is www.christylargent.com  Be sure to sign up for my email list to keep up with all our happenings!

Much love and hugs from all of us!

Tom, Christy, Amelia and Graham

The post New Year’s Greetings! appeared first on Christy Largent.

Timeless truths I embraced this year…

1.  You can do more than you realize.  When I review what I did during the past year, and all the new stuff I learned, I’m really encouraged.  Just because I’m not in school doesn’t mean I can’t still be learning and growing and this year proved it for me, and it is true for you too.

2.  Get help.  There are so many people who can help you – figure out what you need and then ask for help.  The right person will appear. The book by Amanda Palmer called, The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help is a great resource if you are ready to get inspired to ask in your own life.

Areas to get help:

• Personally – therapist for help with the inside
• Physically – trainer at the gym
• Professionally – help with technical aspects.  Mentor. Professional development via webinars and conferences.  What conferences will you go to next year?  What seminars will you attend.  Who do you want more of?  You are the combination of the 5 people you hang around the most.  Who are you inviting into your life?

3.  It’s never too late to go for your dreams.  Figuring out what you really want to do is actually fun.  Take the time to make yourself a rough sketch and then start.  Don’t wait for perfection.  Lots of people talk about being imperfect and how to manage your perfectionism…get whatever help you need to get started and then start.  Once you start, then the pieces will sort themselves out.  Michael Hyatt’s Best Year Ever will help you get started with your dreams and then help you get started!

Next year – here are the 2 things I’m going to remind myself of daily so I stay focused:

1.  Take care of myself first.  The biggest “fail” of the year was with my weight and health.  Wait, let me rephrase that.  The area where I had the least amount of progress — and maybe even experienced regress was in the area of my weight and health.

I did train for and complete a 1/2 marathon, but at a heavy weight and kind of with the least effort possible principle.  2015 is going to be different.  I’m putting this effort front and center.  I know all the other stuff will fall into place as I figure out this piece of my life.

2.  Do more of what I love.  When I was doing my goal setting I discovered that of all the things I enjoyed this past year, the best part was still what drove me to work in the first place.  Speaking and teaching still top the charts and make me happiest.  So,  I’m going to make sure and do more of that this next year.  All the other stuff will still be there – but as supporting rolls to help create more opportunity to do more of what I love.

More speaking.  More stories.  More entertaining.  More laughter.  More connecting.

2015 Word of the Year:    Routine 

I have 1 outstanding, terrific and fabulous routine.  Every night I wash my face utilizing a system.  I also floss and brush my teeth.  My morning average is about 95%, but the evening is 99.9999999999%.  And this is since 1984.  30 Years! Seriously, I cannot remember a single night I have gone to bed without washing my face and brushing my teeth.  Flossing is about 98.999999%.  My night-time rituals I don’t even think about.  They are so routine as to be a ritual.  No thinking —  I just do them.  30 years!

Here’s the deal.  If I can do it in one area of my life (my face) then I can do it in others.  So my word for the year is Routine.  I’ll learn to love it.  Learn to embrace it.  Learn to flourish in the midst of it.  That will be growth!

“Routine enables creativity to flourish.”

Encouraging Word for the Year:  Proverbs 16:9 (NIRV)  “In their hearts human beings plan their lives.  But the Lord decides where their steps will take them.”

Question:  What about you?  What did you learn this year?  What are you going to focus on next year?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Please leave your comments below.

The post #037: Timeless Truths of 2014 and Focus for 2015 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas: 

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• How to get started writing
• Ideas for finding connect in the midst of a dry spell
• How conferences and the global church can heal relationships
• The power of seasonal sabbath
• Using time blocks to create focus
• Making time for what energizes not depletes

Part 2 – Seasons, Community and Getting Energized

• Seasons of Life
• Building Community
• Energy to get Energized

Website Links

Denise Hughes website

Deeper Waters Community

Deeper Waters Retreat, June 26-28, 2015

Team 365

Denise’s Recommended Reading

The Daily Bible – In Chronological Order

Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Faith in Community, by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain

My Utmost for His Highest: Quality Paperback Edition, by Oswald Chambers

The Pursuit of God, by A. W. Tozer

In This House, We Will Giggle: Making Virtues, Love, and Laughter a Daily Part of Your Family Life, by Courtney DeFeo

Favorite Quote:  “If you cannot express yourself on any subject, struggle until you can.  If you do not, someone will be the poorer all the days of his life.” Oswald Chambers

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Psalm 133:1  “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!”

The post #036: Denise J. Hughes and Community (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Oh wait?  You don’t? You say you don’t feel like that, but that you feel overwhelmed. Discouraged. Stressed out.  Oh, good.  Me too.  You’re in the right place, so you’d better read on.

As I was considering what I could write that would be of value to you this weekend, I was reminded that the root of so much of our difficulties during the holidays (and all year long, actually) is nothing more than comparison in disguise.

Comparison.  I’m sure you’re aware of the obvious ways comparison sneaks in.  Fakebook err, Facebook being the easiest and most obvious example.  Instagram and even highly anticipated holiday letters can be added to the list.

It’s easy to recognize the way Facebook makes us compare isn’t it?  Your decorations/children/vacations/husband/job/home/car/jewelry are nothing like the perfect neighbor down the street or the blogger across the country are they?

But, have you ever thought of the most insidious ways comparison sneaks into your life?

Have you ever stopped to consider that every time you compare your current reality with the one that you wish you had, you are setting yourself up for dissatisfaction, discontent, discouragement and even depression.

Worst of all, comparison devalues what is.  A basic tenant of The Grace Advantage is to “Accept What Is”  You can’t do that when you are comparing.  Because when you compare, you always come out the loser.  You are the loser when you feel pride of how much better you are and you are the loser when you see how much “less than” your life is.

Ouch!  Comparison cuts deep even when it’s just with our own idealized ideas of who we or our family should be or could be or even worse, ought to be.

If you’re feeling defeated, here are 3 simple words that just might help.

1.  Gratitude.  Before you start running down the list of “lack” in your mind this morning, stop and give thanks.  Look around you.  Gather your family close and kiss their sweet cheeks and say thank you.  Thank God for a roof over your head (even if it’s leaking!)  Thank Him for your car.  Thank Him for money to buy gas.  Thank Him for the abundance that allows your jeans to get tighter.  Ahem.  Thank Him for the challenging job that takes every negotiating skill you have.  Get the picture?  Get thankful.

2.  Giving.  Give up and give out. Give up your schedule to snuggle close and watch your son play Angry Birds. Give up your plans for the afternoon to meet your husband for lunch.  Give up your expectations for perfection and enjoy the beauty of the imperfection of life.

Give out of your abundance and out of your lack.  Any cans in the pantry you could share with the mission this weekend?  Any books you could pass along to the library? Scheduling time to ring the Salvation Army bell with your kids in front of Target is given out of your lack of time isn’t it? Yet you can choose to do it.

Giving requires you stop the navel-gazing and take a look around.  Who needs what you have?  You do have to look at yourself – but through the prism of how what you have and more importantly, who you are, can benefit others.  You are who you are and with what you have because there is an impact you can make.  It’s not all about you!  (Reminding myself too!!)  It’s not all about you.  But all about others and the impact you can make in their life.  Get giving.

3.  Grace.  Undeserved favor.  Who can you bless with grace this week?  Who can you love and accept just as they are?  Right now!  Without fixing a single thing about them.  Without expecting anything in return.  Undeserved favor.  We all need it.  We all can live it.

When we are thankful, giving and full of grace, suddenly comparison shows up as the ugly impostor it really is.  The counterfeit sensations comparison imparts fade quickly in the face of authentic living.  Living out gratitude.  Living out Generosity.  Living out Grace.

Now let’s get going!  I’ll meet you at the mall.

Question:  How does comparison rob you of joy?  What do you do that works to help you stop comparing?  I’d love to hear your stories.  Please leave a comment below.

The post 3 Words That Can Change Everything appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas: 

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• The positive and powerful results of allowing your work to flow from your passion, experiences and point of need
• What team parenting looks like
• Teaching kids responsibility
• The power of compartmentalizing
• Getting real about where you need help – and then getting it
• Why you should figure out how to surround yourself with people who can do what you can’t
• Giving yourself grace
• Finding peace through obedience

Part 2 – How to Recognize When Quitting is the Right Choice

• Take a good look at where you are
• Recognize that quitting IS an option
• Moving forward
• Using Goals as a measuring stick of what’s working…and what’s not working
• Videos to Your Best Year Ever program by Michael Hyatt

Website Links

Crystal Paine

• Website
• Facebook
• Twitter
• Pinterest
• Youtube
• Instagram

Ruth Soukup

• Website
• Facebook
• Twitter
• Pinterest
• Instagram

 Recommended Reading

Crystal Paine

Say Goodbye to Survival Mode: 9 Simple Strategies to Stress Less, Sleep More, and Restore Your Passion for Life, by Crystal Paine

Choose Gratitude: Blessings Journal, by Crystal Paine

Ruth Soukup

Living Well, Spending Less: 12 Secrets of the Good Life, by Ruth Soukup

How To Blog For Profit: Without Selling Your Soul, by Ruth Soukup

31 Days To A Clutter Free Life: One Month to Clear Your Home, Mind & Schedule, by Ruth Soukup

Finding your strengths….StrengthsFinder 2.0, by Tom Rath

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Ephesians 2:10 (NIV) “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Question:  There were so many good ideas discussed – which was most impactful for you?  Have you ever had an experience where you quit…and felt good about it?  I’d love to hear your stories – just leave a comment below.

The post #035: Crystal Paine and Ruth Soukup – The Money Saving Mom and Living Well Spending Less Bloggers Share From Their Hearts appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas: 

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• The #1 lesson for a Mompreneur
• The positive effects of schedule and routine
• Why she uses a family calendar and how you can too
• How to use the “Sunday Summit” to streamline and supercharge your week
• Where to find a safe place for support

Part 2 – Set Yourself Up for a Successful Month

• Sleep Enough
• Plan, then Schedule
• Clear out the clutter
• Get busy and enjoy it all

Because I’m brave enough to show the real way I sometimes (frequently) live!  Oh, it’s painful to be honest!

Website Links

www.theresaceniccola.com

www.icmnetwork.com

www.typeaparent.com

Theresa’s Recommended Reading

The Daily Bible – In Chronological Order

The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands, by Lysa TerKeurst

Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World, by Michael Hyatt

Connect with Theresa

Email:  theresa@theresaceniccola.com

On Facebook

On Twitter

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8  “A Time for Everything”
“There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
A time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
A time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.”

The post #033: Theresa Ceniccola – International Christian Mompreneur Network (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• The Power of small decisions
• What to say when someone you love is making bad decisions
• To keep secrets….or not?
• How to move forward after a bad mistake

Part 2 – Moving through Messiness

• Honesty
• Forgiveness – Colossians 3:12-14
• Face down Fear

Website Links

www.JacqueWatkins.com

The Mud Stories Podcast

Jacque’s Resource Recommendations

www.momastery.com (Glennon Melton)

Jacque’s Recommended Reading

The Daily Bible – In Chronological Order

The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands, by Lysa TerKeurst

One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, by Ann Voskamp

One Thousand Gifts Devotional: Reflections on Finding Everyday Graces, by Ann Voskamp

StrengthsFinder 2.0, by Tom Rath

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Colossians 3:12-14  “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

The post #032: Jacque Watkins – It’s a Messy Life (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

In light of the overload most of us constantly feel, I thought it would be helpful and refreshing for us to consider how we can be effective in telling people our thoughts and ideas in a way that’s “right the first time.”  So, here for your consideration are three suggestions to help you do just that.

1. Be respectful of the person.  The next time your employee suggests an idea you think is ridiculous – remember to focus your response on the idea, not the person.  As you are respectful of the person, get specific with your responses to the idea so they know you are skeptical of the idea, not them as an employee.
2. Get to the point.  Head right to the comment without padding it with extra words or fillers like um, and , ahh, so, like, etc.  The more you add needless words to what you are saying, the more likely you are to lose your listener and undermine your credibility.
3. Make suggestions for improvement instead of criticizing.  Many years ago I had a speaking coach who would intentionally sit in on my program and then make suggestions on how I could improve.  Her way of suggesting improvements was fabulous.  She used the “Like best” and “Next time” technique.  First, she would tell me what she liked best about the program.  Then she would say, “Christy, next time, instead of telling that joke at the beginning of the program, tell it at the end.”  By using the like best and next time method, I could hear what was working and what wasn’t working.  The bonus was that I did not get defensive at the criticism because I heard ways to improve…and that is what I really wanted all along anyway.

As we head into the holiday season, I know we’ll all have lots of opportunities to practice communicating with people who are really important to us.  I hope you can stick these 3 additional ideas into your communication toolbox and whip them out the next time you need to say it right the first time.

Question:  Which of these are most difficult for you to do?  Do you ever get stuck when you don’t know what to say so you say nothing?  Have you experienced someone else doing these things for you? How did it feel?  Please leave your comments below!

The post 3 Strategies to Say It Right The First Time appeared first on Christy Largent.

And I guess there’s really nothing like a drama with a loved one to remind you why we’re doing all this communication stuff in the first place.

I can give you all kinds of tips and techniques on how to be a more effective communicator. But the bottom line reason we learn and do all this is so we can love each other better. Right?  We want to learn how to act and speak and express ourselves in the best way so that the people in our lives feel loved.

Does that make sense to you?  Who in your life do you wish knew how much you loved them?  Do you communicate that love? What’s getting in the way of your truth? This morning I’m drawn to think of this…and here are the 2 main questions I’m asking myself.

1.  Is my style getting in the way of my message?  Yesterday I spoke about being a passive, aggressive or assertive communicator.  That message was straight from my heart.  You see,  I am really strong.  I come across as strong. I have to work hard to dial down from aggressive to assertive, and sometimes even assertive is too much.  And sometimes that ‘natural style’ is getting in the way of my message.

When I’m trying to talk with Amelia or Tom about something that I’m passionate about, (almost everything) I think I get too wound up and my words, tone, body all end up sending messages that actually shut them down.  Do you have that challenge?  Or do you go the other way, and you shut down when you get passionate?  I think both of these can be a challenge.  I have to remember, it’s not all about me…it’s about communicating well.  Because I LOVE THEM.

2.  Do I find ways to communicate love even when I’m stressed and busy and overwhelmed?  When I think of all the times I’ve thought of my telling my mother something and not texted her, or bragged about my sister and not called her, or even been angry with my dad and talked about him instead of talking with him, it makes my heart sad.  I’m supposed to be teaching this stuff!  Instead, I so often fail in the execution of the communication.

How about you?  Would it help your relationships if you were more intentional communicating your love to those in your life?  I want to take each opportunity to communicate love and not put it off until later.  Because, as I’m being so forcibly reminded today, there’s no guarantee of tomorrow, and I want to rest assured I’m communicating my love the best possible way every day.

So for now, thanks for following along this month as I’ve posted every day.  Whew.  31 Blog Posts in 31 days.  Definitely a new record for me.  I’ve learned some things along the way, so there will probably be a post about that in the future. (Not tomorrow!!)  I want you to know I appreciate each of you and how you have commented and encouraged me.  It’s meant more than you will ever know.  So here’s our take-away.  Let’s commit together to using powerful  communication to create positive relationships so that we can live purposeful lives.  I think we’ll all be glad we did.

This is Day 31 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women.  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Does today’s discussion ring true with you?  Which post, of the past 31 days was your favorite?  Why?  Please leave your thoughts below.

The post Day 31 – Why Are We Working At This Stuff Anyway? (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

So as I celebrated my birthday just this past Monday, I thought it would be appropriate to do an analysis of what went as planned and what didn’t and what was per expectations and what was way over expectations.  Well, I guess you get the idea.

Following are the top 5 lessons I learned in this past year.  Maybe these will help you too as you navigate this life of constant change.

Lesson #1:  Everything will take much longer than you anticipate.

Lesson #2:  The learning curve will be steeper than you imagined.

Lesson #3:  You can’t do everything at once.

Lesson #4:  You will get discouraged.

Lesson #5:  You will succeed if you stay consistent with effort over time.

Favorite Books of the Year:

Fiction:
The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie: A Flavia de Luce Mystery, by Alan C. Bradley

Letters from Skye: A Novel, by Jessica Brockmole

Still Life (Chief Inspector Armand Gamache Mysteries, No. 1), by Louise Penny

Nutrition/Health/Faith:
Grain Brain: The Surprising Truth about Wheat, Carbs, and Sugar–Your Brain’s Silent Killers, by Dr. David Perlmutter

The Tapping Solution for Weight Loss & Body Confidence: A Woman’s Guide to Stressing Less, Weighing Less, and Loving More, by Jessica Ortner

The Tapping Solution: A Revolutionary System for Stress-Free Living, by Nick Ortner

What Happens When Women Pray, by Evelyn Christenson

Business:
The 12 Week Year: Get More Done in 12 Weeks than Others Do in 12 Months, by Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington

Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World, by Michael Hyatt

The Elements of Style, Fourth Edition, by Strunk and White

Encouraging Word of the Week:
Proverbs 16:9 “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps.”
Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

The post #028: Christy Largent – 5 Big Lessons from a Year of Change (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Passive Communicator – “A reluctance and/or inability to confidently express what you think and feel.”

This person is quiet, shy and rarely says what they really think or feel.  They will keep their thoughts to themselves, often taken extreme amounts of time to think about what they will say before they say it.  They expect you to read their minds since they have limited body language and facial expressions.

My favorite story about passive communicators happened when I was speaking in Minot, North Dakota.  I had a group of 40 women in my “Powerful Communication Skills for Women” class.  The majority of them were of Scandinavian descent. (Internal processors and typically passive communicators.)  Throughout the day, I was getting basically no visible response from them.  I would say something funny and they would crack a slight smile or nod their heads.  As someone who gets their energy from other people, all day long I was giving myself pep talks, reminding myself that they were engaging on the inside, even if I couldn’t see much of a spark on the outside.  At the end of the day I was shaking hands at the door saying goodbye.  One after another of the women told me how much they loved the class.  One woman generously proclaimed, “This was the best class I’ve ever attended.”  “Oh, thank you,” I replied. “Yes,” she continued, “My favorite part was how you got us all so involved!”  Inside my head, I was screaming, “When? I missed it!”

That’s a funny story, but it illustrates the difficulty others can have with passive communicators.  Because passive communicators tend to keep everything inside, others can be at a loss to know their real feelings.  They are also very good at using passive aggressive manipulation to get what they want.  (I think passive-aggressive behavior is a post for another day.)

Aggressive Communicator – “Intimidates, demeans and degrades another person – behavior that results in a put-down, causing defensiveness and hurt.”

You’ve meet these aggressive communicators.  They are intent on getting their way and letting you know it.  The classic aggressive communicator can be found on the school yard – we call him a bully.  Or maybe she’s the one in your daughter’s peer group who is the dominate force.  She tells all the other girls what they should do and how they should do it.   An out of control aggressor uses their threat of anger to manipulate those around her.

The Aggressive Communicator uses their body language with their hands on their hips, their fingers pointing at you (while they shake their hand) and the scowl on their face to get their messages across.

Assertive Communicator:  “Confidently express what you think, feel and believe.  Standing up for your rights while respecting the rights of others.”  

You love these people.  They know what they want and they share it assertively.  When you finish a conversation with this assertive person, you feel great!  Encouraged and energized because you have been on the receiving end of healthy, life-affirming communication.

So, which kind of communicator are you?  By nature, most of us fall into either passive or aggressive.  Most of us have to learn how to be an assertive communicator.  It helps if your family of origin used good, healthy communication.  But even if they were too far on either end, you can learn to communicate assertively.

This month of October I’ve given you 30 specific ideas on how to be most effective with assertive communication.  I hope you will take these ideas and move yourself into the assertive category.  Your friends, family and co-workers will thank you and you’ll be empowered knowing you can use these tools to create a life of strong, active and relationship building communication.

This is Day 30 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women.  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which category do you fall into?  What challenges have you experienced with your own natural style?  How have you worked around your style to get better results?  I’d love to hear your stories and comments.  Please comment below.

The post Day 30 – Your Communication Style (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Choose Generosity.  J. Paul Getty was known for being the richest man in the world.  He was also known as one of the most stingy…even refusing to pay ransom when a grandson got kidnapped!  By the time he died in 1976 he had alienated all his children as well as his five former wives.  Contrast that with Dave Thomas of Wendy’s fame.  He was known for being generous of spirit with himself as well as his money.  Over his lifetime he gave away millions of dollars, as well as hours and hours of his time and passion in his interest of helping others.  He said, “Share your success and help others succeed.  Give everyone a piece of the pie.  If the pie’s not big enough, make a bigger pie.”  Which person would you like to model yourself after?  You get to choose.  Choose generosity.

Value People.  Think of what you love.  Your home, car, boat, jewelry.  I’ll bet you spend time and money maintaining these items.  What about the people you value?  Why is it so easy to pursue the things we love instead of the people we love?  (I actually think the answer to that is a whole different blog post!)  Find ways to value people.  The best and simplest is to listen to them.  Spend time with them.  Help them feel heard.  I was listening to a podcast recently and the speaker challenged us to “add energy” in our every encounter.  When you leave someone, is their energy higher or lower?  You can be an energy giver or taker.  You get to choose.  Choose — every day in every way I will add value to others.

Do It Every Day.  “Do all the good you can, to all the people you can, in all the ways you can as long as you can.”  D.L. Moody.  Don’t wait for your income or circumstances to change – just begin!  Science is now showing how our behavior impacts our mind.  Living generously will make us generous people.  Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, “what are we doing for others?”  Choose to act every day.

My friend Amy Sullivan, has written a wonderful book to help you teach generosity to yourself and your kids.  You can find it here.  The title, When More is Not Enough – How to Stop Giving Your Kids What They Want and Give Them What They Need really says it all. Tons of creative ideas are found here. Additionally, my friend Courtney DeFeo has a terrific program she created called “Light ‘Em Up”. Check it out here.  Designed to be done with your kids, it’s a great way to teach by doing.  Oh, and it’s fun!

In closing, let me leave you with a thought from Ann Voskamp, “When someone stops doing nothing, and just starts doing something, this is what starts to change everything.”  Today is your day.  Start.

This is Day 29 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. (And my birthday!)  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Is it difficult for you to be generous?  How do you motivate yourself to choose generosity?

The post Day 29 – Live Generously (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Communicating what you really think or feel is part of everyday life.  Doing it with finesse and tact is a skill you can learn to master. Giving and receiving feedback is an especially important art of communication.  Today we will talk about giving feedback and tomorrow about receiving feedback.

When you are Giving Feedback:

Be Specific:  When someone is having difficulty with getting their work turned in on time, say, “I’ve noticed that in February, March and April your reports were turned in two days late each month.”  Not, “So, looks like you’re really busy these days.”  The first was specific about the real issue, while the second left the listener wondering what you’re really saying.

Avoid Assumptions:  When you make an assumption like, “I know you probably don’t like discussing this issue, but…” it puts people on the defensive.  When we assume, we’re taking upon ourselves the projected thoughts of another.  Many times we’re way off base! Who really knows the mind of another?  Instead, say, ‘I would like to discuss our report schedule.  Do you have time now or later in the afternoon?”  This gets the conversation going on an even, unbiased note.

Avoid Generalities:  The minute you say, “Everyone knows you’re always late to meetings,” not only does the person become defensive, but you’ve set yourself up to be disagreed with from the beginning of the conversation.  After all, who among us is “always” or “never” anything?  Keep yourself focused on solutions by being specific and targeted in your discussion.

Focus on the Problem, not the Person:  Our tendency is to personalize issues.  When I complain about Betty being selfish and uncommitted to the team because she’s always late coming back from her breaks – I’m not only making an assumption and generalization, I’m also targeting Betty with my words, not focusing on her behavior.  When I focus on the problem – that is that other team members can’t take their breaks when Betty is late returning from her break – the focus keeps me from getting personal and/or attacking Betty.  This helps the conversation stay in productive territory.  Remember, when I target the behavior, then I can ask for that behavior to change for the better.

So, the next time you have to give feedback, I hope you remember these suggestions so that your conversation is productive, encouraging and keeping you on the path of creating positive connections and helping you be purposeful in living.

This is Day 27 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. (And my birthday!)  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you ever have trouble staying specific and focusing on the problem, not the person?  Do you find it easy to get personal?  I’d love to hear your stories, just comment below.

The post Day 27 – How to Say It…Giving Feedback (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Yet when I think over what makes a life truly well lived, I realize it all boils down to how well we get along, engage with and yes, even love our family and friends.  Therefore, following is an acrostic with my suggestions for how to really communicate LOVE.

Laughter:  Giggle, chuckle, guffaw…laugh until you cry!  Tell funny stories from your past; remembering how Great Aunt Georgina “fell asleep” in the mashed potatoes when you were just 6-years-old, is fun for everyone (except Great Aunt Georgina of course!).  Pull out old photo albums and laugh at how dorky you looked in 7th grade. Watch Planes, Trains and Automobiles, that’s a movie guaranteed to tickle your funny bone.  Families and friends who laugh together…have fun!  Laughter is the best medicine and does your heart good.  (Trite but true.) And of course, remember that when the dog rolls in the newly planted flower bed, your daughter spills honey all over your freshly cleaned floors and you sew the costume inside out and backwards 1 hour before the party starts, these incidents will be fodder for family laughs for years to come.  Laughing together communicates love.

Other Focus:  A wise teacher told me long ago that true Joy comes when you put others before yourself.  I would encourage you to try this.  Let go of focusing on what you want and re-focus on what others need.  When I focus on me, me, me, I become discontent, disappointed and depressed.  Comparing my insides to some else’s outsides just makes it worse.  But when I let go of myself, focus  on others and how I can impact them in a positive way, my whole paradigm shifts!  Focusing on others communicates love.

(I must include a whole paragraph of warning to the ‘O’ suggestion.  Oftentimes I see mothers get so wrapped up in their kid’s and husband’s needs they ignore their own.  Please don’t do this!  What I’m suggesting is a healthy balance.  Focus not only on your family and not only on yourself…but a balance.  Make sure each day has a little of both.  In the mother’s life, it’s a tricky balance of both isn’t it?  Please remember that sometimes serving yourself is the best way to serve others.)

Vorgiveness…err…Forgiveness: Please let go of that baggage that’s holding you back.  Your anger and resentment are only hurting yourself.  In the words Frozen made famous…Let it Go!  There is a scene in the movie “The Piano” where Holly Hunter is being pulled to a watery grave by tangled ties holding her to a piano plummeting to the bottom of the ocean.  It isn’t until she decides to break free (let go) of the heavy ropes and unburden herself from the weight of the piano that she is able to kick her way up through the water to the life-giving air at the surface.  The next time you are tempted to hold on to that resentment, I urge you to let go instead and communicate love.

Expect the Best:  What you are looking for is looking for you.  We have a joke in my family that I get all the green lights and my husband gets all the red lights.  I’m sure, it’s statistically the same, but our perception of who gets what is definitely affected by our outlook.  I celebrate my (expected) greens while my husband suffers through his (expected) reds.  I wonder which you would rather experience?  When you expect fighting, animosity and negativity, that’s exactly what you will find.  Expect the best and you will communicate love.

This is Day 26 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Questions:  So how about it?  Today can you communicate L.O.V.E. by implementing some of these ideas?  I’d love to hear your stories.  Just leave your comments below.

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It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.  Your tone, facial expressions, and body language all play a huge part in your communication (93% to be exact.)  You may say, “Yes honey, I’d love to go to your office party with you.” but your mate knows you’re not telling the truth because your rolling eyes, crossed arms and sarcastic tone scream, “Of course I don’t want to go be with all your stupid co-workers for my one precious evening home this week!”  Just be honest and match your non-verbal to your words for positive, effective communication.

Actions speak louder than words.  If your manager asks you to do a project, and you say “Sure, I’ll do it,” but somehow you never get around to actually doing it…be careful.  Your actions (not doing the work) are speaking much louder than your words.  You may think you’re just keeping the peace and avoiding conflict, but be sure your actions will be the ultimate test in the end.  Make sure your words and actions match.

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.  Saying ugly, negative things about people or situations does nobody any good, it just makes those around you uncomfortable.  Make sure when you add a comment or idea that it is positive.  A nice comment that benefits others. I loved being around my mother-in-law Shirley.  She was consistently positive and in fact, at her memorial service, more than one person agreed with me that we never heard her say a negative word about anybody.  Now that’s a testimony!  I can only strive to be more like her.

Only give advice when asked.  I’ve covered this extensively on Day 11 and Day 12 when I talked about giving unsolicited advice.  If you need a refresher be sure to read those.  But I wanted to remind you in this list how important it is to keep your opinions to yourself if you want to build relationships and not walls.  I know it’s tempting to tell your 15-year-old nephew that his permed, green, mop of hair is unattractive, but believe me, unless he asks for your input, he doesn’t care what you think, and if you mention it, you will only succeed in building a barrier between the two of you.  You never know when he will want someone to help him get it cut and re-dyed a nice red or something – and if you have built a wall instead of a relationship, you’ll miss out.  No unsolicited advice!

Enjoy every moment as you build relationships remembering this handy list of ideas.  And be sure to thank your Mother for her wisdom as well.

This is Day 24 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these suggestions do you consistently follow?  Which is the hardest for you to follow? I’d love to hear your stories.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 24 – Mama Knows Best (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

It was while working at an alternative school, she completed her Master’s degree in special education at Lynchburg College and a doctorate degree in Educational Leadership at the University of Virginia.  She has built Liberty University’s education program to include over 1000 students in the special education program.  Additionally, she has developed a love of sharing what God has laid on her heart over the years as a follower of Christ, a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and educator.  We are the benefactors of that love today.

Key Ideas:

Part 1:  Interview

• Moving through disappointing times
• The power of remembering
• Trust and Obey
• Flexibility and the importance of keeping a calendar
• How to handle negative feedback

Part 2: Dealing with Disappointments

• Remember the past – Wes King song, Remember
• Float instead of fight
• Have confidence in your creator
• Look to the future with Hope

Website links:

www.womenoffaith.com  This is a link to all of Beth’s blog posts for Women of Faith

www.liberty.edu  This is a link to the list of Beth’s blog posts for Liberty University

Beth’s Recommended Reading:

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change, by Stephen R. Covey

Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership: Seeking God in the Crucible of Ministry by Ruth Haley Barton

Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way by Shauna Niequist

Contact Beth:

Facebook:  Beth Ackerman

Encouraging Words of the Week:  

Isaiah 12:2   “Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.  The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a future and a hope.”

Question:  What was your favorite part of this interview?  What has been your biggest disappointment and what have you done to move through them?   I’d love to hear your stories, just leave a comment below.

The post #027: Beth Ackerman and Disappointments (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

This is Day 19 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

The post Day 19 – Shine (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

I gave you an example of a dialogue with Tara yesterday.  Today I’m going to give you a fresh dialogue along with some guidelines to follow when having that difficult conversation.

1.  Be honest with yourself.  When someone is difficult, check in with yourself and ask, what is the real issue here?  For example, if Mary made a sarcastic comment in front of your team about the way you’re handling this month’s project, your first reaction might be anger.  But when you check in and are really honest, you’ll recognize that it was embarrassment and awkwardness you were experiencing in the moment.  Additionally, when you were “put down” in front of your team, you could be worried it could potentially minimize your authority as well.

2.  Be willing to be authentically transparent.  Tell Mary the way her behavior affected you.  You don’t have to go into a huge long explanation here – and be careful NOT to insert judgements or generalities here.  Don’t say – “Mary, you were a real jerk when you made that nasty comment about my work in front of my team this morning.”  That’s NOT what we’re looking for!  Instead, say “Mary, when you criticized my work in front of my team this morning I was really uncomfortable.”

3.  Tell her what you want her to do.  Sometimes I’ll hear people tell the difficult person they didn’t appreciate the difficult behavior and then stop the conversation.  Frankly, that does no good at all because most difficult people don’t even get that their behavior is a problem!  You must be specific and tell them what you want them to do.  “Mary, in the future, when you have feedback on my work, I would appreciate it if you would tell me privately.”  Short, specific and without judgements should do the trick.

This conversation may seem hard to do. But rest assured if you do not confront the difficult behavior it will continue.  Remember, that which is rewarded is repeated.  When you ignore their behavior it’s a way of rewarding their behavior.  Be sure to draw your own firm assertive lines so you don’t let the difficult people get the best of you.

I hope this mini-series on difficult people has been helpful.  I’ve enjoyed reminding myself of what works when I get confronted with behavior that’s upsetting to me.  I hope you will incorporate these ideas along with me, and let’s see our relationships blossom!

This is Day 18 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these suggestions have been most helpful to you?  Which can you implement? I’d love to hear your feedback.  Just leave your comments below.

The post Day 18 – Difficult People – Strategies and Solutions Part 3 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

In answer to my opening question, “Why are you here today?” an older man in the back row raised his hand.  As I called on “Bud”, I took a quick inventory.  I noticed the deeply etched lines of discontent framing his down-turned mouth.  His oversized hands were rough and callused and the wrinkles in his khaki work shirt mirrored those scored across his timeworn face.  As he stood, he placed his hands on his hips, thrust out his chest and loudly proclaimed, “Well, I’m the difficult person, and I’m here today to find out what you’re teaching, so when the people I work with try it on me, it won’t work!”  Hmmm….at least he was honest!

Does “Bud” sound familiar to you?  Difficult People.  Over the next few days I’m going to give you some suggestions for dealing effectively with them.  I’m going to help you bring out the best in  yourself first, then them, and even help you diffuse difficult interactions no matter who’s at fault.  Let’s get started with a few questions.

When you encounter a difficult situation with a difficult person, ask:

1.  Will this matter 5 years from now?  How often have you reacted to something in the moment only to realize later that it really didn’t matter in the big scheme of things?  Yet your reaction left disrupted relationships and hurt feelings.  Before you react, stop.  Take a deep breath and ask yourself this perspective reminding question.

2.  Who is getting the power here?  Sometimes, believe it or not, these difficult people just want to throw the behavior, words, attitude out there to see how we react.  (Interestingly, it’s the same thing my 10 year old does when she wants to see me jump!)  When I take the bait, I’m giving them what they want.  How about recognizing my reaction really gives them the power. Instead, let’s stop, and…

3.  How Can I Respond with the unexpected?  When I was verbally accosted at the gas pump last week by the oversized 40-year-old-surfer-dude on his way to the lake, I just laughed.  Based on his aggressive words, I’m sure he was looking for an argument.  But the whole situation was so ridiculous, laughter was my only possible response.  It stopped his aggression and I was left feeling slightly bemused rather than depleted by the incident.

Interestingly, these questions and behaviors are much easier to do with people you don’t know.  I think that’s because we’re so much more invested and connected with those in our close circle.  It’s that double whammy – we do what we don’t want to with those closest to our hearts!

So try these ideas out on your family and co-workers and see what happens.  I’ll love to hear your feedback.  Check back tomorrow for another set of strategies for dealing with difficult people.

P.S. Happy Birthday Dad!  75 Years Young.  And through the years when I’ve sometimes been the difficult person, you keep on being the most awesome Dad.  I love you!

This is Day 16 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these are you interested in trying?  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 16 – Difficult People – Strategies & Solutions (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

1. Will this matter 5 years from now?
2. Who is getting the power here?
3. How can I respond with the unexpected?

By asking these questions, you will remind yourself to respond, not react when engaging with the difficult person.  Now, let’s take a look at our actual conversations.

Have you noticed that sometimes a person becomes difficult in reacting to something you innocently said to them?  Well, following are a few key ideas you can employ to make sure your communication is assertive without inducing defensiveness and anger.

1.  Focus on the problem, not the person.  For example, you co-worker Tara is consistently tardy to work 3 of 5 mornings a week.  Her absence creates problems for you because when she’s not there, you have to handle her work load as well as your own.  Your tendency may be to focus on how irresponsible and lazy and self-absorbed you think Tara is by her chronic tardiness.  Instead, refocus and target the real problem here – don’t make a judgement about her – just focus on her behavior and how it is affecting you.  That way, when you talk with her about her behavior, you won’t be accusatory, you’ll just be able to focus on the facts of her behavior.

2.  Avoid absolutes and generalities.  Always, never, everyone, nobody, nothing, ever.  Do those words sound familiar to you?  Many of us are quick to assign an absolute and/or generality to a problem – like “Tara is always late.” or how about “Everyone knows you don’t really care about your job.”  These statements are most likely incorrect since few of us are always or never anything!  They are also general – and will not help solve the situation.  Stay specifically focused on the problem rather than create a defense response by throwing out glittering generalities and aggressive absolutes.

3.  Get specific.  Target the exact behavior that is bothering you.  For example, instead of saying to Tara, “You’re always late!”, begin your discussion by saying “Yesterday, when you were 10 minutes late to work…”  By getting specific about what you are talking about, and letting them know precisely what you are having trouble with, then you keep the discussion on track and targeted.  The more specific the better.

4.  Clearly state the specifics and then tell them what you would like to see them change.  For example, your conversation with Tara might begin like this; “Tara, when you were 10 minutes late to work 3 times last week I feel really frustrated. I have have to cover my work as well as your own.  I would appreciate it if you could be on time for work, or make arrangements for someone else to cover your duties until you arrive.”  Notice how specific that was?  It had complete facts as well as what I wanted her to do differently.

There’s so much we can talk about when it comes to clear, assertive communication to use especially when dealing with difficult people.  I’m out of room for today, but tomorrow I’m going to give you a few more ideas.  I’m so glad we’re only 1/2 way through the month!  There’s so much more good stuff left to discuss!

This is Day 17 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you have trouble staying specific?  What do you do to keep from using generalities and assumptions?  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 17 – Difficult People – Strategies and Solutions Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

2.  The Priority No.  This is the one you use with your boss.  When she comes running to you and asks you to drop what you’re doing and get to work immediately on this newer, higher priority project, here’s what you do.  Calmly pull out your list of priorities (discussed with and approved by your boss at the beginning of the current week), and ask her which of these other, prioritized items, she would like you to take off the list so that you can add her new priority project.

This little ploy will remind your boss that you are working off a priority list, and will either cause her to a) go find someone else to do the job – someone who is not working off a priority list, or b) re-think and re-assign the planned-on projects.  Either way, you in a good spot because you’re sticking to the projects as planned, and you won’t get penalized later for not finishing your priority list.

The one thing the Priority No requires is…yes, you guessed it…Priorities!  Even if you work in an environment where priorities are not discussed – or things are unorganized and randomly worked on, you personally, need priorities.  Take this opportunity to review what you are doing and make sure you are on track to reach your goals.  In order to reach your goals, my guess is that you’ll need to set priorities.  I love this method of saying no because it always pulls me back to what’s really important.  Now, I just have to remember to use it!

3.  The Full Plate No.  This is the one you use with your friends and co-workers when they want to rope you into another “good cause” for which you really don’t have time.  For example, for the past 5 years you have enjoyed organizing the office holiday party. This year, however, you have begun taking night classes and you are too overloaded to organize the party.  So, when they ask you about organizing the party again this year, you simply say, “Thank you for asking, however, my plate is really full right now, I’m going to have to pass on organizing the party this year.”

Notice how simple this is!  No long list of reasons or excuses, just a simple “no thank you.”  It’s a clean and simple get-away, and leaves everyone feeling positive.  This Full Plate No leaves you feeling empowered as you draw clear boundaries, and leaves the other person impressed you were able to clearly express your desires.

If saying No is a difficult area for you, I want to recommend a fabulous book by Lysa TerKeurst called The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands. This is a terrific, practical, best seller by one of my favorite women.  Lysa dives deeply into this topic and give you practical strategies you can put in place to make sure you are living out The Best Yes!

This is Day 15 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

I hope you’ve enjoyed these techniques to help you say No.  I’d love to hear your experience.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 15 – 3 Ways to Say NO, Nicely. Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Do you have trouble saying the ‘N’ word?  Do you find that because you can’t say NO, you end up involved in all sorts of things you don’t really want to do?  Or are you one of those people who has no difficulty saying No.  So much so, that people perceive you as self-centered and not a team player?  If you can relate, read on.

Following is the first of 3 ways to say No.  Using these ideas will help you build relationships rather than put a strain on them, while still making sure you end up doing only, and exactly, what you want to do.

1.  The 3×5 No.  Use this with someone you supervise, including your teenager!  Here’s an example from home.  You can take it and extrapolate it out for the office or whatever your situation.

Your daughter comes to you and says, “Mother, I have to get this $300.00 purse, and I have to get it now!”  Now you know that a $300 purse is not in the budget no way, no how, but you don’t want to say “NO!” again.  (Or if you are like I am, say “Are you out of your cotton-pickin’ mind?”) Ahem…

Instead, here’s how you handle it.  “Sweetheart,” you reply, “I want you to have this beautiful purse.  It’s gorgeous and stylish and I can see exactly why you want it.  My problem is that a $300 purse for you is not in our family budget.  Here’s what I would like you to do.  Take this 3×5 card.” (Hand it to her.)  “On one side you can write $300.00 purse and on the other side, I want you to list all the ways you can think of to pay for this $300.00 purse.  When the card is full of ideas, I want you to bring it back to me and we can discuss the options.”

The amazing thing about this method is how creative people can be when they really want something.  Your daughter will come up with all sorts of terrific ideas you would have never thought of ~ and because it’s her idea, she can’t complain about it later.  You will want to try this with your employee the next time they get negative about your solution to a problem.  Ask them to come up with alternatives and watch the positive energy rise.  Reminder — don’t use this one with your boss! 

This 3×5 No is a very empowering way to teach problem solving skills.  It’s also a great way to keep the environment positive and pro-active.  Check back for the next post when I’ll give you 2 more powerful suggestions.  Now, excuse me please, I have a call to make.  There’s a committee I’ve got to go extricate myself from…

This is Day 14 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you have difficulty saying No? I’d love to hear your experience. Just leave a comment below.

The post Day 14 – 3 Ways to Say NO, Nicely. Part 1 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Have you heard any of these phrases lately?  Negative, energy sucking, relationship tearing, and motivation zapping phrases seem to be all the vogue.  And it’s kind of hard not to be negative when you read the paper, listen to the radio and watch the news.  Holy cow!  Have things in this world ever been worse?

I’m going to suggest 3 simple ideas to keep you from letting that negativity bug get you down.  They are simple.  But they work.  Let’s take a closer look.

1.  Commit to yourself not to be one of the negative ones in your environment.  This is easier said than done, but “NO NEGATIVE” should be your internal command.  When you’re tempted to chime in to a negative discussion or make a negative comment, remind yourself of your commitment.  You can either say nothing or better yet, reframe it so you have something positive to say.

2.  Determine you will look for the good in every situation.  It’s amazing how this small choice can change your outcomes.  I think my Dad is a great example of someone who finds the good in every situation.  In 2003 he was diagnosed with stage 2 colon cancer.  Surgery removed all the cancer, but his physicians recommended chemotherapy.  As he was sitting in his home office on the morning of his first treatment, my Mother asked if she could do anything to help him get ready.  With a bright voice and shiny eyes, my Dad replied, “I don’t think so.  I’ve got the new Clive Cussler book I’ve been wanting to read and the brand new Straight Ahead Big Band CD I’ve been wanting to listen to.  You know, I’ve never done anything like this before.  I think this could be kind of fun!”

Yes, that’s right, FUN.  Wow!  What an attitude.  Before you say, how ridiculous to be so positive and light hearted about something so serious, stop a minute and think.  No matter the outcome, wouldn’t it make your time pass more enjoyably if you had a positive outlook rather than a negative one?  And study after study shows the importance of a positive outlook on outcomes.  Interestingly enough, today my Dad is a fit, healthy 75.  Better than before and cancer free.  I’m thankful.

I know many people do have negative outcomes even with a positive outlook.  I have a friend who just lost her father to cancer, and I don’t know of anyone who had a more positive spirit and deeply felt faith.  Bad things happen. But the idea here is to look for the good no matter how bad the situation.  It will benefit you and others.  And who knows, it might even positively affect your outcome.

3.  Get back on the positive wagon.  We all succumb to negativity at one time or another.  So the real success comes in recommitting yourself to a positive outlook so you can have a life of joy.  If there’s a deeper problem and you find yourself living in negativity, I’d encourage you to get to a health care provider ASAP so you can get some help climbing out of the pit.  Go for a walk, listen to some favorite music, jump on the trampoline with your kids.  Do what you can to jump back on that wagon.  Life is too short to spend it bound in negativity.

This is Day 13 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

I hope these will help you when you find yourself tempted to get negative.  Question:  How do you overcome negativity? I’d love to hear your comments – just leave them below.

The post Day 13 – How to Squash the Negativity Bug (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Here’s where it gets a bit tricky.  Ask yourself this.  What if trimming the bushes was one of the biggest thrills in your husband’s life?  Do you still have the right?

And what if each time he trimmed the bushes, they died.  Yes, that’s right. Dead. Brown. Kaput. As in, you have to pull them out and start over.  Do you still have the right?  Yes! (By the way, if it gets this bad, you must transition from mere unsolicited advice to a full blown strategy of assertive dialogue – but that’s another column.)

So, even, and especially when you have the right, before you open your mouth, ask yourself, “Is it in the best interest of the relationship for me to give this unsolicited advice?”  If not, then keep quiet.

I can’t emphasize this technique enough.  If they don’t ask, don’t tell.  Shhhh.  Bite your tongue. Hum a tune.  Try anything you can to stay silent and keep from transmitting the disease!

I admit this is a “hot button” topic for me.  In fact, let me be authentic with you and make a confession…I’m in recovery.  That’s right, I’m a recovering unsolicited advice giver.  I grew up in a family where we felt compelled with a moral obligation to pass on our wisdom to anyone we saw doing something differently (i.e., not our way) than we thought it should be done.  This propensity to participate in the plague has caused me untold misery and compounded problems – all because I never realized the destruction I was sowing.  You’ll be relieved to know I am in recovery, the cure is working, and I”m well on my way to a total healing.

But back to you.  What stage are you in?  Denial? Are you carrying the plague with you – bringing irritation and alienation to everyone you come in contact with?  Or are you willing to start and work the steps of recovery by resolving to practice the cure?

Remember, before you speak up, ask yourself these 2 questions:

1.  What gives me the right?

and then,

2.  Even if I have the right, is it in the best interest of the relationship?

There’s no easy answer here, and if you struggle with this I suggest you give these steps a try.  I know from experience, it’s so much more rewarding and positive for a relationship when you can stay quiet, build relationship and interestingly enough, often the person you most want to help will end up coming to you and asking for advice.  And then you can give it to your heart’s content.  Voila!

This is Day 12 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you give unsolicited advice?  Have you tried these solutions?  I’d love to hear your feedback – just leave a comment below.

The post Day 12 – A Widespread Plague Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Monotone Mary – Mary never gets very excited about anything.  Her pitch rarely varies more than a few levels in either direction and her volume stays specifically just below the medium level.  When she talks, it’s easy to forget what she said immediately after she says it because everything sounds the same.  You have to guess what’s most important to her because there’s no emphasis in her speech.  She’s kind of like that recorded message at the airport that warns you not to leave your baggage unattended.  Easy to ignore and relegate into background noise.

Sarcastic Sam – Sam’s the master of double meanings.  When he asks a question or gives a comment, the thick sarcastic tone usually causes you to doubt how he wants you to answer.  Sam thinks he’s funny because of his sarcastic “wit” but his negative commentary is very wearing.  In meetings, he’s free with inflection laden suggestions, usually at the expense of another.  When he’s confronted about his comments, he always denies he said anything wrong. And let’s face it, technically, the words were fine; it was the sarcasm suffocating them that stopped productive communication.

Excitable Ed — Ed is always excited about everything!  You hear him before you see him!  There are lots of exclamation points in his delivery!  His volume is as high as his energy!  He emphasizes various words to make his points, and there are a lot of points to make!  He tends to be positive, but hasn’t come to understand that too much of a good thing is too much!  He makes you tired.  You tune him out because it’s ALL! TOO! MUCH!!

Conversational Callie – Callie is a master communicator.  She uses a variety of pitches and volumes when she speaks.  She draws you in.  Her lower and slower tone of voice attracts your attention…and then she delivers her message with power and humor.  She knows that variety is truly the spice of life, and when she speaks she harnesses that variety so you stay engaged.  Rarely does she speak with sarcasm, so if the joke is on someone, it’s on herself.  You like being around Callie because she uses her tone to build up others and strengthen her message.

I hope these examples have reminded you of what kind of tone can be most effective.  Notice your own tone, and ask yourself if you are communicating the way you really want to, or if you’ve fallen into bad habits.

This is Day 6 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these do you think you most closely resemble?  What are some ways you can become more like Callie?  I’d love to hear your comments, just leave them below.

The post Day 6 – Create Your Perfect Voice Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1:  Interview

• There is power in community
• Enthusiasm is contagious
• The beauty of an early morning ritual
• Keeping sane with sleep, exercise, friendship and the Word

Part 2: How to be Extravagantly Generous

1. Start with what you have – talents, time, ideas, stuff
2. Look for ways to help – hint, you don’t have to start it.   Amy’s website has some great suggestions
3. Pick a week to eat from the pantry/freezer, and with your kids, pick out a way to be generous with the grocery money
4. Discuss what being it would look like for your family to be extravagantly generous – then pick something to DO to live it out
5. Don’t wait

Website links:

Amy L. Sullivan  Amy’s website with load of great information here.

Amy’s Recommended Reading and Resources:

When More is Not Enough – How to Stop Giving Your Kids What They Want and Give Them What They Need, by Amy L. Sullivan  How important is this?!  Very!

15 Ways to Make Love Impossible, by Lori and Steven McClure  – watch for their upcoming interview on our podcast in a few weeks.

Start A Snowball – Helping Kids do Good  What an excellent resource for your family!

Encouraging Word of the Week:  1 Timothy 6:17-19 (The Message)   “Tell those rich in this world’s wealth to quit being so full of themselves and so obsessed with money, which is here today and gone tomorrow.  Tell them to go after God, who piles on all the riches we could ever manage, to do good, to be rich in helping others, to be extravagantly generous.  If they do that, they’ll build a treasury that will last, gaining life that is truly life.”

Question:  What was your favorite part of this interview?  What are you doing to teach and train your kids how to implement giving into their everyday lives?  I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.

The post #025: Amy L. Sullivan – When More is Not Enough and Extravagant Generosity (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Not only were we 2 of the most “seasoned” mothers, at that roundup, ahem, but despite the height of that shoe heel, we were also kindred spirits.  Over the intervening 6 years, I’m happy to say my first impression of Maureen was spot on.  She is darling. She is definite. She is daring!

The statistics say we have about 7 seconds to make a first impression.  How are you doing?  Maureen did a lot of things right to create a positive first impression with me.  She’s a business owner and she knows the power of impact.  Here are a few things you can do to get off on the right foot. Ahem.

1. Stand up straight and smile.  There’s something about a smile that invites a positive response.  You immediately signal you are friendly and open and ready to start something good.
2. Stick out your right hand, say your name and give a nice handshake.  You can almost never go wrong by initiating the handshake.  In our American culture, a handshake is a universal clue that you want to get the conversation started.  (More on handshakes in a later post.)
3. Lean towards the person you are meeting.  Sheryl Sandberg had it right when she said “Lean In”.  Your body will send your message of interest loud and clear before you even say a word.
4. Look them in the eye.   As I’m training my kids how to meet new people, the hardest thing for them to understand is the power of looking the other person in the eye.  They want to hang their head and mumble. Each time I force gently encourage them to lift their head and look the other person in the eye as they are introducing themselves.
5. Speak up.  When you say your name, say it clearly.  Nothing is worse than having to ask, “What was your name again?”  Make sure that as you introduce yourself you are projecting your voice towards them.

The bottom line is that creating an awesome first impression is a lot easier than you might think.  It’s really all about the other person.  When you ask yourself, “How can I give them what they need so they feel comfortable entering into a conversation with me?”, you’re on the right track.

Interesting, isn’t it. When we take our eyes off ourselves and put them on the other person, we’re bound to win.  Oh, and some awesome shoes will always help too.

This is Day 2 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  What do you do intentionally to create a positive first impression?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Just leave a comment below.

The post Day 2: First Impressions (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1:  Interview

• Give the Hope Virus
• Chase one rabbit – how do we do that?
• We can strive to make every day joyful, not just perfect
• Some clever marketing tips

Part 2: How to “Chase One Rabbit” when everything is multiplying like…rabbits!

1. Make a master list
2. Identify the one theme or big idea that emerges
3. Pick the top 3 items, activities, elements that will drive you towards your big idea
4. Write your list the night before
5. Execute your list with a re-visiting at noon daily

Website links:

www.colleensheehyorme.com  Colleen’s website with load of great information here.

How Great Thou Part – A Catholic Girl’s musings on Love, Divorce and Life.  This is a direct link to Colleen’s columns for Beliefnet.com – which is a great resource for all things of faith – for all faiths.  You’ll love it!

Colleen’s Recommended Reading:

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman. An excellent resource for understanding how to show your love in a way your loved one can receive best. HIGHLY recommended.

When GOD Winks: How the Power of Coincidence Guides Your Life by Squire Rushnell. One I haven’t read yet, but look forward to reading.

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 3:5-6  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.”

Question:  What was your favorite part of this interview?  Are you scattered or laser focused?  What are your trick for chasing one rabbit?  Or do you even think it’s necessary?   I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.

The post #024: Colleen Sheehy Orme and How to Chase One Rabbit appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1:  Interview

• Best practices for how to start (and run) a business with a friend
• The importance of transparency and forgiveness
• How to tap into the power of mentorship
• Strategies for handling conflicts when they arise

Part 2:  Forgiveness

• Is a choice
• Requires action (and it’s HARD!)
• Must be practiced
• Will reach it’s conclusion

Website Links:

www.strongbodywholeheart.com

www.facebook.com/strongbodywholeheart

www.twitter.com/sbwheart

http://instagram.com/sbsheart_kelly,     http://instagram.com/sbwheart_maggie

Recommended Reading:
Forgiveness: Finding Peace Through Letting Go, by Adam Hamilton

Courage: Igniting Self-Confidence, by Debbie Ford

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, by Brene Brown

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, by Brene Brown

Encouraging Word of the Week: Matthew 6:9-13 – The Lord’s Prayer     “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.  Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.  Give us today our daily bread.  And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

Question:  Have you ever thought of starting a business with a friend?  Did you do it?  Why or Why not?  What about the transparency section of this show?  Is that something you struggle with or is it more natural for you?  Finally, how have you experienced forgiveness in your life?  I’d love to read your thoughts and answers below!

The post #022: Strong Body Whole Heart – Kelly & Maggie and Forgiveness (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1:  Interview

• The power of friendship
• The true nature of God – Redeemer!
• The importance of routine
• Protecting your time

Part 2:  4 Keys to Growing Friendships

1. Be Friendly
2. Be Authentic
3. Be Giving
4. Be there

Website links:

www.kaybruner.com  This is Kay’s home base and where you can find everything from her blog to her book to her favorite things.  Tons of great information and encouragement here.

Kay’s Recommended Reading:
As Soon As I Fell: A Memoir by Kay Bruner.  I had to put this at the top of the list.  Please get this to support Kay!  Fabulous!

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.  A classic on how to set boundaries for yourself.  I need to get this one out and re-read it.  I love this book!

The Search For Significance: Seeing Your True Worth Through God’s Eyes, by  Robert McGee.  A classic.  Once again, so thankful to be reminded to get this back out and re-read it.  I first read it in college – ‘ya think I might have a different perspective now?

Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith, by Anne Lamott.  I was a bit skeptical of this author…until I read her!  I would love to meet her in person.  What an honest voice.  If you have never read her personal works – by all means start here!

Abba’s Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging, by Brennan Manning.  New to me.  After reading about this book, I will be adding it to my “must read” list.

The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom, by Henri Nouwen.  Wow!  This book looks like one we all could benefit from.  Another that’s on its way to my house.

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Colossians 3:12-14   “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

Question:  What was your favorite part of this interview?  Did her story resonate with you like it did with me?  Which part gave you chills?  And do you live like you are “Loved, Safe and Chosen?”   I’d love to hear your thoughts.

The post #021: Kay Bruner – Authenticity and Friendship (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Two weekends ago, I had 1.89 miles down on a treadmill run of 7 miles. (If you’ve ever experienced Dallas in August, then you understand why I was inside on a treadmill). All I wanted to do was quit. My breathing was ragged, my knees ached and my lower back felt as tight as the sheets on a marine’s bed.

My head filled with all the reasons I could stop. All the reasons to procrastinate put off this long run to another day. Too boring, too tired, not well fueled, too old… But I just couldn’t stop. I did walk. But I didn’t stop.

Have you ever felt like quitting? I did a podcast on the power of quitting when it’s the right time to quit, when you need to change direction and when you know beyond a shadow of doubt that the current path you are on is not serving you well.

But have you ever wanted to quit a big goal that’s meaningful and important to you? You want to quit because it’s really, really hard and you’re tired and you Just. Want. To. Stop.

That’s what I felt that Saturday. And here’s what helped me keep putting one foot in front of the other to the very end of that long run. Maybe it will help you too.

4 Reasons Why won’t I quit and why you shouldn’t either:

1.  Remember your why. Back in the day with Arbonne, the most powerful part of any discussion with a business partner was always “their why”. You see, I understood how easy it was to quit when things got difficult. But if I could help her dig deep and really clarify her WHY then that big, heart connected vision would see her through many a rough evening.

And the same was true with my goal. It’s easy to set the goal, but what kept me focused and moving was the bigger reason WHY I set that goal. My why: I committed to finding a way to increase my fitness. This 1/2 marathon weekly training plan is the discipline that will keep me connected to the final victory – of finishing the journey well.

2.  Tap into the bigger reason. Yes, I want to finish what I started and hopefully even shed a few pounds, but the bigger reason is I want to set an example for my kids – especially my daughter. The kids heard and saw me get into gear for running this race. As I’ve shared before (especially on my podcast), the past few years I set a number of goals and was not able to achieve them. This year I’m breaking that cycle, and the 1/2 is the physical component of what I think of as my transformation. Finishing what I started with this training program and running on October 5th will be a big piece of my transformation puzzle.

3.  Recognize there are high and low points along the way. When I wanted to quit at the almost 2 mile point, I felt horrible! But about 2 tenths of a mile later I felt a bit better, by 3 miles I was gaining strength and had about a mile of sweetness before I felt horrible all over again. It was a cycle that repeated until I finished. Because I stuck with it, I was able to experience all of it. Quitting would have short-circuited the process and I would have robbed myself of the additional good as well as the character-building bad.

4.  It feels so good when you finish. I didn’t stop. I kept trudging forward, using speed intervals to break up the monotony, and before I knew it I had finished my 7 miles. And it felt GREAT!

Now, if I can just remember that feeling as I set out tomorrow to complete my 9 miles.

Question: How about you? Is it easy for you to quit or are you someone who sticks with projects and goals no matter what? Do you think it’s important to stick with it even when it’s difficult? When is the right time to quit? I’d love to hear your thoughts! Please leave a comment below.

The post 4 Reasons Why I Didn’t Quit and Why You Won’t Either appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1:

• Sometimes it takes someone else to see the gift in you – even before you see it yourself – you’ll learn how what she feared the most became her life passion
• The power of alone time with your kids
• How doing something you love can sometimes lead you into a career you love

Part 2:

• What kind of a friend are you?
• How you can strengthen your friendships this week

Website links:

www.nancysuttonpierce.com

www.consciousLivingYoga.com

You can also find Nancy on FB at Conscious Living Yoga

Encouraging Word of the Week: 1 John 4:18 “There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.” (The Message)

Question:  What do you do to foster your friendships? Has there been a time when your friends got you through?

The post #018: Nancy Sutton Pierce – Conscious Living (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas From this Interview:

• The Power of Friendship
• The importance of supporting each other as women
• Getting through difficult times with grace
• Imperfect is perfect

Website Referenced in Podcast:  http://www.derailingmydiagnosis.com

Best Book Resources: 

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Part 2: How to Develop and Deepen Your Friendships

1. Make friendship a priority — schedule time for this
2. Nurture your friendships
3. Look for places to connect with like-minded people
4. Be friendly

Resources for Developing Friendships:

How to Win Friends & Influence People
This book is just a classic.  Although some of the wording is a bit “old fashioned” the principles are timeless and you’ll be able to use and apply idea after idea.   As an added bonus, the first person to subscribe, rate and review this podcast in iTunes will get this book as a gift from me.  Just email me and let me know you wrote the review and I’ll get the book out to you.

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 17:17 –  “A friend loves at all times.”

Question:  What do you think makes a great friend? How do you nurture your friendships? Do you have any examples of a friend who showed you out of the ordinary love?  Please leave your comments below.

The post #010: Naomi Yamamoto – Cultivating Connections and How To Be a Great Friend (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.