Today I’m busy baking cookies to take to the neighbors. Thankfully I’ve got my Amelia home from college and helping me, so I’m in safe hands. (She actually FOLLOWS the recipes!) Hee hee.

As we wind up our year, I wanted to address a powerful word you can use to help you finish strong and set a good intention for next year.

And that is the word “yet.”

As in, “I haven’t finished my book…yet.”

or

“I’m not at my goal weight…yet.”

or

“I haven’t started the remodeling project…yet.”

The power in that one little word is just amazing!

Instead of just thinking about what you haven’t done, or haven’t accomplished, or haven’t received, by adding the word yet, you tell your brain the story isn’t over.

Lord willing, we will all have time to let the “yet” work its magic.

Let’s look back at the above examples:

“I haven’t finished my book yet,” tells my mind that it can keep working on the project and that it WILL be finished at some point. The story’s not over…yet.

“I’m not at my goal weight yet,” tells my mind to not give up. Go ahead and go for that walk, say no thanks to the cookie and put away the phone, and go to sleep. The story’s not over…yet.

“I haven’t started the remodeling project yet,” reminds me to keep it on the list. To look for ideas and make a budget and make note of the colors that I’m drawn to. The story’s not over…yet.

This year, maybe you can think of some things you thought you missed, or “failed” at and instead of giving up, you can add the word “yet” to the thought and see what happens.

You might be surprised at how your brain comes up with creative ways to move forward on those thoughts.

I can’t wait to see what good things emerge in your life because of it!

Love you and Cheering you on,

Christy

P.S. My book is finished and I’m working with a professional to help me get it formatted and listed on Amazon. I’ll let you know as soon as it’s available…hopefully before the end of the year!

The post The Power of the Word Yet appeared first on Christy Largent.

Nothing spirals downward faster than a negative environment. I knew I needed to fix this situation, and fast!

Here are the 3 things I did. Maybe they will work for you the next time you hit a rough patch.

1. Take a deep breath and assess the situation. What can I change? What is non-negotiable? I stepped back and saw the main things I needed were to get myself dressed, the kids fed and the dog put in the backyard. I also saw that the dark house filled with the noises of anxiety were not helping.
2. Do what you can do and delegate the rest.  I put on some fun music and turned on all the lights. Our surroundings can affect our behavior more than you know. The lights and music helped lighten the tone. I delegated the dog and her “issues” to my daughter and hustled back to get dressed and throw my makeup in a bag – I could finish in the car before my meeting. I had my son pull out the eggs and cheese so I could whip up their breakfast after I got dressed.
3. Focus on the good and enjoy the journey. I did a quick mind re-set while I was getting dressed. I reminded myself that for so many years I had longed for children with a desperate longing…in other words…I asked for this!  I said a prayer of thanks for my kids. I smiled. Yup. A physical smile made me giggle. And when I came back into the kitchen, I sang along to the music while I made the eggs. I forced myself to change my attitude. I know a happy heart attitude is contagious.

[Tweet “A happy heart attitude is contagious.”]

I’d love to tell you my kids started dancing and singing with me and happily gobbled up their breakfasts with words of gratitude on their lips.  That’s not actually what happened.

They were still a bit grumpy. But my attitude was better, so there was less tension and I enjoyed the rest of our time together before school much more. Plus I told myself, often it’s what is caught, more than what is taught that sinks in.

[Tweet “It’s what is caught, more than what is taught that sinks in.”]

So when they think of their Mama today (if they think of me at all!) it will be with the happy smile and kiss that I left them with rather than the surly frustrated face of the earlier morning.

And I’ll call that a win.

How about you? What do you do to shift the momentum when things start deteriorating around you? I’d love you to share! Just leave a comment below.

Love ya!

Christy

The post 3 Steps to Create a Positive Environment appeared first on Christy Largent.

Several weeks ago I created my first ever community survey. I wanted to know more about you so that I can make sure what I’m creating is meeting your most important needs.

You responded and I got some surprising results.  Here they are – along with why the information matters and what I’m going to do differently.

Results

• You are a dominantly female audience (97%),  and in your middle years, 45-64 years old (72%).  I knew this intuitively, but it was fun to see the numbers. (You look like me!)

• You value education and have either a Bachelor or Graduate degree (66%) or at least some college 25%. Clearly, you are a lifelong learner.
• Your total household income is more than $75,000 (65%), and  you can be found in a huge variety of job positions, so much so, there’s no 1 thing that jumps out. I love that you bring an incredibly diverse scope of background and skills.

• Social Media Use was my biggest surprise.
  • Facebook was #1 (93% ranked it #1)
  • YouTube (79% ranked #2 or #3) virtually tied with
  • Pinterest (75% ranked #2 or #3).

• You don’t listen to my podcast. (72%) (Many of you said you wanted to listen, but were too busy to fit them in.)
• You want to learn from me…
  •  #1 Communication Skills and
  • #2 Self Development strategies.

• Your Biggest Challenges…
  • Finding time to do what needs to get done (61%) and
  • Desire to improve professional growth (45%), then
  • Life/Work balance (35%).

Your dreams…travel, being fit, creating a business and spending time with your family all rose to the top. We women really do want to do it all!

My top 5 Action Items based on the survey…

1. January 5th I’ll be offering a free webinar to help you dig deep to Discover your Calling and Develop your Plan for the new year.  More info. on that will be coming shortly. (It will have a wonderful name I’m sure, I just haven’t come up with it yet…title ideas welcomed.)

2.  I’ll continue finding excellent outside resources to recommend. The first is available now, 5 Days to Your Best Year Ever, by Michael Hyatt, and then in January there’s a free Peak Performance Summit you can register for here now. More on both of these as we go.

3. I’ll be creating YouTube tutorials focused on communication skills and strategies to help you communicate most effectively (get what you want!)

4. My podcast is going to reformatted into a short 5-10 minute production that you can fit into your busy schedules.

5. Finally, I’m going to send the survey at a different time of year. (Feb or March will be good.)  Late fall is such a busy time of year, I know many of you wanted to take the survey, but just couldn’t squeeze it in. So, next time I’ll find a less “intense” time of year to send so I can get even more feedback.

Thank you so much! I just love connecting with you and I’m excited about the year to come. What are you excited about this for this coming year? I’d love to hear what’s top of your mind! You can comment here or better yet…(see, I’m learning…) “like,” then post on my Facebook Page here.   Love ya!

Christy

The post Community Survey 2015 Results appeared first on Christy Largent.

Today I share the “aha” moment I had that has helped me to do a turnaround when in conflict.  Learning how to be transparent can be transformational.

Recommended Books:

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Luke 6:38 “Give and it will be given to you.  Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”

The post #512: 5 Minute Motivation – Be Transparent (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Remember, when giving feedback, it’s important to…

• Be Specific
• Be Honest
• Be Clear

Today is about how to be so clear the other person knows EXACTLY what you want them to do.  It’s the perfect way to complete your thoughts — creating an effective feedback opportunity.

Encouraging Word of the Day:  Ephesians 4:25  “So let us put away the lies, and speak the truth to one another, because we are all part of one another.”

The post #511: 5 Minute Connection – Be Clear (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Remember, when giving feedback, it’s important to…

• Be Specific
• Be Honest
• Be Clear

Today is more about how to stay out of judgement or assumption, and instead, Be Honest.

Encouraging Word of the Day:  Ephesians 4:25  “So let us put away the lies, and speak the truth to one another, because we are all part of one another.”

The post #510: 5 Minute Connection – Be Honest (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

I’m going to focus on 3 main elements of giving effective feedback over the next 3 weeks.

When giving feedback, it’s important to…

• Be Specific
• Be Honest
• Be Clear

Today is all about how to avoid judgement or assumption, and instead, be specific.

Encouraging Word of the Day:  Ephesians 4:25  “So let us put away the lies, and speak the truth to one another, because we are all part of one another.”

The post #509: 5 Minute Connection – Be Specific (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Thankfully, I have an amazing sister-in-law who reminded me of this yesterday, so I get to share it with you today!

Key reminders about being yourself:

1.  It’s scary.

2.  It’s easier to wear a mask.

3.  It’s totally worth it.

Encouraging Word:  Romans 12:9a (The Message) “Love others well, and don’t hide behind a mask; love authentically.“

The post #508: 5 Minute Motivation – Be Yourself appeared first on Christy Largent.

This week, I want to give you 2 magic questions you can use when you absolutely MUST give the advice burdening your heart.  Before you speak…

Ask yourself these 2 questions:

1.  What gives me the right?

2.  Is it in the best interest of the relationship?

Listen to the podcast and share it!  I think you’ll enjoy this part 2 of the podcast.  Who knows, it might even change your life!  And feel free to share with your friends!

I’d love to know – do you struggle with giving unsolicited advice?  How do you keep from becoming “that person” who always has a better way of doing something? Please let me know your thoughts!

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 12:18  “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

The post #507: 5 Minute Motivation – Be Mysterious Part 2 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Unsolicited advice will destroy relationships, create conflict, drive division, and push people further and further away from you.  If you want healthy relationships where your friends and family ASK for your advice, then you’d better say far, far away from giving the unsolicited kind.

Today I’m sharing with you a humorous story on this very subject.  I think you’ll love it!…so you have to listen to the podcast.  But if you can’t spare 5 minutes, here’s my advice for keeping yourself from giving Unsolicited Advice:

When you want to start talking, instead, start asking questions.  

I hope you enjoy this today.  I’d encourage you to listen.  It’s short and who knows..it might even change your life!  And if you know someone who loves to give unsolicited advice, please feel free to share this with them too.

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Romans 12:18 “If possible, live in peace with everyone. Do that as much as you can.”

The post #506: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Mysterious Part 1 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Or at least it was a blast the last time I took the class.  This morning, not so much.  You see, I’m out of practice.  I’ve been doing other things in the morning.  Specifically sleeping.  So I’m just a tad bit out of spinning shape.

If you’ve ever been a spinner, you know what I’m talking about.  After you’ve been spinning a month or so you kind of find your groove.  You figure out how to push yourself without throwing up.  You know what I’m talking about.

But this morning everything was different.  I was sooooo slow!  My mind said, “Legs, push!”, and the legs surged forward with all the strength of a noodle.  And while I was struggling for breath and willing myself forward, I realized there were a few universal ideas I was being reminded of as I reacclimatized myself into spinning shape.  I thought I’d share them with you.

1.  Your ride is different than the teacher’s and everyone else’s ride.  That’s right.  You have your own rhythm, your own style and your own timing.  Just like in life.  Your  journey is uniquely your own.  It may or may not mirror the journey of your boss or your best friend.  What matters is that you figure out what your ride is and ride it with all your heart.  It will be the best possible ride.  Uniquely yours.

2.  The unknown will bring blessings all it’s own.  This morning Silas played music I had never heard before.  I’m a musical person and I like to think I am sort of connected to what’s happening in today’s music scene.  But this morning I only recognized 1 song.  Out of the 12 or so songs he played, only 1!  I couldn’t believe it!  But you know what, I loved it!  I embraced the newness of that music and reveled in the energy it helped pump through my increasingly tired legs.  The blessing of the unknown kept me engaged to the very end of every song rather than anticipating the ending as I normally would have done.

Often when we are faced with the unknown, our tendency is to avoid, right?  New co-worker.  Walk down the other hall so you won’t have to engage with her.  Or that difficult decision you’re waiting to hear back on.  You avoid checking your emails or voicemails because you don’t want to have to hear potential bad news.  Or how about what I’m struggling with right now…fear of the unknown.  I don’t know how to do some of the technical details required to get my book published, so instead of powering through, I’m avoiding through other activities.  (Like this post if the truth be told!)  Let’s embrace our unknown together.

3.  When you’ve done the hard thing, you will feel amazing!  Yes.  As the hour moved to a close, I was so happy!  Spent. Yes.  Exhausted. Yup. Empowered. Absolutely!  In fact, as I was getting off the bike and grabbing the cleaning papers to wipe it down, I actually thought to myself, “Now, THIS is a way to get my week of to a great start!  I’ll bet I get a ton accomplished today.”

I didn’t think that because I was a seriously good rider.  No way!  I thought that because I did something uncomfortable – several somethings actually…but the end result was what I really wanted.  A stronger heart, firmer legs (maybe someday) and most of all, completion of a desired task.

How about you?  What can you jump into today to give yourself a spin?  How can you challenge yourself to ride your own ride, embrace the unknown and revel in the feeling of accomplishment that will ensue?  I’d love to hear your stories!

The post 3 Lessons from Getting Spun this Morning appeared first on Christy Largent.

1.  Smile

2.  Stick out your hand and introduce yourself.

3.  Lean towards the new person

4.  Look them in the eye

5.  Speak up

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”

The post #505: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Friendly (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

It’s the magic of charisma, and I have a few ideas to share with you about how you can get some too!  Listen to the podcast for all the details…

Key Suggestions Discussed:

1.  Confidence

2.  Questions

3.  Listen

4.  Be interesting

5.  Laugh (at yourself)

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Colossians 4:6 “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”

The post #504: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Charismatic (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Most people pad or hedge with the best of intentions, but what happens is the opposite.

Lesson:  Avoid Hedging and Use Power Phrases

You’ll have to listen to get them — too boring to write here.

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Matthew 5:37 (Phillips) “Whatever you have to say let your ‘yes’ be a plain ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ a plain ‘no’—anything more than this has a taint of evil.”

The post #503: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Straightforward (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Today’s Tip:  Be Connected!

I want you to grow strong connections.  Here are a few ideas to help you develop strong, healthy connections.  Remember, more details are in the podcast.

1. Decide you want connection
2. Be willing to be vulnerable
3. Be focused on them when you are with them
4. Time — it Takes Time and you must Give it Time
5. Enjoy the fruits of connection

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Matthew 18:20  “Where 2 or 3 are gathered together, there I am with them.”

Question:  What do you think about these 5 minute Fridays?  I’d love to hear your comments!

The post #502: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Connected (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas: 

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• The benefits of an unexpected journey
• Finding Mentors
• Her favorite productivity secret Hint:  It’s painless!
• Friendships – finding honest ones
• How to be totally awesome!

• Part 2 – Set Yourself Up for Success

• Sleep Enough
• Plan, then Schedule
• Clear out the clutter
• Get busy and enjoy it all

Website Links

www.karikampakis.com  All the good stuff from Kari

www.handsfreemama.com  LOVE this blog!

www.jeanniecunnion.com  Another keeper! Wonderful.  And her book is stunning too.

www.thehouseofhendrix.com  So awesome.

I love all of these connections.  Kari’s leading you in the right direction with these amazing women!

Kari’s Recommended Reading

10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know, by Kari! This is sooooo good!

The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?, by Rick Warren

Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis

Connect with Kari

On Facebook

On Twitter

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8  “A Time for Everything”
“There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
A time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
A time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.”

The post #041: Kari Kampakis and Success Tips (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1 – Interview Highlights

• How to identify who you really are in each of your rolls.
• Avoiding FOMO – Fear of Missing Out
• Being intentional and mapping out your ideal month
• Date night suggestions
• Morning and Evening rituals
• The power of authenticity

Part 2 – My Miracle Morning Magic
(thanks Hal Elrod!)

• Silence
• Affirmations
• Visualization
• Exercise
• Read
• Scribe – (Write)

Website Links

Keeping It Personal – Teri’s website

Clarity to Thrive Course — Starting April 6th!

Miracle Morning

Recommended Resources

Overcoming The Nevers: by Gardening Your Life and Nurturing Seeds of Truth, by Teri Johnson

The Uncommon Woman: Making an Ordinary Life Extraordinary by Susie Larson

The Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your Life (Before 8AM), by Hal Elrod

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 11:25  “A generous woman will prosper; she who refreshes others will herself be refreshed.”

The post #040: Teri Johnson and My Miracle Morning (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

I got the iPad as a Christmas present.  Actually, I purchased it the day after Thanksgiving during the Target’s awesome Black Friday sale.  So I even got it for a crazy-good price.  But I wrapped it up and even hauled it on our trip with us.

I didn’t open the box until last night.  Why on earth?

I was trying to analyze why I do that to myself.  I put off really good things.  And I do this with blogging, editing my podcast interviews, finishing my book…and the list goes on.

Do you relate?  I think it must be because sometimes, even when new things are really good, the unknown still makes me nervous.  Maybe it’s that I’m just getting too far down the road, wondering about how it’s going to play out, so I stop myself before I even start.

[Tweet “”Even when new things are really good, the unknown still makes me nervous.””]

I’ve decided to turn it around.  And when I feel like putting something off, rather than turn it all around in my head, I’m going to immediately do something positive about it.

This concept is something I’m going to start embracing.  I LOVE what comes after I do these things.  After all, it’s an iPad!  Can you say…easy-peasy?  And yes, I’m already loving it and wondering how on earth I ever did without it and it’s been less than 12 hours!

And with all the other stuff?  Here’s what I’ve come to.  I’m going to quit telling you hard and fast deadlines about my work.  I’m going to do my best to connect with you in a regular way with my podcast and blog posts and Facebook and twitter.  No set schedule.

I know that goes against all the experts.  But seriously.  I am SO NOT these people who are introverts and schedulers and get-it-all-done-at-any-cost types.  I’m just Christy.

My first priority is my family and many most days they take up a lot of my brain activity, not to mention, time.  And that’s OK.  Actually, I’m really AOK with that.

As you may know, I waited a long time to be a Mama, and I want to savor every moment.

And at the same time, I really love you, my encouragers, who I feel privileged to connect with day in and day out.  And I want to give you my best.

So, with that in mind…all my pre-planned schedules I thought I could do this year are going by the way-side.  I’m going to do my best to get you weekend updates, and twice a week posts and weekly podcasts.  Do my best being the operative words in this sentence.

Ahhh, it feels so freeing to say that.  So you won’t be expecting what I can’t, or don’t, give.  How does that sound?

Question:  What do you struggle with putting off?  It’s more than simple procrastination isn’t it?  How have you overcome that tendency?  I’d love to hear your suggestions!  Please leave a note below.

The post The Sweet at the End of the Stuck appeared first on Christy Largent.

Several of her books have been New York Times Bestsellers. She has both biological and adopted kids, and when she adopted, she didn’t go for just one, nooooo, she adopted like 10 (just kidding, I think it was 2).  You get the picture right?

Well, the reason I’m mentioning and linking to that post here, is because it was such a totally clear picture of a certain personality type I just couldn’t stand it!  In fact, her blog post title was How to Choose People Over Projects.

Seriously.

She even made printables to help her remember to do this.

Seriously.

Now some of you are like, Wow, that would really help me.  I always find myself thinking how people get in the way of my accomplishments.  And others of you are like, Are you crazy?  Why on earth would you put a project ahead of a relationship?

And there you have the rub.  The personality conflict that causes just that.  Conflict.

Because you want your office mate to drop her project and join you for lunch at the trendy new hot spot.  And she can’t understand how you can even think of leaving the office for lunch, of all things, when the project isn’t finished.

Or your husband wants to take Saturday and explore a new set of trails and you’re fretting and stewing because the new toilet you purchased 3 weeks ago still isn’t installed.

See where the conflict arises?  It’s simple personality conflict.  I would call it Action Annie vs. the rest of us.

Here are 3 positive ways you can work through this difficulty.

1.  Recognize you have different expectations. You might be tempted to think there is something wrong with the other person when they don’t act the way you would.  After all, they clearly have different priorities than you do.

You’ll be able to reconnect when you recognize that these differences aren’t really wrong. They are just different.

2.  Discuss your differing desires. Having an open discussion of these differing expectations will be very productive for you. Once we name it and get it out for discussion, then you can move forward to a solution.

3.  Work out a compromise.  This sounds a lot easier than it actually is of course.  Maybe you can stay through lunch to finish up the project and then celebrate with a brisk walk around the block together after it’s finished.  Or how about working together to get the toilet installed so you can take the afternoon to explore those new trails.

When we change our perspective on these differences, we will be able to appreciate and actually be thankful for the variety in our personalities.  Try these ideas the next time a conflict like this arises and I think you’ll enjoy the positive outcome.

Question:  What are the typical personality conflicts you deal with?  Do they drive you crazy or have you figured out ways to bring out the best?  I’d love to hear your ideas! Just leave your comments below.

P.S. – If you want to know more about The Personalities, you might want to check out some of my first podcasts here and here where I gave an introduction to the various styles.

The post Psst…Your Personality is Showing appeared first on Christy Largent.

As I was thinking about today’s blog post, I realized how powerful this concept of going with your gut can be in the area of our communication.  Let me ask you this…Have you ever had a nudge to speak with someone, but you resisted?  Have you ever shut down that small, quite prodding and just ignored it?

Usually, your self talk will be something like this:

• She’ll think I’m crazy.
• He doesn’t really want to know this.
• Who do I think I am to tell her this?
• She already gets lots of positive feedback, mine wouldn’t add much to the conversation.
• I’m embarrassed to let him know how he has affected me.

and my favorite,

• I’ll feel like an idiot!

But I’m going to suggest today that there are 3 really good reasons you should go with your gut, your intuition, your heart.

1.  There’s a whole lot of stuff we are not cognitively aware of going on out there which our unconscious is responding to – so we’d better pay attention.  David Epstein wrote in his book, The Sports Gene: Inside the Science of Extraordinary Athletic Performance, a story about how many professional baseball players were being struck out by softball phenom Jennie Finch.  How could this be?  How were the strongest and best baseball hitters in the world being struck out by a girl?

Well, it turns out that baseball players don’t really watch the ball coming at them – there’s no time.  What they have become expert at, is reading the body of the pitcher – the minuscule body movements are what tells them where the ball will end up.  Obviously, they were not expert at reading a softball pitcher’s body and suddenly they became just like the rest of us.

2.  The more you respond to your intuition, the more often you will hear it.  I’m sure there’s science about this somewhere, but I have experienced that the more tuned in I am to my heart, the more clearly I hear it.  Whether this is to take dinner to my neighbor, have a conversation with my husband, contact that client or switch into the right lane of traffic, I generally try to act on the feeling.  I don’t know why, but it usually ends up being a very needed action.

And most importantly of all…

 3.  Someone needs what you have to say.  Believe me, if you are feeling a prompting to speak, someone needs to hear you.  I love the story of the woman who was at the end of her rope, barely hanging on to her will to live when a stranger blessed her with a smile and a warm greeting.  That’s such a minor thing to do, but reaching out, even to a stranger, will have an impact far beyond what you will ever know.

When I think about how we communicate, I’m convinced we can have an even more positive effect on people if we pay attention and respond to our gut.  There are a millions cues being thrown about all the time.  We don’t see them, but we’re receiving them.  Our gut, our heart, our intuition is receiving them.

So the next time you get a “gut feeling”…Go for it!  And enjoy the positive results that can happen.

Question:  Have you ever gone with your gut and something amazing happened?  I’d love to hear your stories!  Just leave a note below.

The post 3 Big Reasons to Go With Your Gut appeared first on Christy Largent.

If you’ve ever worked for or with someone who just bugs you, here are 3 suggestions to help you turn a crummy interaction into something positive:

1.  Recognize your feelings.  This is a new skill that I’ve been working on. When you feel that rush of anger or frustration, instead of grabbing it and massaging it and escalating it, simply recognize it.

Try something like, Wow, that comment hurts.  Or, I’m feeling really mad right now.  There’s something about saying the statement out loud or to yourself that will help you process it.

Identify more about why it hurts or is inflammatory.  For example,  When she said I was a bad team player, I feel unappreciated.  My reaction is to get defensive and lash back at her.  Wow, I’m really uncomfortable.

I also recommend you take some deep breaths as you walk yourself through the emotions of the situation.  Try to pinpoint exactly what it is that’s causing such a strong emotional reaction inside of you.  Now you’re ready to…

2.  Figure out if and/or how you are going to address this with her.  My experience is that sometimes you need to address it, and sometimes you just need to let it go.  Let’s be realistic.  With some people, you could talk until you’re blue in the face and it would do NO GOOD! If that’s the case, please, just give yourself the freedom to experience the emotion and then choose to release it.  You might need to take a few deep breaths and physically open your hands outward – breathing out the release as you fan your fingers open.

But if the irritating person is open to honest communication, you would do well to create an assertive dialogue and let them know how their words affected you.  Both of you will do better after that discussion and you can move forward.

Regardless of which step you decide, I always find it helpful to close the interaction with the third idea…

3.  Look for the good.  Find something you appreciate or like about them.  I know that’s a tall order when you’re not feeling very positive towards them and frankly just the fact that they are still taking up space in your universe grates on you like fingernails on a chalkboard, but I promise you — if you will do the exercise of finding just one thing to be thankful for or that you like/admire about them, it will help.

Some suggestions might be, I’m thankful she takes her job so seriously. Or, I’m thankful she follows through. Or, I really like how she is such a professional dresser or if you’re really desperate, I’m thankful she just left the room…JKLOL…as my 2nd grader says

Do you see how I’m suggesting you reframe your mind?  You can do this!  Even if you don’t feel like it now, by recognizing your emotions, figuring out what you are going to do with them, and then creating a positive feeling to close the experience, you are reframing the whole thing on your terms.  And that feels great!

I hope these 3 simple steps will help you to maneuver through the next time you find yourself in the middle of a muddle.

Question:  What are your coping techniques?  Have you tried any of these and how did they work for you?  I’d love to hear your feedback.  Just leave a comment below.

The post 3 Steps to Turn a Bad Interaction Better appeared first on Christy Largent.

That night at the dinner table as I was telling the story, I made sure to give full expression in the retelling.  Wanting my kids to have the full picture of what happened.

As I gave my response, my daughter brought me up short. “Oh, and did you give her that ugly face too?”

“What ugly face?”

“That ugly face you just did when you told the story.”

I was silent as the truth sunk in.  No wonder my colleague responded like she did.  My face and body had said such a different story than what I really meant to say.  It’s not her fault that we all believe more of what we see than what we hear.

Shamefacedly, I admitted the truth.  Yes, I probably had made that ugly face that morning during the conversation. Yikes!

When you think about effective communication, you might sometimes forget how important your facial expressions are.  Obviously, when you’re online, texting or tweeting, it’s not an issue.  But on the phone or especially in person, you want to make sure your face is giving the same message as your words.

Here are 3 ideas that might help you (and me) match our faces to our words.

Smile.  Obviously you can’t smile all the time, but whenever you are listening, it’s helpful for you to have a pleasant expression on your face.  For most of us, a slight, mouth closed smile gives that pleasant look that encourages conversation.  Also, it’s impossible to smile and frown at the same time.

Clear your forehead.  By this I mean, if you have 2 those vertical lines between your eyebrows, or lots and lots of forehead creases, take a moment when you are in the conversation, or even before, to consciously smooth your forehead.  For me, this means I smile (automatically decreases the center lines) and take a deep breath as I run my left hand across my forehead.

Use your eyes.  The eyes are such a great communication tool!  Have you noticed that when you’re really engaged in a conversation, you’re giving good eye contact.  Not staring, but just following the conversation with your eyes.  You look at the other person for a few seconds and then look briefly away.  And when you smile, your smile reaches your eyes.  I know because an engaged smile includes eyes crinkled at the corners.

So I’m hoping that we’ll remember these simple behaviors.  That way, we can be sure our face matches our message.

Question:  What kind of expressions do you find “pop out” when you least expect it?  What are your compensation strategies?  Please leave me a comment below.

The post 3 Ideas to Avoid Making The Ugly Face appeared first on Christy Largent.

No longer will you get consumed by the urgency of life. Everything is going to be intentional and designed to move you closer and closer to the life you’ve always wanted.  And best of all, 12 months from now you’ll be looking back on 2015 with a smile thinking about all that you’ve accomplished in 2015.

It truly will be your Best Year Ever.

Sounds wonderful doesn’t it!  But how on earth is this going to happen?  What’s going to be different this year that will make 2015 different from every other year in your past?  How will you approach this year so that these aren’t just good intentions, but rather your new reality?

On Wednesday, January 7th, you can find out.

My favorite virtual mentor, New York Times best-selling author Michael Hyatt will be delivering a special webinar presentation called:

Get What You Want This Year: 5 Secrets for Finally Accomplishing Your Biggest Goals

It’s designed to help YOU make 2015 your best year ever and I don’t want you to miss it!  You can attend (no charge), by clicking the link below:

Best Year Ever Live Webinar

I know you’ll hear just what you need to hear so that you too can make this your Best Year Ever!

Love ya!

Christy

P.S.  This webinar is FREE and I just learned this morning that they are almost full, so I want you to be sure to get in on this since there won’t be a replay.  Better reserve your place fast!

Best Year Ever Live Webinar

The post Making 2015 Amazing! appeared first on Christy Largent.

Timeless truths I embraced this year…

1.  You can do more than you realize.  When I review what I did during the past year, and all the new stuff I learned, I’m really encouraged.  Just because I’m not in school doesn’t mean I can’t still be learning and growing and this year proved it for me, and it is true for you too.

2.  Get help.  There are so many people who can help you – figure out what you need and then ask for help.  The right person will appear. The book by Amanda Palmer called, The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help is a great resource if you are ready to get inspired to ask in your own life.

Areas to get help:

• Personally – therapist for help with the inside
• Physically – trainer at the gym
• Professionally – help with technical aspects.  Mentor. Professional development via webinars and conferences.  What conferences will you go to next year?  What seminars will you attend.  Who do you want more of?  You are the combination of the 5 people you hang around the most.  Who are you inviting into your life?

3.  It’s never too late to go for your dreams.  Figuring out what you really want to do is actually fun.  Take the time to make yourself a rough sketch and then start.  Don’t wait for perfection.  Lots of people talk about being imperfect and how to manage your perfectionism…get whatever help you need to get started and then start.  Once you start, then the pieces will sort themselves out.  Michael Hyatt’s Best Year Ever will help you get started with your dreams and then help you get started!

Next year – here are the 2 things I’m going to remind myself of daily so I stay focused:

1.  Take care of myself first.  The biggest “fail” of the year was with my weight and health.  Wait, let me rephrase that.  The area where I had the least amount of progress — and maybe even experienced regress was in the area of my weight and health.

I did train for and complete a 1/2 marathon, but at a heavy weight and kind of with the least effort possible principle.  2015 is going to be different.  I’m putting this effort front and center.  I know all the other stuff will fall into place as I figure out this piece of my life.

2.  Do more of what I love.  When I was doing my goal setting I discovered that of all the things I enjoyed this past year, the best part was still what drove me to work in the first place.  Speaking and teaching still top the charts and make me happiest.  So,  I’m going to make sure and do more of that this next year.  All the other stuff will still be there – but as supporting rolls to help create more opportunity to do more of what I love.

More speaking.  More stories.  More entertaining.  More laughter.  More connecting.

2015 Word of the Year:    Routine 

I have 1 outstanding, terrific and fabulous routine.  Every night I wash my face utilizing a system.  I also floss and brush my teeth.  My morning average is about 95%, but the evening is 99.9999999999%.  And this is since 1984.  30 Years! Seriously, I cannot remember a single night I have gone to bed without washing my face and brushing my teeth.  Flossing is about 98.999999%.  My night-time rituals I don’t even think about.  They are so routine as to be a ritual.  No thinking —  I just do them.  30 years!

Here’s the deal.  If I can do it in one area of my life (my face) then I can do it in others.  So my word for the year is Routine.  I’ll learn to love it.  Learn to embrace it.  Learn to flourish in the midst of it.  That will be growth!

“Routine enables creativity to flourish.”

Encouraging Word for the Year:  Proverbs 16:9 (NIRV)  “In their hearts human beings plan their lives.  But the Lord decides where their steps will take them.”

Question:  What about you?  What did you learn this year?  What are you going to focus on next year?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Please leave your comments below.

The post #037: Timeless Truths of 2014 and Focus for 2015 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

In light of the overload most of us constantly feel, I thought it would be helpful and refreshing for us to consider how we can be effective in telling people our thoughts and ideas in a way that’s “right the first time.”  So, here for your consideration are three suggestions to help you do just that.

1. Be respectful of the person.  The next time your employee suggests an idea you think is ridiculous – remember to focus your response on the idea, not the person.  As you are respectful of the person, get specific with your responses to the idea so they know you are skeptical of the idea, not them as an employee.
2. Get to the point.  Head right to the comment without padding it with extra words or fillers like um, and , ahh, so, like, etc.  The more you add needless words to what you are saying, the more likely you are to lose your listener and undermine your credibility.
3. Make suggestions for improvement instead of criticizing.  Many years ago I had a speaking coach who would intentionally sit in on my program and then make suggestions on how I could improve.  Her way of suggesting improvements was fabulous.  She used the “Like best” and “Next time” technique.  First, she would tell me what she liked best about the program.  Then she would say, “Christy, next time, instead of telling that joke at the beginning of the program, tell it at the end.”  By using the like best and next time method, I could hear what was working and what wasn’t working.  The bonus was that I did not get defensive at the criticism because I heard ways to improve…and that is what I really wanted all along anyway.

As we head into the holiday season, I know we’ll all have lots of opportunities to practice communicating with people who are really important to us.  I hope you can stick these 3 additional ideas into your communication toolbox and whip them out the next time you need to say it right the first time.

Question:  Which of these are most difficult for you to do?  Do you ever get stuck when you don’t know what to say so you say nothing?  Have you experienced someone else doing these things for you? How did it feel?  Please leave your comments below!

The post 3 Strategies to Say It Right The First Time appeared first on Christy Largent.

And I guess there’s really nothing like a drama with a loved one to remind you why we’re doing all this communication stuff in the first place.

I can give you all kinds of tips and techniques on how to be a more effective communicator. But the bottom line reason we learn and do all this is so we can love each other better. Right?  We want to learn how to act and speak and express ourselves in the best way so that the people in our lives feel loved.

Does that make sense to you?  Who in your life do you wish knew how much you loved them?  Do you communicate that love? What’s getting in the way of your truth? This morning I’m drawn to think of this…and here are the 2 main questions I’m asking myself.

1.  Is my style getting in the way of my message?  Yesterday I spoke about being a passive, aggressive or assertive communicator.  That message was straight from my heart.  You see,  I am really strong.  I come across as strong. I have to work hard to dial down from aggressive to assertive, and sometimes even assertive is too much.  And sometimes that ‘natural style’ is getting in the way of my message.

When I’m trying to talk with Amelia or Tom about something that I’m passionate about, (almost everything) I think I get too wound up and my words, tone, body all end up sending messages that actually shut them down.  Do you have that challenge?  Or do you go the other way, and you shut down when you get passionate?  I think both of these can be a challenge.  I have to remember, it’s not all about me…it’s about communicating well.  Because I LOVE THEM.

2.  Do I find ways to communicate love even when I’m stressed and busy and overwhelmed?  When I think of all the times I’ve thought of my telling my mother something and not texted her, or bragged about my sister and not called her, or even been angry with my dad and talked about him instead of talking with him, it makes my heart sad.  I’m supposed to be teaching this stuff!  Instead, I so often fail in the execution of the communication.

How about you?  Would it help your relationships if you were more intentional communicating your love to those in your life?  I want to take each opportunity to communicate love and not put it off until later.  Because, as I’m being so forcibly reminded today, there’s no guarantee of tomorrow, and I want to rest assured I’m communicating my love the best possible way every day.

So for now, thanks for following along this month as I’ve posted every day.  Whew.  31 Blog Posts in 31 days.  Definitely a new record for me.  I’ve learned some things along the way, so there will probably be a post about that in the future. (Not tomorrow!!)  I want you to know I appreciate each of you and how you have commented and encouraged me.  It’s meant more than you will ever know.  So here’s our take-away.  Let’s commit together to using powerful  communication to create positive relationships so that we can live purposeful lives.  I think we’ll all be glad we did.

This is Day 31 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women.  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Does today’s discussion ring true with you?  Which post, of the past 31 days was your favorite?  Why?  Please leave your thoughts below.

The post Day 31 – Why Are We Working At This Stuff Anyway? (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Passive Communicator – “A reluctance and/or inability to confidently express what you think and feel.”

This person is quiet, shy and rarely says what they really think or feel.  They will keep their thoughts to themselves, often taken extreme amounts of time to think about what they will say before they say it.  They expect you to read their minds since they have limited body language and facial expressions.

My favorite story about passive communicators happened when I was speaking in Minot, North Dakota.  I had a group of 40 women in my “Powerful Communication Skills for Women” class.  The majority of them were of Scandinavian descent. (Internal processors and typically passive communicators.)  Throughout the day, I was getting basically no visible response from them.  I would say something funny and they would crack a slight smile or nod their heads.  As someone who gets their energy from other people, all day long I was giving myself pep talks, reminding myself that they were engaging on the inside, even if I couldn’t see much of a spark on the outside.  At the end of the day I was shaking hands at the door saying goodbye.  One after another of the women told me how much they loved the class.  One woman generously proclaimed, “This was the best class I’ve ever attended.”  “Oh, thank you,” I replied. “Yes,” she continued, “My favorite part was how you got us all so involved!”  Inside my head, I was screaming, “When? I missed it!”

That’s a funny story, but it illustrates the difficulty others can have with passive communicators.  Because passive communicators tend to keep everything inside, others can be at a loss to know their real feelings.  They are also very good at using passive aggressive manipulation to get what they want.  (I think passive-aggressive behavior is a post for another day.)

Aggressive Communicator – “Intimidates, demeans and degrades another person – behavior that results in a put-down, causing defensiveness and hurt.”

You’ve meet these aggressive communicators.  They are intent on getting their way and letting you know it.  The classic aggressive communicator can be found on the school yard – we call him a bully.  Or maybe she’s the one in your daughter’s peer group who is the dominate force.  She tells all the other girls what they should do and how they should do it.   An out of control aggressor uses their threat of anger to manipulate those around her.

The Aggressive Communicator uses their body language with their hands on their hips, their fingers pointing at you (while they shake their hand) and the scowl on their face to get their messages across.

Assertive Communicator:  “Confidently express what you think, feel and believe.  Standing up for your rights while respecting the rights of others.”  

You love these people.  They know what they want and they share it assertively.  When you finish a conversation with this assertive person, you feel great!  Encouraged and energized because you have been on the receiving end of healthy, life-affirming communication.

So, which kind of communicator are you?  By nature, most of us fall into either passive or aggressive.  Most of us have to learn how to be an assertive communicator.  It helps if your family of origin used good, healthy communication.  But even if they were too far on either end, you can learn to communicate assertively.

This month of October I’ve given you 30 specific ideas on how to be most effective with assertive communication.  I hope you will take these ideas and move yourself into the assertive category.  Your friends, family and co-workers will thank you and you’ll be empowered knowing you can use these tools to create a life of strong, active and relationship building communication.

This is Day 30 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women.  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which category do you fall into?  What challenges have you experienced with your own natural style?  How have you worked around your style to get better results?  I’d love to hear your stories and comments.  Please comment below.

The post Day 30 – Your Communication Style (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Choose Generosity.  J. Paul Getty was known for being the richest man in the world.  He was also known as one of the most stingy…even refusing to pay ransom when a grandson got kidnapped!  By the time he died in 1976 he had alienated all his children as well as his five former wives.  Contrast that with Dave Thomas of Wendy’s fame.  He was known for being generous of spirit with himself as well as his money.  Over his lifetime he gave away millions of dollars, as well as hours and hours of his time and passion in his interest of helping others.  He said, “Share your success and help others succeed.  Give everyone a piece of the pie.  If the pie’s not big enough, make a bigger pie.”  Which person would you like to model yourself after?  You get to choose.  Choose generosity.

Value People.  Think of what you love.  Your home, car, boat, jewelry.  I’ll bet you spend time and money maintaining these items.  What about the people you value?  Why is it so easy to pursue the things we love instead of the people we love?  (I actually think the answer to that is a whole different blog post!)  Find ways to value people.  The best and simplest is to listen to them.  Spend time with them.  Help them feel heard.  I was listening to a podcast recently and the speaker challenged us to “add energy” in our every encounter.  When you leave someone, is their energy higher or lower?  You can be an energy giver or taker.  You get to choose.  Choose — every day in every way I will add value to others.

Do It Every Day.  “Do all the good you can, to all the people you can, in all the ways you can as long as you can.”  D.L. Moody.  Don’t wait for your income or circumstances to change – just begin!  Science is now showing how our behavior impacts our mind.  Living generously will make us generous people.  Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, “what are we doing for others?”  Choose to act every day.

My friend Amy Sullivan, has written a wonderful book to help you teach generosity to yourself and your kids.  You can find it here.  The title, When More is Not Enough – How to Stop Giving Your Kids What They Want and Give Them What They Need really says it all. Tons of creative ideas are found here. Additionally, my friend Courtney DeFeo has a terrific program she created called “Light ‘Em Up”. Check it out here.  Designed to be done with your kids, it’s a great way to teach by doing.  Oh, and it’s fun!

In closing, let me leave you with a thought from Ann Voskamp, “When someone stops doing nothing, and just starts doing something, this is what starts to change everything.”  Today is your day.  Start.

This is Day 29 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. (And my birthday!)  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Is it difficult for you to be generous?  How do you motivate yourself to choose generosity?

The post Day 29 – Live Generously (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

When Receiving Feedback:

Ask for clarification.  What’s your response when your boss says, “You don’t seem to care much bout your job these days.” Do you get defensive and react or do you take a deep breath and ask for clarification like this…”What am I doing that gives you that impression?”  Asking for clarification is a good way to slow down the conversation and get it headed in a more productive direction.

Ask for specifics.  When your coworkers says, “You’re really trying to get on the bosses good side,” rather than reacting with a sarcastic or cutting response, just turn it around and ask, “Oh, what makes you say that?”  You’ll shut her negativity down without engaging in any of your own.

Respond don’t react.  Sometimes people give us feedback that we weren’t expecting.  When you give yourself space to respond, you’re setting yourself up for success.  A sentence like “I’d like to think about what you just said and get back with you about it later this afternoon,” is perfectly acceptable and preferable to an angry reaction.  You dictate how you will engage with someone.  Don’t give your power away to them.

Expect the positive.  One time I was speaking to a group of trucking executives in Montana.  Throughout the day I noticed one man in the front row who seemed to visibly disagree with everything I said.  During one interactive time, I asked, “What is it? You obviously don’t agree with me.”  “Oh no!” he exclaimed, “I was just thinking how much I agree with you and that you were hitting on everything that was going wrong with my company.  I’ve been thinking of all the ways I could fix the problems.”  Oh my.  I had completely mis-read his body language and because I had been expecting the worst (based on what I saw) I was expecting a negative response.  What a great lesson.  Look for, and expect the best.  Most of the time, it’s out there, just waiting for you to discover it.

Give grace.  Sometimes people spout off without thinking, giving you feedback that should have much more prudently gone unspoken.  If that happens to you, I’d encourage you to just skip it and forget it.  Life is too short to nurse grudges against people who have said ugly things to you.  Just this morning I had to give myself this very advice as one of my clients spoke extremely rudely and aggressively to me.  My feelings were hurt.  And then I remembered that I could give him grace and just let it go.  All of us have some days that are better than others.  By giving grace you allow others the freedom for a not-so-perfect day…and who knows, maybe next time you’ll be the one on the receiving end of the grace-giving.

This is Day 28 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. (And my birthday!)  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question: How are you at accepting feedback?  Is it easy for you or do you, (like I), get defensive? And can you share a story when you received grace from someone?  I’d love to hear your stories.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 28 – How to Say It — Receiving Feedback (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Communicating what you really think or feel is part of everyday life.  Doing it with finesse and tact is a skill you can learn to master. Giving and receiving feedback is an especially important art of communication.  Today we will talk about giving feedback and tomorrow about receiving feedback.

When you are Giving Feedback:

Be Specific:  When someone is having difficulty with getting their work turned in on time, say, “I’ve noticed that in February, March and April your reports were turned in two days late each month.”  Not, “So, looks like you’re really busy these days.”  The first was specific about the real issue, while the second left the listener wondering what you’re really saying.

Avoid Assumptions:  When you make an assumption like, “I know you probably don’t like discussing this issue, but…” it puts people on the defensive.  When we assume, we’re taking upon ourselves the projected thoughts of another.  Many times we’re way off base! Who really knows the mind of another?  Instead, say, ‘I would like to discuss our report schedule.  Do you have time now or later in the afternoon?”  This gets the conversation going on an even, unbiased note.

Avoid Generalities:  The minute you say, “Everyone knows you’re always late to meetings,” not only does the person become defensive, but you’ve set yourself up to be disagreed with from the beginning of the conversation.  After all, who among us is “always” or “never” anything?  Keep yourself focused on solutions by being specific and targeted in your discussion.

Focus on the Problem, not the Person:  Our tendency is to personalize issues.  When I complain about Betty being selfish and uncommitted to the team because she’s always late coming back from her breaks – I’m not only making an assumption and generalization, I’m also targeting Betty with my words, not focusing on her behavior.  When I focus on the problem – that is that other team members can’t take their breaks when Betty is late returning from her break – the focus keeps me from getting personal and/or attacking Betty.  This helps the conversation stay in productive territory.  Remember, when I target the behavior, then I can ask for that behavior to change for the better.

So, the next time you have to give feedback, I hope you remember these suggestions so that your conversation is productive, encouraging and keeping you on the path of creating positive connections and helping you be purposeful in living.

This is Day 27 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. (And my birthday!)  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you ever have trouble staying specific and focusing on the problem, not the person?  Do you find it easy to get personal?  I’d love to hear your stories, just comment below.

The post Day 27 – How to Say It…Giving Feedback (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Yet when I think over what makes a life truly well lived, I realize it all boils down to how well we get along, engage with and yes, even love our family and friends.  Therefore, following is an acrostic with my suggestions for how to really communicate LOVE.

Laughter:  Giggle, chuckle, guffaw…laugh until you cry!  Tell funny stories from your past; remembering how Great Aunt Georgina “fell asleep” in the mashed potatoes when you were just 6-years-old, is fun for everyone (except Great Aunt Georgina of course!).  Pull out old photo albums and laugh at how dorky you looked in 7th grade. Watch Planes, Trains and Automobiles, that’s a movie guaranteed to tickle your funny bone.  Families and friends who laugh together…have fun!  Laughter is the best medicine and does your heart good.  (Trite but true.) And of course, remember that when the dog rolls in the newly planted flower bed, your daughter spills honey all over your freshly cleaned floors and you sew the costume inside out and backwards 1 hour before the party starts, these incidents will be fodder for family laughs for years to come.  Laughing together communicates love.

Other Focus:  A wise teacher told me long ago that true Joy comes when you put others before yourself.  I would encourage you to try this.  Let go of focusing on what you want and re-focus on what others need.  When I focus on me, me, me, I become discontent, disappointed and depressed.  Comparing my insides to some else’s outsides just makes it worse.  But when I let go of myself, focus  on others and how I can impact them in a positive way, my whole paradigm shifts!  Focusing on others communicates love.

(I must include a whole paragraph of warning to the ‘O’ suggestion.  Oftentimes I see mothers get so wrapped up in their kid’s and husband’s needs they ignore their own.  Please don’t do this!  What I’m suggesting is a healthy balance.  Focus not only on your family and not only on yourself…but a balance.  Make sure each day has a little of both.  In the mother’s life, it’s a tricky balance of both isn’t it?  Please remember that sometimes serving yourself is the best way to serve others.)

Vorgiveness…err…Forgiveness: Please let go of that baggage that’s holding you back.  Your anger and resentment are only hurting yourself.  In the words Frozen made famous…Let it Go!  There is a scene in the movie “The Piano” where Holly Hunter is being pulled to a watery grave by tangled ties holding her to a piano plummeting to the bottom of the ocean.  It isn’t until she decides to break free (let go) of the heavy ropes and unburden herself from the weight of the piano that she is able to kick her way up through the water to the life-giving air at the surface.  The next time you are tempted to hold on to that resentment, I urge you to let go instead and communicate love.

Expect the Best:  What you are looking for is looking for you.  We have a joke in my family that I get all the green lights and my husband gets all the red lights.  I’m sure, it’s statistically the same, but our perception of who gets what is definitely affected by our outlook.  I celebrate my (expected) greens while my husband suffers through his (expected) reds.  I wonder which you would rather experience?  When you expect fighting, animosity and negativity, that’s exactly what you will find.  Expect the best and you will communicate love.

This is Day 26 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Questions:  So how about it?  Today can you communicate L.O.V.E. by implementing some of these ideas?  I’d love to hear your stories.  Just leave your comments below.

The post Day 26 – Communicating L.O.V.E. (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Tiger Woods was once asked by a fan to demonstrate how to hit the ball out of a sand trap.  Tiger refused, saying he never practiced the wrong shot – only the right ones.  I am often asked how to get good at public speaking.  My answer is always “Practice the right shot.”  And the right shot for speakers and communicators is Toastmasters.

Let me give you some background on this amazing organization and then share with you how to connect with a local club.  Toastmasters began in California in 1924.  Today it is an international non-profit organization boasting over 313,000 members in more than 14,650 clubs located in 126 countries.  The one commonality of members is that each is committed to becoming a more effective communicator.  The Toastmaster organization supports this common goal by providing a venue for members to hone their communication and leadership skills.

My own experience with Toastmasters was so positive I became a life-long advocate.  Never have I been involved in a group as uplifting and positive towards each other.  Good communication is not just about talking, it’s about learning how to actively listen, respond and how to give good, productive feedback.  By participating in the weekly meetings, you will learn how to do all of this and more.

My favorite story is about “Larry.”  My first visit to our local club was about week 3 for him.  A part of each club meeting is a section called “Table Topics” when attendees are asked to stand up and speak impromptu for 60 seconds on a given topic.  Poor Larry was so scared and nervous and freaked out when it was his turn, he stood, hands glued tightly to the back of the chair, chin tucked firmly upon his chest and whispered, stumbling and stuttering through his speech topping out at about 45 seconds of torture.  I hurt for him!

Fast forward 12 months.  This time when Table Topics was called,  Larry stood confidently.  He looked around the room as he spoke.  He used humor.  He used voice inflection.  His impromptu speech sounded like it had been planned and fine tuned for weeks.  He not only nailed that activity, but he won the weekly award for best Table Topic!  Talk about a turn around!  That’s what Toastmasters does for you.

That’s why, if you are serious about becoming a Master Communicator you need to get yourself to local Toastmasters club, join, and start reaping the benefits of this connection.  On a side note…each club has it’s own “flavor.”  So if you don’t feel comfortable at the first club you visit, find another and go visit it.  Even the smallest of communities usually have several clubs to choose from, so you’re sure to find one that’s a fit for you.  Here’s a link to help you find a local club.

This is Day 25 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Have you ever visited a Toastmasters club? What was your experience? What other way to practice has been helpful for you? I’d love to hear your stories! Just leave a comment below.

The post Day 25 – Becoming A Master Communicator (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.  Your tone, facial expressions, and body language all play a huge part in your communication (93% to be exact.)  You may say, “Yes honey, I’d love to go to your office party with you.” but your mate knows you’re not telling the truth because your rolling eyes, crossed arms and sarcastic tone scream, “Of course I don’t want to go be with all your stupid co-workers for my one precious evening home this week!”  Just be honest and match your non-verbal to your words for positive, effective communication.

Actions speak louder than words.  If your manager asks you to do a project, and you say “Sure, I’ll do it,” but somehow you never get around to actually doing it…be careful.  Your actions (not doing the work) are speaking much louder than your words.  You may think you’re just keeping the peace and avoiding conflict, but be sure your actions will be the ultimate test in the end.  Make sure your words and actions match.

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.  Saying ugly, negative things about people or situations does nobody any good, it just makes those around you uncomfortable.  Make sure when you add a comment or idea that it is positive.  A nice comment that benefits others. I loved being around my mother-in-law Shirley.  She was consistently positive and in fact, at her memorial service, more than one person agreed with me that we never heard her say a negative word about anybody.  Now that’s a testimony!  I can only strive to be more like her.

Only give advice when asked.  I’ve covered this extensively on Day 11 and Day 12 when I talked about giving unsolicited advice.  If you need a refresher be sure to read those.  But I wanted to remind you in this list how important it is to keep your opinions to yourself if you want to build relationships and not walls.  I know it’s tempting to tell your 15-year-old nephew that his permed, green, mop of hair is unattractive, but believe me, unless he asks for your input, he doesn’t care what you think, and if you mention it, you will only succeed in building a barrier between the two of you.  You never know when he will want someone to help him get it cut and re-dyed a nice red or something – and if you have built a wall instead of a relationship, you’ll miss out.  No unsolicited advice!

Enjoy every moment as you build relationships remembering this handy list of ideas.  And be sure to thank your Mother for her wisdom as well.

This is Day 24 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these suggestions do you consistently follow?  Which is the hardest for you to follow? I’d love to hear your stories.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 24 – Mama Knows Best (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Remember the magic words

• “Please”
• “Thank you”
• “You’re Welcome”
• When someone sneezes – offer “Bless You,” and then pass them a tissue
• When you pass someone in the hallway, say “excuse me”

These simple kindnesses will sweeten things up in no time.

Respond to voice mails and emails in a timely manner

I was listening to old voice mails earlier tho sweet and almost had a heart attack when I heard a message left 6 weeks ago – to which I had failed to respond! Arghhhh!!!  Have you noticed how easy it is to be rude in this technological world?  Let’s all be polite and respond promptly.  If you have forgotten to respond, pick up the phone and call the person immediately to rectify as best as you can.  Using Facebook, twitter, email, text messaging and cell phones properly can help you stay connected and communicating.  Be sure to use them thoughtfully.

Send notes in the mail

Thank you notes.  Congratulation notes. Thinking of You notes.  These all work really well.  My second job out of college (after leaving Capitol Hill) was as a Realtor.  (Of course, one listing and one sale in one year does not a realtor make – I waited tables to pay my bills.) But one lasting lesson I learned during that time was from my manager.  He suggested I get in the habit of looking for articles of interest to my clients – then clip them and send them on with a little note.  I did implement this idea, and have continued it to this day.

I do love it when I receive a little note – don’t you?  This week, you can be the one to brighten someone’s day with a well written note.

Lose the Profanity

When I was doing Improv Comedy, I quickly learned that getting fast and easy laughs with off-color language and innuendo was never the better choice.  It wasn’t the potty humor that lasted, instead it was the richer, more difficult comedy combinations that left the audience sated and replete from deep, tummy busting laughter.  Elevate your environment by eliminating the profanity and using better language.

So, put Mama’s words into action.  I’ll look forward to hearing about your sweetened environments.

This is Day 21 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  What’s your favorite “honey” to use?  When have you experienced the “honey” of others and how has it affected you?  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 21 – Pass the Honey Please (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

It was while working at an alternative school, she completed her Master’s degree in special education at Lynchburg College and a doctorate degree in Educational Leadership at the University of Virginia.  She has built Liberty University’s education program to include over 1000 students in the special education program.  Additionally, she has developed a love of sharing what God has laid on her heart over the years as a follower of Christ, a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and educator.  We are the benefactors of that love today.

Key Ideas:

Part 1:  Interview

• Moving through disappointing times
• The power of remembering
• Trust and Obey
• Flexibility and the importance of keeping a calendar
• How to handle negative feedback

Part 2: Dealing with Disappointments

• Remember the past – Wes King song, Remember
• Float instead of fight
• Have confidence in your creator
• Look to the future with Hope

Website links:

www.womenoffaith.com  This is a link to all of Beth’s blog posts for Women of Faith

www.liberty.edu  This is a link to the list of Beth’s blog posts for Liberty University

Beth’s Recommended Reading:

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change, by Stephen R. Covey

Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership: Seeking God in the Crucible of Ministry by Ruth Haley Barton

Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way by Shauna Niequist

Contact Beth:

Facebook:  Beth Ackerman

Encouraging Words of the Week:  

Isaiah 12:2   “Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.  The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a future and a hope.”

Question:  What was your favorite part of this interview?  What has been your biggest disappointment and what have you done to move through them?   I’d love to hear your stories, just leave a comment below.

The post #027: Beth Ackerman and Disappointments (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Consider these two requests you might hear from a coworker; “Debbie, I know you’re really, really busy and have a lot on your plate, but if it’s not too much trouble, and if you could maybe find the time, I could really use your help with this project if you think you might, maybe, be able to squeeze it into your crazy busy schedule.”  Alternatively; “Debbie, do you have 5 minutes? I would appreciate your input on this project.”  Which request would you be most inclined to answer in the affirmative?  Obviously, the second.  It’s to the point, respectful and clear.

Many times, people think they are just being “nice” when they are actually unnecessarily using padded words and phrases that irritate, annoy and reduce the impact of their comment or request.  Padded word and phrases have their appropriate uses – ask anyone married more than a year and they will agree to that – but in the workplace and as a communication rule – you will sabotage yourself if you routinely pad your words.  You will be perceived as being insecure, indecisive and interestingly enough, even as a manipulator.

So, how do you stop padding?  First, you want to edit your comments.  If the word or phrase doesn’t add value, omit it.  Secondly, make sure you’re choosing the most accurate words to convey your message.  I suggest you even consider using power words and phrases.  Consider the following lists of phrases and make note of those that seem familiar…

Words to lose:

• “If it’s not too much trouble…”
• “I know you’re really busy, but…”
• “I really hate to bother you, but…”
• “You probably don’t know the answer to this, but…”
• “I’m only the assistant, but I think…”
• “I know I’m the new person here, but…”
• “This is probably the wrong answer, but…”
• “It’s only my opinion, but…”

Words to use:  Power Phrases

• “I would like you to…”
• “Please finish this by…”
• “It would help me if you would…”
• “I suggest we…”
• “My experience has shown…”
• “Past practice indicates…”
• “The research points towards…”

And I’m sure you can add many more.  Now that you’re aware of the negative impact of padded words and phrases, I challenge you to be proactive in adding power phrases to your vocabulary.  You’ll be happy to watch your communication quotient soar.

This is Day 20 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which padded words do you find yourself using?  What can you use that will be more effective?  I’d love to hear your answers – just comment below.

The post Day 20 – Power Phrases (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

This is Day 19 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

The post Day 19 – Shine (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

I gave you an example of a dialogue with Tara yesterday.  Today I’m going to give you a fresh dialogue along with some guidelines to follow when having that difficult conversation.

1.  Be honest with yourself.  When someone is difficult, check in with yourself and ask, what is the real issue here?  For example, if Mary made a sarcastic comment in front of your team about the way you’re handling this month’s project, your first reaction might be anger.  But when you check in and are really honest, you’ll recognize that it was embarrassment and awkwardness you were experiencing in the moment.  Additionally, when you were “put down” in front of your team, you could be worried it could potentially minimize your authority as well.

2.  Be willing to be authentically transparent.  Tell Mary the way her behavior affected you.  You don’t have to go into a huge long explanation here – and be careful NOT to insert judgements or generalities here.  Don’t say – “Mary, you were a real jerk when you made that nasty comment about my work in front of my team this morning.”  That’s NOT what we’re looking for!  Instead, say “Mary, when you criticized my work in front of my team this morning I was really uncomfortable.”

3.  Tell her what you want her to do.  Sometimes I’ll hear people tell the difficult person they didn’t appreciate the difficult behavior and then stop the conversation.  Frankly, that does no good at all because most difficult people don’t even get that their behavior is a problem!  You must be specific and tell them what you want them to do.  “Mary, in the future, when you have feedback on my work, I would appreciate it if you would tell me privately.”  Short, specific and without judgements should do the trick.

This conversation may seem hard to do. But rest assured if you do not confront the difficult behavior it will continue.  Remember, that which is rewarded is repeated.  When you ignore their behavior it’s a way of rewarding their behavior.  Be sure to draw your own firm assertive lines so you don’t let the difficult people get the best of you.

I hope this mini-series on difficult people has been helpful.  I’ve enjoyed reminding myself of what works when I get confronted with behavior that’s upsetting to me.  I hope you will incorporate these ideas along with me, and let’s see our relationships blossom!

This is Day 18 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these suggestions have been most helpful to you?  Which can you implement? I’d love to hear your feedback.  Just leave your comments below.

The post Day 18 – Difficult People – Strategies and Solutions Part 3 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

In answer to my opening question, “Why are you here today?” an older man in the back row raised his hand.  As I called on “Bud”, I took a quick inventory.  I noticed the deeply etched lines of discontent framing his down-turned mouth.  His oversized hands were rough and callused and the wrinkles in his khaki work shirt mirrored those scored across his timeworn face.  As he stood, he placed his hands on his hips, thrust out his chest and loudly proclaimed, “Well, I’m the difficult person, and I’m here today to find out what you’re teaching, so when the people I work with try it on me, it won’t work!”  Hmmm….at least he was honest!

Does “Bud” sound familiar to you?  Difficult People.  Over the next few days I’m going to give you some suggestions for dealing effectively with them.  I’m going to help you bring out the best in  yourself first, then them, and even help you diffuse difficult interactions no matter who’s at fault.  Let’s get started with a few questions.

When you encounter a difficult situation with a difficult person, ask:

1.  Will this matter 5 years from now?  How often have you reacted to something in the moment only to realize later that it really didn’t matter in the big scheme of things?  Yet your reaction left disrupted relationships and hurt feelings.  Before you react, stop.  Take a deep breath and ask yourself this perspective reminding question.

2.  Who is getting the power here?  Sometimes, believe it or not, these difficult people just want to throw the behavior, words, attitude out there to see how we react.  (Interestingly, it’s the same thing my 10 year old does when she wants to see me jump!)  When I take the bait, I’m giving them what they want.  How about recognizing my reaction really gives them the power. Instead, let’s stop, and…

3.  How Can I Respond with the unexpected?  When I was verbally accosted at the gas pump last week by the oversized 40-year-old-surfer-dude on his way to the lake, I just laughed.  Based on his aggressive words, I’m sure he was looking for an argument.  But the whole situation was so ridiculous, laughter was my only possible response.  It stopped his aggression and I was left feeling slightly bemused rather than depleted by the incident.

Interestingly, these questions and behaviors are much easier to do with people you don’t know.  I think that’s because we’re so much more invested and connected with those in our close circle.  It’s that double whammy – we do what we don’t want to with those closest to our hearts!

So try these ideas out on your family and co-workers and see what happens.  I’ll love to hear your feedback.  Check back tomorrow for another set of strategies for dealing with difficult people.

P.S. Happy Birthday Dad!  75 Years Young.  And through the years when I’ve sometimes been the difficult person, you keep on being the most awesome Dad.  I love you!

This is Day 16 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these are you interested in trying?  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 16 – Difficult People – Strategies & Solutions (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

1. Will this matter 5 years from now?
2. Who is getting the power here?
3. How can I respond with the unexpected?

By asking these questions, you will remind yourself to respond, not react when engaging with the difficult person.  Now, let’s take a look at our actual conversations.

Have you noticed that sometimes a person becomes difficult in reacting to something you innocently said to them?  Well, following are a few key ideas you can employ to make sure your communication is assertive without inducing defensiveness and anger.

1.  Focus on the problem, not the person.  For example, you co-worker Tara is consistently tardy to work 3 of 5 mornings a week.  Her absence creates problems for you because when she’s not there, you have to handle her work load as well as your own.  Your tendency may be to focus on how irresponsible and lazy and self-absorbed you think Tara is by her chronic tardiness.  Instead, refocus and target the real problem here – don’t make a judgement about her – just focus on her behavior and how it is affecting you.  That way, when you talk with her about her behavior, you won’t be accusatory, you’ll just be able to focus on the facts of her behavior.

2.  Avoid absolutes and generalities.  Always, never, everyone, nobody, nothing, ever.  Do those words sound familiar to you?  Many of us are quick to assign an absolute and/or generality to a problem – like “Tara is always late.” or how about “Everyone knows you don’t really care about your job.”  These statements are most likely incorrect since few of us are always or never anything!  They are also general – and will not help solve the situation.  Stay specifically focused on the problem rather than create a defense response by throwing out glittering generalities and aggressive absolutes.

3.  Get specific.  Target the exact behavior that is bothering you.  For example, instead of saying to Tara, “You’re always late!”, begin your discussion by saying “Yesterday, when you were 10 minutes late to work…”  By getting specific about what you are talking about, and letting them know precisely what you are having trouble with, then you keep the discussion on track and targeted.  The more specific the better.

4.  Clearly state the specifics and then tell them what you would like to see them change.  For example, your conversation with Tara might begin like this; “Tara, when you were 10 minutes late to work 3 times last week I feel really frustrated. I have have to cover my work as well as your own.  I would appreciate it if you could be on time for work, or make arrangements for someone else to cover your duties until you arrive.”  Notice how specific that was?  It had complete facts as well as what I wanted her to do differently.

There’s so much we can talk about when it comes to clear, assertive communication to use especially when dealing with difficult people.  I’m out of room for today, but tomorrow I’m going to give you a few more ideas.  I’m so glad we’re only 1/2 way through the month!  There’s so much more good stuff left to discuss!

This is Day 17 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you have trouble staying specific?  What do you do to keep from using generalities and assumptions?  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 17 – Difficult People – Strategies and Solutions Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

2.  The Priority No.  This is the one you use with your boss.  When she comes running to you and asks you to drop what you’re doing and get to work immediately on this newer, higher priority project, here’s what you do.  Calmly pull out your list of priorities (discussed with and approved by your boss at the beginning of the current week), and ask her which of these other, prioritized items, she would like you to take off the list so that you can add her new priority project.

This little ploy will remind your boss that you are working off a priority list, and will either cause her to a) go find someone else to do the job – someone who is not working off a priority list, or b) re-think and re-assign the planned-on projects.  Either way, you in a good spot because you’re sticking to the projects as planned, and you won’t get penalized later for not finishing your priority list.

The one thing the Priority No requires is…yes, you guessed it…Priorities!  Even if you work in an environment where priorities are not discussed – or things are unorganized and randomly worked on, you personally, need priorities.  Take this opportunity to review what you are doing and make sure you are on track to reach your goals.  In order to reach your goals, my guess is that you’ll need to set priorities.  I love this method of saying no because it always pulls me back to what’s really important.  Now, I just have to remember to use it!

3.  The Full Plate No.  This is the one you use with your friends and co-workers when they want to rope you into another “good cause” for which you really don’t have time.  For example, for the past 5 years you have enjoyed organizing the office holiday party. This year, however, you have begun taking night classes and you are too overloaded to organize the party.  So, when they ask you about organizing the party again this year, you simply say, “Thank you for asking, however, my plate is really full right now, I’m going to have to pass on organizing the party this year.”

Notice how simple this is!  No long list of reasons or excuses, just a simple “no thank you.”  It’s a clean and simple get-away, and leaves everyone feeling positive.  This Full Plate No leaves you feeling empowered as you draw clear boundaries, and leaves the other person impressed you were able to clearly express your desires.

If saying No is a difficult area for you, I want to recommend a fabulous book by Lysa TerKeurst called The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands. This is a terrific, practical, best seller by one of my favorite women.  Lysa dives deeply into this topic and give you practical strategies you can put in place to make sure you are living out The Best Yes!

This is Day 15 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

I hope you’ve enjoyed these techniques to help you say No.  I’d love to hear your experience.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 15 – 3 Ways to Say NO, Nicely. Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Do you have trouble saying the ‘N’ word?  Do you find that because you can’t say NO, you end up involved in all sorts of things you don’t really want to do?  Or are you one of those people who has no difficulty saying No.  So much so, that people perceive you as self-centered and not a team player?  If you can relate, read on.

Following is the first of 3 ways to say No.  Using these ideas will help you build relationships rather than put a strain on them, while still making sure you end up doing only, and exactly, what you want to do.

1.  The 3×5 No.  Use this with someone you supervise, including your teenager!  Here’s an example from home.  You can take it and extrapolate it out for the office or whatever your situation.

Your daughter comes to you and says, “Mother, I have to get this $300.00 purse, and I have to get it now!”  Now you know that a $300 purse is not in the budget no way, no how, but you don’t want to say “NO!” again.  (Or if you are like I am, say “Are you out of your cotton-pickin’ mind?”) Ahem…

Instead, here’s how you handle it.  “Sweetheart,” you reply, “I want you to have this beautiful purse.  It’s gorgeous and stylish and I can see exactly why you want it.  My problem is that a $300 purse for you is not in our family budget.  Here’s what I would like you to do.  Take this 3×5 card.” (Hand it to her.)  “On one side you can write $300.00 purse and on the other side, I want you to list all the ways you can think of to pay for this $300.00 purse.  When the card is full of ideas, I want you to bring it back to me and we can discuss the options.”

The amazing thing about this method is how creative people can be when they really want something.  Your daughter will come up with all sorts of terrific ideas you would have never thought of ~ and because it’s her idea, she can’t complain about it later.  You will want to try this with your employee the next time they get negative about your solution to a problem.  Ask them to come up with alternatives and watch the positive energy rise.  Reminder — don’t use this one with your boss! 

This 3×5 No is a very empowering way to teach problem solving skills.  It’s also a great way to keep the environment positive and pro-active.  Check back for the next post when I’ll give you 2 more powerful suggestions.  Now, excuse me please, I have a call to make.  There’s a committee I’ve got to go extricate myself from…

This is Day 14 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you have difficulty saying No? I’d love to hear your experience. Just leave a comment below.

The post Day 14 – 3 Ways to Say NO, Nicely. Part 1 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Have you heard any of these phrases lately?  Negative, energy sucking, relationship tearing, and motivation zapping phrases seem to be all the vogue.  And it’s kind of hard not to be negative when you read the paper, listen to the radio and watch the news.  Holy cow!  Have things in this world ever been worse?

I’m going to suggest 3 simple ideas to keep you from letting that negativity bug get you down.  They are simple.  But they work.  Let’s take a closer look.

1.  Commit to yourself not to be one of the negative ones in your environment.  This is easier said than done, but “NO NEGATIVE” should be your internal command.  When you’re tempted to chime in to a negative discussion or make a negative comment, remind yourself of your commitment.  You can either say nothing or better yet, reframe it so you have something positive to say.

2.  Determine you will look for the good in every situation.  It’s amazing how this small choice can change your outcomes.  I think my Dad is a great example of someone who finds the good in every situation.  In 2003 he was diagnosed with stage 2 colon cancer.  Surgery removed all the cancer, but his physicians recommended chemotherapy.  As he was sitting in his home office on the morning of his first treatment, my Mother asked if she could do anything to help him get ready.  With a bright voice and shiny eyes, my Dad replied, “I don’t think so.  I’ve got the new Clive Cussler book I’ve been wanting to read and the brand new Straight Ahead Big Band CD I’ve been wanting to listen to.  You know, I’ve never done anything like this before.  I think this could be kind of fun!”

Yes, that’s right, FUN.  Wow!  What an attitude.  Before you say, how ridiculous to be so positive and light hearted about something so serious, stop a minute and think.  No matter the outcome, wouldn’t it make your time pass more enjoyably if you had a positive outlook rather than a negative one?  And study after study shows the importance of a positive outlook on outcomes.  Interestingly enough, today my Dad is a fit, healthy 75.  Better than before and cancer free.  I’m thankful.

I know many people do have negative outcomes even with a positive outlook.  I have a friend who just lost her father to cancer, and I don’t know of anyone who had a more positive spirit and deeply felt faith.  Bad things happen. But the idea here is to look for the good no matter how bad the situation.  It will benefit you and others.  And who knows, it might even positively affect your outcome.

3.  Get back on the positive wagon.  We all succumb to negativity at one time or another.  So the real success comes in recommitting yourself to a positive outlook so you can have a life of joy.  If there’s a deeper problem and you find yourself living in negativity, I’d encourage you to get to a health care provider ASAP so you can get some help climbing out of the pit.  Go for a walk, listen to some favorite music, jump on the trampoline with your kids.  Do what you can to jump back on that wagon.  Life is too short to spend it bound in negativity.

This is Day 13 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

I hope these will help you when you find yourself tempted to get negative.  Question:  How do you overcome negativity? I’d love to hear your comments – just leave them below.

The post Day 13 – How to Squash the Negativity Bug (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Did you know that in the world of communication and relationships there is also a plague?  It is a plague that goes largely unnamed and unchecked – a plague that affects virtually every one of us.  Despite it’s alarming range, there are not many of us yet immune to it and its devastating effects.  Most of us have even been guilty, at some point, of not only being a carrier of this disease – but of actively passing it on to someone else!  What is it you ask?  The problem is the plague of giving unsolicited advice.

Are you a carrier?  Have you been infected?  Or have you been inoculated just enough to make you immune to it from others, but still wickedly powerful in your ability to spread its devastation?  Not sure?  Then read on…

Definition:  Unsolicited Advice is when you offer your opinions, suggestions or ideas to someone about something they are doing or planning, before they ask for your input.  I know most of us have excellent motives when we offer up these little truffles and tidbits of testimony.  But if you are brutally honest with yourself, you’ll recognize how frequently your unrequested suggestions are rebuffed or brushed away, not to mention met with defensiveness and ultimately rejection.  So, what’s the cure?

Ask:  What gives me the right?  This cure was found in the extremely helpful book by Doris Wild Helmering, Being Ok Just Isn’t Enough: The Power of Self-Discovery .  Ms. Helmering suggests that this is the first question you should ask before you open your mouth.

Ask yourself…What give me the right to tell my friend where to park as we’re circling the mall looking for a parking spot?  What gives me the right to tell my co-worker how to “more effectively” do the project he’s working on? Or how about this…What gives me the right to tell my husband how to trim the bushes?

Ooooh!  Got your attention on that last one didn’t I?  You probably responded – “But I have the right because it’s my yard too!”  And you would be correct.  You do have the right.  In my part 2 of this post, I’ll elaborate on how to process this – when you do have the right to give unsolicited advice.  The question becomes…should you?  I propose that when you don’t have the right, that is, it’s none of your business, you keep your mouth shut and your opinions to yourself.  But when you do have the right.  I also propose you ask yourself a few questions before you open your mouth and spout your opinion or suggestion.  Check out the next post for what those questions are…

This is Day 11 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you give unsolicited advice?

The post Day 11 – A Widespread Plague (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key #2 ~ Follow:  Follow first with silence and then with open ended questions.  Think back to your favorite listener.  Let me ask you, does the person who came to mind give you lots and lots of space around your sentences?  Do they let you have a pause at the end of your thoughts?  I’ll bet they do.  That’s called following with silence.  That’s probably the main reason you think of them as a great listener too.

You can do this too.  During a conversation consciously be quiet and allow a space (I try for 3 seconds) to follow after the person you listening to says something.  A funny thing will happen when you do this.  Either they realize they have more to say – and say it, or they’re finished with their thought and they’re waiting for your followup.  Being an active listener – then they don’t speak after 3 seconds, you follow up with an open-ended question.  That is, a question that cannot be answered with a yes or no answer.  This will keep the conversation moving forward and they will feel heard.

Key #3 ~ Feedback: This is the final step you can do when you are an active listener.  You can give feedback by reflecting with your body and reflecting with your words.  Think of the concept of mirroring the person speaking.  They tilt their head, you tilt your head.  They lean right, you lean left.  Basically, you’re matching their movements.

Did you know that people like people who are “like themselves?”  Think of your best friends.  Aren’t they similar to you in many ways?  The same thing holds true with listening.  People like to engage in conversation with people who are “like them.”  Now, don’t be a dork!  This isn’t the game my 2nd grader played tonight at the dinner table where he mimicked my every word and behavior!  Just do it gently with your body and then with your words.  When they comment, “We’re going to Hawaii for our vacation.”  You can reply, “Oh, so you’re going to Hawaii, how exciting!”  This confirms for them that you are listening and interested.  You show you are interested by giving them this verbal reflection.

Focus, Follow and Feedback. Three simple steps to energize yourself towards Active Listening.  Try it and see what happens.  I guarantee, when you commit to this behavior, you’ll see deepened relationships and more productive communication.

This is Day 10 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these 3 types of active listening behaviors are your favorite to use?  To be the recipient of?  I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comment below.

The post Day 10 – Active Listening: Following and Feedback (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Our conversation got off to a good start with a discussion of current events.  The talk moved to the problem of the Sandinistas in Nicaragua and in those days before the Iran Contra affair became known to all, it was natural to ask the Congressman what ideas he had for dealing with them.  When he gave his answer, I immediately piped up with, “But why do you think that would work when we’ve tried it before and it failed?”  He immediately leaned way back in his chair, crossed his arms behind his reclining head, swung his crossed legs up onto the top of his desk and fired back, “What do you think we should do?”  Clearly, he was not interested in my answer, nor was he receptive to anything I might have to say.  Considering I was just 20 and more than a little intimidated by this show of “manliness” I quickly responded, “I don’t know, you’re the Congressman.”

Needless to say, that was the end of that discussion and we moved on to other topics and the meeting was over not long after.  What happened there was a beautiful display of how NOT to listen.  Congressman Kemp’s dramatic body language put form to his feelings.  He had no interest in meeting with us or hearing what we had to say.  So since he couldn’t say that to his scheduler, he dramatically let us know we needed to get moving.

So, how do you avoid the same mistake in Listening?  I believe there are 3 key things you can do to be an active listener.  Focus, Follow and Feedback.  Today we’re going to look at how to focus.

Key #1:  Focus ~~ Focus with your body first and then your mind.  This is how you do it:  Uncross your arms and legs.  If you are sitting, lean slightly forward, about 7 degrees forward. When your body is open and you’re tilted slightly forward towards the speaker, it conveys you are interested in what the other person has to say.  This posture also helps you focus your mind on the immediate conversation. Your mind will be less likely to wander to your grocery list, or who is picking up the kids from school, or what you are going to do with that problem employee.  Instead, you’ll be laser focused on the conversation.  Note:  do not do this forward lean if you are standing — people will move away from you because you’ll be invading their space.

Oftentimes people are resistant to truly focusing during a conversation and will instead, take the opportunity to multitask.  What’s so interesting is that just this past week, research has emerged that Multitasking actually Damages Your Brain!  Yes! Can you believe it?  You can read more about it here.  When I saw this article, I recommitted to focusing more intently, especially during conversations.  Check back on tomorrow for part 2 on active listening.

This is Day 9 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

How about you?  Do you focus when you are listening or are you a multitasker?  I’d love to read your comments below!

The post Day 9 – Active Listening: Focus (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

And do you know, his behavior problems “magically” disappeared, and she ended up having a great year…with the whole class.  You see, she had the same conversation with each student, and they all rose to her vision and expectations for them.  In the business world, we call this using Praise, Rewards and Recognition to develop your people.  At home, I call it helping myself stay sane.  Do you realize people respond to your expectations?  In study after study, scientists have observed the power of positive expectations. So whether you need this technique at home or work or both, let’s take a look at how you can bring out the best with positive expectations.

Praise:  Look for positives and respond.  Once, while I was doing a training in Arkansas, a supervisor from the Little Debbie factory raised her hand and said, “My workers are working hard at a difficult and repetitive job on an assembly line.  I always like to catch ’em doing something right!”  You can bet she had motivated and empowered workers.

In order to come across as authentic with your praise, makes sure it is both sincere and specific.  People believe you are sincere with your praise when you are specific.  For example, if you tell your employee, “I really appreciate you.  I know you’ve put in a lot of extra time on this project and I appreciate it.  Thank you for your hard work and your attention to detail.”  Your employee will be energized and motivated to do even more.  And I must add, with certain employees, a letter spelling out this praise will be most highly valued of all.

We know people work harder for praises than raises.  Most importantly though, they will know you sincerely appreciate them…you told them so with Praise.

Recognition and Rewards:  Create an environment for people to look good!  When you walk in the door of the Arbonne International headquarters, almost the first thing you see is a huge wall filled with pictures of top achievers in the company.  These achievers are recognized for their accomplishments.

Focus positive attention on the quality of work and keep it there.  My 5th grade daughter is intensely focused on getting all her homework finished on time, and finished perfectly so she can participate in her teachers’ “Friday Rewards”.  And the even bigger goal is the “Perfect week, Perfect month” reward.  And on top of that, each test holds the potential of receiving a “Big Cookie” for a 98% or higher on the test.  Her teacher has tapped into the power of recognition and rewards for her 4th and 5th graders.

There are all kinds of way you can incorporate Praise, Recognition and Rewards into your communication life.  If you’re short on ideas, I recommend a book called The Carrot Principle: How the Best Managers Use Recognition to Engage Their People, Retain Talent, and Accelerate Performance by Adrian Gostick and Chester Elton. It’s loaded with great ideas you can implement immediately both at work and home.

This is a perfect time to re-commit to the power of positive.  Love the people in your life this way.  They will thank you and both morale and satisfaction will soar.  And a brand new resource to help you stay positive is Crystal Paine’s (Money Saving Mom) Choose Gratitude: Blessings Journal. There’s nothing like focusing on the good to help you stay positive.

This is Day 8 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you find it easy to focus on the positive this way?  What are some good ways you have given praise, recognition and rewards?

The post Day 8 – The Power of Positive (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Quiz:

1. Has anyone ever told you they “didn’t know how you would take it,” so they avoided telling you important information until after the fact?
2. Do you have difficulty giving people a second chance, because you expect perfection the first time?
3. Have you ever brought up something someone said a long time ago and used it in a current conversation to make your point?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, read on for a reminder of the elements required for a safe and healthy garden that fosters powerful communication.

Soil – Authenticity.  How authentic are you?  Are you the same person regardless of the situation?  As a leader, do you operate the same way with your staff as you do with your peers?  Do you share your own struggles and challenges with your team or do you create a façade of of perfection?  If you struggle with showing your true self, then you need to focus on being Authentic.  It’s the foundation.

Water – Give Grace.  Grace means “Undeserved favor performed out of your good will.”  Do you give others the benefit of the doubt or do you wait for them to flub up so you can point out their error?  Do you choose to give people second chances?  This doesn’t mean you have unhealthy boundaries.  It’s just you accept that people are flawed, and you’re willing to allow them to be less than perfect, and maybe even help them recover when they have failed.  Healthy environments require finding ways to give grace, just like water, daily.

Fertilize – Encourage Communication.  When you encourage communication, people feel safe talking with you.  They know conversations are confidential.  They know you listen for meaning, not just to gain information to use later.  You also recognize that sometimes people just have to verbally process in order for them to synthesize the information they have received.  You are also willing to share of yourself.  You’re not closed and unwilling to reveal yourself to them.  Communication flows both ways.

Making sure to include these elements into your everyday environment is hard work.  But it’s worth it when you begin to see your relationships blossom and grow strong so that that not only will they withstand life’s stresses but will flourish in the midst of them.

This is Day 7 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

What kind of communication environment are you cultivating?  Are you intentional with any of these 3 key elements?  I’d love to hear your experiences.  Just leave a comment below.

The post Day 7 – Flourish (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Monotone Mary – Mary never gets very excited about anything.  Her pitch rarely varies more than a few levels in either direction and her volume stays specifically just below the medium level.  When she talks, it’s easy to forget what she said immediately after she says it because everything sounds the same.  You have to guess what’s most important to her because there’s no emphasis in her speech.  She’s kind of like that recorded message at the airport that warns you not to leave your baggage unattended.  Easy to ignore and relegate into background noise.

Sarcastic Sam – Sam’s the master of double meanings.  When he asks a question or gives a comment, the thick sarcastic tone usually causes you to doubt how he wants you to answer.  Sam thinks he’s funny because of his sarcastic “wit” but his negative commentary is very wearing.  In meetings, he’s free with inflection laden suggestions, usually at the expense of another.  When he’s confronted about his comments, he always denies he said anything wrong. And let’s face it, technically, the words were fine; it was the sarcasm suffocating them that stopped productive communication.

Excitable Ed — Ed is always excited about everything!  You hear him before you see him!  There are lots of exclamation points in his delivery!  His volume is as high as his energy!  He emphasizes various words to make his points, and there are a lot of points to make!  He tends to be positive, but hasn’t come to understand that too much of a good thing is too much!  He makes you tired.  You tune him out because it’s ALL! TOO! MUCH!!

Conversational Callie – Callie is a master communicator.  She uses a variety of pitches and volumes when she speaks.  She draws you in.  Her lower and slower tone of voice attracts your attention…and then she delivers her message with power and humor.  She knows that variety is truly the spice of life, and when she speaks she harnesses that variety so you stay engaged.  Rarely does she speak with sarcasm, so if the joke is on someone, it’s on herself.  You like being around Callie because she uses her tone to build up others and strengthen her message.

I hope these examples have reminded you of what kind of tone can be most effective.  Notice your own tone, and ask yourself if you are communicating the way you really want to, or if you’ve fallen into bad habits.

This is Day 6 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Which of these do you think you most closely resemble?  What are some ways you can become more like Callie?  I’d love to hear your comments, just leave them below.

The post Day 6 – Create Your Perfect Voice Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

This is a throwback for sure (remember when Andre Agassi had hair!)…but is it still true?  We could debate this idea for eons, but when all is said and done, the bottom line is that our image plays a powerful roll in how we interact with others.  My guess is that most of you reading this would really like to create a positive and professional image whether you are CEO of a large corporation or CEO of your home.

With that in mind, if you want to be perceived as a powerful communicator, here are 3 key suggestions:

1.  Be clear.  Ambiguity may have it’s place in poetry or novels, but for interpersonal communication ambiguity leads to mis-understandings.  If you want something accomplished, say it in terms that are clear and definite.  Don’t beat around the bush.

Unclear:   “I could sure use some help around here.”

Clear:  “Please clear the table, put the dishes in the dishwasher and take out the trash.”

Ask:  How can I make my conversation clearer?

2.  Be concise.  There’s nothing worse that someone who rambles on and on and on and on and… well, you get the picture.  Sometimes we ramble because we are nervous about getting an answer we don’t want.  Just spit it out.

Rambling:  “If it’s possible, and you’re not too busy, and I know you really have a lot to do, but I could really use your help, if you could just take a sec and look at this project and see if I’m on the right track, because it’s the first time I’ve done anything like this, if it’s not too much trouble.”

Concise:  “Do you have 5 minutes?  There’s a project I’d like to get your input on.”

Ask:  How can I be more concise?

3.  Be committed.  Don’t hedge.  A hedge, according to Phyllis Mindell, a recognized expert on women and language, is when you “hide behind words, refuse to commit oneself.”  Women tend to do this more than men. These words don’t add meaning, they just add to the sentence – in an effort to soften the sentence.  When you commit to clear, concise communication, you will be able to omit these.

Hedging:  “Well, I would really like us to start the meeting at 8:00am, if it’s not too inconvenient for everyone.”

Committed: “The meeting starts at 8:00am, and I expect everyone to attend.

Ask:  What words can I omit and still retain the meaning?

It’s not easy to speak with clarity and intention.  I want to encourage you to put these 3 ideas into practice and see if you get better results.  I know you will enjoy creating a positive, professional communication image.

This is Day 4 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question: What do you think about this?  Do you believe it will work? Have you tried any of these before and if so, what were your results?  I’d love your feedback! You can comment below.

The post Day 4 – Your Communication Image (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1:  Interview

• There is power in community
• Enthusiasm is contagious
• The beauty of an early morning ritual
• Keeping sane with sleep, exercise, friendship and the Word

Part 2: How to be Extravagantly Generous

1. Start with what you have – talents, time, ideas, stuff
2. Look for ways to help – hint, you don’t have to start it.   Amy’s website has some great suggestions
3. Pick a week to eat from the pantry/freezer, and with your kids, pick out a way to be generous with the grocery money
4. Discuss what being it would look like for your family to be extravagantly generous – then pick something to DO to live it out
5. Don’t wait

Website links:

Amy L. Sullivan  Amy’s website with load of great information here.

Amy’s Recommended Reading and Resources:

When More is Not Enough – How to Stop Giving Your Kids What They Want and Give Them What They Need, by Amy L. Sullivan  How important is this?!  Very!

15 Ways to Make Love Impossible, by Lori and Steven McClure  – watch for their upcoming interview on our podcast in a few weeks.

Start A Snowball – Helping Kids do Good  What an excellent resource for your family!

Encouraging Word of the Week:  1 Timothy 6:17-19 (The Message)   “Tell those rich in this world’s wealth to quit being so full of themselves and so obsessed with money, which is here today and gone tomorrow.  Tell them to go after God, who piles on all the riches we could ever manage, to do good, to be rich in helping others, to be extravagantly generous.  If they do that, they’ll build a treasury that will last, gaining life that is truly life.”

Question:  What was your favorite part of this interview?  What are you doing to teach and train your kids how to implement giving into their everyday lives?  I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.

The post #025: Amy L. Sullivan – When More is Not Enough and Extravagant Generosity (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Sometimes people say charisma is something you’re either born with or you’re not.  I think it’s even simpler that that. Yes, it may be easier for some people, but the reality is that most people who are perceived as having charisma do certain things that create that perception.

So, here are my Top 5 hallmarks of a charismatic person:

1. Confidence.  They don’t apologize for being themselves.  They embrace it.  They don’t think they’re too short, too tall, too fat, too thin, too bald, too much hair, too old, too young.  They’ve stopped all that nonsense cold.  Charismatic people know that the best version of me, is me!  So they embrace it.  And then they own it.   Confidence is contagious.  That’s charismatic.
2. Ask questions.  One of the most noticeable attributes of a charismatic person is that they make you feel like you are special.  They are really INTO you.  They don’t just rattle on about how awesome they are, they focus on you and ask you questions about yourself.  .  They ask open ended questions (more on that in a later post) and wait eagerly for your answer.  Get really good as asking questions.  That’s charismatic.
3. Listen well.  Another striking quality of charismatic people is how well they listen.  When you are talking, they are not busy formulating answers or thinking of the next question (remember, they are confident), instead they are 100% focused in on you as you answer their question.  They listen for ways to connect and relate.  Become a good listener.  That’s charismatic.
4. Have something interesting to say.  A key element of a charismatic person is how they seem to always have an engaging tidbit to share.  They pay attention to the world, and people are interested in their observations.  They read books, blogs, and newspapers.  They listen to podcasts and radio and even occasionally go to movies or watch TV.  So when it’s time to talk, they are interesting.  That’s charismatic.
5. Laugh at yourself.  Don’t take yourself so seriously!  Charismatic people understand the power of laughter and the first joke is always on them. So learn how to be funny and start with yourself.  Look for the humor in daily life and share.  Everyone loves to laugh, and charismatic people lead and leave with laughter.  That’s charismatic.

Can you tell that the magic secret to charisma is really,  Seek to be interested more than interesting.  That’s it.  That’s the secret.  All these things I’ve listed are really ways to show you are interested in others.  Simple. Easy to practice.  You can do it.  That’s charismatic.

This is Day 2 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  What do you think makes someone charismatic?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 3 – How to Be Charismatic…Hint – it’s not what you think it is (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Not only were we 2 of the most “seasoned” mothers, at that roundup, ahem, but despite the height of that shoe heel, we were also kindred spirits.  Over the intervening 6 years, I’m happy to say my first impression of Maureen was spot on.  She is darling. She is definite. She is daring!

The statistics say we have about 7 seconds to make a first impression.  How are you doing?  Maureen did a lot of things right to create a positive first impression with me.  She’s a business owner and she knows the power of impact.  Here are a few things you can do to get off on the right foot. Ahem.

1. Stand up straight and smile.  There’s something about a smile that invites a positive response.  You immediately signal you are friendly and open and ready to start something good.
2. Stick out your right hand, say your name and give a nice handshake.  You can almost never go wrong by initiating the handshake.  In our American culture, a handshake is a universal clue that you want to get the conversation started.  (More on handshakes in a later post.)
3. Lean towards the person you are meeting.  Sheryl Sandberg had it right when she said “Lean In”.  Your body will send your message of interest loud and clear before you even say a word.
4. Look them in the eye.   As I’m training my kids how to meet new people, the hardest thing for them to understand is the power of looking the other person in the eye.  They want to hang their head and mumble. Each time I force gently encourage them to lift their head and look the other person in the eye as they are introducing themselves.
5. Speak up.  When you say your name, say it clearly.  Nothing is worse than having to ask, “What was your name again?”  Make sure that as you introduce yourself you are projecting your voice towards them.

The bottom line is that creating an awesome first impression is a lot easier than you might think.  It’s really all about the other person.  When you ask yourself, “How can I give them what they need so they feel comfortable entering into a conversation with me?”, you’re on the right track.

Interesting, isn’t it. When we take our eyes off ourselves and put them on the other person, we’re bound to win.  Oh, and some awesome shoes will always help too.

This is Day 2 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  What do you do intentionally to create a positive first impression?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Just leave a comment below.

The post Day 2: First Impressions (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

But a networking event is a perfect opportunity to meet people in a relaxed and fun environment. So whether you’re headed to back-to-school night or a Chamber of Commerce Mixer, these ideas will help you feel more comfortable, have more fun and might even afford you an opportunity you never expected. Let’s take a deep breath and here we go:

1.  Smile.  This is the most obvious, yet I am continually surprised at how few people actually do it.  Not only will it put others at ease when they look at you, but an open smile is a great way break the ice when you don’t know anyone.

2.  Pretend you are the host.  This mindset will help you be friendly to everyone.  Think what you would do if all these people were in your house. You would do your best to make sure each person had a good time – and that they were introduced to each other, right? Do the same at the event and your comfort level will rise dramatically.

3.  As you approach people, stick out your hand, smile again and say, “Hi, I’m (insert your first name here).”  That’s it.  Super easy.  And most of the time, the person you approach will respond with their name.  If they are in a group, even better. You can meet all of them.

4.  Ask questions and listen!  I can’t stress how important this is.  Most people are too busy thinking of how to impress the person they are talking with to bother really listening.  Listen for connections.  Connections between yourself, people you know and the person speaking.  Listen for ways you can connect people together.

5.  Have your business cards handy.  I usually put mine in a pocket so I’m not digging through my purse when it’s time to exchange cards.  If you want the card of the person you’re talking with, ask.  “Do you have a card?” Most people will be happy to give you their card, and then you can give them yours in exchange.  Then for an extra bonus, tweet them after the party with a mention of how nice it was to meet them at the event.  I find my tweets get a lot more response than emails these days.

Most of all…have fun.  Meeting new people can be a real blessing to your life. When you remember that everyone in the room feels pretty much as awkward as you do, just by adjusting your mindset to be one of service (how can I connect others?) you’ll set yourself up for a positive and successful networking experience. I’ll be trying these tips myself as I head to the the Podcast Movement Conference in Dallas this week. I’ll let you know how they work.

Question: How do you overcome nerves when you are in a new environment? What are your best strategies? I’d love to hear your tips and suggestions!

The post 5 Steps to Avoid Awkward appeared first on Christy Largent.

She was missing a key element for success, not just in work, but in life.  That key element is the ability to navigate the “soft skills” or “interpersonal skills.” Following are the top 5 elements you must master as you seek to grow your influence and develop professionally in this area.

1. Listening Skills.  Are you a good listener?  Do you follow along in conversations, or distractedly check your emails when you’re not talking?  I did a post (here) on this topic.  Review it if you would like to brush up on this most important of skills.  I believe listening is probably the most important skill you can use to improve your relationships at work and home.  Like the old saying goes, “God gave you 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason, you should listen twice as much as you talk.”
2. The ability to Navigate through Conflict.  Do you know how to speak out about uncomfortable or hot button topics?  Are you assertive?  (Not aggressive or passive.) Assertiveness is speaking the truth – even hard truths – calmly and confidently.  Often times I see people get stuck in destructive patterns of backbiting and blaming rather than assertively addressing the issues that invariably arise.  If you need a difficult conversation format to follow, check out my post here. When you learn how to speak the truth in love, you’ll be amazed at how you are able to resolve issues and work through conflict.
3. Do what you say you will do.  This point can be called trustworthiness, integrity or authenticity.  Regardless of what you call it, this point is all about being a woman or man of your word.  Even when it’s not comfortable or easy, you can develop the habit of following through the way you said you would.  We all know that people like this are few and far between.  By committing to be a person of commitment, you are already setting yourself apart as unique and special.
4. Generosity.  The best way to show generosity is to focus on others rather than on yourself.  When we turn the focus outward rather than inward, we show that it’s not all about us.  When we are willing to be generous to forgive mistakes, we develop trust relationships with others.  Think “win-win” whenever you have to negotiate.  It’s always better to err on the side of generosity. Check out Give and Take for more on the topic of giving.
5. Sense of Humor.  This is my favorite. (Just listen to my podcast and you’ll see why immediately.)  I love to laugh.  I usually laugh at myself first.  By not taking myself too seriously, I open the door to honest communication, as most people recognize that a bit of “lightening up” can effectively raise morale and boost productivity. I have found that those who are willing to laugh at themselves are also those who can get past the imperfections of others, creating an atmosphere of freedom and willingness to risk looking stupid.

Why not start working on these skills today?  I guarantee you will be very happy with the results as you experience improved relationships and increased opportunities.

Question:  Which of these are the most difficult for you? Which are the easiest?  What do you think about the importance of soft skills to life success?

The post The Top 5 Interpersonal Skills You Need to Succeed at Work and Home appeared first on Christy Largent.

A leader in the tech community she is an entrepreneur and visionary.  Her most recent start up, Build-it Redding, was nominated for the Northern California State Educator of the Year Award in 2013.

Key ideas from her interview:

• Know your strengths and weaknesses and build a team around you to support you in those
• Build relationships first, then all the rest follows
• There is tremendous power in systems – both at work and home

Favorite Book Resource: The 4-Hour Workweek, Expanded and Updated, by Tim Ferriss

Website:  www.builditredding.com

Part 2:  Strategies for Navigating Difficult Conversations

Each Personality Style will approach a difficult conversation differently:

• Yellow – Sunshine Sally:  Avoid and ignore it, cajole the other person into forgetting it
• Red – Action Annie:  She will use force and potentially anger to “bully” someone into seeing it her way
• Blue – Detailed Danielle: She will be passive aggressive as a way to manipulate, or might even withdraw to avoid it all together
• Green – Peaceful Patty:  She will pretend there’s no problem, using procrastination to control until it all blows sky high.

Here is a format you can use to navigate the conversation no matter what your style!

When you – fill in specific action that’s bothering you.

I feel – name the emotion

Because – elaborate on emotion, why you feel that way

I want you to – changed behavior you want to see

Encouraging word of the week:  Romans 12:18  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Good luck with this new way of communicating!  I would love to hear your results.  Just leave your comments in the box below.

The post #006: Faye Hall Interview along with Strategies for Difficult Conversations (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

If you’ve still got questions about how to handle the people in your life, then you’ll want to listen to this final podcast on the personality styles.  In this episode, we’ll conclude our conversation on how to “Fill the Need Tank” of the last two personalities. (For Part 1 on needs, listen to episode #4).

Episodes #2 and #3 covered how to recognize these people in your life.  For more information on that, please listen to those podcasts.

Give the Powerful Choleric – (Action Annie)

• A sense of control
• “Nutshell”
• Credit for their work
• Appreciation

Give the Popular Sanguine – (Sunshine Sally)

• Attention
• Approval
• Acceptance
• Affection (at home ONLY!)

For more information on this topic, I highly recommend a book by Florence Littauer,  Personality Plus. You can get it here.

The biggest takeaway I want you to have from this whole overview is that nobody is wrong – they are just different.  Once you know and understand these different styles and their accompanying needs, you’re better able to build positive connections and enjoy purposeful living.  Stay tuned each week as I add to this topic with tips for working together, diffusing problem behavior,  bringing out the best in others and much more.

Question:  What has been your biggest “Aha” from this series?  How do you think it will improve your life?

The post #005: Understanding Why They Drive You Crazy! Part 2 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Episodes #2 and #3 covered how to recognize these people in your life.  For more information on that, please listen to those podcasts.  This podcast and #5 will cover how to “Fill the Need Tank” (in the words of Stephen Covey).

Give the Peaceful Phlegmatic – (Peaceful Patty)

• Lack of Conflict – use a  Low Tone of Voice and Keep a Lack of Intensity in your voice
• Listen to them carefully (Spend time listening)

Give the Perfect Melancholy – (Detailed Danielle)

• Lots and lots and lots of Details
• Time and Space to process those details
• Be specific to show you are sincere

For more information on this topic, I highly recommend the book by Florence Littauer, Personality Plus.  You can get it here.

Be sure to check back for my next episode, or better yet, go to iTunes, subscribe and download the whole series!  It’s all free and I promise you’ll love it.

Question:  What’s a way you’ve been able to fill someone’s emotional tank?  How has it impacted your relationship with the person?  Please leave your thoughts below.

The post #004: Understanding Why They Drive You Crazy! Part 1 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

The study of The Personalities is very old – dating all the way back to Hippocrates in about 400B.C.  He started it, and still today we are wondering why people act the way they do.  Florence Littauer has written the most user-friendly book on the subject that I have found.  You can find Personality Plus Here.  Back to Hippocrates, he categorized people into 4 basic styles:

Sanguine, Choleric, Phlegmatic and Melancholy.  Today we  still find it useful to recognize these general categories.

In this podcast, I explain in detail about the Powerful Choleric – “Action Annie” and the Peaceful Phlegmatic – “Peaceful Patty”.  If you want to get the full picture of these styles, be sure to listen to the podcast episode 002 for the details.

Powerful Choleric (Red) – Action Annie:  You know her because she is;

• High Energy
• Strong with her words and gestures
• Functional for optimum performance

Her motivator is to BE IN CONTROL!!

Peaceful Phlegmatic (Green)- Peaceful Patty:  You know her because she is;

• Laid Back and Easy Going
• Great sense of Dry Humor
• Great Listener

Her motivator is PEACE AT ANY PRICE!!

The styles basically work together so that you have one dominate with a supporting style.  The natural combinations (which can vary between the two as to most dominant) are:

• Sally Sunshine (Yellow) dominant with Action Annie (Red) secondary or Red dominant with Yellow secondary
• Action Annie (Red) dominant with Detailed Danielle (Blue) secondary or Blue dominant with Red secondary
• Detailed Danielle (Blue) dominant with Peaceful Patty (Green) secondary or Green dominant with Blue secondary
• Peaceful Patty (Green) dominant with Sally Sunshine (Yellow) secondary or Yellow dominant with Green secondary

Remember, you can change positions but you’ll never change teams.  It’s a learning journey.  Hopefully, we are all growing and changing every day.  For more details on this topic, be sure to listen to episode 002, and then check back for episodes 004-005 when I’ll go in to specifics on what to do with these people!  It will be entertaining and educational.  I promise.  After all, I’m a yellow!

P.S. If you haven’t subscribed to these podcasts, please go to iTunes and subscribe.  Then download the episodes so you’re up to date.  Thank you so much!!

Question:  Which of these 4 styles we’ve covered are you?  What are your challenges? What’s easy for you?  How has your style helped you at work and home?  Please leave your answer below.

The post #003: Understanding The Personalities Part 2 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

I’ll plan to post the podcast on Thursday morning of each week. If you subscribe, you will automatically get every episode for free.

So let’s get started!  This first episode is introducing myself and explaining what I hope to offer you each week.

Please tell me what you think!  And if you want to help get the word out, go to iTunes and give me a rating.  Every single one counts!

The post #001: Very First Episode of Encouraging Words for Working Moms Podcast! appeared first on Christy Largent.

Needless to say, when I finally pulled up to the service window, my stress was palpable and I fear I uttered a few not-too-kind words about that pesky Suburban driver.  Imagine my surprise when the Barista, Ashley, responded with solace and a gift along with my eagerly awaited coffee. Instead of stark raving mad, I left that drive-through a raving fan.

What did she do?  She followed a few classic recovery suggestions.  Here are the steps she took that you can take too…

Step #1:  Apologize and Acknowledge you goofed up.  It’s amazing how the words “I’m sorry” can get everyone back on the right track.  Begin with the admission that you did something wrong.  Be careful not to say “I’m sorry you feel that way”.   If you say that, you’re actually shifting the blame to them and away from yourself.  Now is the time to suck it up and apologize.  That’s what the sweet barista Ashley did for me, and she immediately calmed my ruffled feathers.

Step #2:  Put your Listening Ears on and Ask open ended questions, Listen to the answers and then Empathize.  Be careful you don’t jump straight to the fixing portion before you do this step.  Everyone wants to feel heard, and when you take the time to ask and listen first, you’ll be able to move forward with little resistance.  Ashley let me vent and she then calmly moved to step #3, showing me she understood my frustration.

Step #3:  Fix the Problem.  Stat!  After listening, that’s when you want to jump in and fix it as quickly as possible.  Address the specific issue and be as detailed as possible.  Once you have fixed the problem, you should quickly move to Step #4 – which is what Ashley did…

Step #4:  Offer Atonement.  Even before Ashley  gave me my coffee, she reached out and handed me a coupon for a free coffee of my choice anytime, anywhere.  Wow!  I didn’t expect that, but her swift gift (and tiny $5 cost max to the company) did a world of good.  Although I was still late, I was mollified by her thoughtful gesture. Atonement shows you really care.

Step #5  Follow up.  Although Ashley and Starbucks couldn’t do this, most of you can.  After you’ve fixed the problem, be sure to call and follow up in a timely (2-3 days) manner.  Showing you care with this follow up phone call will, I promise, be unexpected and very appreciated.  The extra good part of that phone call is that you’ll get to hear first hand how they are doing with the fix – and make sure they are ok.

Even the most conscientious people occasionally flub up and give poor customer service.  Following this 5 step process will indeed compensate for falling short and convert your clients into Raving Fans.

Question:  What exceptional customer service recovery have you received, or not?  How did it leave you feeling about that company?  Leave your stories below.  I can’t wait to hear from you!

The post 5 Steps From Stark Raving Mad to Raving Fan appeared first on Christy Largent.

So what’s the prescription to knock this evil back?  How can you become a better listener?  I’m glad you asked.  Here are a few suggestions that should send the disease running scared and turn you into a healthy, active listener:

1.  Focus on the other person.  Focus with your body and focus with your mind.  Focus with your body by turning yourself towards the person.  You can actually lean towards them about 7degrees without it seeming weird. Usually, putting your body into a focused position helps you focus your mind on the conversation.  In this case, thoughts will follow action.

2.  Follow with Feedback.  Follow along with feedback as you’re having the conversation.  You can give feedback with your words, by asking follow-on questions, as well as offering verbal “cues” that you are following.  Some cues would be, “really”, “that’s interesting”, “and how’s that?”.  These are easy word cues that encourage the speaker to continue on.  You can also give physical (yet silent) feedback as you nod your head, smile and keep appropriate eye contact.  Hint:  Sometimes silence is the best way of all to follow and encourage more productive conversation.

3.  Avoid the “me too” syndrome.  This is where you insert your personal experience into the conversation at every opportunity. Yes, we want to forge connections and grow intimacy.  Yes, we often think that by offering our own experiences we will build those bonds.  But the reality of “me too” syndrome is that what you intend for relationship building, gets perceived as one-upmanship and will shut off the conversation. Nobody wants to feel like it’s a competition.  Withstand the temptation and keep the conversation focused on them as described above.

A couple resources you can use if this is an area you want to grow are, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently by John C. Maxwell, and the classic How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.  Both of these will put you ahead in the communication game.

It’s wonderful to feel heard.  When you practice, and get good at active listening, you are giving this gift to those in your world.  You are telling them they are important and you care.  The time will come when it will be your turn to talk.  And you can only hope that at that time, you’ll be connecting with someone who also practices active listening.

How about you?  How are your listening skills? What are your challenges?  When have you felt heard?  What did the other person do that made you feel that way?  Please, leave your comments below. 

The post Are You Listening To Me? appeared first on Christy Largent.

1.  Suzie Sunshine:  She is happy, happy, happy.  I know her pollyanna personality can get wearisome and you may be tempted to do something mean to her just to see if she is for real, but trust me, she is genuinely happy by nature and you will hurt her when you do or say something ugly.   So you can reframe her behavior into a positive – and you’ll begin to appreciate it…and her!  She always sees the positive, so listen and watch her response to negative happenings, and then you try to reframe the situation the same way.  I think you’ll find your mood shift as you create the mindset to find the best in things.

2.  Controlling Carl:  Carl likes to be in control. His passion for control gets played out over and over every day.  If he’s not in control, he wants to make sure someone is, and so he powers over everyone to make sure no ball is dropped.  The best thing about this control freak is that he is usually VERY good at being in control!  So my suggestion to you is to let go, quit trying to wrestle control from him, and let him at least think he is in control of the situation.  When you do this, you’ll soothe his ruffled feathers, and his intensity may dial down a notch as he is comforted by his own efforts. Furthermore, when you need to control the situation, do yourself a favor and let Carl think he is in control.  It will be your little secret, and Carl will be much easier to get along with.

3.  Detailed Debbie:  Oh my goodness.  Debbie is a wizard with details.  Her mind is like a steel trap capturing every morsel of minutia.  So you can either fight it and keep telling her it will all be fine, and for her to keep her eye on the big picture, or you can just give it to her.  Give her the details.  Waaaaay more than you think you need to give her.  There’s no such thing as too many details for this gal, so go ahead and dump them on her.  Then step back, give her time to process and voila!  You’ll’ll be headed in the right direction.  She’ll back off and you’ll be free to more forward in the next direction.  And, just like with Sunshine Sally, you can be thankful she’s there to catch the details.  You benefit when all the details are taken care of.  Reframe your mind to be thankful, not irritated.

4.  Procrastinating Pete:  Pete will get around to doing the job set before him.  He’ll just find the quickest and easiest way to do it, and his procrastination will drive you over the edge if you let it.  The good news is that Pete usually does perform and live up to what’s required of him, it’s just you must realize that Pete will not do it the way you think he should do it – he’ll do it his way.  Procrastination is just his way to control his life, and you’d better get used to it rather than try to force him to change it.  Incidentally, communicating with him in a calm and low-key manner is the most effective way to get your message across.  If you yell and scream, he’ll just tune you out and you’ll get nowhere.

So as you can see, these styles are distinctly different.  There is no right or wrong.  Each brings a strength,  something wonderful to your world and you can learn from each.  So, rather than look at someone who is not like you as an irritant, I’m encouraging you to step back, asses their strengths in a productive light, and you’ll be able to move forward with improved relationships and increased productivity!

Question:  Where do you think you fit?  Which area do you usually struggle with?  And what suggestions can you add to my list of how to work together more effectively in light of the various styles?

The post He’s Driving Me Crazy! appeared first on Christy Largent.

First, you want to do a quick assessment of who you are and then who you are working with.  Regardless of the profile you used to access your information about the various styles, one way to figure out who you are and who they are, is to take a look at what “coping strategies” you see exhibited when under stress.

The coping strategies you might see exhibited under stress:

Positive Polly: (Yellow Sanguine)

• Laughing too much
• Making a joke about a serious situation
• Hyper positive
• Extra- over the top Energy
• Moving to resolution too fast

Powerful Peter: (Red Choleric)

• Extreme anger
• Control Freak-ism goes into high gear
• Raised voice and heavy gestures
• High intensity and focus

Peaceful Paul: (Green Phlegmatic)

• Shut down
• Withdraw
• Won’t give any feedback
• Space-out and avoid conversation

Perfect Patty: (Blue Melancholy)

• Become negative about everything (Negaholic!)
• Withdraw – give you the cold shoulder
• Moodiness becomes extreme
• Overwhelming attention to details

Look this list over and it will be fairly easy to clarify which category you fall into.  (And of course you can figure out that person who has been driving you crazy too!) Once you have figured out where you fit, now let’s look at some strategies for creating a supportive environment for each.

If you are Positive Polly:

1. Stop laughing (or giggling)!  It’s really not that funny.
2. Take a deep breath. Slow down and shut up.  Your tendency to talk-talk-talk is really irritating at the moment of stress.  Remember, others process differently than you do and most require quiet.
3. Wait for others to ask for your input or advice and they won’t perceive you as irritating.

If you are Powerful Peter:

1. Take a deep breath and sit down.  Physically slowing yourself down is important, as the physical action will allow you to mentally regroup.
2. Remember that you’re not the only one who can be in control.  Other people bring value to the situation.  They may do it differently than you do, but they’re still valuable.
3. Don’t give in to your desire to control through rage.  People will be scared of you, and you WILL be a bully. You may get your way in the short term, but long term you are burning bridges and weakening relationships.

If you are Peaceful Paul:

1. Don’t let yourself withdraw from the situation.  You will want to but you must find a way to engage.  If you remove yourself you will alienate those you most want to engage with.  You will also cause people to think ill of you if the perception is you’re weak and uninvolved.
2. Look at people when you speak with them.  Use face and body gestures when you communicate.  You will have to practice this, since under stress you completely shut down.  But the practice will be worth it when you successfully negotiate an uncomfortable conversation.
3. When you experience perceived (or real) conflict, develop a strategy to stay in the game.  Speak up.  Lean forward. Count to 10 in your head then start thinking of ways to respond.  If you have a strategy, you will not succumb to your normal pattern of disengagement, and will be seen as a committed, engaged team member, committed to the success of the team.

If you are Perfect Patty:

1. Don’t give in to the tendency of negativity.  Instead, look for the positives that can come from the situation.  Your habit of seeing the worst can be broken by training your mind to search for the positive.
2. Give other people the benefit of the doubt and accept their comments at face value.  Don’t judge too harshly and don’t look for a hidden agenda.  There’s not one. (Usually).
3. Recognize that others don’t care about all the specific details as much as you do.  Don’t start “going down your list” unless someone asks you to.  Deliver details only upon demand.

We are all a mixture of these…more on that later!

Question:  Where do you fit?  What’s your style and that of your mate? children?  Have these differences every caused you problems?  Leave your comments below. Can’t wait to hear from you!

The post Who Am I and What Can I Do About It? appeared first on Christy Largent.