Unsolicited advice will destroy relationships, create conflict, drive division, and push people further and further away from you.  If you want healthy relationships where your friends and family ASK for your advice, then you’d better say far, far away from giving the unsolicited kind.

Today I’m sharing with you a humorous story on this very subject.  I think you’ll love it!…so you have to listen to the podcast.  But if you can’t spare 5 minutes, here’s my advice for keeping yourself from giving Unsolicited Advice:

When you want to start talking, instead, start asking questions.  

I hope you enjoy this today.  I’d encourage you to listen.  It’s short and who knows..it might even change your life!  And if you know someone who loves to give unsolicited advice, please feel free to share this with them too.

Encouraging Word for the Weekend:  Romans 12:18 “If possible, live in peace with everyone. Do that as much as you can.”

The post #506: 5 Minute Fridays – Be Mysterious Part 1 (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas: 

Part 1 – Interview highlights

• Anne’s key activities
  • Delegate Activities
  • Eliminate Decisions
  • Prioritize and ask – “Is This Really Important?”

[Tweet ““I am not here to do it all.” Anne Ricci”]

Part 2 – The Power of Effective Prioritization

• Run your priority selection through My Priority Process

Website Links

Anne’s Healthy Kitchen

Lifespa.com  Dr. John Douillard

Anne’s Recommended Reading

Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder, by Arianna Huffington.

Connect with Anne

On Facebook

On Twitter

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 24:27 “Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and then after that, build your house.”

The post #042: Anne Ricci – Anne’s Healthy Kitchen and Prioritizing (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

If you’ve ever worked for or with someone who just bugs you, here are 3 suggestions to help you turn a crummy interaction into something positive:

1.  Recognize your feelings.  This is a new skill that I’ve been working on. When you feel that rush of anger or frustration, instead of grabbing it and massaging it and escalating it, simply recognize it.

Try something like, Wow, that comment hurts.  Or, I’m feeling really mad right now.  There’s something about saying the statement out loud or to yourself that will help you process it.

Identify more about why it hurts or is inflammatory.  For example,  When she said I was a bad team player, I feel unappreciated.  My reaction is to get defensive and lash back at her.  Wow, I’m really uncomfortable.

I also recommend you take some deep breaths as you walk yourself through the emotions of the situation.  Try to pinpoint exactly what it is that’s causing such a strong emotional reaction inside of you.  Now you’re ready to…

2.  Figure out if and/or how you are going to address this with her.  My experience is that sometimes you need to address it, and sometimes you just need to let it go.  Let’s be realistic.  With some people, you could talk until you’re blue in the face and it would do NO GOOD! If that’s the case, please, just give yourself the freedom to experience the emotion and then choose to release it.  You might need to take a few deep breaths and physically open your hands outward – breathing out the release as you fan your fingers open.

But if the irritating person is open to honest communication, you would do well to create an assertive dialogue and let them know how their words affected you.  Both of you will do better after that discussion and you can move forward.

Regardless of which step you decide, I always find it helpful to close the interaction with the third idea…

3.  Look for the good.  Find something you appreciate or like about them.  I know that’s a tall order when you’re not feeling very positive towards them and frankly just the fact that they are still taking up space in your universe grates on you like fingernails on a chalkboard, but I promise you — if you will do the exercise of finding just one thing to be thankful for or that you like/admire about them, it will help.

Some suggestions might be, I’m thankful she takes her job so seriously. Or, I’m thankful she follows through. Or, I really like how she is such a professional dresser or if you’re really desperate, I’m thankful she just left the room…JKLOL…as my 2nd grader says

Do you see how I’m suggesting you reframe your mind?  You can do this!  Even if you don’t feel like it now, by recognizing your emotions, figuring out what you are going to do with them, and then creating a positive feeling to close the experience, you are reframing the whole thing on your terms.  And that feels great!

I hope these 3 simple steps will help you to maneuver through the next time you find yourself in the middle of a muddle.

Question:  What are your coping techniques?  Have you tried any of these and how did they work for you?  I’d love to hear your feedback.  Just leave a comment below.

The post 3 Steps to Turn a Bad Interaction Better appeared first on Christy Largent.

1. Will this matter 5 years from now?
2. Who is getting the power here?
3. How can I respond with the unexpected?

By asking these questions, you will remind yourself to respond, not react when engaging with the difficult person.  Now, let’s take a look at our actual conversations.

Have you noticed that sometimes a person becomes difficult in reacting to something you innocently said to them?  Well, following are a few key ideas you can employ to make sure your communication is assertive without inducing defensiveness and anger.

1.  Focus on the problem, not the person.  For example, you co-worker Tara is consistently tardy to work 3 of 5 mornings a week.  Her absence creates problems for you because when she’s not there, you have to handle her work load as well as your own.  Your tendency may be to focus on how irresponsible and lazy and self-absorbed you think Tara is by her chronic tardiness.  Instead, refocus and target the real problem here – don’t make a judgement about her – just focus on her behavior and how it is affecting you.  That way, when you talk with her about her behavior, you won’t be accusatory, you’ll just be able to focus on the facts of her behavior.

2.  Avoid absolutes and generalities.  Always, never, everyone, nobody, nothing, ever.  Do those words sound familiar to you?  Many of us are quick to assign an absolute and/or generality to a problem – like “Tara is always late.” or how about “Everyone knows you don’t really care about your job.”  These statements are most likely incorrect since few of us are always or never anything!  They are also general – and will not help solve the situation.  Stay specifically focused on the problem rather than create a defense response by throwing out glittering generalities and aggressive absolutes.

3.  Get specific.  Target the exact behavior that is bothering you.  For example, instead of saying to Tara, “You’re always late!”, begin your discussion by saying “Yesterday, when you were 10 minutes late to work…”  By getting specific about what you are talking about, and letting them know precisely what you are having trouble with, then you keep the discussion on track and targeted.  The more specific the better.

4.  Clearly state the specifics and then tell them what you would like to see them change.  For example, your conversation with Tara might begin like this; “Tara, when you were 10 minutes late to work 3 times last week I feel really frustrated. I have have to cover my work as well as your own.  I would appreciate it if you could be on time for work, or make arrangements for someone else to cover your duties until you arrive.”  Notice how specific that was?  It had complete facts as well as what I wanted her to do differently.

There’s so much we can talk about when it comes to clear, assertive communication to use especially when dealing with difficult people.  I’m out of room for today, but tomorrow I’m going to give you a few more ideas.  I’m so glad we’re only 1/2 way through the month!  There’s so much more good stuff left to discuss!

This is Day 17 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you have trouble staying specific?  What do you do to keep from using generalities and assumptions?  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 17 – Difficult People – Strategies and Solutions Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

2.  The Priority No.  This is the one you use with your boss.  When she comes running to you and asks you to drop what you’re doing and get to work immediately on this newer, higher priority project, here’s what you do.  Calmly pull out your list of priorities (discussed with and approved by your boss at the beginning of the current week), and ask her which of these other, prioritized items, she would like you to take off the list so that you can add her new priority project.

This little ploy will remind your boss that you are working off a priority list, and will either cause her to a) go find someone else to do the job – someone who is not working off a priority list, or b) re-think and re-assign the planned-on projects.  Either way, you in a good spot because you’re sticking to the projects as planned, and you won’t get penalized later for not finishing your priority list.

The one thing the Priority No requires is…yes, you guessed it…Priorities!  Even if you work in an environment where priorities are not discussed – or things are unorganized and randomly worked on, you personally, need priorities.  Take this opportunity to review what you are doing and make sure you are on track to reach your goals.  In order to reach your goals, my guess is that you’ll need to set priorities.  I love this method of saying no because it always pulls me back to what’s really important.  Now, I just have to remember to use it!

3.  The Full Plate No.  This is the one you use with your friends and co-workers when they want to rope you into another “good cause” for which you really don’t have time.  For example, for the past 5 years you have enjoyed organizing the office holiday party. This year, however, you have begun taking night classes and you are too overloaded to organize the party.  So, when they ask you about organizing the party again this year, you simply say, “Thank you for asking, however, my plate is really full right now, I’m going to have to pass on organizing the party this year.”

Notice how simple this is!  No long list of reasons or excuses, just a simple “no thank you.”  It’s a clean and simple get-away, and leaves everyone feeling positive.  This Full Plate No leaves you feeling empowered as you draw clear boundaries, and leaves the other person impressed you were able to clearly express your desires.

If saying No is a difficult area for you, I want to recommend a fabulous book by Lysa TerKeurst called The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands. This is a terrific, practical, best seller by one of my favorite women.  Lysa dives deeply into this topic and give you practical strategies you can put in place to make sure you are living out The Best Yes!

This is Day 15 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

I hope you’ve enjoyed these techniques to help you say No.  I’d love to hear your experience.  Please leave your comments below.

The post Day 15 – 3 Ways to Say NO, Nicely. Part 2 (#31days) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1:  Interview

• The importance of being proactive with your activities (and what happens when you aren’t!)
• What happens when you switch careers mid-life
• Why difficulties are not the end of the story
• “We learn the most when we feel weakest and most afraid”

Part 2: What I learned when I felt my weakest and most afraid

1. Look at myself first
2. I can let go of the outcome and trust God
3. Just do the next right thing

Website links:  (This week we discussed)

 https://loriandsteven.wordpress.com/

www.sacredspace.ie

www.momastery.com

Lori and Steven’s Recommended Reading and Resources:

15 Ways to Make Love Impossible, by Lori and Steven McClure

Noisetrade – Free Download of their book here

The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out, by Brennan Manning.

A Grief Observed, by C.S. Lewis.

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

Encouraging Word of the Week:  2 Corinthians 12:9 (New Living Translation)   “Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.  So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”

Question:  What was the most encouraging part of this interview?  Are you going through any rough times that would make these ideas helpful?  I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.  And I’d love to pray for you too. Please leave your comments below.

The post #026: Lori and Steven McClure and Learning through Weakness (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1:  Interview

• Give the Hope Virus
• Chase one rabbit – how do we do that?
• We can strive to make every day joyful, not just perfect
• Some clever marketing tips

Part 2: How to “Chase One Rabbit” when everything is multiplying like…rabbits!

1. Make a master list
2. Identify the one theme or big idea that emerges
3. Pick the top 3 items, activities, elements that will drive you towards your big idea
4. Write your list the night before
5. Execute your list with a re-visiting at noon daily

Website links:

www.colleensheehyorme.com  Colleen’s website with load of great information here.

How Great Thou Part – A Catholic Girl’s musings on Love, Divorce and Life.  This is a direct link to Colleen’s columns for Beliefnet.com – which is a great resource for all things of faith – for all faiths.  You’ll love it!

Colleen’s Recommended Reading:

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman. An excellent resource for understanding how to show your love in a way your loved one can receive best. HIGHLY recommended.

When GOD Winks: How the Power of Coincidence Guides Your Life by Squire Rushnell. One I haven’t read yet, but look forward to reading.

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 3:5-6  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.”

Question:  What was your favorite part of this interview?  Are you scattered or laser focused?  What are your trick for chasing one rabbit?  Or do you even think it’s necessary?   I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.

The post #024: Colleen Sheehy Orme and How to Chase One Rabbit appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

Part 1:  Interview

• The power of friendship
• The true nature of God – Redeemer!
• The importance of routine
• Protecting your time

Part 2:  4 Keys to Growing Friendships

1. Be Friendly
2. Be Authentic
3. Be Giving
4. Be there

Website links:

www.kaybruner.com  This is Kay’s home base and where you can find everything from her blog to her book to her favorite things.  Tons of great information and encouragement here.

Kay’s Recommended Reading:
As Soon As I Fell: A Memoir by Kay Bruner.  I had to put this at the top of the list.  Please get this to support Kay!  Fabulous!

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.  A classic on how to set boundaries for yourself.  I need to get this one out and re-read it.  I love this book!

The Search For Significance: Seeing Your True Worth Through God’s Eyes, by  Robert McGee.  A classic.  Once again, so thankful to be reminded to get this back out and re-read it.  I first read it in college – ‘ya think I might have a different perspective now?

Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith, by Anne Lamott.  I was a bit skeptical of this author…until I read her!  I would love to meet her in person.  What an honest voice.  If you have never read her personal works – by all means start here!

Abba’s Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging, by Brennan Manning.  New to me.  After reading about this book, I will be adding it to my “must read” list.

The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom, by Henri Nouwen.  Wow!  This book looks like one we all could benefit from.  Another that’s on its way to my house.

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Colossians 3:12-14   “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

Question:  What was your favorite part of this interview?  Did her story resonate with you like it did with me?  Which part gave you chills?  And do you live like you are “Loved, Safe and Chosen?”   I’d love to hear your thoughts.

The post #021: Kay Bruner – Authenticity and Friendship (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Key Ideas:

• Burned Out or Stressed Out?  How to recognize the difference (from your symptoms) and how to solve the real problem.
• Discover what can you control vs. what you can’t control and make a plan to take control
• The way SMART Goals can impact your balance
• How to take care of yourself first (including my powerful 3 ways to say “No” nicely)

Resources:

www.goredforwomen.org

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Changes That Heal, by Dr. Henry Cloud

Finding Your Element: How to Discover Your Talents and Passions and Transform Your Life, by Sir Ken Robinson

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 3:5-6  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.”

Questions:  What do you think of this proposal?  Do you tend to be more balanced or strategically imbalanced?  How are you at saying no and setting boundaries?  I’d love to hear your comments below.  And here are some inspirational photos of strategic imbalance in action!  Taken at the Sundial Bridge performance of BANDALOOP this past June.

The post #16: My Work-Life Imbalance Proposition (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.

Prior to 2007 Doni was an award-winning newspaper opinion columnist, feature and food writer recognized by the Associated Press, the California Newspaper Publishers Association and E.W. Scripps. She is a graduate of Chico State University and she lives in Redding, CA.

Key Ideas From this Interview:

• How to overcome adversity when (not if!) it hits, both professional and personally
• Strategies you can use to make your calendar your best boundary enforcer
• The home cook’s best friend
• A surprise ending that will shock and encourage you

Best Book Resource: 
The Anatomy of Story: 22 Steps to Becoming a Master Storyteller

Website: anewscafe.com

Part 2: How to Stop Procrastinating

1. Get Clear on What You Want
2. Write it down
3. Start! – Big or Little, just do something
4. Reward yourself
5. Bonus Idea:  Get really good at your top 3 (hint, you’re less likely to procrastinate on what you love)

Resources for Procrastination:

Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time

The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results

Both of these books will serve you very well in staying on target and moving yourself forward.  Both have been huge in my own life.  And as an added bonus, the first 2 people to subscribe, rate and review in iTunes will get 1 of these books.  Just email me and let me know you wrote the review and I’ll get the books out to you.

Encouraging Word of the Week:  Proverbs 16:9 – (Hebrew Names Version)  “A man’s heart plans his course, But the LORD directs his steps.”

Question:  What do you procrastinate on the most?  What keeps you from starting?  What was most compelling from today’s show?  Please leave your comments below.

The post #009: Doni Chamberlain – Media Expert, Entrepreneur and How to Stop Procrastinating (Podcast) appeared first on Christy Largent.