Does this complaint sound familiar? So often we have employees who lose engagement, or worse yet, we find ourselves losing focus and drifting from being engaged.

What’s going on? Why is this happening?

I think this situation is primarily a case of not understanding the “Engagement Style” or more deeply, the Personality, of the person you’re working with. I get this question a lot, and let’s face it – it would be so much easier to do life if everyone could just do it the right way…you know, MY way!

So let’s do a quick overview of how to make sure you are creating the best Engagement Culture for yourself and your employees. We’ll cover it Engagement Style by Engagement Style…

Sunshine Sally stays engaged when the project is fun and I mean fun for her. Filing isn’t fun for her. Her emotional tank is full when she has lots of approval and acceptance and attention. Getting stuck in the back of the office fills NONE of those needs, and that’s why she’s always running to the front. Mary must find a way to get Sally back in the job she was hired for (and was very good at) working with people and talking while doing her other work. Making sure Sally is having fun and engaging with people will ensure she stays engaged. Oh, and I’ll bet her tardies and absences will drop off too.

Perfect Paul’s emotional tank is a little different. He will stop being engaged when he is missing details and doesn’t have enough time to do his work. He wants to make sure he understands the scope of the project along with receiving all the needed details…and he need LOTS of details! That’s because when he does his job, he wants to do it perfectly. And that’s a good thing. So make sure you are giving him lots of details as well as the time needed to accomplish the task.

Action Annie (Mary in our story above) has a deep need for control. She becomes disengaged when she feels powerless. The situation with Sally was driving her crazy because Sally was totally out of her control. Annie likes to be in control because she likes to get things done and she always (almost always) sees the best way to accomplish the work in the least amount of time. She wants her employees to be loyal and hardworking and her bosses to acknowledge the amount of work she does to achieve all that she achieves. Make sure, if you have Annie for an employee, you are acknowledging her efforts and you are providing her lots of opportunity to control the situation.

Peaceful Pete is the balm to every office. Not only does he bring the peace, but he needs the environment to be peaceful as well. He will use procrastination and disengagement if he is stuck in the middle of a tense or conflicted environment. The other day my son Graham, (with a big Peaceful Pete part of his personality) was listening as my daughter (Action Annie) and I were bickering about something. The discussion (ahem) started in the car and carried on as we came into the house. My little Graham took stock of the situation and immediately diffused the conflict with a well spoken “Girls, Girls, Girls!”…Amelia and I both broke down into giggles and remembered how much our own Peaceful Pete hates conflict. So make sure Pete has plenty of calm, a lack of conflict and that you take time to listen to him, and then he will be less likely to procrastinate and will feel motivated to stay engaged.

The happy ending to our story is that Mary moved Sally back into her receptionist position, she moved some of her other employees around to work on the filing and productivity (and full engagement) was restored in the office. Sometimes, all you need is to take a good look at the Engagement Style of you and your team to be able to Live Fully Engaged.

How about you? What engagement style is most difficult for you to deal with?

The post How to Increase Engagement Like Magic! appeared first on Christy Largent.

Several of her books have been New York Times Bestsellers. She has both biological and adopted kids, and when she adopted, she didn’t go for just one, nooooo, she adopted like 10 (just kidding, I think it was 2).  You get the picture right?

Well, the reason I’m mentioning and linking to that post here, is because it was such a totally clear picture of a certain personality type I just couldn’t stand it!  In fact, her blog post title was How to Choose People Over Projects.

Seriously.

She even made printables to help her remember to do this.

Seriously.

Now some of you are like, Wow, that would really help me.  I always find myself thinking how people get in the way of my accomplishments.  And others of you are like, Are you crazy?  Why on earth would you put a project ahead of a relationship?

And there you have the rub.  The personality conflict that causes just that.  Conflict.

Because you want your office mate to drop her project and join you for lunch at the trendy new hot spot.  And she can’t understand how you can even think of leaving the office for lunch, of all things, when the project isn’t finished.

Or your husband wants to take Saturday and explore a new set of trails and you’re fretting and stewing because the new toilet you purchased 3 weeks ago still isn’t installed.

See where the conflict arises?  It’s simple personality conflict.  I would call it Action Annie vs. the rest of us.

Here are 3 positive ways you can work through this difficulty.

1.  Recognize you have different expectations. You might be tempted to think there is something wrong with the other person when they don’t act the way you would.  After all, they clearly have different priorities than you do.

You’ll be able to reconnect when you recognize that these differences aren’t really wrong. They are just different.

2.  Discuss your differing desires. Having an open discussion of these differing expectations will be very productive for you. Once we name it and get it out for discussion, then you can move forward to a solution.

3.  Work out a compromise.  This sounds a lot easier than it actually is of course.  Maybe you can stay through lunch to finish up the project and then celebrate with a brisk walk around the block together after it’s finished.  Or how about working together to get the toilet installed so you can take the afternoon to explore those new trails.

When we change our perspective on these differences, we will be able to appreciate and actually be thankful for the variety in our personalities.  Try these ideas the next time a conflict like this arises and I think you’ll enjoy the positive outcome.

Question:  What are the typical personality conflicts you deal with?  Do they drive you crazy or have you figured out ways to bring out the best?  I’d love to hear your ideas! Just leave your comments below.

P.S. – If you want to know more about The Personalities, you might want to check out some of my first podcasts here and here where I gave an introduction to the various styles.

The post Psst…Your Personality is Showing appeared first on Christy Largent.

1.  Suzie Sunshine:  She is happy, happy, happy.  I know her pollyanna personality can get wearisome and you may be tempted to do something mean to her just to see if she is for real, but trust me, she is genuinely happy by nature and you will hurt her when you do or say something ugly.   So you can reframe her behavior into a positive – and you’ll begin to appreciate it…and her!  She always sees the positive, so listen and watch her response to negative happenings, and then you try to reframe the situation the same way.  I think you’ll find your mood shift as you create the mindset to find the best in things.

2.  Controlling Carl:  Carl likes to be in control. His passion for control gets played out over and over every day.  If he’s not in control, he wants to make sure someone is, and so he powers over everyone to make sure no ball is dropped.  The best thing about this control freak is that he is usually VERY good at being in control!  So my suggestion to you is to let go, quit trying to wrestle control from him, and let him at least think he is in control of the situation.  When you do this, you’ll soothe his ruffled feathers, and his intensity may dial down a notch as he is comforted by his own efforts. Furthermore, when you need to control the situation, do yourself a favor and let Carl think he is in control.  It will be your little secret, and Carl will be much easier to get along with.

3.  Detailed Debbie:  Oh my goodness.  Debbie is a wizard with details.  Her mind is like a steel trap capturing every morsel of minutia.  So you can either fight it and keep telling her it will all be fine, and for her to keep her eye on the big picture, or you can just give it to her.  Give her the details.  Waaaaay more than you think you need to give her.  There’s no such thing as too many details for this gal, so go ahead and dump them on her.  Then step back, give her time to process and voila!  You’ll’ll be headed in the right direction.  She’ll back off and you’ll be free to more forward in the next direction.  And, just like with Sunshine Sally, you can be thankful she’s there to catch the details.  You benefit when all the details are taken care of.  Reframe your mind to be thankful, not irritated.

4.  Procrastinating Pete:  Pete will get around to doing the job set before him.  He’ll just find the quickest and easiest way to do it, and his procrastination will drive you over the edge if you let it.  The good news is that Pete usually does perform and live up to what’s required of him, it’s just you must realize that Pete will not do it the way you think he should do it – he’ll do it his way.  Procrastination is just his way to control his life, and you’d better get used to it rather than try to force him to change it.  Incidentally, communicating with him in a calm and low-key manner is the most effective way to get your message across.  If you yell and scream, he’ll just tune you out and you’ll get nowhere.

So as you can see, these styles are distinctly different.  There is no right or wrong.  Each brings a strength,  something wonderful to your world and you can learn from each.  So, rather than look at someone who is not like you as an irritant, I’m encouraging you to step back, asses their strengths in a productive light, and you’ll be able to move forward with improved relationships and increased productivity!

Question:  Where do you think you fit?  Which area do you usually struggle with?  And what suggestions can you add to my list of how to work together more effectively in light of the various styles?

The post He’s Driving Me Crazy! appeared first on Christy Largent.

First, you want to do a quick assessment of who you are and then who you are working with.  Regardless of the profile you used to access your information about the various styles, one way to figure out who you are and who they are, is to take a look at what “coping strategies” you see exhibited when under stress.

The coping strategies you might see exhibited under stress:

Positive Polly: (Yellow Sanguine)

• Laughing too much
• Making a joke about a serious situation
• Hyper positive
• Extra- over the top Energy
• Moving to resolution too fast

Powerful Peter: (Red Choleric)

• Extreme anger
• Control Freak-ism goes into high gear
• Raised voice and heavy gestures
• High intensity and focus

Peaceful Paul: (Green Phlegmatic)

• Shut down
• Withdraw
• Won’t give any feedback
• Space-out and avoid conversation

Perfect Patty: (Blue Melancholy)

• Become negative about everything (Negaholic!)
• Withdraw – give you the cold shoulder
• Moodiness becomes extreme
• Overwhelming attention to details

Look this list over and it will be fairly easy to clarify which category you fall into.  (And of course you can figure out that person who has been driving you crazy too!) Once you have figured out where you fit, now let’s look at some strategies for creating a supportive environment for each.

If you are Positive Polly:

1. Stop laughing (or giggling)!  It’s really not that funny.
2. Take a deep breath. Slow down and shut up.  Your tendency to talk-talk-talk is really irritating at the moment of stress.  Remember, others process differently than you do and most require quiet.
3. Wait for others to ask for your input or advice and they won’t perceive you as irritating.

If you are Powerful Peter:

1. Take a deep breath and sit down.  Physically slowing yourself down is important, as the physical action will allow you to mentally regroup.
2. Remember that you’re not the only one who can be in control.  Other people bring value to the situation.  They may do it differently than you do, but they’re still valuable.
3. Don’t give in to your desire to control through rage.  People will be scared of you, and you WILL be a bully. You may get your way in the short term, but long term you are burning bridges and weakening relationships.

If you are Peaceful Paul:

1. Don’t let yourself withdraw from the situation.  You will want to but you must find a way to engage.  If you remove yourself you will alienate those you most want to engage with.  You will also cause people to think ill of you if the perception is you’re weak and uninvolved.
2. Look at people when you speak with them.  Use face and body gestures when you communicate.  You will have to practice this, since under stress you completely shut down.  But the practice will be worth it when you successfully negotiate an uncomfortable conversation.
3. When you experience perceived (or real) conflict, develop a strategy to stay in the game.  Speak up.  Lean forward. Count to 10 in your head then start thinking of ways to respond.  If you have a strategy, you will not succumb to your normal pattern of disengagement, and will be seen as a committed, engaged team member, committed to the success of the team.

If you are Perfect Patty:

1. Don’t give in to the tendency of negativity.  Instead, look for the positives that can come from the situation.  Your habit of seeing the worst can be broken by training your mind to search for the positive.
2. Give other people the benefit of the doubt and accept their comments at face value.  Don’t judge too harshly and don’t look for a hidden agenda.  There’s not one. (Usually).
3. Recognize that others don’t care about all the specific details as much as you do.  Don’t start “going down your list” unless someone asks you to.  Deliver details only upon demand.

We are all a mixture of these…more on that later!

Question:  Where do you fit?  What’s your style and that of your mate? children?  Have these differences every caused you problems?  Leave your comments below. Can’t wait to hear from you!

The post Who Am I and What Can I Do About It? appeared first on Christy Largent.

For the past 9 years I have been focused at home.  Raising my long-awaited children.

and working a home business in the nooks and crannies.  My passion for speaking had not abated, I just put it put on the back burner.

Taking stock while vacationing this summer in the beautiful Oregon countryside

I realized I needed to get busy doing what God put me on earth to do.  With the help of some terrific books, Put Your Dream to the Test: 10 Questions to Help You See It and Seize It
and The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results
I decided to relaunch my professional speaking business.

The Dream  This is the dream that emerged.   I’m committed to helping people all over the world Create Positive Connections and Cultivate Purposeful Living.

The Reality  I quickly discovered the business world has changed a lot in the 9 years I’ve been away from professional speaking.  Thankfully, I discovered Michael Hyatt at just the right time!  The former CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers has the most extraordinary website www.michaelhyatt.com as well as book, Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World.
The book is a step-by-step guide to launching whatever business you want to.  I memorized it immediately!

The Plan  I will be speaking, writing, and using social media to connect.   My plan is to blog 3 times a week with regular topics.

Mondays I’ll offer insight for dealing with the various personalities in your life.  When I speak on the personality styles, it’s always a favorite, so I think you will like too.

Wednesdays I’ll cover tips, tricks and strategies for successful communication.  By Wednesday you’re usually sick to death of those irritating people you have to work with, so I figure that’s a good time to help you strengthen your communications skills.

Fridays, in the interest of honest transparency, I’m going to write about my lifelong challenge interest in fitness, wellness and nutrition.

I have a lot of other exciting ideas, so in between the scheduled posts I’ll be adding videos and podcasts and tools to help you create positive connections and cultivate purposeful living. I’m so excited!

Question:  My theme is “Positive Connections. Purposeful Living.”  With that in mind, what topics would you like to see me cover this year?  What are you most interested in learning about? Please leave a comment below!

The post The Beginning – What’s this all about? appeared first on Christy Largent.

My History with The Personalities

Mid 70‘s:  A book called Spirit-Controlled Temperament by Tim LaHaye was making the rounds and as a pre-teen I picked it up and read it.  Didn’t understand a thing, but loved the idea of the various personalities.

Late 80’s:  Small, tight singing groups (think Wilson Phillips and First Call) were all the vogue.  In the interest of getting tighter, the director of my group introduced us to Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types
Well, I gobbled that book up and discovered I was an ENFJ, my husband was an ESTJ, and we were actually quite incompatible.  That’s about all I learned, (not helpful) but I still loved the idea of the various personalities.

Mid 90’s:  20 years and one divorce from my first exposure to the concept of personality styles.  I was no closer to understanding myself, much less what went wrong in my marriage, but I still loved the idea of the various personalities.  Thankfully, that’s when I was introduced to Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself by Florence Littauer.  Now HERE was some information I could use! Practical and full of application for everyday life, I dove into that book like the lifeline it was.  I even got trained by Florence herself on how to teach the material and I started shouting it from the rooftops any chance I had.

Interestingly, this passion for understanding how people get along was the start of my speaking career.  I had fun with, and was good at, teaching the information in a meaningful way.  Most importantly, people were eating this info up with a spoon!  And a career was born.

Current Day:

As I’ve taught this material, over the years a few key ideas have emerged

• Deep down, most people really want to understand and get along with the important people in their lives.  (Husband, wife, kids, parents, coworkers and clients.)
• People are hungry for tools to understand and engage positively with these people.
• The knowing (understanding) is actually fairly simple.  It’s the doing that’s difficult.
• It’s long process and no matter how much you practice it’s still difficult to get out of yourself and into the other person.  (I’m selfish and I want to do things MY WAY!)

The doing can be learned…you just have to want to do it.

What about you?  Are you interested in this subject? How would your life change if you were able to connect more effectively with those in your life?

The post Why The Personalities? appeared first on Christy Largent.